Only you know if you and your mom have the type of relationship that will make this easy or difficult. But the overall idea sounds perfect to me. Why do we think it's so crazy to have multiple generations under one roof (or in a backyard cottage) when that's the way it was for most families until fairly recently in our history and still is in many parts of the world? If my parents were still alive I'd do it in a heartbeat. We are preparing to do the reverse for our adult son and GF who wants to move where we are. They'll pay us rent and have either an in-law type apartment or guest cottage until they figure out where they'd like to put down roots. IMO, if the personalities allow it, cooperative family living has many benefits whether its family by blood or by choice.

We get along great, that isn't the crazy part, just trying to sell two homes and buy a new one as a solution! It seems extreme on th

e surface, and we would havee to make sure tbe new place fits everyone's needs...

It would make our lives a lot easier, and she would have her own kitchen, etc. So a lot of independence. ..just coordinating it all is the trick part!

Is Mom selling her place and down-sizing near you an option?

If you have siblings, you might consult with an estate attorney on how your Mom should structure her will considering that you'll be combining assets to purchase the new property.

We live in the same town already, so not a big move.

Also, she wont be contributing to buy new house...

ahhh, logistics! I get it now paintedpeggies. Selling, buying and moving is always a bit crazy, isn't it? You'll have a couple of extra layers in there but if you can find the right place, all the craziness will fade away when your mom is out from under the big house obligations and you can relax a bit knowing you handled it in advance of her 'needing' to get out - a HUGE plus.

why not use the money from her house to add on to yours? Think about the extra $ thrown away on transfer tax, commissions and other selling costs before you say its not worth an addition to your home. Your home will go up in value as well. You can give her some sort of lifetime lease on the in-law suite.

Adding on with money from the sale of your mom's house could be tricky -- you need the money from the sale before you would have a place for her, unless you can juggle a while.

Would you consider buying the other house if your mom was not planning to live with you? Would it still make sense for you if something happened to her or would you be looking to sell again? If it really works for you, it sounds like a good solution and likely to allow her to stay independent or at home with assistance for as long as possible -- which is what most parents want. It will also be easier on you -- as long as you will be willing and able to get outside assistance when she does need someone to be home. You don't want to feel like you can't leave your home when you want or need to.

We wouldn't be moving if we weren't trying to find a solution for her. The house we are looking at is great, and when she is no longer with us, the inlaw apartment will be useful for one of our children, I'm sure.

My kids would have turned something like that into a music studio if we'd had it. I would have loved to have had my mother closer before she passed. The fact that you have an option so close to where you are now and that it is a great house sounds ideal. She can be close and still have some independence. Parents hate to feel like they are a burden, but I think they really appreciate having their kids there when they are needed.

The best thing of all is that you are thinking ahead and have the opportunity to be in charge of you options. These are hard decisions and what I have seen is they all too often get put off -- whether for not knowing the right thing to do, when it's time to make changes or wanting to conserve resources -- and then something happens that forces a decision that probably has to be made all too quickly and when other options might not be available. I've seen people have to take a place further away, not as good or too expensive because it was the only space available.

Absolutely agree 100% with lascatx. The last thing you want is to be trying to do this under the gun. Getting your ducks in a row now is such a smart move. Check with a CPA to see if there are financial/tax considerations to this arrangement that you might need to know about. If you are able to buy the house you mentioned, you wouldn't be moving far enough that anything in your life would change - same schools, friends, stores..... You really have a wonderful opportunity.

In my own family, even beyond my own kids, there are nieces, nephews, cousins and their kids, and at some point, some young adult is trying to step one foot out into the world and independence is not easy. To have a space like that for someone starting out is invaluable - modest rent works for both parties and they have their first foray into independence within a family safety net.

Do you want to move? Will this new house give you things you don't have now that you or your family will like? If so, why not? Everybody wins.

If you hate the idea of moving because you absolutely love where you are and will resent having to make the change, then don't do it.

"The house we are looking at is great, and when she is no longer with us,
the inlaw apartment will be useful for one of our children, I'm sure."

Sounds the "only" thing that gives you pause is the logistics of selling two houses. However, it also sounds like you don't need to sell your mother's house to be able to afford the new house, so what would be the worst scenario in terms of (not) selling? Do you have any idea how long it would take you to sell the houses? Also, what about tax implications if your mother does not purchase a new place?