You can only be responsible for YOUR actions. What others do or don't do, what others think or intend really doesn't matter, really. It's better to have loved and lost than...well you know the rest. If others don't repay your kindness or even deserve your kindness, so what?

The important thing when it comes to assessing your actions (IMO) is 1)"What kind of person are you being/becoming through this action?" and 2)"Did you help anyone with this action?"

I think your behavior says you're a kind person who helps others. I think that's a much more admirable outcome than being $20.00 richer and not a "sucker!"

I would want to help, but since this is such a common scam, I would have offered to meet them at the gas pump and put the $20 in their gas tank.

Goldgirl, you're not being a party pooper I appreciate your comments equally as much. Of course the thought did pass my mind, the economy in our area is really bad for a lot of people so it's not unreasonable, but since I don't have any proof that they were scammers, I think I'm just going to stick with thinking positive and not worry about why they needed it. After all, as others have pointed out, 20.00 really is nothing for us, if they were deceiving me and felt it necessary to stoop to that level then they really do need it more than I do. And who knows what would have happened if I had said no. I'll never know. I've written about this before, but many years ago I was once stranded in another state, very sick and very desperate to get home. I had to beg for bus fare to make my way and I was so thankful there were some people who believed me. I hate to say no because for me it really is a way of paying it forward, that's really important to me, I just don't want to feel like a sucker when I do. LOL and now I don't.

Good point Ellendi, I didn't sense drugs were an issue, I'm pretty intuitive about it but I could be wrong....ya never know I guess.

Deedee, thank you that's really kind. I hope it wasn't for not.

Sis3, I love your story! OMG, it gave me goosies. I'm going to hold on to that one, thank you for sharing.

Teacats and Stinky, thanks, I do feel better. I have to admit I was feeling like a sucker after talking to my kiddo, but as always this board is such a wonderful compass. I'm so proud to be a part of it!

You acted from the heart, that can't be wrong. I probably would have given them the benefit of the doubt.

If it's a scam, and part of me thinks it is, they'll come across bad karma at one point, you can't swindle people and get away with it forever.

Beautifully said, Mitch!

You're not a sucker, lukki. You have a good heart!

oooh Mitch, I like that! So very true!

Thanks Nancy!. I started thinking about Pesky's recent thread about loaning things and have to laugh at myself when reading all of your kind responses. You can scam me for money but please don't borrow my STUFF! LOL

Lukki, I think you did something wonderful. Wherever that $20. went, you should sleep well tonight.

Lukki, I also thought you were going to say you'd been robbed! I'm glad you're ok.

I must dissent and agree with your daughter. I've become so cynical lately with the panhandlers. In the case you've described, I'd have asked myself, if they're out of gas and had gotten bad directions, why aren't they at a GAS STATION? Seems these people who are always asking for gas money are miles away from gas stations. The folks at our Costco are always extremely helpful, so if this was a legit story, they could have been helped by the staff. I hope the story was legit, but to me, it throws up too many red flags.

I was turned off so badly this weekend by the panhandlers in our town. I saw a guy with a large sign that said "Please help, trying to keep my family from having to live in our car. Jesus loves you". The lettering was painted on and there was duct tape all around the edges. A very well done sign. The next day I saw this SAME SIGN held by a different guy (first guy was caucasian, 2nd hispanic) on a different corner.

Also a cute young woman was hustling men in the WalMart parking lot. I watched her for 10 minutes as I was talking on my phone go up to 4 different men, gesturing and pointing and they'd get out their wallets and give her money. She never approached women. I later saw her walk up to a young man, obviously her boyfriend, they were working both ends of hte parking lot.

DH and I have firmly resolved to give our money to a charity only. People with hardluck stories and signs are at almost every intersection in town lately. It's getting ridiculous.

I'll be a dissenting voice, but a kind one, I hope. At traffic lights I will usually give food to people standing in the median strip if we have food in the car. Rarely, I've given money. Once when it was POURING down rain and someone was standing there on a godforsaken median strip.

