I don't think you wasted your 20s away. I think you just chose a different direction. Right now you are grieving and it makes it impossible for you to see that although you regret your life choices, they have put you in a position that allows you to share yourself more fully with your pet. That's why you feel so empty now from your loss. And if you are feeling guilt now at seeing your dad being sad, just think what kind of shape he would be in if he lost you. Please find someone to talk to. If not a counselor, maybe a priest or someone in that type of role if you are not religious. Wish you the best.

Sweetie, first of all, stop beating yourself up about Guyton. If his health was not good, absolutely anything could and would have triggered his heart attack. It could have been something as simple as getting excited about dinner. It was purely a coincidence it happened when it did and not at all your fault. It was just his time to go play over the Rainbow Bridge.

Second, see your doctor about your medication. Let him know they're not working as they should and work with him for a different solution. See a counsellor to help you sort through your issues.

Stop hankering for a past you can't have, that's so unproductive. I'm in my 50s and there are still adventures to have, new things to try. Stop wasting your time wishing for what wasn't and start doing something -anything- so you're not back here in ten years' time being sad you've wasted your 30s. It's trite but true to say that 'today is the first day of the rest of your life".

So, what are you going to do today?

Maybe look at puppies. Getting a puppy would not be disrespecting Guydon, it would be thanking him for leaving your heart open to loving a pet. Loving a new pet does not mean you love Guydon any the less.

Maybe just take a walk. Enjoy being in the outside, enjoy people watching. Make up little stories in your head about the people you see. Go visit a friend, or a relative, go shopping. Buy something small and silly that makes you smile. Remember how it made you smile every time you look at it at home.

Volunteer for something. This will give you a sense of achievement and get you into contact with other people. Having something to do will keep the sad thoughts at bay.

Truly, just keep putting one foot in front of the other. One day you will look back and this sad time will have no sting any more.

I am sorry for your loss, I Know how hard it is. My dog died when she was 15 and she was my best friend. I went through a terrible time and that is normal. I have two dogs now, also rescues. They need me and I need them. Your little dog was lucky to have you. It's not your fault or the Golden retriever's fault either. Sometimes things just happen and we don't know why.

I think you are depressed and you dog's loss Is making your depression worse. Like Colleen said, keep busy and find something to do you enjoy. You are a wonderful person for helping strays. Please talk to someone like a counselor and I hope you get better soon.

You sound like a wonderful person. I always admire people who give so much to animals in need of a friend. And you were a good friend to Guydon. You have nothing to feel guilty about. It sounds like his health issues just took him at that moment and you did nothing to cause the situation.

Please get yourself some help. Counseling and medication adjustments should be helpful. Allow yourself to grieve. I grieved the loss of one of my dogs for four years before I could get another one. I wish I hadn't waited so long. My new dog brings me such joy. Of course, I still love and miss my other dog as well but loving a new dog doesn't detract from those memories and Lucy, the new dog, has filled the void. Don't wait too long to find a new friend. And enjoy the dogs you are fostering.

Again, you sound like an incredibly warm-hearted and loving person. Please don't be so hard on yourself and take care of yourself.

I'm sorry for your loss. I know that it's very hard for you to accept the death of your dog.
Dealing with the loss of a pet can be so hard, but know that grief is a natural part of the process and that you are not alone. If you need a little help and understanding to help you cope with the loss, you can seek a well-meaning advice from a pet owner who has gone through the same thing.

Vicente,

I am so sorry for the loss of your friend Guyton.

It is hard for us to lose the ones we love. The good news is that it won't always feel so bad as it does now.

I'd suggest that you continue working with that pet rescue. Perhaps you can find another four-legged friend there (and maybe other friends as well).

You might even consider a career working with pets/animals. You certainly have the heart for it, and that is common for those choosing to work in that field.

Sometimes, when we spend time with and work alongside those who share our passions (in this case ... pets/animals), ... friendships (or more) may come to be, as we lose our fears and insecurities when we are with persons who have similar passions as we do.

