Just like haters gonna hate, givers gonna give I guess.

LOL!

This also goes along the lines of when people think you like to collect something. Years ago, a few friends and I went to Woodstock NY for a girl's weekend. I bought three tiny ceramic fairies. Well, I then received fairy gift notes or birthday cards etc. Finally when I was shopping with one and she was handling a glass fairy necklace,and looking to buy it for me, I had to finally say ,"I really don't collect fairies."

This past weekend I was away with friends. Three of us were visiting the fourth in her new home. One friend said that she saw mugs with bees and should we buy it for our friend? I have had this discussion with the friend we were going to and knew hat she really didn't want any more bees collectables.

So, unless you know a collection is ongoing or welcomed, veer away from it.

I am one of those people who would rather receive nothing than receive something thoughtless or to which no thought was given. Don't waste your time and more to the point don't waste your money.

Don't use Christmas as an excuse to clean out your basement, to send passive/aggressive messages, to outspend someone, to buy the cheapest thing on a clearance table (unless you have someone specific in mind - budgeting I get) and then just dump it on someone.

My MIL also brings a bouquet of flowers on Christmas and it always includes eucalyptus which she knows that I happen to be highly allergic to. That is a passive/aggressive message. When DH sees it he grabs it from her before it comes in the house and leaves it outside.

I have told my husband to tell his mother to stop with the gift giving and she finally has done so. I told my husband to not give me anything anymore and I think this year he is finally getting the message. I don't intend to sound ungrateful but I am tired of getting chocolates, books I won't read, recipe books I won't use, and Pandora charms that I don't wear. I hate the wasting of money more than I enjoy the receiving of gifts.

Mayflowers, I would say something if it were my husband but when my mother and MIL give gifts out of convenience I don't bring it up. I know they're getting older, have a lot of shopping to do and also a lot of prep work over the holidays because they host. I don't always like what they give me but I appreciate where they're coming from.

Oh I'll add another. My MIL usually gives me a gift card to Victoria's Secret that I awkwardly open in front of my conservative FIL and kids... My MIL is not my husband's biological mother so I don't think she realizes how uncomfortable this is.

What Magdelena said. I can't remember the last time someone gave me a clothing gift that was something I would actually wear. DH knows better, and most of the time no one else would give me clothing but occasionally a member of the family does and it is always something that would look good on her, not me. And the tags are ripped off, no gift receipt.

Decor stuff. Ditto. I am just too picky, and I know it's my problem, not anyone else's, but it is so tricky to figure out what to do with something that someone gives you when it really doesn't fit in anywhere.

Of course, it IS the thought that counts, and I am happy to receive any gift. But I am sure everyone has these thoughts from time to time! Usually it's the extended family gifts that sometimes seem random, but the gifts from my best girlfriends are always awesome. I think it's a sign that we know each other well and really put the effort in. I enjoy the process of picking gifts for people most of the time, but I think a lot of people find it a difficult chore, and sometimes that shows.

I have one close friend who really gets stressed about holiday shopping, so a few years ago we decided to stop buying for each other and instead, we go out for a fancy-ish dinner and maybe a play or the movies. I have another friend who often gives "experience" gifts like lunch and manicures (together).

I do like gift cards, especially for indulgences like manicures or a fancy gourmet food shop. I like receiving books or earrings or scarves or fun socks. Or a nice bottle of wine. :)

If you need another vote against scented products, I'll weigh in. I'm really sensitive to scents. Unless it's the rare product scented with essential oils, I can't do scented candles, perfumes, lotions, etc. My sensitivity goes up when I'm fighting off a virus, to the point where I'm strategically moving upwind from people on the sidewalk because of their aftershave, detergent, or fabric softener. I once had to drop back a full half block behind a woman before I couldn't smell her anymore. So scented products are aggressively regifted or donated.

I'm not a huge fan of gift cards for adults, unless they have a specific need, but for kids, cash or gift cards are about autonomy and the ability to make their own purchase decisions without having to ask mom and dad. It's the independence, not the money itself, that is the cool part.

