I would not go into all that tonight. However, when she yells and screams, she needs to know that is not okay. If it is at your house, I would tell her that and also tell her she needs to leave if she can't control herself. If it is somewhere else, as I said before, I would leave, but tell her why (facts-I will not stay and be yelled at or watch others being treated that way-rather than judgments-you shouldn't treat people that way). I think that is also the answer for the other siblings. The facebook stuff and relationship with her in-laws strikes me as emotional blackmail and she is being very successful at it, so why change?

Just had another thought-has anyone ever videotaped her during one of her tantrums? If she could see herself, wonder what she would think.

One other caveat: she needs to learn this before she becomes a mother herself! If not, her behavior is a recipe for disaster.

stinky-gardener....I was a bit hesitant to even broach this subject. You said all so well. There must be one in your environment also or you are just a smart gal all around. Thanks for adding a few pieces that I deal with and knew, nice to have another on the same page.

Whoops, abundant, it looks as though I was responding to you, but I was responding to z's post. I think everything you and others have said is absolutely correct! I love your suggestion of what she could have said in her email!

We sometimes cannot take everyone's advice verbatim. I dont want to be defensive in any way, I just wanted suggestions and of course we all take the suggestions we can only handle and the rest is up to each individual. I did just respond to anything she emailed me in very short brief sentences. But I do know my daughter, I want her to know that even if I or anyone disagrees with her she will always be loved but she always had to respect them. I am going shortly and we'll see how it all pans out. When she heard me say for the first time in a month, I miss you and love you, her heart immediately jumped out. My hopes is that she can try to work things out through love not anger. I do like to solve problems, and I am somewhat of a people pleaser, I very well can admit to my downfalls. But this has never happened to me with my children and I reached out to suggestions in hopes I can be guided in the right direction.

Hoping for a good visit Z with you and your daughter!

tina

Z, I'm sorry if anything I wrote upset you. Certainly none of us know what you're experiencing, and I wouldn't expect you or anyone else to accept any advice verbatim, especially that online. Even with the best intentions, whatever we say may be inappropriate to another's situation so I make general observations in hopes that my perspective may help the OP or someone else in cyberspace who is grappling with a similar issue. I fully expect that whatever is suggested by any of us will be sorted through, weighed and whatever doesn't apply will be dismissed. I'm sending good thoughts your way with best wishes for a happy out-come for you and your family.

Emagineer, I have a close relationship with a scientist whose brain seems similarly wired to your son. I used to think that his sometimes lack of sensitivity was due to a personality/emotional disorder. As I read more recent research that suggests the neurons and globes of the truly prodigious brains are structured differently, I became more empathetic towards him. There's no question that his brain works in ways that most can't conceive, and this difference in neuron and globe structure is what enables him to be at the forefront of very complex issues in an international arena. I suppose this may be true in varying degrees, but the truly prodigious brain intakes and processes differently than the brain of more normal types. Not that I find it easy when he visits to listen to constant lectures, but the breadth of his interests and depth of his analysis is so much greater than most that I really do learn something usually. When he goes on too long, I've learned to ask that we talk about another subject. When he gets to me with an inconsiderate remark, I can now calmly and pointedly let him know he's full of it. The shock usually let's us continue without rancor on either side, and we've become much closer.

The 1st time I told him he was full of it was at a dinner party when three times he "jokingly" made a put-down remark to me. The first two times I said that's his statement wasn't true, the third time I quietly said "You're full of .." Fortunately our other guests were great old soul types, we all roared and everyone had the best time that night, including the scientist and me. I think that marked the turning point in our relationship. It's only taken more than three decades, but a little maturing on both sides has helped. This works better for me than when I tried to avoid negative interactions by keeping quiet, got my feeling hurt or withdrew. I don't know that he welcomes my deflections, but he has coped surprisingly well. Of course, the situations aren't comparably complex since I'm not his mother.

With the garden variety average difficult person, bully or drama queen aka as a spoiled brat, I think it's best to do as cyn suggests. It doesn't have to be emotional. In fact it's best for me to remain calm and reasonable, but I'm not afraid to say we need to do better, and I don't hesitate to stop the interaction if we can't. The few times I've had to do this, I ended the interaction with something positive like "I know right now neither of us is at our best, but perhaps we can go to such and such/talk in a few days. Take care." That may sound acquiescent, but it opens the possibility for better times. The if and only if we can interact better is implied I think. I've even used a version of this w/DH in earlier times before we mellowed into a smooth flow. It works for me usually. I had a harder time being open again with one person recently, and though we still talk on occasion I'm not yet willing to subject myself to her ups and downs. I wish it were different and that I could really feel more loving, but I'm still working on forgiveness I guess. I know that I don't like carrying the boulder, so I am trying to chisel away my hard heartedness. It ain't always easy.

