Robin, I am sorry you are going through this. I am so very fortunate in that when my children's father and I divorced, we managed to put most issues aside for the good of the children. Looking back, thought it was rough, it was a LOT EASIER than many people have in that respect.

Take a deep breath, and say OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMM. You cannot, just cannot be sucked into the games. Either by being the unwilling player, or playing back. I have seen it financially drain young couples, not to mention take its toll mentally. You have too much going on right now to deal with unneccesary distractions. It's needless and unproductive, and really.......really hurts the kids.

There surely is a way to arrange pick-ups and drop-offs to a neutral party, who has no interest whatsoever to take sides. That way, whomever fails to meet their agreed on times will obviously be held responsible. It doesn't look like keeping the pick-ups and drop-offs open to meeting somewhere is going to work. Does it have to be cut and dried and spelt out in a seperation agreement? If it does, it seems like you need to ask your legal counsel to consider setting a firm arrangement up. I have seen couples throw enough money into theses issues to pay the college tuition of the child in question and seen it drag on for years. Whatever you do, do it when you are calmed down. Hope you can find an equitable solution to both parties, and just an aside.............I'd be very cautious about posting these details in a public forum. The world is quite smaller than you think.

Mine is calling his today to finish putting it in writing, until then it's up to us. And he doesn't fight fair. What games he doth play. I try not to play, but what was I to do? Leave the child? Ignore the police? I had little choice. Ick! It being here? It's a public record with the police. What harm can it do me? His lawyer knows, he knows... who doesn't know? I am not putting anything out that can't be found pretty easily and is universally known by all parties.

It should be totally illegal to do what he did. He wasted tax payers dollars and lied. Lying like that is illegal. It's called perjury. He knew good and well where LF was, his intent was obviously to harrass.

As calliope said, so sorry you and LF had to go through this.
On the sunny side, it may help you in the longrun.

My DIL and her ex (or approved representatives) actually meet on the courthouse steps at a specific time given 15 minutes +/-.

Alls I have to say Robin, is that I'm not picking apart anything you did. I'm just telling you that at my age, I've seen a lot where kids and divorces are concerned......not only as a family member of some, as a peace officer, as an employee of a Child protective service, and as a kid's nurse. I am just saying that you would never believe how twisted some things can get, when/if they end up with third parties having to step in.

You cannot help another person's agenda......and it isn't always clear what the best action is when you are put on a spot. What I am saying is that it seldom is any benefit to do anything out of retribution and that you need to CYA in all your actions, evidently and do everything with a clear head and forethought. It might be very helpful to you down the line to keep a journal and document everything with times/dates/names. If your ex-partner is gaming with you, resist playing along if possible.

What I have seen over the years is situations do not necessarily resolve automatically when divorces are final. They can get even grosser. How you deal with your ex now can impact tremendously what gets dished back at you down the line. That's why I mentioned sometimes it's best to keep your cards close to your breast at this point. There may be nothing at all you can do to work this out amicably........but it would be very sad if every time there is a visitation LF has to be in the middle. I have no answers or advice, really. It's just hard enough for a kid to have divorced parents without having to deal with issues. Even in 'easy' divorces, they have their plates full.

It sure hits the fan sometimes, doesn't it?

Now is the time to get everything etched in stone.
It helps to keep those he said, she said, he did, she did things in check.

It's a bad time for you right now but that will get better.
LF is the most important person in your life for now and always. Try and look at all of this through his little eyes,
and act accordingly.

Prayers and positive thoughts coming your way. Your concern for what's best for LF will help you make the right decisions.

I appreciate all you're saying. Suz, I didn't think you were picking it. I am just not worried about it being out. Other things are very close to my chest pocket right now, you'd be shocked at all that is going on. I am really really shocked he can't be charged with perjury. I'm very sure the police officer was not thrilled with his time being wasted. He looked pretty put out when we parted ways, and it seemed to be towards having to be where he didn't really need to be.

Robin, tell your attorney and ask for third party switching place. One of our malls has a sheriff station that I think is used just for that purpose.

I had a ringside seat to a very nasty custody/visitation battle. We had to drop the kids off at a McDonald's, the visitation was supervised by a court bailiff, and we were not allowed to be anywhere on the property until the exact second of pickup. Like I said, it was nasty.

Lisa

So far as the legal issue: perjury is lying under oath, in court. Clearly, that doesn't apply here.
In the UK, there is a charge of "wasting police time" - maybe you have the same here - but it's pretty rarely used - usually only when the time wasted meant that another crime occurred which would have otherwise been avoided. And it's a criminal charge - so the police are the ones to decide whether to press charges or not. I'm pretty sure most police do their best NOT to escalate an already tense family situation by adding charges to the mix.
I'm sorry for what you have to experience, but in this case, only the police can tell him to stop wasting their time.

I may be missing something here. I got the impression from your post that you took LF without telling Ed that you were taking him. You just assumed that he knew that you had.

Perhaps Ed really didn't understand that you had him. In which case, I am sure that he may have been upset when he noticed him gone and didn't take the time to check with you to see if you had him.

At any rate, I can certainly understand why you were upset at having to interupt your studies to see about your child. Maybe Ed thought that your first concern should be LF.

Just outta curiosity, what did he mean when told LF: "Mom, dad says if you want me, come get me from TPAC." And if I said, I can't believe you left him out here, and he replied, I could see him, where did he think LF or I were at the time, wouldn't he have turned around and looked if he was truly standing near him? He would've said, what do you mean, he's standing right here, right? I appreciate you redirecting me, but he knew good and well that I had picked up LF. 'sides, he would've called me back if he truly wondered where he went, making sure I didn't have him already after the message he sent. At least that's what he would've done in the past ten years, to brainstorm, before he left. Nah, he knew. Good point, but I don't see it being realistic for his answers.

Robin, I know you need to vent and need to get things off your chest. I deeply sorry you find yourselves in this awful place. However, a web site (not matter how you love it) is not the place to get legal advice. If you have an attorney get kosher legal advice. If you don't have an attorney, get one.

The most important person in this is LF. You and Ed need to meet with a third party and work out a solid arrangement and stick to it. It's a good idea, as others have said, to get someone who has no vested interest to be the drop off and pick up place.

Yes it is illegal and if the cops wanted to they could file charges on him but sadley most do not want to do the paper work