While it might be the thought that counts, not paying attention can really hurt feelings. My examples: after loosing a lot of weight and being really happy, I was given a table sized box of nice chocolates. (note diabetes runs in the family and the giver knew of both the work and the health concerns) What does that say about the thought that counts? Or the slinky black dress the (now ex) hubby gave me after the weight loss....only he did his shopping in the foundations department....yes he gave me a girdle. (he did think he bought a little black dress so in that case it was the thought that counts and we can still laugh about it....)

And then there was the year we were being thrifty and all I asked for was the recipe organizer that matched the recipe box I already had. I showed it to the hubby and explained what I wanted. Only he picked up the exact same box I already had. I went to exchange it and got a long lecture from the sales lady about how inconsiderate I was and that he had picked that very item and some one as self centered as I was should be just happy to get a gift......I should have just taken the cash but I did do the exchange and never stepped foot in that store again.

I try to be "easy to gift to" because I love getting gifts - like I just love opening them! I'm very acquisitive. I also love watching other people open gifts.

I like getting and do use cash and gift cards. Our families mostly give more modest type gifts and I like the chance to consolidate gift cards to get something extravagant (e.g. right now I'm saving up for an HBC points blanket which is like $300 minimum, I would never get this except with gift cards).

I appreciate but don't use most bath/beauty products (my workplace is compulsorily scent free), but I'm happy to send them along to a new home.

It's hard to buy wine for a wine snob, I ended up with a terrible bottle from the yankee swap at work yesterday and not yet sure what I'll do with it.

I like getting household trinkets - most of my family has nice taste and I always have a place for knickknacks!

My MIL and Grandmother in law have fabulous taste and often get me scarves, which I do wear.

I LOVE getting handmade gifts but I do suffer gift guilt as I am not crafty at all. I received a KING SIZED QUILT from one friend as a wedding present. How could I ever top that?

My husband loves kitchen gadgets - the more impractical the better.

This is a story about being a bad gift giver: I have really REALLY spotty luck getting stuff for my mom. I try and observe her closely but just don't understand her tastes at ALL and it's very difficult choosing a gift for her. E.g. she might love one burgundy hoodie and hate another one - but the why is a mystery to me. She doesn't like "practical" gifts (I found out one year AFTER I got them a nice set of flatware that they desperately needed). She definitely doesn't like gift certificates - the thought counts. She likes objets d'art but very hard to choose ones she likes--I've probably bought her one painting she's hung. We got her an iPad last year and she started using it last month (belated success). It's a pickle every year!

Mostly due to my mom, on my side of the family we have a very useful philosophy which is that we are giving the "idea" of something (with a gift receipt). E.g. "this sweater represents the idea of a really nice sweater that you would love and wear every day."

My grandmother always sends us a nice Christmas cheque but more than that I love the way she does up her cards

Sometimes there is absolutely no thought involved at all, so there is no thought that counts.

I'm not grateful for thoughtless, obligatory anything from anyone but my local animal shelter's resale shop benefits from those *gifts* so... thanks for the donation.

I owned a shop and sold French soaps, very nice home fragrance, candles, and bath/body products as well as home decor. Why in the world would you (who is not broke or ignorant of the fact of what my business was) give me a Glade candle? The cheap, ugly *display* tile of a Moose because I live north of the Mason-Dixon line? Those are just 2 off the top of my head, but there have been cat magnets and figurines - because I have cats? None have ever been seen in my home and my fridge is bare so why? I won't even go into ugly clothing territory :-O

I graciously say thank you and know that it will be in the next donation pile so my local homeless animals will benefit from it.

I went to exchange it and got a long lecture from the sales lady about how inconsiderate I was and that he had picked that very item and some one as self centered as I was should be just happy to get a gift......I should have just taken the cash but I did do the exchange and never stepped foot in that store again.

Good grief! I hope you insisted on speaking with her manager and lodged a complaint. Or at the very least, told her to shut her yap and just do her job (and get more fiber in her diet, obviously).

When I buy gifts for myself, I am often unsure and then sometimes I change my mind and take it back. So I guess I am really really hard to shop for!

My DH is very good at buying for me, both silly little things and extravagances from time to time. My kids are starting to take a real interest in selecting gifts for everyone, which is really sweet.

