This must be one of those moments that mastercard commercials call "priceless!" LOL! Don't have an elderly mother but the whole scenario played in my head just makes me chuckle!!

The funny(and sad) thing was that I started noticing that my parents house needed a major update. I was thinking that when they are unable to live in the house, my siblings and I will have a major overhaul job before putting the house on the market. I was thinking like "Sell the House".

It sounds like you've actually got a good situation here: while your parents' house will need a makeover before it can be sold, it turns out your mother is interested in spiffing things up anyway. How wonderful that you have the option of helping them do a makeover while they are able to enjoy it! And then when the time comes, it will be ready to go on the market.

A spiff up with pillows is one thing, but they see nothing wrong with the decor that stays with the house. I.E. wallpaper, ugly tile, outdated pickled cabinets, paint colors, etc. That's fine, because they are comfortable with the way it is. We are trying to talk to them about assisted living, but that's not going well.

You know, as someone who would be very interested in buying a house like that, I would *prefer* that the old finishes be left in, so I can make my own choices and not be paying for someone else's ideas. Just some feedback from a person who is looking at houses right now.

And please, give your mom a big hug from a g'webber--how *dear* that she would say that! Wish my mom were around to do anything, much less want pillows that 'pop' :)

Newhomebuilder, I'm not quite as old as yo mama, but I'm in my 70s. One of the nicest things you could do for her, you and your siblings, is maybe have the walls painted as a present.

It will sort of have the effect of painting ONE FLOWER POT on the porch, which leads to painting the old rocking chair, which leads to repairing the steps, then the shutters, then the house itself. If your mom is interested in HGTV, those makeover shows should be quite interesting to her.

Hey, why not put their name on the HGTV list of potential homes for makeover?

When I redid all the walls and ceilings in my mother's house, I wound up buying new linens and curtains for the bedroom. But I had to take the OLD curtains out under protest. My mother wanted to rehang them, and it just KILLED all the work that had gone into painting the house.

I'm talking about a house where she had smoked 3 packs of cigarettes a day for 30 years, and it took FIVE COATS OF PAINT to remove traces of nicotine. It was a big job, but by far it made me feel good to do it.

Awww, how sweet, NHB! No, I AM the elderly mother, now that my own mom is gone -- but not that elderly.

When my folks were gone and I was doing the "clean up" detail I got really guilty feeling as I realized that I could have done much more to make their lives easier for them and more pleasant.

Old ladies appreciate new clothes, new couch pillows, and yes, new wallpaper or paint just as much as younger ones do.

Older men might really appreciate a grandson's help with the car. My dad was amazed when I got his car to easily pass the emissions test. He always drove it too slow and carboned it up. I took it out and drove it fast for 1/2 hour, then kept the rpms up while waiting in line (as my mechanic neighbor taught me) and it sailed through. Mind didn't live real close, so that made things harder. My dad was doubly shocked because he grew up in a world where women didn't know things like that. lol

Anyway, take a serious look at your folks' homes, everyone, and see if there's not some great things you could do for them. I loved that show on HGTV where the kids surprised the parents with room makeovers. Don't know if it's still on as I traded out cable for Netflix.

My DM is 91 years old and loves watching HGTV and Holmes and Homes. Over the past 10+ years my siblings and I have helped keep her home updated. I live out of state and always go back every year for 2 weeks so I usually had a project scheduled or else found one when I got there. One year my sister redid her LR, another summer I did her bathroom. When we did her BR my 2 sisters & I worked on it. Over the years we've repainted her whole interior and 3 yrs ago I built-in her new microwave and finally got the old one off the bar.

As oceanna said, take a serious look around and see what you can do to help.
Just because someone is elderly doesn't mean they wouldn't like an updated home. The main reason they don't is due to economics since they no longer have a fluid income.
Something my DM said in her late 70's has always stuck with me..... "no one ever told me I wouldn't feel any different as I got older".

