Thanks for the input and kind comments.

Robo, I have read the Curly Girl website/book, along with many others, and I have experimented with many, many products and techniques. I have found some good products that work well, and I think I do a fairly good job styling it.

I do put it up in a knot/bun/ponytail most of the time when I am home. I am less comfortable doing it for work-- I don't think it's very flattering to my face, as I don't have bangs. I should probably experiment more with that idea.

Mtn, keeping the same hairstyle since high school is part of my concern! My hair has been overall the same since college, with some fluctuations in length and amount of layers.

Outside, yes, I think red is the hardest color to get right, and it fades very quickly. I have an excellent colorist, and she has been surprised how difficult it is to duplicate my natural color.

Re your color, my sister cannot use box color any longer due to history of breast cancer but she discovered henna and her color has never looked better (she's a redhead). Remember, that as you age, your natural hair color should not be your goal. My sister did that for years and it just didn't look right but now she has gone lighter and it looks much better.

Dawnidea has a good point. Your skin tone changes as we age and if you are colouring your hair a good colourist will know that and adapt the tones in the colour as you age.

Forgive me if somebody said this already - skipped down to reply...

Hair texture can really change as we age - my formerly straight, fine, dark gold glossy hair is now coarse, wavy & very, very dark brown, now that I'm past the half-century mark. Long or short is a personal choice & highly dependant on your own style & looks, IMO.

My suggestion is to use image search to look up hairstyles/cuts for curly or very curly hair - short, long, medium, mature, etc., there are lots! Find a few you really like & think would suit you & bring them with you when you go to get your hair done. I keep a folder full of such images on my desktop & print out a page when I need it.

& there are curly hair products that will turn fuzzy frizz into soft ringlets - just sayin'..

FWIW, My redhead mom has been vainly dyeing her hair for decades now & I secretly wish she would just let it go white - nothing seems to highlight wrinkles & pallor more IMO, than unnaturally dark hair shades - & silver/white hair is so very pretty!

Going back to read now...

I think it depends on the person and the hair. I thought Hillary Clinton looked awful with long hair...it really aged her. My friend's mother always had long, thick hair she wore in a bun, it suited her. The bottom line....wear your hair in a style YOU like and can mange easily.

I too have red curly hair, though it doesn't appear that way in my profile picture because of lighting. When I was a child, though my hair was not, in my opinion, anywhere near an orange/red, a neighbor man used to tease me and call me carrot top. I'm sure he did so because he got a kick out of my reply, "I'm not a carrot top, carrot tops are green!"
Anyway, I agree, with Lukki and others. if you like your hair long then go for it, but I have to agree with Joanie too. Some people just don't look good with long hair after a certain age. I gave up my long tresses maybe five years ago at the age of 54. I used to cut it at the beginning of every school year and let it grow so I could wear it up in the summer because it was too hot down even when short. I enjoyed it both ways, but after leaving school I decided it was just easier to manage somewhat short (3.25") all the time. What makes it even better is I found an awesome shampoo meant for curly hair called Organix Argon Oil and Shea Butter. I was disappointed when the store I purchased it at no longer carried that version so I read each bottle and took a chance on Organix Coconut Milk and love it just as much, if not more. I have always had healthy hair, rarely got the frizzies, because I have always been careful to avoid shampoos with waxes in them. I didn't realize that sulfate was problem with drying your hair, therefore it kept it from curling.
Here's an article that could help anyone chose a better shampoo.
As for color. I never wanted to color my hair. Being a redhead, to me, was part of who I was. Shortly after I cut my long tresses, I realized my hair was darkening, not typical for redheads as JLC mentioned, I felt as though I wasn't looking at my own reflection. Most redheads color fades into a strawberry blond as they age as JLC said hers is. I never wanted to be a blond, as so many of my dark haired friends did back in the 70's, but as pretty as the darker color was, I didn't want it either. I didn't want to be anything but a redhead. I had very little gray at time, still not much, but I figured I earned them so the thought of coloring and covering them up didn't not appeal to me. Neither did using harsh chemicals on my hair. I've always considered myself somewhat of a naturalist. I wear very little make up, (just blush). I have never used a tanning booth, or even the sun for that matter, to darken my freckled skin. So since I used an uncolored Henna as a conditioner when I was younger I figured I'd try a colored one to add some red back into my hair. The fact that it stated it did not color gray was all the better. After all, gray is natural when in your mid fifties. I felt like me again when I looked in the mirror after it dried. Though the gray was somewhat colored, it appeared as a natural highlight, the color on the gray faded each time I shampooed, which I could live with. If you want to color your hair, I highly recommend Light Mountain Natural Henna. I buy mine online in bulk.

