Sounds exactly like what I wrote on the other thread. DH went through what that gal is talking about for 31 years teaching at the university level and I went through it all the years I taught piano and voice privately in my home .

When I went back to school to get my RN as an adult with 3 children I listened to my fellow students lament the standards and the expectations of the nursing school. Unfortunately these students were mostly in their 30's and over !! So even though the gal writing this is still a junior I can tell you that the attitude is pervasive .

Thank you for posting this gibby...it is succinct and very much to the point. c

Reality parenting is on the endangered list. Today's parents tend to fall for the notion that it is all about what we do for our children verses how to build good character, which means you do as little as possible for them while teaching them about life. Neither path is easy but my motto is simple. Do not damage their character by doing too much. And no one can save us from ourselves so the sooner they know how they operate, the better.

I think this also has something to do with the fact my company has a very difficult time finding qualified young people to hire. We have many job openings and very difficult time filling. People aren't smart enough, don't have the necessary skills and no track record of the kind of accomplishments that would indicate they can do what we need done. Unfortunately we don't do enough (anything) to get the limited number of college graduates who do have what it takes.

Excellent! and precisely right.

My GF teaches courses at the post grad level in a medical field and has had students tell her they shouldn't have failed a test as they got the "important" answers right....as if diagnosing disease is only sometimes important. Another student said that even though she didn't read the text, she carried the book with her all semester and that should be worth something!!!

And another issue I hear about is helicopter parenting...one woman actually told a manager I know that her son, who was graduating from college, had another job interview scheduled at the same time, so couldn't she come in instead as she knew what he would say!

...begin rant:

I think a lot of this comes from us baby boomers who were far more coddled than our parents...the greatest generation....and we were taught to avoid pain. Perhaps the hardest pain to deal with is the suffering of children, so the goal becomes, don't let them suffer. Give them credit just for showing up, keep them from failing by not allowing anyone to fail. Don't let them play unsupervised as they might get hurt.

It shows up in so many ways that are completely foreign to me and my upbringing. Parents didn't used to be doormats, waiters, housekeepers and chauffeurs. And no wonder children these days are so self-centered. Parents put them at the center and that's where they expect to stay. Children used to play with each other with no adults around....just go be busy, be creative, play, learn to entertain yourselves. Kids actually rode the school bus and learned a lot of stuff there! I've seen moms drive their kids to the school bus stop which was literally on the corner of their property when the weather was nice! And when I was growing up, we couldn't wait to get our license! Freedom! Independence! Wahoo! Now it seems kids aren't interested in learning how to drive because they'd much rather have Mom and Dad chauffeur them around. (Or is it mom and dad who are afraid of what harm may come to their kids when they're on their own?) Our town even now schedules "family night" once a year where there are no sports or other activities scheduled so the family might actually have a night together! What?!?!

And one of my big concerns is the subtle message all this overprotecting sends to children..."I have to do all these things for you because you are incapable of doing it yourself." Or worse, "I don't believe you are capable of them." Then we wonder why these children don't believe in themselves, are not independent, don't show initiative and have a good sense of self, a sense of responsibility, or an appreciation for what it takes to be successful in life.

...end of rant.

Wow...great article...so much wisdom on this site....

There is nothing like being 16 or 17 and thinking you have all the answers.

Even about parenting. No team building for 9 year olds. Capitalism could be endangered if they don't understand there is only one winner and all the rest of them are losers.

Interesting, despite the bad parenting and all the wimps, Rochester MN test scores on both reading and math are quite a bit higher than the state average. Quite an acheivement from all those kids who take their education for granted.

It's OK, I was 16 once too. :)

I first heard reference to this article on a radio program. The program host wondered if this young lady was possibly inspired to speak up after the outspoken teenager from Pakistan was shot in the head. I thought that was an interesting consideration.

