Hmmmm, I doubt a service worker would think a tip crass or demeaning. Money is money, and in my experience hotel or other workers don't care how you or I feel about giving the tip, they just want it. And need it, usually.

After reading your further explanation about the circumstances, bpath, I think it was very nice of your brother to leave those coins with a note for the housekeeper. She evidently didn't think it crass, and a gift is for the recipient.

I don't think a housekeeper in a residence is a service worker in the way that they would be in a commercial environment.

Actually, KSWL, I have seen situations where people refuse to be tipped. Most often in other countries, but sometimes here. Sometimes it can be (apparently) pride ( eg small proprietors). Other times, it may be policy. Two recent examples come to mind ... The Sleepys delivery people, and somebody at world market who helped us load some daybeds into our car. They would not even take surreptitiously proffered tips.

If you read about the issue of tipping, some union activists are also against it ...though it seems like it can only be positive, the issue is is that tipping is variable and almost random, and that tipping typically displaces other forms of compensation rather than being additive, and workers deserve more reliable/steady wages.

Btw, all that being said, it's also absolutely true that most of the time most people do take, and do appreciate, tips. I'm only saying that one needs to be sensitive about it. That even if you tip someone, how you treat them is almost as important. Not everyone thinks about that.

I also stand by my original statement that I personally would recommend against giving cash to someone else's household employee.

"Hmmmm, I doubt a service worker would think a tip crass or demeaning. Money is money, and in my experience hotel or other workers don't care how you or I feel about giving the tip, they just want it. And need it, usually."

Exactly.

If I regularly leave my hairdresser and colorist extremely generous tips for an already ridiculously expensive service, I'm not going to begrude the maid who cleans my hotel room a tip, especially if I'm tipping all the other hotel employees. If I were going to judge which service workers were most deserving of a tip, I'd put the maid at the top of the list.

This post was edited by jellytoast on Sat, Jan 10, 15 at 1:47

I have had people refuse tips because they said it is not allowed by their employer. They would be fired if they accepted the tip.

I feel for those workers because it is not their decision but their employers who do not compensate for extra work.

I would have no problem tipping any worker who helped me or made my trip or stay pleasant. I tip everyone. They appreciate it.

As far as hotel maids, they are paid very low wages. If my room is clean and they are helpful, I would never think of leaving without a tip. I think those tips are factored into their wages as are waiters.

Jane

When I used the term crass, I was not referring to tipping maids, etc. in hotels or anyone in the service industries. I waitressed during grad school{{gwi:807}}. I always overtip. I would not, however, tip a friend's housekeeper. I would thank her and, as I said, give her a small token. I think tipping in that instance smacks of a sense of noblesse oblige, as was alluded to earlier.

Edited to add: I always leave a tip for the hotel maid-every morning if staying multiple nights since it may not be the same maid every day. I doubt very much that they are well-paid in any sense of that word as I interpret it.

{{!gwi}}

This post was edited by cyn427 on Sat, Jan 10, 15 at 10:58

I agree with tipping hotel maids. I think they work hard and are probably underpaid. They certainly work harder than bellhops or valets and I appreciate the maid service much more. I prefer to carry my own bags and am more than capable of parking my car, but have no desire (nor the supplies) to clean my room.

If I had a maid (I don't), it wouldn't bother me at all if a guest left them a cash tip. If the maid isn't bothered by taking it, I'm not bothered by it being offered. If a guest is impressed enough to leave a tip, what reason would I have to disallow it? A cash gift is no different than a "token" of appreciation, except that the cash is more useful to the recipient.

I read an article in the paper recently about a push by the hotel industry to remind people to tip the maids. The intent is to put envelopes in the rooms specifially for housekeeper tips. I like the idea. Unless the hotel industry does away with tipping for all of their employees, it seems very unfair to forget about the maid. I agree with cyn427 on daily tipping for a mulitple day stay, which is no different than tipping the valet each time he/she gets your car.

"I prefer to carry my own bags and am more than capable of parking my car, but have no desire (nor the supplies) to clean my room."

Exactly, but that is precisely why I do NOT tip for housekeeping, which I consider an absolute basic requirement of any room, for it to be clean. Whether I am at a Motel 6 or Aman Resorts, it is actually contractually implied that I am renting a clean room in good working order. My room rate reflects that, and I should not need to pay anything above that rate. The hotel management needs to pay its operating expenses, including housekeeping, out of my rate.

