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vroomp

Happy Mother's Day

20 years ago

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!!!


Would you have taken this job if you saw it advertised?


POSITION :

Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, and let's not forget MAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

JOB DESCRIPTION :

Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:

For the rest of your life you must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs a couple of bucks . Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:

Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:

None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:

Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

Happy Mother's Day to all you Moms out there.

Comments (7)

  • 20 years ago

    thanks vroomp. you sure said it.

  • 20 years ago

    Thanks for the good wishes. I'm not sure I would've taken the job if I'd read that description.

    We had a nice day here and I got the new bridge that I asked for (dreams do come true). I was disappointed when they made me come in at 7:30 pm for dinner. I said "I guess we had a misunderstanding about what Mother's 'Day' means ... I'll have you know it's still LIGHT outside and I'm not done yet!"

    Hope the rest of you moms out there had a great day and some nice surprises.

  • 20 years ago

    I loved that Vroomp, sent it to all the Mom's I know.

    Esh I am jealous of your bridge thoug, I would love one of those some day. I was, however, psyched to get the snazzy birdfeeder I was wanting to go atop the post we put up with my official NWF Backyard habitat sign. And my daughter picked out a very pretty copper and stained glass hanging thingie that is very pretty. I finally have them trained that Mother's Day gifts need to be garden related. No jewelry or such for me thank you. So what cool stuff did anyone else get.

  • 20 years ago

    Vroomp, I really enjoyed that! Especially the part about being willing to be indispensible one minute and an embarassment the next! Those are the truest descriptive words ever written about being a parent.

    I spent my Mother's Day morning working on my community garden plot, and the afternoon and evening helping a friend create a small rose garden in memory of her mother who passed away this past winter. I took over to her house a couple of young roses from rooted cuttings from my yard, and we found the perfect places to plant them, and then dug nice homes for them together. She cooked a wonderful dinner for us and we enjoyed reminiscing about her mother and just spending a quiet evening.

    Before I left she gave me cuttings from a jasmine vine with a heavenly scent, and we planned to make other plant and tool trades.

    One of my sons called mid-day, just catching me in a few minutes when I was indoors, and the other had called last Sunday, thinking it was Mother's Day then. All in all I'd have to say it was one of the better Mother's Days I've had.

  • 20 years ago

    I love this job. Although my children are 3 and 7months. I might have a different tune in like 12 years.

    It's probably no worse then the job description for a home gardener. LOL

    Thanks Vroomp.

  • 20 years ago

    Mother's Day gifts from my family: Huge vase of mixed cut flowers which arrived Friday and proceeded to brown and fade by Saturday. Phoned florist to mention dying condition of flowers. Apologies and query as to whether I would like 2nd vase of flowers, house plants or garden plants to replace. Silly question. Recieved huge basket of hydrangeas, gerberas and hostas. Nice. Enormous packet of Pereuvian lilies with instructions on arranging and to change water every day adding 1 packet of flower preservatilve and cutting stems one inch. Beautiful display. 2nd day, dutifully changed water, etc. Had on favourite black and white cardigan. Forgot that lily pollen stains. Spent rest of evening trying to wash out them out. Not successful. Recieved nice card from eldest son with handwritten note thanking me for all I had done for him and announcement that he was coming down Memorial day weekend to help me construct brick sitting area I have long been talking about. Guess who won the blue ribbon?

  • 20 years ago

    i got a date to HD with spouse, picked up all kinds of odds and ends. my teens picked out a t-shirt and a book, neither garden-related, but now that they're old enough to keep track, this is the first year I got something besides a hand-made card and equally hand-made breakfast, so I'm happy. Especially since i still got the cards and breakfast:)

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