I think the number one thing in your mind should be that you are doing the right thing for the pup that you "adopted." Likely the pup has bonded with your family in ways that either you can't see or are not yet able to see.

I'm so sorry for your loss. We all grieve differently and you obviously aren't done yet. Does that mean you can't find space in your heart for another, different puppy? To SaltiDawg's point, you need to make up your mind quickly and either accept this puppy and start bonding with her and training her, or return her to the rescue so she can find another home.

To pamghatten, thank you. I definitely can find space in my heart for another, I just don't know why it is I'm feeling. I love dogs, really all animals, I would rescue them all if I could, which makes it even weirder that I'm feeling this way. I'm not sure if I'm just in a funk or if this is normal or what. And I completely agree with SaltiDawg's comment, I want to do what is best for the dog, which is why I'm even considering these options. Whatever we decide, she would be back with the rescue by this weekend, I don't plan on taking forever to make a decision. And if we chose to keep her, then we would keep her, bond with her, train her, and love her forever. I could never dump a dog and don't want to give up on her. It could be that in 2 days I'm absolutely in love with her and may have had a complete brain malfunction.

I guess I just want to know if these are somewhat normal feelings and if the bonding may come later.

I do think the mixed emotions about getting a dog after losing another is normal. I euthanized my 13 year old Bulldog five years ago - cried for days, vowed never to have another dog! I lasted three years before adopting my Greyhound right from the track in Tampa, FL.

I've had her a year now and only wish I had adopted earlier. Getting the "new" dog does nothing to diminish how much my Bulldog and I loved each other and had the privilege of living together for all those years.

You will do the right thing... but make up your mind quickly for the pup's sake.

I think the answer is in the second paragraph of your post.....'My husband and I love pugs. He made me a pug person'.

Yes, I think you brought a new puppy into your home too soon. In addition to your not having any connection with the new pup, your Pug's reaction to the new pup is not as you expected and you probably feel he'll never be happy with her.

I think you should return the pup so others looking for a young, active dog can adopt her. Then, when you're ready, find a Pug Rescue and take your Pug along so he can help choose who will be a good match for your household.

What you're going thru isn't unusual.........I've been thru it also. 2 weeks after losing a GS-mix dog I went out and adopted a small poodle-X. I did this not for me but for a medium sized poodle that was strongly bonded to the dog that died. I didn't like her for a couple of weeks because I kept comparing her to my previous dog. I remember sitting at the breakfast table asking myself what had I done. We had her for 10 years and she was a great dog........but my other poodle never bonded with her. They'd hang out together, but never played.

When I adopted the medium sized poodle my GS-X went with me and they chose each other, but I feel I wasn't fair to my med-poodle when I didn't let him participate in finding a new friend. I was still so emotional I wasn't thinking straight!

Thank you annztoo. I took our pug to meet the new puppy and while it was a little hairy in the beginning because they both wanted to dominate, it seemed it would get better. He's really a grumpy gus and will likely never be happy with any dog, except his German shepherd girlfriend. His pug sister he would tolerate sometimes, but not really at all. It could be that it's just meant to be him. And it could be that once this puppy is older and isn't such a puppy, maybe they'll bond better.

I'm vowing to him and myself that if we decide to give back this girl that it will be just him until God decides it's time to take him. I certainly don't want to go through this again and don't want him to have to either.

When I lost my Riley, I was disconsolate. We had to put her down while I was hospitalized and I came home to an empty house and backyard. Like Saltidawg, I vowed NEVER to go through that again. We adopted Charlie about one year later but it was difficult for me to bond with her because I felt disloyal to Riley's memory. A few more dogs followed but it wasn't until I got my current puppy, Kirby, that I could fully embrace loving a dog again.

It doesn't seem like you fully mourned the loss of your girl. As others have said, the welfare of the dog is primary and the rescue can find a home that will welcome her into their lives.

I'm sorry you're going through this Sic, it's not easy. I went through something similar with our cat who was 19 when she passed. She was from a litter of kittens our cat had had. I held her within hours of her birth, had kept her as the pick of the litter and she was extremely special to me. Two years after her passing, we got two new kittens; 2.5 years later, I've still not bonded with either of them.

Yes it may be too early for you to bring a new dog into the home and yes, maybe part of the problem is the difference in breed. However, regardless of the reasons, I have to agree with Salti when he says you need to consider the new puppy's needs first. Waiting to make a decision until after she's bonded with your family is not fair to her.

Thank you all for your help. After talking with my husband, we're going to keep the dog. I know we can give her a good home and can give her tons of love. We don't want her to just keep getting passed around and are going to begin working with her. I think the puppy factor has just been extremely overwhelming and has clouded my judgement and/or feelings. Again, trust me when I say that I am that person who would have save 100 dogs if I could. She's very sweet and clearly loves us so much already, I think the problem here is me. I'm going to work through my feelings and will be sure to not let it affect her life at all.