I do tip for service that are optional or above and beyond.

That does not imply I value what the maid does less. If you think about it, generally, the less we value a job, the more likely it is a position we tip. Any of you work for tips? The bottom rung workers are tipped, and subject to the vagaries and whims of the public.

I think the (relatively recent) concept of tipping housemaids (who do not customarily report tips for tax purposes, as bellmen do) would probably lead to lower or stagnant hourly wages for them, all else equal. Personally, I am strongly in favor of higher minimum wages and more progressive tax rates, things that would really help people like housemaids earn a living wage. They should not have to worry/wonder whether someone is going to leave them a few bucks on a dresser (only about 30% do), they should be paid appropriately to start with.

I had never tipped maids in hotels until I read a murder mystery by Elaine Viets. To prepare for the book, she worked as a hotel maid for a while. In the back of the book, she inserted a note asking that people remember to tip maids. She outlined how awful the work can be (with some examples that will make you cringe) and how low the pay often is. She said just a couple of dollars a day make a difference.

I can't say that we always remember tip hotel maids, but Elaine Viets experience has certainly made it more likely that we will.

"The hotel management needs to pay its operating expenses, including housekeeping, out of my rate. I do tip for service that are optional or above and beyond ... "

When you go to an expensive restaurant, shoudn't the service then be included in the price of your meal? Do you not tip the wait staff? Hairdressers pretty much expect a 20% gratuity, yet shouldn't the cost of their service be included in the price you pay for the cut or color? The prices at my hair salon are though the roof, certainly enough for the salon to pay it's overhead as well as pay a generous wage to the stylists. But it doesn't work that way. If I don't leave the customary and expected 20% tip, what kind of service can I expect the next time I come in? I wouldn't consider the people who work there to be "bottom rung" workers. I tip them because it is expected. People don't tip the maids because it isn't expected. But they are no less deserving of a tip, and are actually more deserving. If I find it acceptable to leave 20% tips for hairstylists and waiters, why single out the hotel industry to be held responsible for paying their employees (specifially maids) liveable wages? If it's worth a few extra dollars to make my car magically appear, it's worth a few to have my toilet appear magically clean.

Tipping the maid is not "new".
I was a maid at the Ahwahnee Hotel back in the '70's.

Although not plentiful
it was always appreciated .........

Hi Jelly,

There is no right or wrong here, I am explaining my point of view.

It is customary to tip certain jobs and not others and that has become part of the structure of those jobs. It would be unwise for any customer to ignore it.

It is still not customary by any means to tip hotel maids, and, I personally, would rather see workers well paid rather than relying on the good graces of others. "Bottom rung" refers to their wages and their lack of negotiating power. It is their lack of negotiating power that keeps their wages low (because of the weakness or lack of unions, and/or because of their low skill, which makes them easily replaced), I think that as a matter of public policy we should all support higher minimum wages for people, not start tipping more and more types of workers.

The guy who mows the lawn and the hotel or cleans the windows works hard to, should we tip him? Preschool teachers work very hard, and often make minimum wage, shall we tip them?

Anyway, I have gotten far afield... apologies to the original poster. I think my main point is that, rather than encouraging more people to tip, I would like more thought about the income inequality for those at the bottom rung, and if we really can't afford a bit higher wages for them and a big higher taxes for well, me et al.

"There is no right or wrong here, I am explaining my point of view."

Yes, of course. Just doing the same and trying to understand the points of views of others. No offense meant, just taking part in the conversation. I do agree that I would rather see employers pay their employees so that I didn't have to supplement their wages on top of the already ridiculous prices I pay for many things. To me, the few dollars that I tip a maid each day seems far, far more reasonable than the 20% tip I am expected to give to my hairdresser. Until tipping is done away with across the board, I will spread my tipping across the board.

Agree that in a perfect world there would absolutely be no need for tips. Perhaps we live in an area where wages are not so high, but here people are genuinely grateful for tips, including small business owners like hairdressers and dog groomers and especially hotel chambermaids.

Sometimes people do refuse tips, probably because it is against company policy. European cabbies and waiters used to be puzzled by tips....nowadays not so much, lol.