I'm also a sucker for a cat or dog. A few weeks ago there was a woman about my age with a cat who looked like my first cat--the woman was just miserable looking, both health/cleanliness-wise and emotionally...and she stood outside the Schnitzer one evening before the PYP was playing. Rather canny, but I will give her respect for thinking that one through. She wasn't actively accosting anyone for money, just saying "anything would be appreciated" softly to the wind and stroking her rather lackadasical cat. I saw her and went in and got change to give her some money. I petted the cat, asked her about it, and when we left, I said goodbye to her and her cat.

I do think you were probably scammmed -- anyone who will just go up to people in a parking lot is already willfully violating boundaries. I would just never roll down the window to people who ask me to--in fact, now I remember, I have had a similar situation several months ago (before winter) and I just shook my head and the guy walked away. I worry for your safety -- people have been known to stick guns into the window opening. Seriously. Standing on the median strip at a stoplight is one thing, coming up to people when they're sitting in parked cars is another--people can't move very easily when they're parked.

I appreciate your kindness and giving instinct, but I'll put in a vote for helping people by giving to organizations that help them, and maybe at street corners. Please don't give these young men reinforcement that knocking on people's car windows when they're parked will work. Is that too cold of me? Please understand that I say it out of concern.

I do agree, Flyleft, that rolling down the window was potentially dangerous...& that should be considered. As far a the gift of the money, I back up Lukki all the way, but YES, it is worth noting that another sort of encounter could have evolved once the window was down. So no, you don't sound cold to me Fly...you make good points about the scenario, imo, and you are sharing quite valid concerns.

While we're on the subject, the median strip people bother me a lot...a lot! In my city, they usually send out the children to stand out there and I just think that is SO dangerous. It's child exploitation, in my mind. Frankly, I am utterly surprised this is legal.

Lukki's post touches on territory we have to navigate with both our hearts and our heads. Giving without measuring motivations is honorable, but indeed, we must not sacrifice safety in the process.

Pesky and Flyleft, I'm often the voice of descent so your comments are equally appreciated.

Pesky, I can totally understand your perspective. We are rurally located away from the urban areas and therefore more isolated from what you experience, but where my husband works is much more urban and panhandling is very common. As far as their choice of where to ask, we were close to gas stations, our Costco has one and Meijer in the next parking lot has one as well which they said they had already been to.

Flyleft, you are right about rolling down the window, in hindsight, maybe it wasn't the safest response, but again I don't really care if it was a scam. I'd much rather error on the side of giving them something than not. Maybe it's a selfish take on it, but paying it forward is really important to me and I want to sleep good at night so I'll let someone else say no.

As for donating to organized charities, I respect everyone's choice to do what is right for them, but it's not something we choose to do. In my experience the larger more popular charities are some of the most successful scam artists there are. Instead we like to give cash on a more personal level, donate tangible items to women's shelter's (especially ones that help women reclaim their lives) or volunteer my time. We just don't feel like the larger charities utilize their donations efficiently and we are not willing to help pay for large salaries and unnecessary over head. It's been reported that executives of the larger charities make hefty CEO level incomes and have CEO level benefits along with them. It turned my stomach when I read the reports. I also once worked within a program sponsored by UNICEF. They were helping the mentally challenged and were actually found to have been illegally taking social security money from the same people they were in charge of helping. Certainly there are charities that don't work that way but they aren't necessarily charities we can relate to which is important to us.

There was a similar thread earlier this year that nicely summarized various thoughts on the matter.

I also prefer to give to local charities because giving to individuals doesn't generally address their problems and ends up fueling the poverty/drug cycle. Lukkiirish - I agree with you about some of the large groups and I'm amazed that people don't do their homework and research charities. But that's why I stick to local street-level groups. Not that they can't also be taken advantage of, but I think there chances are better that the money is going where it should.

