Well, I'm a little overwhelmed at the moment too, but we are at the tail end of a whole house remodel so maybe I can provide a little perspective.

Take a deep breath! It helps if you really know what you want. Stay true to that. Ask for help and advice when you need it. This forum is wonderful for that!

If you need to make budget tradeoffs, put your money on the things that are really difficult to change later, i.e. plumbing, electrical, layout, flooring, tile and cabinetry. Appliances, faucets and countertops are easier to change later.

Keep a notebook with all of your notes, contacts, etc. It will become invaluable to you.

If you can find an "inspiration picture" of what you like, it will help guide your decisions.

Don't drive yourself crazy doing exhaustive research for every little detail. (I need to follow this advice myself!) Seriously, if you've found what you are looking for at a good price, stop there and move on.

Hope that helps! Remember, there are people in the world who have big problems. Keep it in perspective, and have fun with it!

How exciting! You are brave, and I wish you luck! It sounds like your project makes a lot of sense. We have not done anything nearly as large but I know that overwhelmed feeling...in my case it was both harder and easier b/c DH told me it was my baby, and so he had very little input. That made more responsibility for me but also I didn't have to worry about spousal communication, or lack thereof. So the first thing I would say for you is make SURE the two of you are always on the same page--make the time for lots of conferences re: the house (hard to do with such a busy household).

The second thing is to get a big filebox or two, put everything in its own filefolder, and label and file everything--inspiration as you go along and then receipts, etc. later. This is sort of obvious...but I am not a paper-organization person and when I finally started doing this it helped tremendously.

Good luck! let us know how it goes!

I've got 2 over 12 and I think 5 under 5 could be a bit overwhelming without any of the remodel issues. LOL

There is a lot to think about, a lot of choices to be made and a lot of problems and changes down the road -- even in the best of plans. The suggestion to have a vision and try to stay fairly true to it is a good one. Also, don't rush -- make sure you know what you want and that you agree on as much as possible. By taking our time, we found that we made some unexpected changes, but came closer to the image we really wanted.

It does concern me that you are talking about doubling the cost of your home for a 10 foot addition. That sounds like it may not be the best use of your money, especially with a softer housing market and five little ones underfoot. Have you looked around to see what you could buy for the same kind of money or less? We had a designer draw up a plan -- all we wanted was a room over the garage for exercise and crafts. In integrating that finish out into the house, he also remodelled the kitchen plans. We started looking to compare with other houses on the market and wound up buying another house half a mile away instead. We got more for our money and a better house for us overall.

Do work out your plans so you both agree on what you are doing and how you are going to get there. Make sure you both are getting what you want most and can be comfortable with and that you can work out compromises where necessary before you start. It is going to be stressful enough if you are working together and supporting each other all the way. You both have to be happy with your pans.

Make sure you're up for all that lies ahead. If you are feeling overwhelmed this early on, ask yourself if it will be worth it when you have half a dozen or dozen strangers in your house, things are crashing and banging, the hammers, saws and drills are going and the kids haven't napped for a week and DH's 60 hour weeks have been more like 80 hrs. You don't have to like it, and it won't last forever, but you have to be prepared for the worst. If it's too much, I'd go back out and look to see what your money can buy without the aggrevation of ripping your house apart and putting it back together. You might find everything you need for less money and less hassle. If not, then it might help you know the remodel is what you want and help you focus on how to get there.

Thanks for the replies.