My sister is also pretty good at gift giving, I look forward to that. I also have a few friends who do a great job. Luckily my Mom and my in laws only buy for the kids, and send us a card.

I do have one relative that always sends us candy, a lot of it, and they should know we don't really eat candy. It isn't even something kids would like, usually, though the gift is to the family. C'est la vie.

The only thing I really do not like is receiving something extravagant from anyone but DH.

Wine themed gifts because I don't drink wine. Last year I was given an expensive bottle of wine and gave it away. Yesterday, I just received a lovely set of kitchen towels with wine bottles on them which I will be giving to my daughter. Next is shirts or sweaters. I am super picky on the fit of my clothes so I end up returning them every time. I love gift cards. They are perfect to use or to re-gift.

I'm seriously not that fussy.... honest :-D

I've resorted to giving my husband a list of suggestions and some definite choices but I had to.

I like Pandora, I know... qu'elle horreur, but I do and I like the pretty charms, no sports, animals, initials, etc.

He knows that so, when I opened my birthday gift and saw the nice box from the local shop in our adorable downtown, I was excited - only to open it and find a snake charm, a baby chick, and an enameled kelly green whatever (I actually hate that color and I'm not a zoologist lol). I asked him what on earth possessed him and he actually told me that the salesperson took the first tray out of the case and he said 'I'll take that one and that one and that one'. Thanks honey. Btw, I had sent him a wishlist with many choices from their website.

For Christmas a couple of years ago, I asked for a nice little Bulova watch I had seen with diamond accents that would be nice to wear once in a while just because I liked it. Showed him the watch, told him all of the places he could buy it. Christmas comes, open the package and it's a $15 watch from Meijer (big grocery store chain) close enough for him, I suppose. Bought the watch I wanted on Amazon and groceries with his watch.

You know what? The worst thing to me about thoughtless gifts is, and this may be different for you, that when I open them they make me feel crappy and sad. This is what they/he/she think of me?

Sorry, I suppose I got a little OT but it sure feels good to vent somewhere :-)

fruit. unexciting and can never use it up.

I always get a check from my dad. My ( our) yearly check just came. Although in the past I wished for something he picked out personally, a check is really perfect and buys us a nice dinner out of our choice. When my mom was alive we got Walmart gift cards. Now I know that might seem cheesy to some but it came in handy for gardening supplies and a few other odds and ends we needed. So I'm not against all gift cards just ones like $25 cards for Nordstroms and the like. You can't really buy anything in Nordstrums for $25 and it just confuses me.

I like just about anything but knick knacks and joke gifts. WRT gift giving, I suffer from "Je pense trop" and am always second guessing myself.

Don't ever gift me with fruitcake. That's a bad scene. Anything else it really is the thought that counts...

My late DH used to give me lovely gifts. Except for this one birthday gift... My birthday's in March and it can be dreary. I remember it as a worrisome time, with financial woes. What does he give me for my birthday? An electric knife sharpener. The minute I opened the gift and made eye contact with him, he knew he'd effed up. That poor knife sharpener never got used, never even came out of the box, and I think it is still on some remote shelf in the garage.

One Christmas just before my ex and I became engaged, I was sure - certain beyond all certainty - that he was giving me an engagement ring for Christmas. He had strongly hinted at it, and I was just beside myself with excited anticipation. Christmas morning rolled around, and I expected the little box when he presented me with a large one. Oh, he must've wrapped the small one inside the large one.

Wrong.

He had given me a makeup mirror.

I cried for hours. In the gift of a makeup mirror, I saw a man telling me that I didn't look right "as is", and I also took the lack of a ring - despite repeated strong hints on his part - to be a deliberately cruel act. Granted, I was quite young and rather prone to histrionics, but oh man ... that was a bad scene.

I don't like it when DH gets me things HE wants....lol! He's done this a few times and I think he's gotten the message....."gee hon, thank you so much for the Clapper you've wanted for the lamp in your office."

A few years ago I merely mentioned, in the summer, that we should put a flashlight in the nightstand in case the power ever went out in the middle of the night. You guessed it....I got a flashlight for Christmas. THAT he remembered but somehow never seems to remember things I actually tell him I would like.