Here is a link that might be useful: March Thread

I agree with Cyn & Tina, your kindness and generosity is what it is, whatever the two guys actually did with the money. When I was 18 years old, my then boyfriend, my 17 y/o sister and I lost our money at Cedar Point in NE Ohio, hours from our homes 60 miles northeast of Detroit. It had stupidly been in my BF's pocket. That was before teenagers had access to credit cards, debit cards or cell phones. Through the kindness of strangers we were gifted with enough gas money to get home. It was very scary and I'll always be grateful for them trusting and helping us.

Lukki - I can just about ditto below, word-for-word. Paying it forward/giving back is important to us also, as is volunteering. I so agree on the big charities! We've narrowed our contributions to local also as goldgirl mentioned. We've also been able to identify needs in our community - both for giving of time and/or money - through our church. We have been lucky to find a church who serves their community, regardless of whether they are church members.

"I'd much rather error on the side of giving them something than not. Maybe it's a selfish take on it, but paying it forward is really important to me and I want to sleep good at night so I'll let someone else say no.

As for donating to organized charities, I respect everyone's choice to do what is right for them, but it's not something we choose to do. In my experience the larger more popular charities are some of the most successful scam artists there are. Instead we like to give cash on a more personal level, donate tangible items to women's shelter's (especially ones that help women reclaim their lives) or volunteer my time. We just don't feel like the larger charities utilize their donations efficiently and we are not willing to help pay for large salaries and unnecessary over head. It's been reported that executives of the larger charities make hefty CEO level incomes and have CEO level benefits along with them. It turned my stomach when I read the reports. I also once worked within a program sponsored by UNICEF. They were helping the mentally challenged and were actually found to have been illegally taking social security money from the same people they were in charge of helping. Certainly there are charities that don't work that way but they aren't necessarily charities we can relate to which is important to us."

tina

Thanks Lynn, Tina and Goldgirl. I forgot about that March thread, thanks for reposting it Goldgirl. I don't know why I didn't feel the same awkward way when I gave to the woman on the street. Maybe because it was very transparent that she was homeless and at the minimum a drunk or better yet because my daughter didn't chuckle at me and call me a sucker!

Lynn, I've been to that park and that's a long way from home! I think it's easier for someone who has been in those shoes to understand the fear involved When I was stranded it was also before cell phones and the like. It was very scary and vulnerable situation to be in.

I also offered support to Lukki for her kindness, and emphasized that her generosity was more important than the recipients' motives.

That said, (and label of "sucker" disputed) I do think that Fly's concerns about rolling the window down should not be overlooked. It IS true that the "rolling down the window" part could have lead to disaster. I wish she'd just been walking to her car in an area with plenty of people around when she was approached!

Although this is not Lukki's concern from her post title, there is more at work here than just deciding to give or withhold money. As I clearly stated, I don't care about being duped, I don't care about scams, and I'm glad she gave the money, but there can be safety issues, and serious ones, to be considered at these times.

I'm very, very glad it all turned out well of course, but that was a precarious position Lukki was in for a moment!

Stinky, your posts always make me smile. Thank you, very eloquently said and I appreciate it. I agree, there are certainly other less appealing ways it could have turned out!

My dh used my laptop, saw this thread and wanted me to tell you his experience. I told him to post it himself but noooooo. lol!

Back when dh was in his late teens/early twenties he and the guys in the band he was in took a road trip out West. They traveled all over and had a great time (I don't want to hear the details - this is before I met him).

Anyway...they ran short of money and did not have enough gas to get home. A group of strangers they met chipped in and gave them $20 to get home. He still remembers them all these years later. Dh is another who feels you did the right thing.

Lukki.... i agree with what Mitch said.
Last fall, a similar thing happened to me. we were stopped at a gas station, while trailering our wrecked suv home behind a UHaul truck. DH was gassing the truck, and a young man in a rattle trap car stopped and asked for gas money to get to his grandmothers. he offered to give me his grandmothers phone number so i would believe him. Of course, it could have been anyone's phone number. but I gave him 10 dollars, and he pulled in and put gas in his car. I felt I should have given him more, but DH walked around and said:"you didn't give him money did you, that is a con!"..