Lascatx - I too am concerned about the overall cost. It will actually be about an 800sq ft addition (10ft x36ft times 2 floors) to our 2200sq ft house. We bought the house for under $200K when comparables were going for mid $200's (sellers were orig owners going through a messy divorce and just wanted out). We are now seeing comps in the mid $300's, which is probably where we would end up getting appraised at. Doing the addition will probably double our current mortgage payment, but we are living well under our means right now in anticipation of this project, and have saved a fair amt to have cash on hand as well. The issue is our 5 (with potential for more) kids. We have 4beds now, one needs to be saved for a guest room as grandparents are very frequent overnight guests. So two kids each already share the remaining two beds, with one still in our room. All 5 kids plus guests share one bath. Finding a 5 bed house with other features we want/need has been next to impossible. We'd love to build our dream house, but that may need to wait until all the kids are gone! We also currently have a 3ft x 4ft mudroom that includes the laundry area as our primary entrance/exit, which with all 7 of us is MISERABLE! The addition will give us a large mudroom area with lockers for each kid, plenty of shoe and coat storage, tile floors, etc. We have a large extended family (over 12 adults and 15+ kids) that we host once a month for a Sunday meal too, so another reason for the bigger kitchen area. Thank you for the reminders that it will not be fun, but it WILL end, and the end results will be well worth it.

Hollylh - thank you for the file folder idea. I am so NOT an organized paper person, but I really need to be with 5 kids. I just do not have an organizer gene in me. I am working on it though. Your idea is a great one. We already have a file with folders for each room and magazine cutouts with inspiration photos. How do you manage this with online info? I have amassed 100's of bookmarks from here and other remodeling sites, and am having a hard time organizing it all to share with hubby and the architect.

cncnh - you are so right that others have TRUE problems. I am so fortunate that my biggest concern right now is where to put the pantry and the powder room. Ok, not really, but we are lucky that we are even considering this project. I sometimes feel frivolous when I know there are people sleeping in cardboard boxes on the streets. I Thank God for my blessings every day and try not to take any of it for granted.

You can do this. It will be all right. But you need to plan, not just let this happen to you. I find lists and folders help. The thing about organizing is that you have to do it, not just wish it (VERY BIG GRIN). That means, somewhere between the health and safety of your children, and the next most important thing you do, you have to make organizing a priority, if you're going to maintain organization. The folders method is great because if you keep up with it, it only takes seconds at a time, and half an hour once in awhile. Making a few seconds to put away a paper a high priority isn't so hard, even with the demands on your attention that you have.

Here's one way to deal with the papers: You can start by color coding the world. Find a filing area that's not in the zone where the remodel will take place, but is easily accessible from where you spend most of your days. Get a file box or drawer for kids and family, one for kitchen, one for mudroom/powder room/pantry/laundry room, and one for the upstairs bedroom and bathrooms. If the boxes/drawers don't come in different colors, use big, colored stickers or paint so that you an tell them apart at a quick glance. Oh! And if you need to stack them you really want drawers, whether it's a filing cabinet or drawer style units. If they're going to be horizontal on the floor or a low table or shelf, top opening is usually easier.

It helps to get the pendaflex kind that sit on rails or channels. They're easier to take in and out, and to keep from falling over.

Invest in both file folders and pocket folders in 10 colors (you can put a pocket folder, or a standard file folder, inside a pendaflex folder in the box/drawer for ease of access). Have a color for each family member. Use the three most distinctive colors for the kitchen, other downstairs, and upstairs, and match them to the boxes. Every time you get a piece of paper put it in the appropriate folder. Like the baby's immunization papers. Just slip them in the baby pink folder, and you'll have them to hand. A few times a year you can go through the folders and reorganize them. Like have a plain color (manila) immunizations folder that all the kids' records get filed into eventually, and your and your husband's last tentanus boosters and flu shots too.

Within your kitchen box, make folders for each kind of inspiration: Color, cabinetry, light fixtures, etc., and have a big one for general "I like this kitchen". Go through your computer bookmarks and print the pictures that you want to show your husband and architect and file them appropriately. Make sure the name of the website and/or bookmark is on each page. Stick them in your folders.

Make a budget. Do your research and figure out the absolute least each thing will cost you to get what you need and write it down. Find the absolute most you think you'd be willing to spend on the same thing to get the look or whatever that you want. Write it down. Put these numbers on the covers of your folders so that you can just chuck out the pictures of specific things that you know you can't afford, or write "something with this kind of look" across them.