Well, let's leave room for folks who just like things familiar and the way they've been for a while. There are folks like that, old and young. Yes? It *may* not be completely a matter of economics.

And WOW, can I relate to what your DM said, ann. I'm hitting 50 this year (this month, actually), and I'm thinking "I'm 35, whose body is this?" We watched a movie called "Coffee and Cigarettes" recently, and the last scene is a completely reverential, irreverent (yes, it's possible :)) dialogue between two older gentlemen (in their 70s) who had been counterculture cult heroes in their youth. I could hear in their talk the feeling that they were still completely the young renegades in their minds, but constrained by their bodies now to various degrees.

NHB, too cute! No, I don't have a mom who watches too much HGTV, but I do have an adorable 85 year old father. He lives in a 3 room apartment in a wonderful assisted living facility (but on an independent plan!), and believe it or not, he actually cares how his apartment looks. I've spent a great deal of time decorating it nicely for him....along with buying his wardrobe since losing my dear mother 7 years ago.

Maybe we could fix them up!

Seriously, re: updating homes for your parents. I was fortunate that my parents kept their home very up to date. Selling it was easy...it sold for very close to the asking price within 2 weeks of listing it.

Flyleft, love it! I lol at your "I'm 35" comment. I also feel young on the inside and get that same shock at the mirror. Who is that awful old lady and where did that pretty young girl with all the energy go??

Another reason older folks don't fix things up is their bodies won't do the physical work. I got in the habit of asking when I visited if there was anything heavy my folks wanted moved, or un-reachable they needed cleaned. I usually got a quick grateful response and a list of 3-4 simple things to do for them that made them much happier. Sometimes even just rearranging furniture which takes just minutes can make a big difference, but is something they can no longer do. I've spent hours taking down light fixtures and scrubbing them, and so on for both my parents and my aunt.

Yes, sometimes older folks love what they have just the way it is -- so it pays to ask. Good point.

Annz, bless you and your sisters. Your parents raised wonderful girls. :)

NHB, what a great thread!

Thank you for all the suggestions!

Let me just reply to what flyleft wrote. She hit the nail on the head! My parents are financially well off and could make any changes that they wanted with the house. In fact, they repainted about a year ago, and added wainscoting to the dining room after seeing it on HGTV (never mind that all three of the children have it in their dining rooms. lol) The problem with the paint was the colors. Almost a pink in the dining room (I think they were going for salmon), and a mint green in various rooms. That color of green went out of style many years ago.

I had to chuckle about the car. A few months ago, my Dad decided he needed a smaller car (had a larger, newer model car) so he went out and bought a brand new smaller car of the same model.

flyleft - I suppose you are correct in that we could sell the house "as is". Will have to think about that one when the time comes. In the meantime, I just hope that my parents continue to sustain good health (or at least not decline any further than they have).

I LOVE it!!

I love this.

My elderly parents are also on a bend of fixing up their house after not doing anything to it for the last 20 years. Unfortunately, they are still selecting colors from 20 years ago too.

My DS rolled his eyes and told us how out of date we were when we made changes to our home. And from his perspective we were.

But we don't entertain teenagers. Our friends tend to be our age. So our colors and styling weren't out of date.

And if DD and DS were to tell us to paint other colors because it would make it easier for them to sell the house after..........we were went to the nursing home, or the great beyond?????.... we would write them out of the will! LOL!

All I'm saying is be careful here!

NHB, your mom sounds lovely. Have a great time shopping for those pillows with her. And Oceanna, I am finding exactly what you are saying with my Dad. Last weekend, DH fixed a door hinge on one of my Dad's doors. I never heard my Dad express such gratitude for such a small thing. My Dad is having a hard time asking for such things to be done, and we are finding we need to step up and ask what we can do for him.

NHB, I bet your mom enjoys her almost pink and mint green!

You gals should read "Small Town Girl" by Lavyrle Spencer. Sweet little romance/family novel that fits this scenario.