Understand the position, but still believe that with respect to tips, "crass" is in the eye of the giver, never the receiver :-)

Mtn, I am confused that one would not tip a maid in a hotel because she 'should' be earning a decent wage or because one would like to see higher wages for those providing services. The fact is they do not earn decent wages. The doorman, bellhop, maitre d' are also figured into your room rate (probably one reason why Motel 6 is less expensive), so it seems that if you tip them, you would tip the maid as well. I am just not seeing that. There may not be a right or wrong, but I do think it is nice to be generous. The trips I take could probably not be afforded by those who are cleaning up after me.

Sorry to continue the hijack! I will stop now.

I agree that in a perfect world one's wages would be such that a tip would not be necessary. However, until that day, I will continue to tip hotel housecleaners.

I've had many people not accept a tip (my gym's Valet is the most recent), but I would rather offer a tip and be "rejected" because that small amount can/may make a difference in one's life.

Cyn,

Yeah, I see your point. It is sort of the intersection of the micro and the macro, if you will.

On the micro level, i don't usually stay in hotels where there are envelopes or little signs (as I said, when there are, I do tip) and I usually don't tip housemaids unless i ask for something special. I was curious and I just looked up the chain I stay at most often. According to Forbes, and fwiw they are ranked 28 in the 100 best companies to work for and their "Guest Room Attendants" are paid about $12 an hour (eg25k/yr) vs $7.25 minimum wage. I guess that is relatively good, so maybe this chain is doing right by its workers; they certainly have workers who treat their guests spectacularly. I have never seen a sign or envelope in their hotels and I have only tipped housemaids if we needed something special (pick up or drop of laundry or extra towels or somesuch, make a roll away, etc)

On the macro level, i did some googling on the topic and I know i know one of the reasons I think of this as "new" ... or at least not customary ... there was a big media blitz on this in the fall when Marriott started a campaign in all its hotels to ask guests to tip housemaids. This riles me when it is the employer doing it. They should pay their employees and not leave them subject to the vagaries of tips. Heck, add $3 a day to the average room rate and pass it along or whatever. I am 100% capitalist, but that is what a manager needs to do; find the most efficient way to balance the various constituencies. Don't bug me, the guest, for a tip. Don't demean your workers by making them "ask" for one. Figure it out.

I did want to reply to Cyn but I don't want to keep taking this post off track or repeating myself so I think that's about it for my view.

Exactly how I feel, Marlene. I believe the tip I leave won't affect my life at all but could make a small difference in the maid's; I'm so very grateful to be in such a position and never take it for granted.

As to the OP's question, I'd probably ask for the hostess' advice and go from there.

We have a housekeeper every 2 weeks and I would never expect guests to leave a tip for her. In fact I would find this very odd. We pay her well and before and after we have guests we pay for extra time for the extra work. I do not regard what she does as menial labour, but as a professional cleaner as she is extremely good and efficient at what she does. We value her work immensely and make sure she knows that.

While most people who stay with us (relatives or very good friends) likely know we pay for this service I doubt any have ever thought to leave her a tip. Our guests never interact with our housekeeper as we schedule her for when we are not entertaining. In fact we usually plan to be out when she is here so there are no interruptions as I feel she prefers this. I know I would never think to leave a tip for staff at the home of people we stay with. Seems intrusive to me. We do have a âÂÂdedicated guest room and dedicated guest bathroomâ altho not sure what difference that makes.

As far as tipping, in general, I abhor the necessity for the practice but do tip almost everyone in those service industries where it is expected. Recently we stayed 2 nights at a non-chain resort and the first morning I left a note with a tip for the cleaner but she did not take it. The next morning I left more and expect she took it as we had checked out. Never had that happen before tho so not sure what the hotel policy was. I am not very happy about tipping for hair and esthetic services as their prices are already high but since I want to be treated well I do it altho it almost feels like blackmail to me! :(

It is still not customary by any means to tip hotel maids,

I think that it is fairly customary to tip hotel maids. I'm not saying that I do it during every hotel stay, because I do forget sometimes, but I generally do if it's for more than one night. And I'd rather tip the hotel maid who busts her butt cleaning the room than the concierge who picks up the phone to make a call - something that I can do myself.