Here at home, at a Kroger, a young woman approached me as I was getting out of my car one day. Asked for money for food and baby formula. I offered to go in the store with her and pay for some formula, but she just walked away, and went up to someone else. So yes, for sure, that one was a scam. The first one, probably, but who knows? I felt that I did the right thing.

Thanks for hearing me, Lukki! (Btw, seems like your screen name is very appropos!)

Yikes! That is, "apropos!" Typo queen here!

Stinky, LOL yes, how true!!! I created the name back in the 90's a couple of weeks before meeting my husband! So it's worked really well for me!

DeeDee, Thank you (and your DH) for sharing that story! It's nice to hear a positive response from a man's perspective too!

There are times to say yes and times to say no and we all have to let our hearts decide which is the right time for each of us I guess. Of course there are a lot of scams out there, but as the stories shared here show, its clear that getting stranded isn't as uncommon as we may think. It's just too bad that like with so many other things, scammers have sort of ruined it for those folks who are really in need.

I also want to thank the others who responded and I haven't named. I appreciate your feedback and kind words as well. Really, all the opinions shared, positive and opposed have very valid points to them.

I've had the same story told to me twice, and both times handed the person $20. The first time was at least 15 years ago, and the scam was probably in the 'beginning stages'. The 2nd time it happened I said to the man, if you're not telling the truth, it's between you and God. I have a good heart, and like to take people at their word~~it's *their* karma they're messing with. ;o)

"I created the name...weeks before meeting my husband!" Wow! What an advertisement for the power of the words and language and ideas we put "out there" being a boomerang! Great!

Pattycakes, good story!

"this is a well-known scam that's become prevalent in recent months (at least in the PA/NJ area) usually outside big-box store like Home Depot or Costco."

Yep, happened to my sister and me at a Ft. Lauderdale Home Depot a few months ago. A guy-decently dressed, polite-came up to us in the parking lot and started the spiel about running out of gas etc, and my sister quickly gave him a dollar. As she said to me 'I think it's worth it just to cut the routine short.' Anyway, we finished shopping and as we drove out we happened to see the same guy, now standing at the side of the street corner and then we watched as a Mercedes convertible drove up, pulled over to the curb and he HOPPED IN AND RODE OFF! We laughed so hard.

But anyway, I will go on record as saying I don't agree at all with the logic of giving random people money and refusing to support organized charity. I'm sorry but that just doesn't make sense to me. Without starting a huge brouhaha about overhead and CEO salaries etc, social service agencies can and do provide a heckuva lot more support and assistance than does random cash given to scammers or even legitimately down on their luck folks.

And last but not least, since I'm already being the skunk at the picnic, for those women here who haven't read it yet, pick up The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker and educate yourself. Predators know that many (most?) women are socially acculturated to be giving and polite and aquiescient. Preying on those traits can lead to some really, really bad things happening. I would never, ever roll down my window to random young men. As was said, they are sending off some danger signals right there.

Ann

Ann, definitely not to be taken lightly! I've not given to a homeless person for the last several years after giving to an older gent, and watched him go into a seven-11, come out with a quart of beer in a bag, and go into the bushes to 'hide'. Made me sick!

"...since I'm already being the skunk at the picnic..." Good gosh, I'm stealin' that one! LOL!

Running, excellent points about women and crime. I've seen Gavin on Oprah, and took away the idea to never get in a car...statistically we're dead meat if we get in a car with a stranger. Fight, scratch, claw, to stay out of the vehicle. That I remember. (Of course, someone with a frail, petite little body like mine could be flipped over a shoulder with a hand tied behind the guy's back so fast it would make your head spin. Maybe I should carry a water pistol, lol!)

Seriously, we women DO need to use & develop our gut "instincts!" Being trusting, giving and altruistic is wonderful, but we ALSO need to fine tune & use our "radar" too!

I had a situation years ago that still makes me queasy to recall. I came out of a meeting alone and was approached in the parking lot by a man. This was late afternoon and although it was bright daylight the lot was empty of anyone else, and surrounded by vegetation so nobody could see me from the street. The building I had left didn't have windows facing the parking area so nobody was able to view from that angle either.

