Adult StepDaughter hates me and never forgets.

12 years ago

I met the most wonderful women 8 years ago. I have 2 younger children and she has 1 adult daughter. My first meeting of her daughter didnt go so well, i can sometimes put people off. SD lived in another state so she wasnt really around. Then it happened, she moved back. Her mother didnt let her move in because of her dogs, but I have a feeling i got blamed for that. SD constantly calls her mom, but doesnt treat her like a mother. She acts like the mother. The fighting happened way before I came into the picture, but once I was in the picture, i got most of the blame. I come home and hear conversations where my name is beign thrown around, I did this, i did that, i ....My wife defends me and SD says "i am your only daughter". "he is not my dad". My wife wants the perfect family.

SD and I are very different, politically, professionally, and socialy. We grew up differently. I do not care for her position in life, but i try to stay out of everything, even when my name keeps being mentioned in all there fights. I do not hate her as she claims, but i also cant love her like my own children when i am viewed as the devil and talked about constantly.

Finally my wife has grown tired of being verbally abused by her daughter and has tried to keep her distance. She told me to defend her because most of the time i tried to stay out of it. I went too far, swore at SD and said some things I should not have. Now she finally has reason to hate me. This is very difficult because her daughter also has a daughter. We both love and care for the grandchild. But when the grandchild who is 5, has a different version of what really happens at our house when playing with my children who are 14 and 11, SD goes balistic on us.

My wife cant take it. She wants to go away from everyone. She says she is in love with me, but this is hurting her. I dont want her to leave, and cant live like this. I have never asked her to choose me or her daughter. I cant fix it because SD NEVER forgets anything except all the good things i have done.

How can a person who has there own husband, own kids, own life want to destroy mine and her mothers? She also does this to other people in her life, not just me.

Any advice? I am lost. My wife is lost.

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Comments (4)

gardenandcats
12 years ago
Family councilling might help if you and your wife really want to make a go of it.
jdlb
Original Author
12 years ago
"Family councilling might help if you and your wife really want to make a go of it."

My wife and I would do this, but SD has no interest.
emma
12 years ago
I can't offer any advice except to move away if possible. That is the only way to be free of it. I offer that suggestion because my son went through a situation similar. He is married to someone like that and it got so bad he wanted to hit her. When his company closed for a 2 week shut down he checked himself in the hospital mental ward for help. They counseled with him and finally told him the marriage is dysfunctional and the only way he will ever have a normal life was to move so far away she couldn't follow him. At one time he moved two states away and she followed him. He didn't leave her and he is still fighting the same battles. They will never end.
sylviatexas1
12 years ago
'"Family councilling might help if you and your wife really want to make a go of it."

My wife and I would do this, but SD has no interest.'

As Princess Diana said, "It was crowded with three of us in the marriage."

You & your wife are the partners, you are the married couple;
you are the ones who want to enhance/improve/save your relationship.

*You two* get in there & get some help, guidance, support, encouragement.