I have a story about tipping/not tipping in Asia. I arrived at the Seoul train station alone with a fairly good sized suitcase, and the taxi stand was at the bottom of a couple of flights of steps. The elevator wasn't working, so I started to lug my suitcase down the steps. A man (not an employee of the station) saw me and grabbed my suitcase, and took it to the taxi stand for me. I knew that tipping was not customary, but I felt that I should offer him something for his kindness. And I thought that perhaps he hung out at the train station hoping the make a little bit of money helping tourists. He absolutely refused my money.

BTW Emily Post suggests "$2-$5 per day, left daily with a note marked "Housekeeping - Thank you""

Here is a link that might be useful: Emily Post on tipping

In Thailand we stay at a friend's very comfortable house for 3 weeks at a time. The housekeeper insists on washing and drying my laundry and cleaning our room and bathroom. Her husband drives us to the beach and picks us up. Our host has told us that they must be tipped and we always give them $100. This is done with great ceremony, hugs and kisses. I also bring a gift for their child.
On the other hand, I have been a docent at a government site. We all do great tours and often we are offered tips, which of course we decline. Handshakes and lovely comments are appreciated.

I have never seen envelopes or signs in rooms either. Parents and grandparents always left tips for the maids when we traveled , so I always have as well.

I think when you are staying in someoneâÂÂs elseâÂÂs home it becomes a bit more personal if you want to show gratitude toward the housekeeper. Handing someone a wad of bills or coins in this situation just seems rude to me. I think I would buy some prepaid movie tickets and say something likeâ¦hey I bought these tickets and never had a chance to use them and since you made our stay so pleasant I would like you to have them. If the maid feels awkward I would just say awh come on you wouldnâÂÂt want them to go to waste would you? One doesnâÂÂt need to do it all in a way that crosses any lines with the hostess/employee understandings or boundaries.

If a guest staying with me wants to tip the help, I'm cool with that. I could always use a few extra bucks. :)

I agree that employers should just pay staff good living wages so you don't have to tip. But, because the don't, I do.

I don't get why tips should be a percentage though. The waitstaff at Denny's work just as hard as those in higher-end restaurants, right? I've only actually used a hotel's concierge once. I was supposed to tip? Wouldn't that be awkward?

"Handing someone a wad of bills or coins in this situation just seems rude to me. I think I would buy some prepaid movie tickets and say something likeâ¦hey I bought these tickets and never had a chance to use them and since you made our stay so pleasant I would like you to have them. If the maid feels awkward I would just say awh come on you wouldnâÂÂt want them to go to waste would you?"

So instead of giving the person money that is universally useful and offer it with sincere appreciation for a job well done, you would get movie tickets which you don't know she would like (or has the time or transportation to use) and offer them as your cast offs so they wouldn't go to waste?

I do not understand how paying for services----tipping----is awkward or demeaning to the recipient. Not trying to be snarky, I truly do not understand. If ithe aim of not tipping or giving something other than money is to pretend the hotel or hired help is on a par financially with the guest, that is a farce. They are equal as human beings, obviously, but their circumstances are not equal, and a kind and useful gift of money offered with respect and sensitivity is what I would want were I the hotel or family maid.

Last night I watched "The Manners of Downton Abbey." It was not done for the aristocracy to say "thank you" to the many people who made their lives easier. The historian said it was because so much was done for them, they would have spent all of their time saying "thank you."

Here is a link that might be useful: The Manners of Downton Abbey

"I don't get why tips should be a percentage though. The waitstaff at Denny's work just as hard as those in higher-end restaurants, right?"

I don't get this either. It takes 45 minutes to an hour to clean a hotel room, which generates a $2 to $5.00 tip to the maid (according to Ms. Post, anyway). It takes a few minutes for a valet to pull a car around, generating a somewhat more generous tip. The last time I got my hair highlighted, it generated a $45.00 tip to the colorist for one hour of work, plus another $10.00 for the girl who spent 10 minutes washing the solution out of my hair. A few weeks ago I had a facial treatment at a day spa that took all of 15 minutes, generating a $40.00 tip for the aesthetician. IMO, none of those people provide a more (or less, for that matter) important service than cleaning, yet the "recommended" amount to give a maid seems so far out of line compared to what others get for the same amount of time spent working. Sure, some of these jobs require a skill and even artistic ability, but they certainly don't require working any harder. And the more you pay for the initial service, the more you are expected to tip, which seems quite ridiculous to me since the tips can get really, really crazy when based on a percentage! It makes more sense to me to tip based on the service recieved rather than the price of the tab, but obviously whoever set the "rules" disagrees!