I'll never forget it. For one thing I don't even know where he came *from*, just suddenly as I approached my car there he was. And then he started this story which went on and on. Lots of detail about how he had moved to Miami and couldn't find a job and blah blah blah. I actually stood there thinking I was being polite, listening, instead of doing what I knew I should: getting in my car and driving the hell out. All the while my instincts were in full roar telling me 'this is dangerous, it doesn't feel right, get away from this guy.' Eventually I told him no I wasn't giving him money and I did leave.

But the memory of how scary it felt to be in that deserted area with a stranger who had accosted me out of thin air will never leave me. It was shortly after that I read The Gift of Fear, and it was a real life changer for me. It clicked in my mind that no woman should try to be Cindy Charming so someone can lull her into ignoring what she knows deep in the lizard brain to be true--that it's not safe and she needs to get away.

And, as a postscript, several years after that in the grocery store parking lot when a man appeared and started that same nonsense I *did* look at him, raise my voice and say "LEAVE ME ALONE AND GET AWAY FROM ME NOW". He looked shocked, then said something insulting and dismissive about how he didn't mean any harm lady. But he left me alone.

Thanks so much for understanding what I was trying to convey, stinky, and I'm glad that other folks are also seeing that there's a lot more at work in the situation than just "do you give to hard-luck cases". The dynamics of the question-asking make a HUGE amount of difference. Everyone be tough and protect yourselves--and you can live to give to whomever you want!

Running, you took the words right out of my mouth!

A man my ex was friends with was murdered by a couple using a "my baby needs milk" scam. A young woman came up to him outside a 7-11 and ran the spiel. He walked over to his vehicle with her and took out his wallet to give her $. From behind the bushes came a guy, her accomplice, who stuck a gun to his head and they ended up robbing, carjacking and then murdering him! So I guess this is why I don't trust panhandlers...even girls, you absolutely do not know what it could be.

I don't want to sound discompassionate, because I'm not that way. I've been known to stop to help stray dogs for crying out loud! I've run up to accidents and provided first aid till the EMS arrived...but I DO NOT TRUST strangers walking up to me for help. It's not like 20 or 30 years ago.

These days everyone (or nearly everyone) has a cell phone. You can go into a store and ask them to use a phone. There are plenty of legitimate ways for people temporarily 'lost' or 'stranded' to get help without resorting to walking up to strangers in a parking lot. If *I* needed help, I'd walk into the store and ask the front desk folks, I'd NEVER ask a stranger. Listen to Running!

I'd say the $20 was well spent just to get the kids off your back. But, you were lucky they hadn't stalked you and gone for the whole wad. None of us know what we'd do in a situation like that till we're put in a particular set of circumstances. Walk a mile in my shoes. Glad you're OK.

I remember years ago returning something to a store and they would only refund me in cash....several thousand dollars. I had my 3 nieces and nephews with me. Several people watched on as they diligently counted out the cash. What an uncomfortable feeling.

Not to frighten anyone more than you are, but please read this story in the link below, that happened a few miles from my home on Mother's Day 1997. My sister's neighbor is the man who lost his wife that day.

Here is a link that might be useful: Parking lot abduction ends in homicide

I'm also in the NJ/PA area; we hear of this scam a lot. I was waiting for you to say they reached in & took your wallet. I'm glad your ok. I normally lock my doors once I get in my car.

The economy is bad these days; you never know who is telling the truth. I don't ever carry cash; & I usually have a few dollar bills & change in my car change purse but haven't in 2 years. There's no way I could hand them anything. Since they said they needed gas; I may have had them pull by the pump where there are people; then check their ID (to see if they were really from where they say) before I told them to pull to the pump & I'd pay there. That's the only way I'd help. The other thing to do would be say no; then make like you're leaving & watch them to see how many people gave money & if they really put gas in then left or if they kept asking. I wonder how many people would think to do this?