I'm convinced that once you place yourself around persons who love animals as you do, ... your life will begin to move forward into those areas which you do not feel are possible now. I don't know if you've had the opportunity to watch the US movie "Dolphin's Tale", but it shows how love of an injured dolphin brought together all sorts of people who were having difficulty fitting into the "real" world.

You don't necessarily need to fit into the "real world". You need to FIND the world where you do fit, ... and it sounds like you may find yours among those people who love animals.

And finally, if you can bring yourself to do so, ... seek out a church where the message of the LOVE of CHRIST will do much to heal your broken heart.

The best of luck and fortune to you ...

Hi Vincente,

Please know that your dog knew you loved him. It would be impossible for him not to know that you loved him.

It is so heartbreaking to lose our friends, furry and otherwise. We grieve. It takes so much courage.

But please don't add to your grief with guilt. You were taking him to the vet, to care for him, to be good to him. And a heart attack could have happened over anything. Dogs jump and bark and have energy. That is part of being a dog. But he had a human who loved him, so you gave him good things - love and a home and your friendship - a good life.

Try and wake up tomorrow and know that you loved him and were good to him.

And maybe look for another furry friend who needs a loving home ...

If your grief continues in its intensity, then perhaps visit your doctor and get some extra help in order to get from this sad place to one with encouraging light ...

We'll be hoping for all good things for you...

Radley

I really appreciate all your messages. It is extremely valuable and priceless to me to get advice, support and help from such nice and sensitive people like you that devoted their time to read my post and reply to me despite you don't even know me. You have comforted me, helped me, reduced the guilt I feel and given me hope. I am very glad to see that there are people with such a high level of sensitivity and love towards animals and understand how big my loss is.
I hope I can feel at more peace with myself as time goes by and be able to take the guilt away, rearrange my life and remember Guyton in the best moments of his life and always keep him in my thoughts and life. He has been the best friend I have ever had and a beautiful little dog that brightened my house, changed my and my family's life and made me a better person and realize that animals, specially dogs, are amazing creatures that give you the purest, best, warmest and most beautiful and unconditional love you can receive in your life. Rest in peace my beautiful Guyton. My best friend and the best life partner I could have had.

I send my best regards to each one of you and my great gratitude. You can count on me when needing help or someone to talk with.

Sincerely yours,
Vicente

Vincente,
I am relieved to hear that you are doing better. I was worried about you. Loss is always hard, especially in the first days. Guyton would want you to be happy and feel hopeful. Treasure your memories of him and share your love with a new furry friend someday, when you're ready for it. Take care.

Hello everybody,

Unfortunately, I am having a relapse triggered by a family fight I had today. As I mentioned in my first post, my relationship with my mom is not good and she is very disrispectful with my stuff and has thrown away very special things to me. Things that I really treasured. Today, I picked up a carped that my mom had removed almost a year ago. She wanted to throw it away, but the carpet was in good condition and I liked it, so I took it to a place to have it washed and storaged. Today I finally got it back home and put it behind a wall in my living room. It was well hidden and it wasn't taking too much room. My mom saw it and started acting like crazy and told me she was going to throw it away tomorrow. I got angry and she started telling me that I had my stuff all over the house, which is not true, and then mentioned that the fact I put my little dog's stuff, like his plate and little bones in the laundry room was a problem for her to. This made me get very angry and I went down the stairs because I wanted to make sure my dog's stuff were safe. suddenly, my uncle, who was at home for a visit, stood up and got between me and my mother because according to him he thought I was going to hit my mom, which is a terrible lie. He dared me to fight and I told him I was not going to accept his attitude in my house. Then he asked me to go outside and I said: OK. Let's go. Next, my brother showed up and my mom to avoid the fight. Then my brother told me he didn't want to fight because he was much heavier than me and that it was going to be easy for him. I said: Come on, let0's do it. And he refused it and said he loved me. Ever since my parents divorced he has interfered in many of my family's issues that are not concer of his and sometimes he has tried to act like the man of the house. Today was the last straw and made me lose my mind. He has brainwashed my mom several times, my mom almost always does what he tells her to do and of course, he usually takes my moms side.
All this conflict made me have a psychiological crisis and miss my little dog a lot since I feel very alone again and I have no friend and partner at home to rely on. I really didn't need this since I was starting to feel better about the loss of my beautiful Guyton, to heal, to rearrange my life without suffering too much and feel more peace.
On top of that, my Psychiatrist took the liberty to show my mom and my brother my diagnosis file after a visit my mom and my brother made to his office, which was a terrible violation to my privacy and to the confidentiality respect Mental professionals have to have. It's the most basic and important rule. Now, my mom is using this as a weapon and threatening me to send me to a mental hospital because my Psychiatrist also told her and my brother she could do that. It is just unbelievable. He betrayed me and put me in a very difficult position. Specially now that I am trying to overcome the death of my little dog and my mind is unstable. It just looks he also took my brother's and mom's side and they are their patiens not me.
Now I am missing Guyton a lot again and their loss became bigger again too. I am lost and sad again.