A most eloquent letter...
BUT...
I know a family with 2 kids about 15 months apart in age....boy and a girl....both now pretty well grown 21 and 22.
Mother had a good but demanding job, made lots and lots of $$ and spent a lot of time on the road. Dad was in a less demanding spot and attended the soccer games and meets and picked up and took acted as a chauffeur. She bought big gifts....and gave them allowances that I could have fed a family of 4 on.....and neither of them worked....much. The boy found a job as a life guard for 2 summers in college and a part time job during his Sr year in college. He has now graduated and has no job....he gathered my leaved today and did a good job. But he's a college grad fer cryin' out loud.
But then there's the girl.....she found a job as a 'Helper" for a photographer....and she did the billing, arranged the proofs as they came in....and even prepared the family meal before she went home. She did this from the age of1 5 on. She scurried and found funding for a summer abroad, she found an internship in her field which gave her credit....she has found a job upon graduatation, and will graduate a semester early....with a good job.
Both equally privileged and indulged.....so what's the difference?
Can't "blame" the parents for all.....some of it is just how the kid handles it.
Linda C

LindaAc, You raise an interesting question...I know so many families who, when I ask how the kids are doing, rave about their daughters' achievements, successes, goals. When I ask about the sons, I get, "Well, he's still trying to find himself..." "Well, he seems to be happy waiting tables at Outback..." There is something going on that's toxic to boys/men in our society. I'm not sure what it is, but it is worrisome. DH suggests we need to go back to single sex education.... I'm thinking it's more about women's roles being redefined to move into men's territory, and no equivalent redefinition of what it means to be a man...including things like being responsible fathers....

Hmmm....interesting thought. I wasn't thinking of a boy/girl thing....just different kids.
But you may be right...Girl who's role modle is a high achieving mother....boy who's role modle is a dad who is there for him, caring and putting his kids welfare above his carear....
Hmm....traditional role reversal....hmm.
Thanks, you raised interesting points.

My friend has been a 5th grade teacher for about 20 yrs. She has said repeatedly that the only bad thing about teaching are parents. I've heard her relate many stories about parents reaming her because the grade she gave the kid is going to prevent the kid from getting into Harvard or the equivalent. Her reply..."your kid earned the grade. Get over yourself".

Annie,
I've wondered about this too. I keep thinking that it isn't so much that boys have changed, but that girls have changed, and they are kicking the butts of the boys, so the boys look inferior by comparison. That might not be fair, there may be more going on. But there are a lot of parallels (to me), to the "middle aged white guy" in corporate America, who complains about special programs which keep them down and prop non-white guys and women up. In short, I think men have coasted for a very long time, ruled by might and right, and now when that isn't working, they are confused and throwing a bit of a temper tantrum. Perhaps they should take stock, dig in and get to work. Rant over.

I don't think of it as a temper tantrum....rather that the definition of being a man is to be a winner. If he can't win, he's a loser. And it's better not to try than to be a loser. But given how girls and boys grow differently, girls often achieve in school earlier than boys, setting them up for that "loser" mentality very early on.

There is also this other issue that DH rants about and that is "instant gratification". Somehow kids think that if they don't get it on the first shot, they don't get it and quit. Practice and struggle and pride in achievement seem to have evaporated. Video games feed into this with instant results and instant scores and goals that can be achieved in minutes and seconds. Almost nothing in real life happens at the speed of a video game, so boredom, frustration, and disinterest often set in.

I really don't know, but it's not good for boys or for girls. Heaven knows there are too many single mothers carrying too much weight on their shoulders, in desperate need of responsible partners in child rearing and in carrying financial burdens....we can't afford to have so much of our population "checking out" at such an early age....

Yes, Annie, very much agreed. I'm a part-time teacher and I tell my students constantly that my favorite word is "diligence." We have long, frequent conservations about what that word means. I posted a CNN interview recently with one of our neighborhood girls. She was a debate star at Northwestern, and CNN interviewed her as an example of a skilled debater. I LOVED her description of what excellence is, learned at the knee of her NW debate coach. It had nothing really to do with the performance that earned the trophy, and everything to do with the three hours at her desk every night, pouring over texts, crafting arguments. Diligence.