When I pumped gas for my dad; we regularly saw this; even in the 70's. Sure it happens; but my dads way of thinking was why don't they keep money in their cars for times like this? He had me do it when I flew out to CA in the 80's because he knew I'd probably spend all of my cash & not have money for airport parking. My dad always hid cash in the cars; he did not believe in credit cards. He'd be short a lot of money (even back then) if he gave everyone gas that said they ran short. He would have them leave something for collateral.

The next biggest thing going on by me is people breaking into cars in parking lots & driveways. They're stealing what ever they see; then making posts on Craigslists or will go to the local trade in store to get money for it. The guy that runs the store doesn't check for receipts or any sort of proof of ownership; they walk in with someone that's 18 or 21 & get cash. You would not believe the type of electronics he buys. Also with cigarettes being close to $10 here; they're taking those too to make quick cash. Nothing is safe.

You wouldn't believe the amount of people my daughter hangs with that have cars; no jobs & most times; no gas. Why parents let their kids drive with no job is not something I can't wrap my brain around.

When my hub had his last job; he told me stories similar to what Pesky said with the sign & how they were reused. Since it was Philly; they could all be homeless & using the same sign but since it's Philly; you never know.

I guess I'm a walking contradiction here. I read the original post, and my immediate thought was, "Eh, so what if it was a scam. Better to err on the chance that it was genuine, on the chance that you helped someone..... Then I read further, about parking lot dangers and listening to your fear, and that really resonated with me too, probably because of an earlier experience....

In the early 80s, I was working in SF, and got off the bus late at night to walk back to my apt., after a long workday. It was about 9pm. As I exited the bus, I had the weird feeling that I was in danger. I looked around and immediately noticed a fellow about my age, nicely dressed in a suit, exiting the bus at the same time, and headed in my direction. I almost asked him if I could walk with him, thinking he would be a kind of protector. But I was too embarrassed to ask, and felt silly, so instead I did what I had read to do when walking city streets at night -I walked in the center of the street, away from the buidlings and parked cars, keys in hand, walking with purpose and confidence. Just half a block later, I suspected that a fellow on the sidewalk was pacing me, so I tested it out, speeding up a little, then slowing down a little, and sure enough he matched my every move. My heart raced and I could feel sweat just pouring out of me -btw, I had on a suit with a narrow skirt, and very high heels. And I was carrying both a purse and briefcase. Once my stalker realized I was onto him, he started to verbally assault me, in graphic, violent, sexual terms. All the stuff he was going to do to me. On and on and on this went for 4-5 blocks. Really horrible, disgusting stuff. Here's the amazing part: it was the SAME guy I almost asked to walk along with....the guy in the suit! I frantically tried to remember exactly where the neighborhood police station was, thinking I could head that direction, but couldn't place it confidentally, so abandoned that idea. Finally I decided the only chance I had was to use the one thing I had that he didn't -knowledge of where my apt. was. So when we got to that point (about 5-6 blocks away), I let him get exactly even with me, with a parked car between us, then quickly backtracked around the back of the car up on to the landing of my apt. Of course, he just as quickly followed me. He pinned me in the corner of the landing, and gnarled and gnashed and spit profanities and more garbage in my face. But inexplicably, he then released me with a, "Do you know what I could do to you if I wanted to?" And left. Left. I thank God for that experience because it taught me so much. First, the best defense is to not be in the position if you can at all help it. I don't walk alone at night if I can possibly help it. The other is that a person who will do such a thing is more like a polar bear than a fellow human being. The nonverbal communication between us, eye-to-eye, was like nothing I had ever experienced. It was like looking into the eyes of a truly wild animal intent on harming you. There was no language, no self-defense that was going to do a thing to him had he persevered. And the last was to never, ever ignore your lizard brain....

Thank you all for sharing your stories, I do agree that these are terrible times and we do need to be careful. I am street wise. Some who know about my past know I've experienced a lot of challenging and violent situations and have a very strong instinct or intuition as a result. I listen to and trust my gut. That doesn't mean I could make a wrong call, but I did what I felt was the right thing under those circumstances. I didn't feel threatened at all, not by their body language, not by the expressions on their faces, not by the way (as in tone) they were talking with me, I was watching those things behind dark sunglasses. But who knows what would have happened if I had said no? Regardless, your points are very well taken and if nothing else are good reminders in case there is ever a next time.