I really hope you can reply to me.

Thank you very much in advance for your help and kindness

With animals love is so purely unconditional, you do not have to be or do anything special but give them love and gentleness and they love you back in return.

Please be kind and gentle with yourself - to lose any living being who you love so completely and unreservedly hesitation is going to take time to recover from. This is still a recent loss for you - people have this idea sometimes that if it's "just a pet" its easy to recover from - sometimes its the opposite, more difficult, just because the bonds are so strong and the love so pure and uncomplicated.

If you havent been to the rainbowsbridge.com forum check it out - I was impressed when I lost my 22 yr old kitty recently how honest people were there about the pain they're feeling and how supportive with each other they were. All the best - take care.

I think it is time for you to move out! Jeepers. You've been through enough already. I'm sorry your family is treating you so badly. I've been praying for you since last night when I read your first post. May God Bless You and help you!

Hello,
Vicente.

I
have read this thread and also the other thread over the last few
days and have been wondering how you are going.

Grief
is a terrible thing. We think all sorts of things, come to all kinds
of conclusions, tick ourselves off for being so _______________ [fill
in word]. This is normal. This is what us humans do.

Dogs,
on the other hand, don't do this. Dogs live for today. Dogs don't
think about what life will be like at a later time or the
opportunities lost. Maybe sometimes they think they should have eaten
their dinner more slowly but I doubt it.

If
Guyton could tell you his thoughts, this is what I imagine he would
say:

"Rrrrfff."
(That would be to get your attention.) "I was an unusual dog. I
came to you. But that doesn't mean that the next wonderful dog that
enters your life will walk through your door while you watch tv."

I
can imagine him looking into the distance, in thought. How can he
make you realize that the loving of another dog is something he would
want for you? When we lose someone, if that someone really loves us,
they want what is best for us. Love is never selfish.

Yes,
we have needs. And at the moment you feel the need for the Golden
Retriever, El Güero. I don't think he is the right dog for you.
Your next dog should be a dog you love for what that dog is, not just
because he or she is a link to Guyton.

"And
Vicente... “ (this could be Guyton, continuing his thoughts) “that
day that I growled at El Güero and leapt over to attack him,
that was something that I
did. You couldn't have prevented it. You know how fast it happened,
how quick I was. I'm a poodle. That's what I'm like. There was no way that you could have stopped me."

We humans, I
think, always think we can control things and so whenever something bad happens, we go around blaming ourselves.

Regarding
Guyton's short life, remember, he had health issues. He was never
going to live for many, many years. In a way, he was lucky that his
death was quick. And he died on a walk. For a dog, that is probably
the best way to go.

Hello Tete,

I really appreciate your message. It is very nice to get support from people like you and in the way you did it.

You tried to help me with the guilt I feel and wrote very nice words to me making me feel Guyton could really tell me that. It is something that I really value.

It was a very nice and meaningful letter. Guyton was like that and he was so special and beautiful that makes this process extremely hard. I am alone. The feelings of sadness, desperateness and loneliness are terrible and unbearable sometimes. This is why I really don't know what I am going to do.

Getting help from people like you is very important to me because I really can't talk about this with my family and I get little or no support from them.

Waking up is a terrible burden to me sometimes and everything looks very gray.

I reiterate my sincere gratitude to you and send you my best wishes.

Vicente