Talley:

On Christmas day, at 5:00pm a neighbor called wanting to drop buy and deliver some cookies. I asked her to wait an hour. We finished watching Princess Diaries 2 and then spent 30 minutes cleaning like banshees. My house is still a wreck from the newly installed kitchen floor and worse, the new wall-to-wall carpeting, so there were boxes, and stacks, and piles of stuff everywhere. From the front door to the back door and every spot in between! When I gave the command to clean to the troops, my boys hid in their rooms (smart move) and my daughters cursed us (but at least they were productive). But we accomplished more in 30 minutes than we did in two weeks. Plus we wrapped a gift for the couple and a gift for the child. So I guess these dear people do serve an important function in our lives: to knock us out of our tired, clutter-induced hazes and snap us into gear to get stuff picked up! I just wish I could motivate myself that way on a daily basis.... I guess I just need more "dumpster lady" type friends to help me get my act together! Do you want to come to Dallas for a visit?

~Cindy

An intended visit from my mother causes the same reaction in me even at age 45! She'll call and say she and my father are planning to stop over for a visit, nothing fancy, not staying long, just a drop in (1 hour drive) for a bit.

I go crazy vacuuming and decluttering and even though it was December 26, I got out the nativity she gave us and set it up. I may run to the grocery store to stock up on things I know she likes. Sweep the snow off the sidewalk. Get the kids dressed. Then she calls to say they aren't coming.

I feel like I can hardly say "I've been cleaning and getting ready for your visit" when my house should be clean already and the fridge should have some non-moldy food and the kids should get out of their PJs and brush their hair anyway. . .

Karen

I love it when my mother comes - it's the only time I do the dusting! My son always complains that I turn into a cleaning maniac when she is coming for a visit. But it's very helpful to have an incentive, and I do enjoy my sparkly clean home afterwards. Hooray for mothers, and Dumpster Ladies too!

Talley -- I am somewhat hesistant to post this because forums and email are sometimes poor means of communicating complex ideas. Please understand that I am not being judgmental -- I am not a born organizer nor do I have a trace of any Martha Stewart or housekeeping genes.

Until about five years ago I had managed to keep my house reasonably maintained -- I could have people over without worrying that they might think I was insane -- then gradually my house descended into what flylady calls C.H.A.O.S. -- it was so bad I put off having maintenance people over because of what it looked like.

Through a combination of circumstances, I realized that I couldn't live like that -- not just because of what other's might think but because it was demoralizing to me to live in such circumstances. It was so cluttered that it was difficult to clean -- I couldn't even have a cleaning lady come in -- how would she deal with that clutter.

It's been a gradual process and my house does sometimes still become chaotic when my life overwhelms me -- but I know that I can get it into shape using flylady's system -- a little at a time instead of staring at the clutter and mess and letting it overwhelm me. And of course, having gotten rid of stuff makes it that much easier to keep it reasonably clean and non-cluttered - although I still have WAY too much stuff and it's a constant struggle to prune and keep stuff out.

I do think the dumpster lady is to some extent your project of your own judgment on yourself -- you're describing a living situation that is demoralizing -- homey and lived in is what thing -- aiming for perfection is self defeating. However, a bathroom with gunk and kitty litter underfoot (your example) is depressing even if only on a subliminal level. Let me again reiterate that I am fully capable of staring at dirt and feeling overwhelmed by trying to tackle it so I completely understand -- During the period from Thanksgiving through Christmas, my kitchen floor became monstrous -- when I finally broke through my resistance, it was only a 10 minute job -- not perfect but not depressing and scary.

Have you considered hiring a maid to come in -- even every other week would be enough for the real cleaning and leave you and your husband with only the simple pick ups to do. It's also helpful because it forces one to tidy up before the maid comes.

I am the person who derives satisfaction from an environment that isn't depressing -- I don't entertain that much because I'm too busy and urban friendships tend to be in public places rather than in homes. However, I don't clean for other people because I keep (or try) to keep my place as a refuge for me.

I'm sorry Talley_Sue. I still find it rude, but it always gives me a chuckle that somebody would actually say that! I'm not sure if I'd have laughed or cried. I do know that everytime that person came over, she'd be the last person I'd clean for just out of spite!

I am considering a maid to come in and clean weekly. It would keep my stress level down. I'd like to concentrate on my 4-yr olds homeschooling and it's hard when I have to do my dh's business accounting and have a constant mess surrounding me.