I'm 53 and I have thick wavy hair that is also difficult to tame. I cut my hair in the fall to a bob type of cut, and then let it grow so that I can wear it in its naturally curly "bun" in the summer. It's too humid for my hair to just hang out in the summer but too hot to not only blow dry but also to wear down. Therefore, it has to be long enough for me to get an band around it to create the curly bob. I do color my hair, and I think you should figure out which makes you feel best. I feel better when I've had my hair colored than when it's blechy gray and white. I also think hair has a lot to do with skin. If you have nice smooth skin, long hair will look great. It depends on so many things: coarse hair or smooth? A lot of wrinkles in skin or fewer? Ultimately, I think haircuts have to do with the shape of one's face.. and whatever that person wants!

I have a good colonist who I don't see often enough, anyway, she's giving me highlights, lowlights and leaving natural grey as well and I'm liking that these days!

I had to look up Merida :). I am going to try to attach a curly hair style that I personally think would look GREAT on someone in their 40's or 50's. This cut/style could vary from the pictured length or longer to brushing the shoulders. It sound like you need a good "scrunching" gel type product to tame and define the curl.

A pretty medium length red curly style

Wow! That "Link" think was easy! I will have to try to get brave enough to attach a picture (maybe).

I agree with everything ellendi wrote; it's what I wanted to say but didn't. It can be extremely difficult to find a stylist who can work magic with your particular issues but that truly is the key.

I forgot to add that you want to completely cover the gray, the link above does offer a form of color that does that. I have not looked any further into it since I didn't want to color my gray, so I don't know how natural it is, but my guess is, it is.

Henna is an interesting idea!

Thanks for the honest comments. Maybe it is past time to go shorter. I agree in theory, but in practice, I find it looks more well-kept and controlled when it's longer. That is my constant debate! And the reason for my post! It's such a catch 22.

I do have an excellent, highly trained, expensive, stylist/colorist. I do use an arsenal of products that I spend a fortune on :-) When I ask my stylist about this subject, she says I should never go shorter than shoulder length, and she doesn't think I "need" to color.

I am so tempted to post a pic! I think that's probably the only way to get accurate, objective opinions. But this is so public, I don't feel very comfortable with the thought of it.

I worked with a gal once who had very long "lady godiva" hair. When she let it loose, that's just what it looked like. But most of the time, she pulled it back tight and braided the whole thing. It was quite something.

My solution for my now curly hair (though it is thin) is to cut it all off in the summer...make it too short to curl or frizz or anything else. Of course, that takes courage if you've never had it short as, if you don't like it, it's a long time to grow out. I let it grow "longer" in the winter when frizz is less an issue and the longer hair is warmer.

Post a picture with sunglasses? That way we can see the basic shape of your face and see exactly what you are talking about with your hair.

IMO, the absolute first thing to do is only use sulfate-free shampoo…forever, no exceptions. Also, dry your hair by scrunching it with the towel as opposed to rubbing it with a towel. You can also stop using shampoo altogether. It's gross for about six weeks, but then your head re-acclimates and the result is supposed to be wonderful hair.

Yep, we're not going to really know unless you post a picture.
As for trying Henna, since you are having a problem with frizzies, the last thing you want to do is use chemicals on your hair.

Dedtired hit the nail on the head. I don't think 43 is old at all for longer hair. And I am all for doing what makes you feel comfortable, etc. but also what looks best on you. As mentioned, long hair does age some women. Someone also mentioned updating your style, color, etc. I think that is important too. That is if you care how it looks, I know some people don't. I want to age gracefully but I also want to look the best I can (with the least effort/time possible LOL). I hope I always feel that way. It makes ME feel good. My 98 year old grandmother still has her hair styled and puts on a touch of lipstick daily. She looks great!