In his defense, I am hard to shop for. Also no clothes or decor items. He usually buys me earrings and I need to tell him no more...I have so many now.

I do prefer a gift card to $ if it's to a place I shop. A card forces me to pick something out for myself or the house whereas $ just ends up in my wallet with the other cash and is frittered away on everyday stuff.

Lisa...oh no.....I am giving DD, son's GF and DIL all the same stuff.....I hope they won't hate me!

Um ... what about a DH who buys you lingerie that he wants you to wear? I have a number of "little somethings" (more like "little nothings", truth be told) that DH gave to me as gifts. The lace is itchy, the boning digs in, the thong ... well, you know what the thong does. I do not now, not have I ever, had the body of a Victoria's Secret model, but I guess I should appreciate the fact that he appreciates me enough to want to see me in some of those things. I'm so much more comfortable in ... well, something like this, though:

This is for you, AuntJen.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgmhXnKG3_k

Joaniepoanie, I think you'll be fine. Just don't repeat it for 25+ years!

Joanie, that reminds me of the time DH called me at work to tell me he had gotten me a VCR (this was many years ago, of course) for our anniversary and he and our son were watching it! I was incidental to the gift-giving process.

But, he is thoughtful in so many other ways.

"Here. I got me this."

LOL! Love Jim Gaffigan!

There's a member of my extended family that is a terrible gifter, IMHO. One year my late DH received a butt/face towel for his Xmas gift. Another year his gift was a beer stein After he had to quit drinking...

Char, a butt/face towel? You and husband win the worse gift prize of all time.

Oh AJ. I had a drawer full of similar fab Victoria's Secret gifts. I liked some of the things in the store....but never the type I was given.

My guy says he is lucky, he can do my shopping in the tool aisle at HD. He is usually right... But he did buy the gift he wanted last year. I did finally use it but not something I will use often. (Kregg kit)

Great stories :-) Oh, the joys of the holidays!

A couple of years ago, my two brothers and I decided we'd draw names between our families, instead of buying gifts for everyone. At our family Christmas, we started exchanging and unwrapping, and crazy SIL casually says, "oh, I forgot our gifts." They live maybe 10 minutes from my parents house. No effort made to go get the "forgotten" gifts, and so three people didn't get a gift. These gifts were not given at a later date. I won't get into all the other ways they have impacted our previously happy family occasions :-(

In college, my best friend was dating a new guy who lived about an hour away. She carefully chose several nice gifts for him on her student poverty income. When he came to town for their Christmas date, he gave her..... a chocolate orange! We have laughed hysterically over this gift for years and it has become a standing joke. "What should I get for so-and-so?" "How about a chocolate orange?"

Also, I totally agree about lingerie. I feel completely ridiculous in it, and it is NOT a gift for the woman. An elegant nightie or something, sure.

Butt/Face towel? I could not figure it out for the life of me but Google to the rescue. If you don't want to click it's a bath towel with a white half embroidered with 'FACE' and a brown half embroidered with 'BUTT'.

Nice! :-O

http://www.amazon.com/Westminster-Butt-Towel-Cotton-Approx-44/dp/B0076PDYRS

Lamps! And other home decor.

Auntjen, Pajamagram is awesome.

Speaking of which, DH has not asked me one thing I want. Yikes.

AJ: The discomfort is intentional as it means it comes off quicker!

The gifts that irritate me are the ones that try to make you into something you are not. "Oh dear, I bought you coupons for a manicure or spa day or whatever because a girl needs..." I have neither the time nor the inclination to get my nails done, but now I also get to feel guilty that I am not going to be able to utilize the gift.

I am finding that for younger kids, cash works better than gift cards. Some family members have given gift cards of $5 to Wal-Mart. One is hard pressed to find something for $5 at Wal-Mart unless they get 4 candy bars and even then, one ends up with gift card amounts of .62 or having to pony up cash when they do not have it.

I am one who puts a lot of effort into gift giving. I take notes throughout the year and write down ideas as they come to me. I enjoy doing for others and I do it with no expectation of return but I the selfish side of me wonders what it would be like to have somebody who really paid that much attention to me.