Bestyears, That was obviously an extremely frightening experience, I'm so glad you are okay. When I share some of my experiences it's like reliving them and not easy, so thank you again for sharing.

I am so glad you are OK! I have no opinion about the money one way or another . . .I just echo the sentiment about rolling down the window being dangerous. I am a fan of Gavin de Becker's ideas of not putting ourselves in compromising situations.

The way I look at it, if someone is putting ME in a compromising situation it is not up to me to be nice about it. They should not have approached a woman in her car. It is not right because they KNOW she will feel unsafe. Even if they need the money, there needs to be some other way to ask for it from strangers. You just don't do that.

That is why I do not answer my door unless I know who it is. I do not owe anyone access to my children and home. I used to leave my storm door locked, front door open. One day a young man came to the door selling magazines. I listened to his story but declined buying any. He started to get angry and ask what he did wrong. Ugh. Nothing happened beyond that, but I never leave my door open now.

Bestyears . . .OH MY GOSH. Yes, your post is exactly what de Becker says-- trust that INSTINCT. THANK GOODNESS for that ending. What a very, very scary story-- interesting about him not being a human being.

I also avoid going out alone. I am already trying to train my 10 yo now, telling her to avoid going out at night alone, always have your car keys in your hand, don't be distracted, etc.

The economy is bad these days; you never know who is telling the truth. I don't ever carry cash; & I usually have a few dollar bills & change in my car change purse but haven't in 2 years.

The only reason I carry cash is because of my college boyfriend. It was the 1970s and he was from NYC. He told me to always carry money because a thief could get so incensed if he tried to rob you and came up empty that he might do you a lot more harm. I don't know if there are any statistics to back this up but it made such an impression on me that I still heed his advice.

Thank goodness you made it through that horrible ordeal, Bestyears! So, scary! Ugh!

My3dogs, that story is so sad.

I live in an area where it seems crazy, inexplicable, brutal things happen regularly. Case in point: last week a 17 year old girl walking in daylight was abducted by a couple in their 50's. The couple tied the girl to a tree and proceeded to throw beer and soda on her!

What? No, she wasn't beaten or raped, thank God, but can you imagine how terrifying this event was, just the same? Why would anyone do such a thing? What for? The only answer is craziness.

I bring this up as the conversation has shifted from the question of "to give or not to" to concerns about safety and the presence of threats around us.

Bestyears, you are not a contradiction. You want to live with heart and practice kindness, and support others, AND right beside that, wisely understand that there are people in this world who do not share your good-hearted agenda. They have another agenda.

Many have never known what it is to be loved. They've been seen and treated as objects, so they only know to see and treat others as objects. As you implied about your perpetrator, they don't connect with your humanity, because they have no sense of their own humanity or worth. People like this can be dangerous, though using Christ's words, "They know not what they do." They are unconscious, and yes, crazy.

Sometimes we need to distance and protect ourselves from the craziness!

The only reason I carry cash is because of my college boyfriend. It was the 1970s and he was from NYC. He told me to always carry money because a thief could get so incensed if he tried to rob you and came up empty that he might do you a lot more harm. I don't know if there are any statistics to back this up but it made such an impression on me that I still heed his advice.

You're correct. They can get crazy when you don't have anything. I'd give them my GPS if they wanted it!

This is all a little depressing! Probably many of us have frightening stories to tell, I know I do, so I am certainly not belittling any of the posters above who have endured scary or dangerous encounters.
However, and I realize that this is a very personal view, I have to say that although I do not take unnecessary risks I also refuse to be locked in my house, car etc. What is life if we can't feel free to enjoy it? Are we to become a nation of frightened people peering from behind our curtained windows? Soon the only people roaming freely out there will be the crazies!

No, no, no, Sis3! I don't think anyone is trying sell the notion of becoming a hermit...just the idea of exercising caution and awareness.