I've had curly or wavy hair all my life. There are so many great products now - find a good stylist and some good products to help your hair work for you.

I can't believe I'm doing this but here goes.

I may delete later. Here's one pic with hair up, one with hair down. It was a fairly good hair day today, I just used gel, twisted pieces, and air dried.

I'm glad you posted these jlc. You're hair is not near as curly as I expected. What type of shampoo do you use? When long and before I started using Organix, mine could get a bit fly away like yours in the first picture. One reason I stopped using blow dryers ages ago. That alone made a huge difference in how my hair looked.
When mine was long it hung with ringlets over each shoulder and mostly waves in the back. The waves I could tolerate, not so much the long ringlets. No matter how often I tried to pull them apart, they would eventually find their way back into the ringlets. Not the look a grown woman wants. You are lucky to not have that problem.

I am glad I popped back in here! I really like your hair. I still vote for it to be shorter. Maybe just past your shoulders.

Are you looking for a more polished and professional look?

I KNEW your hair would be pretty and so it is! I still say you need to do what makes you comfortable. What really makes me jealous though is that not only do you have a really pretty color of red, but you also have body and curls that will let you pull off so many cute styles, long short and in between!

You have such pretty curls and you have an actual hair colour - unlike the mousy yechhy blond I've have my entire life which I do highlight and have for 30 years.

I am 20 years older than you are with very thick hair which I get thinned and layered to get rid of some of the visual weight. I do know that the older I got I did recognize that I had to get some of the weight off of my face. It was dragging it down. But I probably didn't start to do that until I hit 50.

One variable to consider is your work. If your field or workplace are conservative, you might need to consider a different, shorter style. If not, do what pleases you and what you find beautiful.

My hair is very similar to yours, but a bit more tightly curled. I grew so tired of dealing with long hair and have been very happy to have it shorter. It's been several years and a few people in my life still lament the loss of my Birth of Venus tresses, but I don't miss them at all.

I don't love the streaks of white I've developed and they are certainly harder to color. Going lighter all over has been the answer for me so far.

I love your color and curls! I would trim some off the length, maybe to shoulder or just a tad below. Funny how the grass is always greener; I'd love to have some of your curls!

Your hair color is gorgeous! I do think it would look GREAT with a few inches taken off the length.

I also think your hair is gorgeous. I agree on take a couple inches off the bottom. I have a colleague who has hair that is a little below her shoulders and is in her 60's (she looks fabulous, BTW), and that is a really flattering length. It is long "enough" yet looks professional. She is an avid cyclist, so she has to be able to pull it back.

Love the pulled back look, too. A french twist would be great if you could do it.

As someone with fine, straight hair who needs to avoid looking like a wet dishrag, I'm also a little envious.

I would kill to have hair like that!
Not suggesting you do this, but just wondering: have you ever cut it very short like Keri Russell did?

Your hair is beautiful! I was kind of guessing it would look something like that - you made it sound like it was terrible :). When I posted the link above, I was just using that as an example of a good, shorter look with natural curls. I personally think you would look good with a cut just below the shoulders - with hair as pretty as yours, you could start with a shoulder length, then graduate to even slightly shorter and have gorgeous styles. It's all about the right amount/length of your layers and products. Leave it long enough to pull in back in buns and pony tails as you are used to that.

Another who loves your hair and the color! I was expecting the Roseanne Rosanna-Dana look you described, and it's nothing at all like that. I too think you could cut a few inches off, letting it be shoulder length or just below and off your face a bit more. Maybe pulled to one side with a clip or barrette unless you have it as shown in photo 2. I have also seen some lovely one-sided ponytails that drape toward the front over one shoulder. Very dramatic and pretty and those curls would be shown off very well.