We live out in the middle of nowhere so a maid will be hard to find. But I too get a new found energy for cleaning if somebody is coming over. It just gives me a reason. And I say whatever works. When nobody is here except us, the reason to be tidy (other than sanity) seems to go by the wayside...procrastination...I'll do it tomorrow. So now I hate to entertain. My cooking, well stinks and it's a huge hassle to clean... I have 3 dogs, and there's ALWAYS somebody allergic, so I vacuum like crazy.

I just have to find a way to be less stressed, more tidy and more organized...is that possible?

The plan for the new year is a cleaning lady--I've been putting it off, bcs I do not feel like I've got the $75, what w/ one income, and all.

But it's necessary.

And back when I had a cleaning lady, it really made a difference in how I felt about my home. We kept it tidier, bcs we had to be tidy for her, so she could move quickly (my mom's cleaning lady raised her rate bcs she had to dust around too many things), and it lasted a while each time.

But the fact that it was *clean* meant I could enjoy my house.

My DH always told me to get one, but I never wanted anybody in my home, but I think it may be time to actually enjoy my home. I understand what you mean.

I sat down and wrote a lot the other day but baby somehow deleted it when my back was turned taking care of other kid. Sigh.

TS several thoughts come to mind about this situation.

In the short term:
If you can't make it, fake it.
Pull the vacuum cleaner out and leave it plugged in.
Spray end dust around as an air freshener.
Throw rags in hands of kids and dh
Throw all big things in back room
Then when person comes to visit you say- oh, we were just in the middle of our spring cleaning. And you can always throw in the 'of course, you come to see up, not the house'...

I'm serious.

And it is very easy on a forum to take a sentence and blow it up into something incorrect. Part of what bothered me a bit about your original post was your comment that your daughter was pretty unconcerned. I can understand your daughter being unconcerned about the lady visiting. But if my children had not done something expected of them, there would be some serious consequences.

Part of living in the house is they pitch in and clean up their messes and some of the living area. It is a good skill to have -- to know how to clean and how to live with others. Additionally, when I tell my children to do something, I expect it done or their are consquences. It occurs to me if there were some serious 'hit it where it hurts' consequences at times, when you need it- your daughter would have done the work.

Again, what do I know, just a thought.

Additionally-
I think you need some good routines in place0 some daily places. I also think you need your family to pitch in and participate in some of these routines.

I realize about living in small places the clutter is more apparant and harder to control. I also realize that organizing and getting rid of is part of the issue. But really, things like cat litter on the bathroom floor can easily be taken care of on a daily basis.

For example, daily your daughter could dust while your husband vacuums the floor. Or in our home it would be I do dishes, my son would get the handheld vacuum cleaner and do the bathroom floor and my dh would take a cleaning towel and wipe down some part of the house.

I realize I have a good family and a great husband. I tend to believe everyone else does as well. I know if I put up a chart of chores that take 15 minutes and said - we are going to do 15 minutes right after dinner it would soon become routine and everyone would pitch in. Yesterday we cleaned house- not a deep cleaning but a pretty thorough cleaning and it took us an hour and a half for my whole house.

I think if I didn't get some help, I would most likely be too busy for many nights in a row to cook dinner, sign school papers, etc.

About your house and house keeping. It is rare, but I tend to echo some of blazedog's sentiments. I can't live like that - I require some level of clean. I can't function. Hence the suggestion of some daily routine on the hot spots of your house an additionally a weekly cleaning time.

About this lady--
She is quite possibly an old wind bag who is very ugly in personality.
I think, and this was said long ago, you can get rid of this lady as a friend. And even if you can't for whatever reason, you do not have to hvae her in your home. Have her meet you somewhere. I can tell you that I have made an effort to drop people out of my life who are emotional vampires- those who suck my emotions dry. It makes a difference in the energy I have for my family. Why have someone around who makes you unhappy and by extension your family.

And another way to look at this situation with this lady is that she is a very good friend. Someone who is enough of a friend that she can be very honest with you and tell you that you do need a dumpster. Just a thought.

I don't know if any of that helped or not. I don't know if it gave you food for thinking about or not. I guess what I'm suggesting is that 1. You look at cleaning above and and beyond decluttering. 2. Get your family to help. 3. Reconsider your relationship with that particular lady.

Ginger