Just wanted to point out that even if it WERE the right time, even if you weren't still grieving.... when you bring a new animal into your home they don't automatically always enter your heart right away. Sure you might have the instant soul mate experience but often theres a little bit of uncertainty - is this going to work out? and the bond only comes with time spent together - whether that's a few days or weeks or months .... and then theres this moment when you realize that youre completely and hopelessly in love. Kinda like falling in love with a person - sometimes its instant, sometimes it takes a while.

So, don't beat yourself up for not falling in love right away. But on the other hand you do need to ask yourself - will you be able to at some point? And until then will you be able to go through the motions and provide this dog with the training and affection (or some semblance of affection) that she so badly needs right now ? Its not fair to the dog to string her along with the idea maybe youll open your heart, maybe not.

If you should realize you are not ready - some (most?) shelters will allow you to foster the animal until a permanent home is found - and you may want to do your part to try to locate a home amongst your friends and relations referring them to the shelter to go through the approval process.

Thank you so much kashka_kat and you're so right, it's just like falling in love. I know myself and I know that the first day with her was great and I was confident in my decision. I think I'm just having anxiety due to the past 6 weeks and think this might have happened even if it was 2 years later. And I will definitely be able to go through the motions and give her the affection she needs. I just need to let this wall down and let myself breathe a minute. I know it's not her fault, it's mine, and it wouldn't be fair to treat her any less because of it.

Oh! Just saw your post OP. I think Ill leave my post up as the part about "not always falling in love right away" is still valid.

I don't think you have anything to worry about OP. I have a sneaking suspicion that as you spend time working with your dog and you start truly seeing and knowing each other you'll find amazing things happening. Dont forget your dog too is probably recovering from a loss - her original people surrendering her or whatever her original situation was. Love is a powerful and healing thing. Best to you

Again, thank you kashka_kat. You're just what I needed :)

Puppies ARE very overwhelming and it's easy to overlook the "love" factor because you are so focused on the challenges of raising one. Especially when there's a resentful older "sibling" who needs more attention too. I didn't fall in love with Kirby immediately, it took time until he just wormed his way into my heart without my even knowing it.

Best wishes to you and your fur family.

Thank you nannygoat18. I think this was a major meltdown coming for me. It hit and now I'll just need to work through it. For the rest of my personal life, the past year has been building and culminating into a hurricane that happened to reach land this week. Thank you again for your help :)

As a certified veterinary technician and pet owner/lover, I am deeply sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is hard. No one can tell you how long to grieve or not grieve. It is fine to feel sad, angry, frustrated, etc for as long as you need. Unfortunately, we can't go back in time and change the outcome. It is out of our control. Realizing that you couldn't control what happened is important as part of your healing process.

Ignore people telling you that it was too soon. Everybody handles these things differently. If you do feel that it was too soon, that's okay too. Your family did something great by getting a rescue dog. Take your time to get to truly know your new pet.

Your new dog will never replace a pet you have lost. She will never be just the same as your pug. She is her own, unique self. If you can, try to keep an open mind and heart, knowing it's okay to still miss your pug, and spend some time with your new girl getting to know and understand her. Realize how fantastic the companionship she can provide feels. It should feel like an entirely new experience for you as long as you don't compare her to any other dog.

Good luck. I hope everything works out for you and the new dog. And remember, it's okay to remember those we have lost. Just don't let it get in the way of life moving forward. And again, I am sorry for your loss. I want to be happy for what you have gained, too!

Thank you so much katelw. I will certainly work to remember this and will keep an open mind and heart to our new girl :)

You sound like a very caring and loving pet owner. I'm glad you're deciding to commit to her, I think Kashka has a very valid point, we don't always fall in love right away. I hope it works out for you, golden retrievers and spaniels are both beautiful breeds and so loving, give it time and surely she'll be able to win your heart.

Thank you for your kind words. I know that she is a blend of great breeds, which is why we chose her :) I definitely didn't want people to think that since I thought about giving her back that I would treat her any less. I just don't operate that way, especially when it comes to animals. Now people on the other hand... :)

Sic, you can't control what people think so don't give it a another thought. It sounds like you've been through a lot, so focus on healing and building new bridges for health and happiness.

Thank you nannygoat18 :)

I think you'll be just fine also ... you already "sound" better! I'm one who can't stand a quiet house, and my remaining animals also grieve for the loss of their friend. So I typically adopt another cat or dog in about a month of losing one. I still hurt and miss the one that passed, but the new one keeps my mind from straying too far from them. Now you need to post pictures of your kids!

I know how you feel. I cried for weeks after my 17-year old cat died. I have 5 others and while I love them all, none of them are "the one" that he was. But I am glad they are all here, and the time has passed that lets me think fondly of my memories with my boy and relish them.