I feel bad when people complain about gift cards. Some of us hate to shop with a red-hot loathing. Gift buying is incredibly stressful for me. I can't stand shopping in general but when you add into it having to come up with a gift that I think someone will enjoy and appreciate? Yikes. I enjoy buying for children but the adults in my life get gift cards or IOU's to do something fun together, like dinner and a play, on my dime.

What I don't like receiving? Stuff. Any kind. I'm trying to downsize, streamline my life, and minimize clutter. Give me a gift card to a store I like (REI, please!!!) or give me the type of gift I'll give you. Next time, you take me to dinner and a play. Or get a fun board game we can play together. I'd rather create memories than have someone choose my stuff. Whatever stuff I need, I'd rather choose myself.

While I appreciate the thought behind all gifts, what I really don't like is bad chocolate. Since people know I like chocolate, I get it often. It's so frustrating to love chocolate, hope it's good, and then have it and not be able to eat it. I hate wasting calories like that on something I won't enjoy. So I end up putting it out for company hoping someone else will eat it. Of course, that's the curse of being very fussy. When we were in France, we went to the valrhona chocolate outlet store and I have to admit, it wasn't very good chocolate. I've also had Bridgewater and Munsons and neither are very good. But because it's cheap with a name, I often get Ferrero Rocher and Perugina. Yuck. Give me super dark 72% or more straight, unadulterated, preferably organic chocolate. I think I could mainline the stuff.

Our local ice creamery, which makes fabulous ice cream, has dark chocolate chunks in one of their flavors that is to die for. I even asked them what brand it was and where to get it and they said it was a commercial grade wholesale chocolate and didn't know a brand name. Rats!

Years ago, I found a really good chocolatier, but of course, he went out of business. So it goes.

That Gaffigan thing was very funny. Reminded me of my old secy who was gorgeous and slender and would look good in a paper bag. She used to buy lingerie fairly frequently. She said, if she's got to give her husband the same present, at least she could change the wrapping.

Someone used to give me Harry and David fruit boxes and I could never get excited about apples and pears.

A Story of the Bad Christmas Gift That Broke An Engagement . . . Mine!

Back when I was 20, I was engaged to a really nice guy "J". His family loved me and mine loved him. He was the catch of his high school and later a big man on campus in college. And, like I said, he really was a truly wonderful guy, too. For Christmas that year, though, I was expecting a few romantic gifts from J. My eyes were opened to my future with him, though, when I opened his gift on Christmas Eve: jumper cables! I should have known, like the rest of his family, they were not into romantic gifts or even pretty gifts. Wonderful people, but it was all about total practicality. His father gave his mom gifts like toasters and a frying pan. At 20, I saw the writing on the wall, like the old saying goes, "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree". That early January, I took a trip down to Florida to visit my grandparents and old friends and to think. I answered an ad for a job as an x-ray tech in Ft. Lauderdale. Took it and went home to call off my engagement and move to Florida. It was the best thing for me and I've never regretted it. Eight years later I met my future husband. And, although I now appreciate practical gifts, I still love the romantic and pretty ones my sweet DH gives me for every Christmas, birthday, etc.

In retrospect, it was the best bad Christmas gift I ever got.

Does anyone else feel like you just can't win? Cash is crass, gift cards are either too limiting or not thoughtful enough, food is bad for you or not special enough, clothes are all wrong, home decor items are never to the recipient's taste, and so on. I do try but often I just don't have an epiphany for a perfect gift for each person on my list and yet not giving anything would be hurtful. I have grown to not care much for Christmas and I think this is a big part of that.

crl: I get where you are coming from. One of the ways I deal with that is I try to look at each gift in context of the recipient. Giving can be a risk and a sacrifice of yourself. Sometimes I give a gift and hit a homerun and sometimes I strike out. There are some people to whom I give gifts because there is an obligation and some people I give to from pure joy. I do not expect that pure joy feeling to happen with everyone or every year. I do what I can when I can and try not to feel guilty about it. For some people, a gift of cash is not crass, it works well (like the under 10 crowd). For others, a gift card is very personal, it says you care enough to give them something that they can hopefully use without cluttering up their lives with stuff they do not want. The food part is harder for me as I do like to bake but I run into more and more people who "do not eat that stuff any more." One thing that does help is for me to give and release that gift from any expectations.