I agree with cyn that it's not a question of telling others how they "should" act, but a simple request to stop the yelling/put-downs/whatever specific disruptive behavior it is. IMO it also helps to say "we", not "you". Even if the other person is clearly spinning out of control, I don't know that they can accept "You need to" as easily as "I want us to". One thing I've come to accept, it's never only the other person's fault.

Z, I had checked in to see if you posted an update. I hope you're feeling much better. I should correct the first line in my apology to you. I somehow deleted "none" of us know what you're experiencing.

Also, as long as I'm correcting my post, another glaring error is the use of "never" on the last line. While that may be true in most situations, it's probably more accurate to say seldom.

Hope it was positive, Z, but however it went, I'm sure your approach of love not anger is the way to go.

Interesting discussion and zshopper, I hope everything went well with the visit. I have to admit that the older I get the less c*** I put up with from people and that includes friends and family.

Interesting also to hear from people about having self-centered family members in their lives. My MIL is like that. Every conversation has to be about her. No matter the topic, no matter the situation, it always has to be about her. Even my two sons have asked me about it and question her behaviour. It got so bad I cut her out of my life (she's also a mean-spirited gossip) about 5 years ago (and she only lives 15 minutes away) and felt like a huge weight had lifted. I have no problem with my DH seeing her, or my sons when and if they choose, but they all know she is not welcome in our home. Yea, it got that bad.

Now, I have to go drink some wine.

Yeah, blfenton, that's one of the benefits of aging. Cutting to the chase, but OTH some also tend to mellow and accept life's messiness as a mere hiccup and not stress as much.

I have no idea why "none" has twice disappeared when it shows on the preview before submitting. Oh well, I hope y'all know I meant "n-o-n-e."

This has become an interesting post. So many aspects to discuss for all. Regardless of the family and our being mothers, each of us has the world of unique backgrounds and personalities to engage with.

We all know being a mother cannot be taught, it is from our heart. Whatever we bring to the role is who we are. I applaud you "zshopper" for efforts to maintain your connection and not let the situation go. This alone will always be remembered by you as the best part of who you are. Don't let it hurt you though, there is no reason to do so.

oakleyok....my mother was raised in an orphanage too, although she hated the place and had a very lacking childhood. Yes this can affect mothering, genes or not. But just as with all of us, I believe we take away from our childhood and have personalities for who we are in the mothering role. My ML on the otherhand had a good childhood and yet those comments you posted are all something she had to say on a daily basis.

Mom took in and raised every lost child she found, even young relatives. I can remember always having another child in the house. Sometimes for short periods, sometimes helping one to get through highschool/college. She was a caregiver, wonderfully bright woman and worked as a nurse giving all to others until she was in her late 70s. Everyone she met loved her and being part of her life. Strangers were never strangers around her.

I was adopted when she was almost 40, common today but not way back when. We were never close and she wasn't a tactile person. Although I was so very grateful to be adopted and given the life I had.

It wasn't until I was 50 that an incident in our lives caused us to become mother and daughter. Long story, but I learned so much from her then and the hugs began making up for years of what I thought was a "me" issue. It was both of us. I will always remember those last years with her and the comfort we were able to return to each other.

For anyone waiting, don't. Whether you think the other person is not hearing you or touching your heart, remain who you are. I believe they really do hear us, know our hearts, but don't respond as we expect. And those words/actions of love will be remembered, the most important part of this. Give as you want and be the mom you want to be. Don't lose out, but don't give yourself away either. Just be.

I'm rambling.....tis a bit early.