Tuesday

This thread has really made me think...I'll check that book out, tuesday.

Funny thing: I *cannot* watch Holmes on Homes because it makes me *ache* to have him come find everything wrong with our house and make it better. It's like a horrible half hour tease. He's too good to bear...

My mom moved closer to me and bought a new house when she was 81. Most of the floors including the living areas were tile and she covered the great room and dining area (she used as an office) in green carpet. The master bedroom had a pretty wood floor that she didn't like but she never got around to doing anything to it before she passed away.

I certainly wouldn't have picked the green carpet but she loved it. When she had it put in she had it glued rather then nailed so the tile wasn't damaged. The people who bought her house removed it without any problems.

Not everyone is concerned about what is "in" or "out". I mean really, who decides which color is acceptable and which isn't? It's kind of silly when you really think about it.

Oh, my gosh....you guys would not believe what I've dealt with the last almost two years...Mother and Daddy built their house and moved in immediately after their honeymoon...in July of 1952! Remodeled once, when I was five (only child then, later two brothers). They never, ever moved or updated very much, outside the rare wallpaper change (and I mean once or twice). Never painted inside to my knowledge but once. Well, Dad had been in an assisted care place for a month or so following series of strokes. Mom had been in reasonably good health. Well, she suddenly died first, then Daddy died five DAYS later! I was so stunned and shocked. Suddenly, we were left with the house full and I mean FULL of stuff. When my grandmothers died, they absorbed their "stuff". Heck, my grandmother's horsehair mattress was still in the storeroom!! Went straight to the trash. Not to mention that Mom had a little antique business and constantly bought "stuff" at garage sales when she found the occasional overlooked piece of glassware or china that someone didn't know what it was so she could re-sell. Oh, did I mention the 5 cats and one dog that were there that I had to adopt out? And the 50-year smoking? Uh huh...you get the picture.

I am finally finished as much as I'm going to do....ripped out all the disgusting carpets and refinished the gorgeous hardwood floors, repainted (yes, five coats here too) and took down all bad paneling and wallpaper; cleaned the ductwork. Thankfully the house was built by a legendary builder and the houses don't come up for sale often, but we are having a hard time selling in this market (a very small town of 5,000). Oh, was this ever a pain! None of the three of us live in our hometown, so it was doubly hard. I live closest, about two hours away. But, an experience and a half, nonetheless! I found their letters, written when Mom was in college and Daddy was working on a ranch, and they described very much what they were doing to the house as it was going up in '52. I wanted to keep it as close to the original way as possible, to make them proud if they could see it. It is way better than it was, let me tell you! Like a snapshot of history.

So glad others can understand what a job this was! I wished she had watched HGTV instead of Antiques Roadshow!

You've got me *quite* curious, gigi...would you mind sharing more? Who built the house? Do you have any pics? And your last line made me laugh out loud :)

Side note: I'm kind of like your mom in that I am piling up really interesting old things faster than I can sell them--but I'll get around to it unless I die suddenly (see 9/1/08 heart attack--but that was a fluke, right?)...but you might be someone who could understand the massive amount of cleaning I have to do to studio pottery or metal or frames to get thick dark brown cr*p off them from decades of smoking in the house. They don't smell bad when I purchase them (but WOW, some really fascinating textiles I've had to just avoid because of the nauseating odor), but there are solid coats of whatever it is (tar?) covering these pieces and when I uncover them, the pottery suddenly comes as vibrant as it must have been 50 years ago coming off the wheel. Like a time machine of sorts...so my heart goes out to anyone who has to prime/paint an entire house of walls covered with that stuff. I realize that if I buy a house as is, I'll have to do it too...

Anyway, if you feel like saying/showing more about the house, I'd love to hear it!