I send my sister $40 or $50 almost every month to help her get by. She says she can't find a job. She doesn't ever ask for money and she always thanks me for my help. But if you ask my husband or my other sisters or my mom's best friend....or me.....they would all say I'm a sucker.

But in your situation, I have to rely on your read of those two young people. I wasn't there. But I probably would have pulled out the bill, said "Take care next time" and driven away. Their degree of gratitude AFTER you handed over the cash should tell you you did the right thing.

Red

Red, thank you. When it comes to families, there are so many dynamics, but I can't imagine not helping one of my sisters if they were ever in need as well. Boy, with this economy, I sure hope they feel the same way. Bless your heart for seeing beyond whatever is happening in your sisters world and being there for her.

Funny; we have helped family; they were loans though; even though we could afford it at the time; hub wanted these specific people to repay & guess what? They haven't. I recently sent letters out; one was via FB because we didn't have a current address; the last snail mail came back to us. Wouldn't you know it; I'm now unfriended; just found out yesterday. Unreal.

A niece wanted to borrow $300 around Christmas; I was not sure I had it & it turns out I did not; she unfriended me too; which is no loss to me. So glad I didn't have it because if I did; I'd be a huge sucker. Hub is the sucker with the 3 loans totaling about $8,000

wow, that's terrible roselvr, I can't believe some people! Well, actually, I can. Sad.

Roselvr, I am so sorry, that's just plain hurtful. Some people really have no ethic or conscious. Even if they didn't have the money, they could and should at the very least give you the decency of a conversation and willingness to make arrangements. Money does tend to show peoples true colors doesn't it? Knowing your circumstances, I realize that voicing that surely doesn't help, I just wish there were something that could be done to help.

A bit off topic from the original thread here, but the topic above about borrowing money reminded me of something that is bothering me. I wonder about your opinion on this. I was listening to Dave Ramsey on the radio one day. He gives financial advise. A woman owed $10,000 to a credit card and has now just lost her job. The creditors are after her and she called in to the radio show. He told her not to let them intimdate her, to offer an amount much less as a settlement,that she was being bullied and basically no advise on the fact that she borrowed this money and should pay it back fully, even if it was a nickel at a time!
Is this what we are coming to? That if you borrow and your circustance changes, you are exempt from your obligation?

I agree with you Ellendi, when you borrow money, it should be paid back based on the agreement but a lot of lenders have changed the terms of those agreements and made it almost impossible for people to repay making the banks even richer. It's a vicious cycle. Some, not all but some of the scenarios we're seeing today involve a lot of good money conscious people, who had every intention of paying their debts and because of circumstances beyond their control, are now forced to make a choice between housing and feeding their family or paying debt. Which would any of us choose in those circumstances?

I personally, feel the banks are responsible for a large part of what's going on economically and they should be willing to help those deserving of it by any means they can, but they're not. Instead they are calling loans due, forging foreclosure documents, making more risky transactions, raising rates on people, charging grossly exorbitant fees and the list goes on, so it's very hard to have much empathy, KWIM? BTW, when I say deserving of it, I mean those who are not spend alcoholics abusing a system. With a shortage of jobs and change in the working climate many qualified people can't find work in their own fields and are taking jobs at whatever pay then can get just to keep afloat.

If you live in an area that isn't in decline or working in a field where you see a lot more of these scenarios on a daily basis, it's hard to relate but I do and let me tell you, good, hard working people are finding themselves in situations they never dreamed they'd be in and it happened quick. It's horrible and it's scary.

In addition to the above, debt Collectors are obligated to follow certain procedures and will often times have no problem breaking the laws to collect because they're betting the person they're contacting isn't aware of their rights. I suspect that that is the case with the caller in the Dave Ramsey conversation.

We just got back from San Francisco where I had a conference. We do not open our wallets or my purse for anyone. Howevever, we did give to a few homeless persons. Yes, I know it encourages them, but I do feel for people with pets or for a couple of women who looked really strung out. DH gave to a man who had sign something to the effect of "I'll be honest I just want a beer". We had the loose change/bills in our pockets.