Sic1215 - just curious how you are doing with the new puppy?

When I lost a dog for the first time, I said "never again". Well, six weeks later I got an Airedale puppy. She didn't REPLACE the one I lost, but as you said, it gave me an outlet for my affection. No on can say how much time is too soon or just right. Sometimes it's love at first sight and sometimes the love has to grow. So many people here had so many great and truthful statements. I hope this story has a happy ending.

I'd also love to see a "pup-date" to the story and pictures too! :)

Thank you Loretta Seeker and arkansas_girl, we are doing well. Penelope is a very sweet girl (when she wants to be) and is absolutely insane all the time lol she is an absolute bundle of energy from the second she gets up in the morning till she goes to bed. She rarely naps, but if you really wear her out, she'll take a few cat naps. As you can see, she has made friends with our cat, although sometimes she gets on his nerves, and our pug rough houses with her more than he ever played with our other puppy (partly because she was so tiny and I'm sure he knew she was sick). It's definitely been a learning experience of what not to do in the future and she is certainly taking a lot more work than a pug simply when it comes to training. She's very smart and listens better than our pug sometimes, so that helps. The other night, she happened to get sick for the first time since we've had her (after scarfing down a chicken pot-sticker before I could catch her) and I realized as I crouched on the floor with her and rubbed her back while she got sick that on some level that I really do love her (finally). It's just a different love than before, but not in a bad way, if that makes sense. My husband and I found out within 2 weeks of adopting her that we were expecting our first baby, so it is definitely go time to at least get her to a point where we can control her a little better as she is very rambunctious.

Thank you for checking in, I have been meaning to follow up, but with the holidays and other family issues, it's been hard to just do it :)

One more fun one :)

She is adorable, quite a cutie............and much smaller than I imagined! Gotta say I don't see much Golden in her, especially with the short hair. But, it does look like she has some Brittany Spaniel in her and they are incredibly intelligent dogs. I think you'll find she'll be a great companion to your baby and will eventually become its guardian.

So glad things are working out for everyone........and congrats on the pregnancy!

Right! We think we were tricked a little because she's definitely a lot more spaniel and has just a little golden in her. Her hair is starting to get longer now, so we'll see where that goes. And that's what I keep telling myself is that once we get past the difficult puppy stage, she will be the best dog for our future kids :)

I was surprised to see how small she was too. I agree with annz, she looks like a spaniel to me, not sure I see much Golden in her.

" I realized as I crouched on the floor with her and rubbed her back
while she got sick that on some level that I really do love her
(finally). It's just a different love than before, but not in a bad way,
if that makes sense."

I had a similar situation with one of our dogs. We got her at about 3 yrs and for a long time I wondered if it was a mistake. Her behaviour was hmm, problematic in many ways which frustrated me. One day she had an allergic reaction and I realised just how worried I was for her, took her off to the after hours vet etc.

The thing is, we do have different relationships with different pets. I've had really close relationships with about half the dogs I've ever owned, where they were like my baby and the bond was just so very strong. I didn't have this with all my dogs though, but I still loved them all very much and would do anything for them.

Just my experience, but each of these relationships is different in it's own way but that doesn't mean something is wrong and it seems like you feel your bond with her should be just like it was with your pug girl, no I don't believe that. Treat each pet as an individual because each of them is a different dynamic.

Yeah! She is beautiful, they all are. Congrats on the first baby too. I think you have your hands full!

I'm just reading this all for the first time and I just have to say I think all your "kids" are just adorable!! It does take time to blend a family and I know sometimes I have been impatient for that to happen. Penelope is beautiful and I like that she is still on the smaller side. Sometimes those wild child pets are just what we need at that time. Congratulations on the upcoming birth of your child and I hope all goes well with you and your entire family. Thanks for sharing the pictures. I know we all get such a kick out of seeing everyone's pets.

My experience is that it's better to get a new love that isn't at all like the one you've lost; you (I, we) always look at the new one & wish she were the old one.

Also, getting a new love when you don't feel like you've grieved enough for the old one makes you feel *guilty*, as though you're betraying the old love.

which is crazy, but we're human beings with complex & crazy brains.

Sylvia, I agree with your idea of getting a totally different kind of dog. I have a friend who had a Golden Retriever named Magic. He lived to be 13, I think, and when he passed they got another Golden Retriever and named him Magic! I have never understood that.

I think from experience you will grow to love her more, and eventually you will love her as much as the little sweetheart who passed. I have always had a hard time bonding with a "new" dog after my previous beloved dogs have died. They just made me feel worse because they reminded me how much they were not my lost pet. But logically I knew I would fee different in time and each time I did. My oldest dog is now 14. I disliked him from the start but treated him well while I waited for the bond to form. Now I am fearful that our days together are growing shorter and it is such a pain in my heart. I love my little guy so much.