Thanks, flyleft! I can tell you how to get to the realtor's website...I tried to post a message a minute ago and it wouldn't go for some reason...rats! anyway, the website is:

allaroundtexasrealty.com

(all around texas realty) and go to homes and Mom and Dad's is the first one....all brick with a garage in front and big trees. The trees in the backyard are cottonwoods that they dug up at the Pease River that fall and planted as very small trees in 1952! They have withstood so many storms and oversaw our childhoods in that backyard. Tree in front is Dad's beloved pecan tree, Gertrude. He babied that darn tree for years! She gave back with wonderful pecans that were plucked from the front yard every Thanksgiving. I have no idea why we did that but it's a good story!

The builder was Joe Morgan and he build several houses in our hometown, but they all had a certain "look" to them. His building was unsurpassed in quality and you can spot his houses a mile away. The house originally had wood shakes but after a recent hailstorm, she had it replaced with the current one. I just wanted to make them proud with the final project, although I didn't gut it. We spent about $10k on it and it needed every penny! Bittersweet job, though.

Gigi, the floors and woodwork in your parent's house are beautiful! But why no pictures of the remodeled bathrooms or the kitchen?

Gigi, a beautiful house--I had a feeling it would be a ranch. Just lovely.

A question: were the floors/woodwork really originally *dark* stained? That's so unusual for the era, at least up north east and west. Or did you stain them in the refinish?

And I too would love to see the remodels; if they were tasteful for their era, it would be interesting too.

Barb5, that's great that your DS helped your dad. What shocked me is after my dad died we drove his car, and it drastically needed brakes, among other things. We hadn't known, as we'd never driven it. So see if you can get your son out for a spin in your dad's car occasionally. Quite an eye opener.

Gigi7, I really feel for you. My dad did the exact same thing -- died exactly 5 days after my mom did. It was like he'd lost his reason to live and it was now okay for him to go. Quite a double shock to the whole family. Wow, you sure made those floor gleam!

I have no idea why I cannot post this follow-up....maybe third time is the charm...hmm..

OK, here we go again (well, again from my side!) The floors were stained the original color, there were areas that were easy to match, but I'm sure they darkened some over the years. They had been covered up with carpet for so many years that parts of them were in relatively good condition. They never were light....kind of medium-ish. I think they must show up darker in the pictures than they are in reality. The kitchen was not re-done as it would have taken LOTS more money than we wanted to spend and everyone's advice was to let a new owner do the kitchen. The front windows are to the kitchen; the windows there and in the living/dining area (with the cornices over the huge windows) are original Andersen windows with this cool handle/slider thingy that still work beautifully. The rest of the windows are wood cased double-hung windows, that, yes, probably do need replacing, but if I were to buy it, I wouldn't do it. I love the original ones, but, then again, I'm a tad bit biased. There is a den and fireplace behind the garage and next to the kitchen (there is a pass-through bar thing from the cooktop over to the den area). House is in the Texas panhandle, and yes, ranch style is the norm for sure!

Thanks so much for your comments, I can't tell you how much it means to me!

OK, let's see if this works....keeps telling me that I already did this post!

My daughter used to think that my taste of out of date. I explained that as a young person her taste was the one that is limited and narrow. There's one style she likes but many that I enjoy. Yes her style is nice, but she has it and why would I copy it? I then gave her advice how she could improve her house and she actually took some of it. Now she comes to me for my opinion instead of trying to force hers taste on me. As I get older I would hope that she'll help with physical labor around the house without imposing colors or decor onto me.

Instead of covering tobacco with five coats of paint you shouldn't you have cleaned the walls instead? Dirty surfaces are the number one cause of paint failure. What a nightmare surprise someone has coming to them.

My daughter and I are just finishing up a project of doing over one of the empty bedrooms as a guest room. It's been a better experience than I was anticipating. My daughter surprised me with her degree of flexibility and cooperation. She and I are both very opinionated and our tastes overlap some but she tends more toward contemporary and I lean toward country/traditional. I was worried we'd get into a conflict over it, but we've done great!