Emagineer you are not rambling your quote "whatever we bring to the role is who we are." That should never change, we should always be who we are but sometimes when we are not liked because of it should we change a little?
I went to visit my daughter last night but before I was going out the door my husband said he had to tell me something. He said the contact by her was not initiated by her it was initiated by him. He couldnt see me hurt any longer so he contacted her and said call your mom you need to talk, that is why she emailed me, it was not on her own. He said if I didnt want to go I didnt have to but I was committed so off I went. She was putting away groceries and wanted to talk while that was going on, I said I'd wait until she finished so we can talk. I asked her what she felt and she said after the wedding she took everyone off facebook because she felt they should call her if they wanted to find out what was going on in her life. I said I was upset that I was included because I always call her and talk to her, etc. Well it didnt go so well, after 3 hrs of being yelled out and me yelling I many times wanted to leave but she wanted me to stay. Her new husband was there and was wonderful but my daughter expects to be agreed with at all times. Basically she wants me as her mom and not her friend. What does that mean? It means I should always agree with her, be with her on all her terms, understand whatever it is I should and so I said "In other words, take all your crap all the time and just say nothing?" I've never been that kind of a mom. I dont tell you what to do, where to go, etc. I want some nice time together with me and our family. She hates my son's girlfriend and will not be with her, IT went back and forth, and I reminded her why I was there how she treated me and I didnt deserve it. She felt I should have called her before she went on her honeymoon, etc. I said I didnt because I felt she came took all her stuff, blocked me off facebook, yelled and screamed at me because my son's girlfriend defriended her, etc. so I thought she didnt want me? I thought she would have called and explained to me why she acted that way. She just wouldnt listen she felt I should have called her. How much can this go on and on, then all the other stuff came out, who did this and that, I reminded her that I did none of that. Am I her scapegoat? After 3 hrs this went on and on and I decided to go and she kissed me. I think that I will call her from time to time, ask her to come over, hope she is happy and that is all I can do. I dont think she wants a real relationship, she will save that for the people she enjoys being with. I have to accept her being her and me being me and concentrate on my life with the people who love and enjoy being with me. I realize from this everyone loves differently.

I hope you are doing OK this morning zshopper. I am sure that was a very difficult evening for you.

" I have to accept her being her and me being me and concentrate on my life with the people who love and enjoy being with me."

Z, I think that is a very wise & sane strategy. It is easy to say, hard to do, but with commitment, you can reach that level of acceptance of "what is."

I think you already realize that your daughter's behavior is not something you are going to change. Accepting the limits of this particular relationship & realizing that she does indeed, "love differently" than you would prefer, will bring you greater peace.

Still, you need to let yourself feel sad & mourn the loss of the dreams you surely had about what a mother/daughter relationship would look like with this child. Don't skip this step. Even if you have to sit in a room & listen to sad music & cry, it would be a good release for you that would enable you to move on.

It is a sad fact that some people for whom we care deeply can not love us in a reciprocal fashion. At the end of the day, we can only determine how much love we give, not how much we receive.

I wish you peace & comfort, & much love, from those in your life who give it freely & generously.

Emagineer, your beautiful and heartfelt tribute to your mother is a good reminder to us all that love is always the best choice. You were very blessed to have had such an expansive heart to guide you, even if when young you longed for hugs. It's apparent that yours is equally expansive. As you experienced, it seems once we're receptive, circumstances, even the unpleasant one, can cause a radical shift in perceptions, free us from self-imposed restrictions and true bonding and love is the outcome.

"I will always remember those last years with her and the comfort we were able to return to each other.

I really believe that our life lesson is to learn to be a blessing. How wonderful it would be if everyone experienced the satisfaction derived from being a source of comfort and joy. In the words of St Francis, "It is in giving that we receive." That seems true whether we choose to give out good or ill will. What we extend has unknown ripple effects, will be returned and forms the theme of our lives.

zshopper, I am sorry you had such a difficult evening. I wish you the best and hope the new week finds you able to "concentrate on [your] life with the people who love and enjoy being with [you]."

z, I'm so sorry thinks went down the way they did, I am honestly speechless.

Sometimes the only solution is to let go and not have any expectations, let time be the healer, if such a thing is to happen.

I know your heart will still hurt, I wish you good luck in finding joy and peace elsewhere, you deserve it.

I'm so sorry Z that the visit didn't go well. I do think you handled things well. I ditto Mitch's last sentence. . .

tina

I am so sorry that things did not go well. Your daughter seems to have some issues that you are not going to be able to fix. It is not your job to fix them though; it is hers. I do think that if you spent 3 hours yelling at each other (you said you yelled back), then there is some disfunction on both sides. Perhaps a councelor would help to both of you in the future. Until then, like others have said, mourn the relationship you wanted, and make positive plans for the relationship you do you have.