"I have never seen envelopes or signs in rooms either."

I did see a sign in a hotel in Hawaii (actually a sheet included in the hotel's information booklet) which recommended amounts to tip the various people who worked there. Bottom of the list and the least amount recommended to tip ... maids! It was recommended that the bellhop get more for EACH bag he lifted onto his cart than the maid should get for cleaning the entire room.

(Agree this thread has drifted off track somewhat, but it is an interesting discussion.)

This post was edited by jellytoast on Sat, Jan 10, 15 at 22:46

Kswl, I agree with most everything you said. I do think money is goodâ¦except in a situation where you are in someone elses home and you have the hostessâÂÂs feelings/beliefs/home management ways to consider. I still think a gift presented in a certain way is the best course of action. ItâÂÂs expensive to go to the movies for the average person by the time you buy popcorn and a drink with a ticket but it doesnâÂÂt necessarily have to be movie tickets. Really itâÂÂs about showing appreciation without crossing any lines and possibly annoying the person who invited you.

In someone's home, I'd first check with the host. Leaving bills on a nightstand would be crass. Putting them in an envelope with a card or nice note would be acceptable, IMO.

I watched the Downton Abbey Manners show. Thank goodness we aren't living in 1920's Great Britain--I'd probably be one of the maids (and I'd surely appreciate a tip.)

I think this keeps blurring some important distinctions between employees of a Commercial Facility and employees of a private household.

I dunno, maybe a lot of people who have employed people to clean and do other things for them in their houses treat them as superficially and anonymously as if they were some random person they run across once a month or once in their lifetimes. We didn't, and we don't and maybe that's why this all bothers me so much. We have treated the people who've cleaned (and regulars who painted, did odd jobs, and altered our clothes) as part of our extended family.

Okay, they weren't invited to every party my parents had, and at some of them the cleaning person worked, but they were invited to weddings and birthday-, anniversary- and family-oriented parties, and at one long-time cleaning woman's funeral, her son said during the service, that our family treated her with more respect than, unfortunately, her own.

It's a very tricky thing to navigate sometimes, I agree. But our cleaning women (there have been two for most of 40 years) would be horrified if a guest left them cash, I think because it would imply that 1) we weren't paying her enough and 2) that she was on the level of a hotel maid.

On the other either of them would have been deeply offended if they were ever scolded or talked down to by any member of the family or if any guest treated them as if they were a hotel maid.

That is it exactly, Pal. Well said. I didn't say it as well or as explicitly.

First, in this day and time you wouldn't tip a household employee unless that person had provided extra services for you (like doing a load of laundry, for example) or there was some particular reason (like the OP's brother having a conversation with the maid in which she told him she gave her kids her change--- which a great many people do), AND not without running it by the hostess first. Offering an envelope of money (or leaving one with a nice note) or, in the OPs brother's case, leaving his change (understood to actually be for the woman's children), is not at all the same as treating a maid or housekeeper impersonally as at a hotel. In fact, the reason most people don't tip at hotels seems to be precisely because it is an impersonal encounter. Service from an in-home employee is as personal as it gets, and there's no need to be squeamish about acknowledging it with what they would like, not what suits the giver's middle class sensibility. And I include myself in that group; there are no titled relatives in my immediate family :-)

" ... and there's no need to be squeamish about acknowledging it with what they would like, not what suits the giver's middle class sensibility."

" ... and a kind and useful gift of money offered with respect and sensitivity is what I would want were I the hotel or family maid."

Well said, kswl.

"But our cleaning women ... would be horrified if a guest left them cash, I think because it would imply that 1) we weren't paying her enough and 2) that she was on the level of a hotel maid ... would have been deeply offended ... if any guest treated them as if they were a hotel maid."

So working as a maid in someone's home is held in higher esteem than working as a maid in a hotel? I'm not sure if all maids hold the same ideas concerning tipping, or share the same ideas held by their employers. One could always ask the question, "Would it be okay if I tipped you?"

I would think that, yes, in a lot of circumstances working in a private household would held in higher esteem than being part of a housekeeping or janitorial staff in a commercial setting.