Definitely looks more 'pulled together' (pun intended) in a ponytail/bun. & def. nice natural looking color as well - I think the curls are pretty too = )

Certainly no need to go short, if that's not your thing - you can just go medium - here's what I found using the search terms"medium length hairstyles for older women with curly hair":

Google Image search results

I would love to have hair like yours too... your curls are larger/tamer than mine. i also struggle about what to do with my hair as i get older-- i cut it pretty short right around when i turned 40 thinking i had had my hair long for the last time... but i just don't love the way i look in very short hair... so, I grew it long again, but I'm feeling like long hair is dragging down my face and I wear it in a ponytail at least 75% of the time. i wish i could wear it in a bob type of style but mine has the tendency to go into an afro when not long/short enough... I think my hair would look nice in a very, very short style, but don't think my face would...

I have had keratin treatments done, but I am one of the unfortunate people who doesn't really get great results from them-- less curl, but still too 'big' hair/too much frizz--the results aren't worth the chemicals for me. organix also makes a 'weak' at home keratin tx that someone I know says works ok for them. I have also tried almost every product ever made for curly hair and some work better than others, but there is no miracle product that I have found... I color it and haven't contemplated not doing so at this point!!

it's easy for us to say since we don't have your hair, but if I had your hair I would probably cut at least 4-5" off so that it was just past shoulder length but still easily pulled back... to be honest, I would want to try a long bob with your hair-- I feel like I have the 'alice in dilbert' look if mine is all one length near the shoulders, but yours looks like it would look nice!! easy for me to say!

I keep coming back to look at your pretty hair jlc. At your age, youthful, I see no reason to feel the need to cut your beautiful hair. I think this middle aged women needing to have short hair is a fairly new thing. My Dad's Mom wore her hair long her whole life and I doubt anyone ever told her she need to cut it. She was born in the later part of the Victorian era, where women wore their long tresses up instead of cutting them.
I have never let anyone keep me from doing something I didn't feel was right for me. In fact, I more than likely fought back and did just the opposite to prove I could.
You have lovely hair. Just the right amount of curl. The kind that so many work hard to get using various techniques to get less than perfect results as you have naturally.

Thanks all. Very nice compliments. Putting the pictures up was mortifying- I have never taken a selfie before, and I was blushing furiously- you can tell by my red ears! Cutting it to shoulder length seems to be the consensus. I'll try it at my next appointment.

To answer some questions- this pic shows my hair about as straight as it can be without a flat iron. It gets much more curly with every inch I cut off, and when I'm in a humid climate, it expands greatly. I don't think I'd ever cut it very short- I don't have the nice bone structure to carry it off. I have a big head and a fat face :-) And some acne scars. That's part of why I don't wear it up for work very often.

I think shoulder length or a little longer would look good. Instead of trying to straighten it - have you tried making bigger, looser curls? Maybe a large barrel curling iron or I'm not sure if there is some type curler that would do that. That look seems very popular now and I bet your hair would be lovely like that. As others have said, your hair is not near as curly as I thought it would be and the color is very pretty. Around here I see the college girls wearing (messy) buns and ponytails, but I really don't see as many women wearing their hair up. There is a girl on the Today Show - Natalie I think, you should look at her hair. Hers is probably a little shorter than you would want, I think it is just above her shoulders. It is a little longer in the front and she wears the big loose curls/waves. It looks good. I'm sure styling products would make a difference, but I don't know what. A good stylist and a good cut is a must and the stylist should be able to suggest products if you find a look you want. Or maybe you could find that online. Let us know what you do!

Your hair is stupendous, JLC! Don't cut too much--- it is beautiful!

I have wondered about this for years, also. First 43 is not old enough to fret, yet!! Whoever said different--I think is a hair dresser selling her profession. I think 50 maybe the that age...but that depends on how one ages. I saw the picture post on curly hair and clearly the poster does not GET the difference between hair that is curled and CURLY hair!! I too am a red head. I did not get the curls just the color. How envious I am!! The cheapest/easiest/ day in day out solution is to keep your hair pulled back. Once you reach THAT age. For generations women kept their hair long and tied back only down for their spouse. Embrace your youth while you still have it--my red hasn't been natural since the end of my 40s!! This too will fade!!

You have lovely hair with a beautiful color. I agree that shortening it to just below shoulder length would add a little more lift to your look.