I'm so sorry that the evening didn't go well for you and your daughter. I wonder what her husband thinks of the situation? Does she have any sort of relationship with her MIL or family?

Be prepared for a "grieving" period that could take a couple of months. You will be grieving the loss of a relationship with your daughter, through all the stages, until you come to acceptance of the new reality of your relationship. It will be a long and hard journey and I wish you peace.

What a sad situation - I'm sorry things went as they did. It can be very painful to let go of an expectations we hold of how a relationship should look. But there is the ability to create another type of relationship once you can do that. It will be different than your old mental image but can still be fulfilling for both of you. Wishing peace and grace for both of you through this transition.

Two thoughts on this. Is it possible that you can talk privately with her husband and find out exactly what's going on? I know it's going behind your daughter's back, but sometimes we have to do this.

Also, if your daughter is in her 20s, it's completely normal for them to feel that they know everything. Been there done that myself. My son also told me he now sees that his father and I were right, and he thought he knew everything in his 20s.

If I were in your situation, I'd call her every now and then and innocently say, "What are you up to today?", and totally ignore what went on last night, just act like nothing happened, and if she brings stuff up again, then I'd just lay low and let her contact you.

I've had riffs with both my son's before and sometimes you just have to let them think they're right, and move on.

In fact, a month ago I had a riff with my son, he felt the need to get a lot off his chest, and I just sat there and listened, and I know it felt good for him even though I quietly disagreed with him. The next morning (I was spending the night) I hugged him and asked if he felt better, and he hugged me back really tight and said, "You're a good mom."

Even though he said some negative things about me the previous night, we ended up talking about other things and he just needed to vent. He needed his mom. Even though he's married with kids! lol

I read that older kids use their mothers as a sounding board, and NOT in a good way when life is bothering them.

Every grown child has complaints about their parents, so we just need to let them vent and not defend ourselve's sometimes. It gets easier as time goes by.

When I read your narrative of your meeting with your daughter, I read that she DOES want a close relationship with you. She doesn't want you to read about her activities on Facebook, but rather one-to-one, she pleaded with you to stay when you wanted to leave last night, she said she wanted a mother, she yearned for your best wishes before she left on her honeymoon, she DID extend an olive branch and email you, even though your DH encouraged it. That sounds like someone who cares very much. And you, too, obviously care very much or you wouldn't have posted this in your desperation. Remember,anger is a much easier emotion to display than hurt and pain because it leaves one feeling too vulnerable.

I think both of you have a fantasy of what the mother/daughter relationship should look like, and neither person is meeting the other's expectation. Unfortunately, and this is strictly my opinion, I believe the parent has to extend themselves more than the child in these types of situations. Life is too short to live with this kind of acrimony. I second geogirl's suggestion of counseling to help you both through the relationship land mines.

Good luck.
Dee

Oh, and as I just reread your post the part about her being upset that you didn't call before her honeymoon reminded me that I called my parents when my new husband and I arrived at our hotel after leaving the reception just to thank them for all they did and for the beautiful wedding. Just saying...

z, I get what the others are suggesting about mourning the "end" of the relationship with your daughter that you had preferred, but maybe it's less drastic than that. Yes, you've hit a huge messy bump compared with an idealized M/D interaction, and aspects are soap operaish, but that's often the way it is for some real families. There are many phases along the course of familial relationships, and some phases are very unpleasant, but the bad parts do not need to define the entire relationship as we all can grow and change in our ability to respond well over the years. I hope you remain hopeful and positive as emagineer put it so well,

"Whether you think the other person is not hearing you or touching your heart, remain who you are. I believe they really do hear us, know our hearts, but don't respond as we expect. And those words/actions of love will be remembered, the most important part of this. Give as you want and be the mom you want to be. Don't lose out, but don't give yourself away either.

Your daughter's not yet handling her independence well, may be immature and spoiled, but she can work through this phase with luck and self-awareness. I hope for everyone in your family's sake that she will begin to want to be a productive loving force and free herself from the drama.

I also reiterate my hope for you that you will allow yourself time to re-center. Weddings and other big events can sometimes evoke a lot of stress, but time does heal, if we permit it. Let this turmoil go, perhaps your daughter will be able to as well, and focus instead on whatever it takes to restore both your inner peace and harmony for the rest of the family.

I had missed all the posts after blfenton's.