I don't think any of the individuals we employed or some other people I know who have actually cleaned for people (including my SO), would be interested in doing so in an environment outside a residence. Maybe they are different subsets of people. I know my SO, who has done specialized cleaning and organizing for people, and some acquaintances who do housecleaning as a team would definitely Not be part of a commercial housekeeping or janitorial staff.

I am not saying that someone who works in a household should Never be tipped or given a gift card or gift. I don't think it's crass, or wrong, necessarily I am just saying that it's not the same situation as a hotel, for example. But I think that the potential extra work should be acknowledged by the employer of the individual.

I so agree that in a perfect world there would be no tipping. I abhor the whole concept. Everyone, no matter what your job should always do it 110% and go out of their way occasionally to do something extra. It should be expected, you should not have to be paid extra. It should be expected that your room will be clean, extra towels provided when requested, your hair done with care, your meal served pleasantly, etc. Pay everyone accordingly and adjust the prices. If you have really good workers, you will have more business and your profits will increase, if not, they won't. Customers will tell you what you need to hear, just listen. I would love a world where instead of tipping you could occasionally give service people (who you deal with regularly) small heart felt gifts (not money).

Perhaps I am delusional that everyone does give 110% no matter what their jobs is and that the incentive of tips is the only way to motivate people. I work in sales and part of my pay is based on commission. ( I also hate commission) Sometimes the bigger sales are actually easy and take little time. The smaller sales often take more time. This does not change how a treat each customer!

KSWL,
"I do not understand how paying for services----tipping----is awkward or demeaning to the recipient. Not trying to be snarky, I truly do not understand."

I will take a crack at it, starting with this, though:
I think in MOST cases discussed here and in many cultures, tipping is entirely appropriate and greatly appreciated.

The ways in which some can find it awkward or demeaning:

I know some people who used to be in tip-receiving professions who are now proprietors and would be aghast at a tip. They are still of modest means, and may still perform the same function at times, but they feel they have sort of graduated from tips, if you will. It seems to be a status/pride thing.

In other cultures I have had people explain to me that they do not like tipping because it implies that they do not care about their job our about others other than for the money, and they find that offensive.

Within Asia, a lot of people take tipping as an affront, as though it is charity or a handout. They don't understand paying someone to do their job well, they feel that the employer does that, not a random customer.

I know I would not want a tip from, say Bill Gates, even if he thought I did a great job on something for him and even though it would be farce to pretend we are in the same financial position. I don't think many of us would. I think that can be extrapolated to other situations as well.

Yes, I do understand that in some cultures tipping is offensive at worst and just not the done thing at best. The only Asian country I've visited is Japan and we did not offer tips there as it is not part of their cultural or economic norms. However, we have American friends who live in Indonesia and their guests do tip the household help because their staff expect it. So I am not sure there is any hard and fast tipping rule about "Asia," per se. There, as here, there are some differences both in expectation and practice with respect to household help vs workers in commercial service industries.

I was pretty sure the OP's brother was not in a country in which tipping is frowned upon--- although why I thought that I do not know. If that's not the case I stand corrected!

As for the notion that people find money offensive, I'm sorry but In my experience that hasn't proved true. Although everyone ideally would take pride in his or her job, it is just not reasonable to think someone with low wages would be offended by a tip that "implies that they do not care about their job our about others other than for the money." People work for money. They may also work for job satisfaction, but the money IS the reason they work. To think that service workers would refuse a tip because they care for others or for their low paying, low status job more than money is, IMO, naive-----particularly when they can see that there is a quantum difference between their own finances and the customers'. That disparity is the slap in the face----- the affront to their dignity----not the tip. Withholding a tip in those circumstances just adds insult to injury.

I will say this has been a very interesting discussion and I thank the OP for starting it!

This post was edited by kswl on Sun, Jan 11, 15 at 20:07

I was not answering the original question, I was trying to answer the broad question I had in quotes, by giving examples around the world of how some people think about being tipped for doing their job.

Edited to add: I was simply responding only to the "I truly do not understand", offering insight from my experiences.

This post was edited by mtnrdredux on Mon, Jan 12, 15 at 12:01

Yes, I saw that and have tried to do the same, but since I've patently derailed the original question I tried to circle back to it.

There was a very funny thread on the fodors travel forum called "How Much Should I Tip the Pilot?" linked below.......it is resurrected from time to time during tipping debates....the question of tipping has a long, sometimes contentious, sometimes funny, internet history. This thread is from 2001.... Warning, some politically incorrect language and sentiments expressed in humor....