This is a big investment of time to get started, and some money as well, but as things get going it'll really really help if you have all this organized. Really.

I needed to find a piece of paper from my tile setter last night, and I couldn't find my tile folder. I was starting to panic a little because I knew I took it to the tile store. I knew I brought it back. I knew it wasn't in the car. I kept thinking and thinking about where it could have gone. Finally I remembered the laundry basket full of clean clothes which I'd done at my mother's house, which I'd carried upstairs the day before with birthday presents to wrap in it, etc., and hadn't touched. If I hadn't buried the folder under bags and mail, etc., and put it away when I got home, I would have saved myself half an hour and a lot of worry.

The thing is, if you have your folders set up well, you don't really have to organize within them. Highly organized people do, but if you just can get the right paper in the right folder, and keep the blue folder in the blue box, you can find anything you want or need. If you get more than 20-30 pages in a single folder, it's probably time to split it into more specific topics, however.

BTW, receipts and invoices should go in their own folder, rather than with their topics. Makes it much easier to figure out how much you're spending and on what.

A few more things stand out in your initial post: Your husband works crazy hours, your children (lovely as I'm sure they are) have maxed out the number allowable for one adult to care for in a day care setting, so I'm sure they're a full time handful. So, first off, that overwhelmed feeling is a good thing--it's you telling you that this very large project is pushing you to the limits. But you can manage it. Before you pay large deposits and start tearing open your house, you and your husband should make plans for exactly how much time he can spend working on the house without going crazy. The realistic answer may be five hours a week, tops. Maybe ten. So make a list of the things that can be done in that amount of time--without little helpers--including set-up and clean-up time and see what tasks you can realistically assign to him.

Also, well before the remodelling begins, figure out how you're going to handle the children in a construction zone. Start teaching them the rules, like never touch a tool with a cord on it, or we go up to this line and no farther. Find some friends with remodelling going on and see if you can, with several adults supervising, take the kids to see what it's going to be like, hear the loud noises, and start to learn the rules.

Budget for a $10,000-$20,000 (minimum) repair that you didn't know you'd need until they open up the walls. If it doesn't happen, you'll have that much more for some of the nicer wishlist things, or that much more to send your kids to college, or whatever.

The real budget killers, however, are the things that are only a little more than you've allotted. This tile is prettier, and costs $12.50/sq.ft. instead of $10. That cabinetry is only $1000 more. A glaze is only $600. Etc., etc. All those onlys add up to a huge amount!!! That's why I suggested to label each item with the most you're willing to spend on it, as well as what you really expect to spend. When you're doing trade-offs, as you make your decisions, it's easier to stick to that, than to juggle numbers in your head about how much you're sort of saving here that you can indulge there.

As to the rest, it sounds like you have a handle on your budget and a good idea of what you want. That really helps!! A lot of people just want magic. :-) Keep posting here. You'll get lots of good, practical advice on what works and what doesn't, how to improve your layout, and all the little details.

Actually, I would not do this.

I give this advice as another mother of five kids. You are really in the thick of it right now, in the most labor-intensive years of child-rearing. I would consider pushing this project off until your youngest is in kindergarten or first grade. You will not get back these years and you do not want to spend the next year or more obsessing about project details. Nor do you want to worry about little kids messing up a brand new space. Plus, it sounds like you have just bought this house. I would do cosmetic changes, do some work-arounds for the deficits of the current house, take your time thinking about what the house needs, and wait.

An addition such as you are describing is way more work than a bathroom remodel. It has the potential to put a lot of stress on both of you. And then, there is the financial stress. Lots of projects come in over budget, despite careful planning. Also, I would be wary of having all of your savings tied up in the house.

Having the design/build firm go under could have been a blessing. I would pay the architect for the work he has done, and save the plans for the future.

Do you have peace in your heart about doing this reno? Does your hubby?