Geo and Dee's suggestion of counseling may be helpful if you want objectivity in looking at your situation and help figuring out a better course. You can seek professional guidance, pastoral care or just read a lot to help you gain perspective.

I agree that life if too short for dissension and acrimony. There seems to be a lot of drama with many contributers. Sometimes it's harder to see a way out when you're in the midst, but people can move beyond the negativity if they work at it. I echo dlm's wishes for peace and grace.

My concern would be that your daughter might have a physical problem as in thyroid or a deficiency of some sort. Perhaps she needs a good check up to eliminate that it could be a health problem. I've had two family members that acted similarly and both ended up with severe thyroid issues, once treated, they became like the rest of us.

I am doing ok. I guess with all the insight and reassurance my husband, kids, friends and cyber friends gave me, how can I not be better. I suffered the last month with not being sure if I was doing right by not contacting my daughter. I actually thought by staying away she would see the light and miss me and our family so much that she would make an effort along with myself to work this out. I know in my heart and in hers that I did everything I could and yes if she wanted to seek help I would go with her, but I am not going to convince her. I will contact her from time to time to see how she is doing and I think she will be receptive to my calls, I did however make it very clear I dont want this yelling and screaming anymore,I will hang up. I want this drama to stop. There was a homily at Christmas time one year that a priest had hung all christmas lights around his neck and he commented to the congregation how beautiful they all were. But there was one burnt out light and wondered if anyone could forget that burnt out one and see how beautiful the lit ones were. I have to remember all the good things in my life and just go with the challenges that come my way. Tomorrow is my birthday and I will enjoy the day. I have received many cards that had wonderful thoughts in them and one of my co-workers not only gave me a card, but a letter reflecting how she felt. Thank you everyone for taking the time to help me and make me feel like I'm not alone, it helped me very much.

Happy birthday, Z! May you be blessed abundantly throughout the year ahead and beyond.

Love the image conjured by your priest as it's sometimes easy for any of us to let the setbacks temporarily take the forefront instead of all the daily little things that are wondrous and uplifting. Sounds like your world is full of kind people who think highly of you. I'm sure you'll be just fine. Enjoy your birthday.

I have learned so much from these postings. I have a difficult daughter, too. My husband is the scientist type who can talk forever on subjects that have no interest to me. He doesn't recognize any of the signs of my boredom like not making eye contact, typing on the computer, or watching TV. He has given me permission to just hold up my hand as a signal for him to stop. I hate to do that but sometimes it comes to that.

I'd like to add one thing to the discussion. I was raised by a mother who yelled at me and demeaned me. I was too young to walk away then but now that I'm an adult I will not tolerate anyone yelling at me or demeaning me. It is unacceptable behavior in any situation.

May I say a pat on the back is due to all of you who stated your opinions so well without anyone getting offended. That is rare on these forums.

Happy Birthday Zshopper !!!!!!!!! I hope you have a wonderful day.

Thanks to all of you for wishing me a happy birthday. I wasnt going to go to work today but my co-worker is out and my friends wanted to treat me to lunch so I decided to go in. I feel so much better since Sunday and I do want to reiterate what peaceofmind said. that all of stated our opinions so well without anyone getting offended. Too many times I hesitated to post anything because I didn't want to become defensive and sorry for posting in the first place. But not this time, each and every post was read and taken in consideration. Each one of you had something great to say and I very much appreciate all of your kindness. Hopefully others can find the same solace ad I have.

Happy Birthday, Zshopper!

Thanks for sharing that wonderful homily. It was very moving! Tells us a lot about you, that you remember it & find meaning from it, all these months after Christmas.

It speaks to me about how gratitude is the cornerstone of our spiritual growth.

It is evident that you are very grateful for all the lights in your life...even the one that is burned out! Maybe that little burned out light just makes the brightness of the others more remarkable!

Also, that dark little spot is a reminder that God is with us in the dark spaces too...& that the sacred is present in us all, not just in the brightest & shiniest among us.

Hey Z, Happy Birthday! We haven't chatted much since re-doing your exterior siding. ;) I hope you have a wonderful day! :)

Happy birthday! Hope it's a great one!

tina

Peace, I agree. Learning from each other is the beauty of this type of thoughtful thread. Everyone faces challenges in one form or another, and hearing how many ways we can choose to respond is enlightening for us all. There are no one size fits all solutions, but we can share what life has taught us this far, perhaps incorporate new perspectives, and offer solace to each other. Whatever it takes to trek onward with a lighter heart is good.