Here is a link that might be useful: How Much should I tip the Pilot?

Ha, that's pretty funny KSWL.

I liked the bit about the Hoof and Mouth disease spray. A few times, can't recall where anymore, I have been on a plane that was spray-disinfected before we landed; always really annoyed me. Sure, stick me in a tube and douse me with toxins, no worry.

This has been an interesting read!

bpathome's original question was about tipping a housekeeper while staying at a friend or family member's private home. I know that I wouldn't (and haven't in the past) leave a tip at a friend's home, no, and I wouldn't want my guests to think that they needed to because of the extra work their stay would leave for my housekeeper.

I'm not against tipping, heck, I was a food server many moons ago while in college. On the other hand, I don't think it's necessary, or appropriate, to tip someone who works for your host or hostess. I pay my housekeepers a set fee for cleaning and extra for when I have had overnight guests, or a party, etc. I also do something special for them (a mother-daughter team) for Christmas and birthdays, A) because they deserve a bit extra for putting up with me and my messes:) and B) because I treat them as my own family.

They also do not care to be called "maids". :)

My late inlays had a live-in housekeeper/cook. Unless she had provided some extra service (laundry, special tray brought to the room, babysitting children in the evening), they would have been appalled if someone left her a tip for just doing the job she was paid to do. One typically only tips live-in household help if they have done something "extra".

My mother-in-law had a daily housekeeper/cook, and while I didn't tip her, I would frequently bring her little gifts. Since she worked for the family for decades, she also got a Christmas present from us. :)

I have to respectfully disagree with you, steviedon cochran. I would find it wildly inappropriate for one of my guests to leave a tip for my housekeepers. A handwritten note or homemade cookies? Sure! If a guest were to ask me I'd tell them, "That is very kind of you, but it's totally unnecessary." A private home is not a hotel. I can't speak for everyone else that has a housekeeper, but I pay my housekeepers extra for their larger workload out of my own pocket and appreciation for the assistance.

People, this question is not a matter of opinion. You don’t need to seek answers on the internet from those that don’t know. Pull out your etiquette books and you’ll find the answer. I recommend Letitia Baldridge - she is a wonderful writer and as White House staff she also had state experience, not just personal.

I’ve held many of your opinions earlier on in life, like mtnredux. I had less money and hated tipping “on principal.” Now that I travel internationally frequently and have friends that have household staff, I know to tip when people go beyond their day-to-day jobs to provide for me. I hated doing it before because I didn’t have as much money and I was actually cheap - I figured “it was the driver’s job to drive” so I would use him all the time and save myself a bundle, then tell myself it was insulting to tip him for doing his job. He still had to do his regular job, then drive me all over, then clean the car and get it maintained and get home late. Ha. Now I’m embarrassed by my crass behavior. Would I tip the nannies even though I didn’t bring kids? Duh, no.

I am just leaving Istanbul now where I was visiting my mother in the hospital. We stayed close to the hospital, but my friend loaned me her driver outside her regular use - he picked me, my husband and my father up separately to and from the airport (which can take a couple hours if traffic is bad), and drove us around on other errands and sightseeing. Of course I tipped him at the end of my stay, and he was happy to accept. Uber or a cab would have been an unpleasant driver instead of a sweet helpful driver in a clean and spacious Mercedes. Don’t be daft, tip people when they provide service. It’s the norm. Like I tell kids, learn and practice the norm - then if you want to send a particular message like you’re a cheapskate or a jerk, do it intentionally instead of ignorantly (and hopefully never, because you are more gracious than that).

I plan to have help cleaning my home every two weeks once I move in. If I ask the lovely lady to do extra (to prepare for special guests), I will be paying her extra and tipping her on my behalf. If you are a guest, you don't need to do that. If you want to leave a gift (as opposed to a tip), feel free. But it would truly feel weird for you to tip her yourself.

Artemis, someone cleaning your house every two weeks is not household staff and not relevant to this discussion.

The discussion is about housekeepers, as per the title of the thread. Did you even read the question? "When you are a guest in someone's home, and they have a housekeeper, whether live-in, daily, weekly, etc., do you leave a tip for them?"

Someone cleaning every 2 weeks would be her housekeeper, so of course is relevant.