Yes, Annie, very much agreed. I'm a part-time teacher and I tell my students constantly that my favorite word is "diligence." We have long, frequent conservations about what that word means. I posted a CNN interview recently with one of our neighborhood girls. She was a debate star at Northwestern, and CNN interviewed her as an example of a skilled debater. I LOVED her description of what excellence is, learned at the knee of her NW debate coach. It had nothing really to do with the performance that earned the trophy, and everything to do with the three hours at her desk every night, pouring over texts, crafting arguments. Diligence.

Practice and struggle and pride in achievement seem to have evaporated.

This statement sounds a little bit like Thomas Petterffy's ad. He talks about growing up in Hungary where according to him, the society had generally lost interest in achievement because there was little reward for it.

It's kind of a disconcerting thought if we are evolving from the greatest generation to this new and completely different generation that is perhaps not as motivated to work hard and make sacrifices in order to be successful and accomplish something worthwhile.

Today's generation is obviously shaped by entirely different things - not the depression, not WWII, not first generation immigrants, etc.

I like using my purple (and green) pens for grading, LOL. I think the colors stand out more than red. OTOH, most times I edit drafts and make paper comments through "track changes" mode in Microsoft Word. That actually ends up in red.

I can say have a range of students. Some, yes, expect the world to be handed to them and do the minimum to get by, but there are plenty who are hard workers >3.0 GPA, and there are some in-between. Some of them are first-generation college students, so they are often very motivated to have a better life through education.

Postive things about my students: They embrace diversity, they are used to working with people from different backgrounds, and they are concerned about the environment.

I have a 9 year old and an almost 7 year old and honestly in practice I don't see the 'everyone's a winner' thing going on at all. The kids get grades and not everyone gets As and Bs. In fact my son's second grade teacher ( back when he was in second grade) announced that to all the parents at back to school night. Not all kids do well on standardized tests and overall school test scores are publicized. Everyone claps at soccer games when the kids do well and try hard but at the end score is kept and here is a clear winning team and everyone kids included knows it. Kids are stratified at school intoadvanced math, regular math etc and they know it. Really competition is alive and well out in the trenches!

Jenny, that has been my experience too. I raised two children who excelled in school and another one who could pull off a B on his spelling test IF we practiced every night. Two days later, he could not spell most of the words on that test.

Grades reflected ability.

Rachel Cohrs is a junior at Mayo High School. To respond to an opinion column, send an email to life@postbulletin.com.

Here is a link that might be useful: Rachel Cohrs: Accolades over achievement sends the wrong message

I graduated high school in a class of 160 students back in 1983. The local paper published the honor roll each quarter and 1 or 2 students would have earned all A's for that period; always the same 1 or 2 students who were brilliant and who truly worked their tails off to get perfect A's.

Now, almost 30 years later, my mom still subscribes to that same local paper and they still publish the honor roll each quarter. The graduating class each year is still around 160 students, but now, each quarter, a full 10% (at least 16 students if not more) is on the honor roll for straight A's. How could the curriculum have been dumbed down THAT much -- it's a terrible shame and it's not fair to anyone that straight A's have been made so much easier to obtain.

folkvictorian - I was shocked to discover something similar. When I graduated with a class of 800 kids, there was ONE valedictorian - the one person with the highest grades. Now in a similar class, there are 25-30 valedictorians - tied at the top I guess. To some extent maybe it's "dumbing down" but I also think there are more deeply involved parents pushing kids academically so they can get into the best schools, etc. Lots of things have changed since my day - not sure if it's all for the better.

Newflash, people---- thirty to forty years ago people were complaining about the boomers and saying a lot of the same things, and worse, about the young people who had had it so easy and were unqualified to take over the reins of running the world. Thirty years before that, their parents said the same thing, and the generation before that, and on back to Adam and Eve. Complaining that the current parenting practices and crop of kids are too soft for the reality of life just means that most of you are now officially the cranky oldsters. Depend upon it---the world will continue to turn, commerce will continue, governments will rise and fall, and this current lazy generation will doubtless say something similar when it is their turn to criticize!