Peace, I agree. Learning from each other is the beauty of this type of thoughtful thread. Everyone faces challenges in one form or another, and hearing how many ways we can choose to respond is enlightening for us all. There are no one size fits all solutions, but we can share what life has taught us this far, perhaps incorporate new perspectives, and offer solace to each other. Whatever it takes to trek onward with a lighter heart is good.

Happy, happy birthday. I hope it is the start of your best year ever! Enjoy the celebration and let yourself be pampered!

Cynthia

The GW gnomes must be at work again as I'm not sending with a cell phone and was actually reading another thread, went to the main page and the submission page came up fait accompli. Strange.

Well said abundant. And I suspect that is why people on this forum and especially this thread were so considerate of the OP and of each other. We all saw some of our own lives in her situation and accepted how difficult it can be to cope with and live with that in our lives.
Trekking onward! (still not going to talk to my MIL but have made my peace with it!) :)

Hey, we share the same birthday! Happy birthday to us!

A good friend of mine once told me that "We are only as happy as our unhappiest child."

I think it's true.

I see the Christmas lights example differently, mainly because it reminds me of the Parable of the Lost Sheep.

Happy Birthday, Oakley! Could you say more about your reflection on the parable of the lost sheep?

Happy Birthday zshopper and oakley!

Happy B-day, Oak!! Yes, please share your interpretation.

What came to my mind in this situation, the bulb is not permanently out, just needs fine tuning a bit -- you know how sometimes if you twist it in the socket it might reconnect and shine. I'm hopeful that's the case here, whether it's just a matter of maturing, having a medical issue factored in or both. I think it is hard for many young people who are exposed to so much dysfunction in the media. They may not clearly understand that what's portrayed as typical is really promoting dysfunctional behavior, and so emulate the cable tv types, spin out of control and suffer the consequences with unhappy and unfulfilled lives. I'm sending good thoughts to the daughter so she can want to find a better path. Z's already on it. ;-)

Thnx, blf. You made me reread my double post. I always try to edit before submitting but nonetheless make mistakes, and of course now caught "this" when I meant "thus" far. Oh well, nothing like having one's errors highlighted glaringly twice. LOL

Don't know if you're so inclined, but instead of just ignoring MIL, maybe you could send good thoughts/pray for her change of heart. She may be running out of time, but even among the very advanced ageds I've witnessed some amazing transformations. Positive energy/prayer for another's well being definitely won't hurt, and might help!

Forgot about the #xx! gnomes and should have spelled out n-o-n-e-theless. I hope the glitch gets fixed soon and doesn't worsen.

Thanks for the bday wishes! The parable is about 99 and 1 sheep.

A shephard has 100 sheep. One gets lost. Instead of staying with such a large herd of 99 which are doing okay, he goes off and searches for the one that's missing.

The Bible has more to say about it, it's in the Book of Luke I think. IOW, it's best to leave the 99 behind and rescue the 1 sinner and then rejoice. Finding the lost sheep is more important than the 99 who are doing well.

That's why I couldn't ignore a burnt out Christmas bulb. lol

Yes, Oakley, I hear you! That's wonderful. The parable of the lost sheep is one of my very favorites. It really speaks to me, to the point where I can't hear it read during mass without tearing up, but I didn't make the connection to this homily. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Happy Birthday Oakley !

Happy Birthday Oakley. This post has helped me through so much heartbreak. My mom (which had dementia now) always helped though most of my problems, she always said "if you love a person they can do no wrong, and if you dont love them they could do no right". Well my mom does recognize me but she is not there to lean on anymore, so it became hard to relate to anyone about the hurt I was feeling. My daughter and all my other kids were wonderful to me. She called and wished me a happy birthday and told me she loves me. I just know that might be the extent of our relationship. Each relationship is different than the next. Hers might be a phonecall one or twice per week to just let her know I love her. I have to accept what I have, to look at the positive in my life. What a wonderful birthday, maybe because I'm more in touch with my feelings than usual. I turned 59 today, went to work, had a wonderful dinner and the phone calls came rolling in. I guess when we give we receive much more. I hate to have this post end, it has been such an inspiration to all of us mothers.

Happy birthday tp you too Oakley! I'm so late checking back, I guess you have already celebrated, so I hope it WAS fun!

Hey, z, I'm 59 too! Just a few months older. So far, so good.