I wanted purple for a paint color, but she talked me into blue. That was fine, my husband's favorite color is blue so I thought it was about time we did something in a color he likes. Then we went to the paint store together and we were pretty close on the color shade we wanted. When we got to the store, we both decided to go by the rule of choosing one shade lighter than you think you need and we both LOVE the color, now that it's done!

She liked a contemporary duvet cover and I didn't hate it, but I feel deprived without florals. [g] So, in a stalemate, she asked what her father liked. She's been very mindful that the room is at our house and we should like it. Very thoughtful of her. So when I gave him the choices he chose the exact duvet cover I wanted, without knowing it was that one. I was very surprised. Now that the room is just about done, my daughter likes the duvet cover as much as I do.

She wants roman shades on the windows and I like that idea too, but I LOVE lace at the window. Since I had lace panels in the house and it's not winter yet, we put them up for the time being and she really likes them now too...lol. And I'll take my time finding some roman shades before winter.

We have influenced each other in a positive way and now we all like the room. It's SO good to have a room done, but who ever said, do one room and nothing motivates you more to start fixing everything was so right. My father used to say the same thing. My mother would suggest they start painting and he would always begin by saying 'No, you paint one room and you end up painting the whole house and replacing the carpet, etc.' It's very noticeable that we need to paint the rest of the first floor now. It has been 15 years since we painted last. [g]

I have had the worst time today getting something posted here....is it just me? I logged out and will try again!

FIrst, oceanna, I'm so sorry for your losses.....I thought that kind of thing didn't happen that often, but I guess it does. I had expected my dad to pass away first, not Mom. Her mom lived quite well until 99 and Mom was only 75 and hadn't been sick a day in her life except for a cold or something. Just goes to show that you truly never know what the next day will bring.

mao tse mom, of COURSE we cleaned the walls! They were covered in two layers of wallpaper and had never had paint on them, so they had to be scraped of every molecule of wallpaper and then textured and then painted. Sometimes the texture sucks paint more than other times, and it required three, I was mistaken, not five coats. Every square inch of that house, woodwork, floors, walls, and every cabinet surface has been cleaned and scrubbed to the best of our ability. Hired professionals, also. Even ductwork was cleaned! I would never have considered otherwise. That's why this has taken a year to get this far!

prairiemoon2, so glad your experience with your daughter was so productive. My daughter likes to do things like that, also. She is 25 and has some pretty good ideas for design, so I like to hear her opinions. And, yes, so true about one thing leading to yet another!

gigi,

I've been there! We went thru something similar when DH's parents died. We also lived out of state but were very fortunate that one of their old (no pun) friends wanted to buy the house.

BTW, if you have the posting problem again, try adding a word or even a ! to the 'Subject of Posting' box. The site seems to get confused when you post more than once! : )

Thank you, Gigi. Yes, I've read since then that it does happen fairly often, especially if it's the man left alone. Old men don't do too well left alone, apparently, or at least a good number of them. I'm sorry for your loss too. It's never easy but losing them one right after the other is quite a shock.

In my next life, remind me to just say NO to executrix duties - lol!

Newhomebuilder...you made me laugh. My Mom is 91 and she still loves to shop, still drives and fights with the store clerks to get the prices lowered. Ya just gotta love these little creatures...they didn't make it to those ripe old ages being passive. You need to go shopping with her for those popping pillows...then take her out to lunch and talk decor...time is precious with our loved ones.

Several years ago when I got a roll of film developed there was a picture of a gray haired woman riding MY horse! The NERVE! I would never have given my permission, no doubt that's why she didn't ask. If I would have had an older sister it would have looked just like her! Both of my children are now older than I am. My granddaughters are my daughter's age. How does that happen? And my hair turned when I was still "very young" ;-)

I remodeled both my kitchen and bathroom this year. If I don't do it now..........

My 86 year old mother watches Say Yes to the Dress! She loves HGTV also.