I said this above but I really think middle age and up are very close to impossible to buy for. Most of us just don't need stuff or we are at an age where we are particular about things. All these posts about Christmas gifts have brought me to the conclusion that it's best to get something they already have or use or drink or eat. I can see where I might have gone wrong on my friends gift and should have just bought her a bottle of Stoli and some very good garlic filled olives.

Food, alcohol or sweets.

A gift in my name to a charity.

For those who like to give such gifts, and I am one, I find that people get more enjoyment out of the gift if they can choose the charity (unless you know of a particular cause they are involved in).

My kids have a fundraising site on Razoo.com, which is a great platform with tons and tons of charities, and you can order (physical or e-form) gift cards from Razoo. Then they can go on Razoo and choose a charity. I am sure there are other ways to do it (not just Razoo), but the thing is you are giving a gift card that can only be used to charitable giving, but the charity is up to the recipient.

I have done this with good success.

ETA: Here is an article on the subject, see the table at the bottom.

http://www.creditcards.com/credit-card-news/charity-gift-card-tips-suggestions-1271.php

What's wrong with wanting to selectively choose to not eat unhealthy junk food? Besides, it makes some of us sick when we do. I don't want perfumes for the same reason.

Like Gibby, I have stopped giving gifts for the most part. I don't have human kids and my fur kids have very few requests. My grand niece and nephew never acknowledge that they even receive the gifts I have sent in the past (including iPads) and I decided I would contribute the funds I would have spent on them to those less fortunate financially. Actually, that turns out to be a gift to me as it makes me feel good that I can make a difference, albeit a slight difference.

As far as least favorite gift to receive, I have no least favorite. No gift is expected. Each gift is appreciated.

OMG, Marlene, I'd kill my kids if they didn't send a thank you. Growing up, we always got a box of thank you notes in our stockings, and I do that, too. They have to be in the mail before the ball drops in Times Square! House rules.

I like the gift card to a charity of their choice idea. Otherwise, can you imagine some of the posts on that lol? People getting all upset about someone giving in their name to a children's chairty when they hate kids or to a dog rescue when they are allergic to dogs or...well, anyway, it seems a safe bet.

The only gifts I don't like receiving are those that are not cheap, were well thought out, were not just chump change to the giver, and the quality is horrible.

I have a friend who often sends me Harry & David pears, for instance. They used to be amazing, but lately they're plain old bartletts I could get for 69 cents a pound at the grocery store, only not as good quality as the store pears (which are mediocre at best).

It's a terrible ripoff, but I hesitate to say anything to my friend, because then she'd have to think of something else to do instead next year, and I know she thought a lot to come up with the idea. But it bothers me that she's wasting so much money without getting anything that's worth it.

OMGosh! The Butt/Face towel, I can't believe it is real. I would have loved to have used that in the white elephant exchange I was in. Saving that for next year!

I love to give gifts, but I would prefer if my DH's family members would agree to lists (we pick names each year). I picked my nephew, and my niece came up with his wish list. I am soooo happy to be giving him something he will enjoy, versus giving him something I think he will like.

I usually buy anything I want/need; I am difficult to buy for. I get a lot of gift cards, which I find the most difficult of gifts. Only because I forget to use them. LOL.

By the way, to go with the ButtFace towel is this: For the man in your life.

Aunjen your story reminds me of what my ex-friend did to his live-in girlfriend. She wanted an engagement ring so badly and actually asked him for one for Christmas. They were living as a family with his daughter and her kids. He played her to the very end, talking about the 4 c's of diamonds and making her believe she was going to get the commitment she craved. On Christmas she opened her lovely jewelry gift box to find a pair of diamond earrings. He then played the victim bemoaning how upset and hurt he was that she didn't like the expensive gift that he spent so much time picking out. That ended our 20 year friendship because he enjoyed hurting that girl so much and I realized there was a very dark side to him.

What a creep.