I think that's key. And if one of you doesn't feel right about it, I think you should not proceed until both of you feel at peace.

Even with being at peace, I think it's normal to have reservations when spending SO much money. Who can drop in our case, upwards of 30K - I am sure it's much more in your case - and not feel some anxiety!?!

It helps me to think of previous big purchases - the house, it worked out just fine.....the vehicles.....they worked out just fine....that 10K vacation we took 3 years ago...glad we did it. Yet, I was nervous spending for all of them. Do you have big purchases in the past to look back on and know it turned out well?

I think it maybe can be done even with the kids, but it will definately add to the challenge in a hugely substantial way. I have a friend with 3 kids under the age of 4 and hubby out of the country for most of the past year, and she is managing a kitchen reno on her own. It's been going on for 6 months, and she hasn't even lived there for the last 2 mos as the house is covered in filth from the construction work. She is staying with various friends, and it's taken it's toll for sure. She needs help with even basic organizing right now because she is so frazzled and exhausted and just in survival mode. So it can be done with small children, but not easily. Remodeling is very stressful. Don't rush into this, take your time, and then some more time. You can buy the plans and hang onto them as long as you want, till exactly the right time.

Children also vary in their levels of neediness, obedience, intensity, etc....you know your children best. Can they handle this? Will they allow you to handle what needs to be done?

Believe me, I hear you! We likened our recent remodel experience to this: we have a lovely *Toyota* home... we did not want to get carried away and put (however tempting it may be!) a *Mercedes* kitchen in it!

And my best advice to anyone is PLAN! PLAN! PLAN! We spent many more months PLANNING our kitchen than we spent actually doing the work.

And this may sound silly but something else that really helped me in our recent kitchen remodel...

I developed a "vision and mission statement"! Really! It sounds so hokey, but it was only two or 3 paragraphs, and in it I summarized my "vision" and stated my "mission" for our remodel.

It said something like, "I want to develop a beautiful, functional, easy-to-work in kitchen while staying realistic and true to our budget... " etc.

When I would start to feel overwhelmed, or when I'd see a new gadget or yet another possible upgrade, I would go to my V&M statement and re-read and regain my focus.

We are finished now, and I LOVE our kitchen. If I had it to do over again, I wouldn't do one thing differently... AND we stayed in budget (well, mostly!) and had fun doing it. What more can you ask for?!!! ;o)

Here's a link to my kitchen and our story, if you are interested!

So try to have fun and enjoy the process -- it will be over before you know it!

Here is a link that might be useful: Our finished kitchen

I've been thinking more about this this morning, and from purely a financial perspective, I think this remodel is a bad idea. With a family of 7, you need to keep your savings (about $200k, it sounds like) relatively liquid. Having that large family multiplies the chances that you will need to tap into your emergency fund. Do you have disability and life insurance for the two of you now? I would want enough savings to keep going for a year or two. Plus, you need to be putting $ aside for college for the kids. Kids have a habit of getting more expensive as they get older.

I can sympathize that a larger mudroom would make your life easier. All those kids have so much stuff! When my kids were little, my house was always a bit of a disaster zone, and I dreamed of a mudroom that would corral the mess. I still dream of one! But, I bet you can work around the deficits of the current space, though it admittedly won't be as nice as an addition. Can you move the washer and dryer to the basement, to get more room in the mudroom? Can you put an Ikea Pax wardrobe in a room adjacent to the mudroom/laundry? Can you put coat hooks in a stairwell?

The guest bedroom is, I think, an unrealistic "want." Put kids in there, and move them onto an inflatable mattress in another kids' room when the grandparents visit.

I grew up in a neighborhood of large families. The houses had dinky kitchens, no mudrooms, and typically one bathroom. We eventually put in a second bathroom on the ground floor, and that was the height of luxury. Funny, when I go back to the old neighborhood, the new families there are shocked at the size of the families that lived in their houses. But we never felt deprived.