I wonder if a styling tool like this one would be able to easily put the curls into a softer wave.

But from your description of yourself, I think, if you haven't seen it, you may find the video below of interest. You are very hard on yourself (big head and fat face) and not at all like the way others see you. As I said before, embrace the beauty that you have....at every age.

You have absolutely gorgeous hair. I would cut it in order to show it off more, in fact. I'd cut it to just below your chin. That will give your hair more lift on top and a fuller mane around your head, and do a little bit of layering to help with a that lift. Gorgeous.

Also, above I meant to say "sulfate-free" shampoo, and I've corrected it. But use only sulfate-free shampoo, if you don't already.

Annie, that video always brings tears to my eyes. I never tire of it.

Ooh - here's another page of hairstyles for curls - a few are very short, but most are longer...

Curly Hair

I can relate to this a bit since I have a redheaded sister w/ curls who has always hated & struggled with her beautiful & unruly hair, while I always wished for red hair & curls. Isn't it funny how we always seem to want what we don't have? Familiarity breeds contempt? Grass is always greener?

How old is too old?

When you start to question your own choices it probably means in your own mind you're due for a change. Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, you must think it's time or you wouldn't be asking.

Your hair is really lovely. Nice color, nice curl, and it looks very healthy.

I'd like to see it shoulder length but, as we all know, it's not my hair. Shoulder length still allows the option to pull it up or bun it or wear it free flowing.

We are never too old for long hair. Almost every middle aged woman I know has chin or shoulder length hair. The bob or something similar. Boring IMHO. Embrace your lovely long hair.

You have Pre-Raphaelite hair -- gorgeous. I love the look.
Pre-Raphaelite Enchanted Hair

Loved that, Dedtired! I was just born in the wrong era :-)

Jlc, you're stunning dear. Your hair is faboo…

Like the others, it's not at all what I expected. I have seriously curly hair, and wear it just past my shoulders with very long layers. Any other cut would be treacherous on a humid day. I'm a bit older than you, and that style works for me. I have had too many bad haircuts to worry about if I'm too old for what works best. I color it because I don't feel old enough to be all grey. Maybe one day I'll move to a silver bob, but probably not for another decade or so…

Ellendi and BBee3 mentioned Keratin. I tried about 5 different professional Keratin treatments, and there is a wide range of results. Some are poker straight, others hardly any difference. I like the one that just makes the curls "drop" a little, and still take a curling iron if I want more "boing."

There are temporary 30 day treatments, others last about 6 months. The 30 day doesn't make a huge difference, but it will make blow drying time shorter. It's a nice entree into the keratin products, and maintains the flat iron even on rainy days.

I remember when Laurie Partridge and Marsha Brady hair was the style. After one of the Keratin treatments where my hair wouldn't hold a curl, I was cured of wishing for that. I'm accustomed to big hair, and it's just not me in pin straight.

You rock those curls Jlc!

Here is another great Dove Campaign:

Dove Curly Hair Campaign

I have not read all of the responses but your hair is fab and I would kill to have it. It looks fantastic!! Be proud of it and keep it long. You are still so young. You have wonderful hair. If you do not want it, I will take it in a hear beat!!!!

I started growing my hair longer in my mid fifties - I think that I look younger than I did when I had short hair in my forties. When I look at pictures of myself from then I think I looked matronly. And surprisingly, it's easier to style. It currently reaches my bra strap on my back - the longest it's been since I was about 24.

And I also love jlc712's hair! It's fabulous. And 42 sounds pretty young to me!

i had never seen either of those dove beauty bits... I like them both! I think it would have helped me when I was young at least if my mom had thick, curly hair like I did... she actually had very fine hair with some wave, so I remember her really being at a loss as to what to do with my unruly hair! (I remember before school pictures one year she had me wear a hairnet to bed!) I remember every time I went to a new hair dresser until I was probably 25 many of them remarking something like 'I have never seen such a head of hair as yours!' ... and having some product to put in it when I was younger would have helped!! I remember the 1st time my mom bought 'cream rinse'--- it was SO much better having her comb my hair when it was wet!!!