I remember how excited you were when you first learned your sis was moving back. I'm sure it's been lovely having her and her hubby in your home. It was also lovely and very thoughtful and generous of them to offer to pay you rent, but I wouldn't be able to take the money from one of my siblings. Since you had no prior agreement that they'd pay rent, it would feel awkward (to me) to accept their money. I'd probably tell them absolutely not on the rent, but "you can buy me a nice dinner out if you're so inclined." Make it easy on them, but let them do a LITTLE something nice for you since they seem to want to express their gratitude. That could also be a fun celebration in honor of their new home.

Hope they found a house fairly close to you.

I think that is lovely and I would do it. It is loving, kind, and generous-exactly what families should be.

Thanks! This confirms my belief. Ida, they're about a ten minute drive away. I really wanted them right in my neighbourhood but the housing stock this spring was beyond bad. I felt embarrassed for my city! They are living in a very dreamy and special neighbourhood though, one my husband and I have considered more than once, basically in this park. It would increase my commute to either 45 mins by bus or 20 mins by car, which I'm not a fan of, but the neighbourhood itself is amazing. My workplace may be moving out of downtown in the next couple of years and then I might consider a change.

I would decline, if you don't need the money to cover any expenses you incurred because of their stay and suggest that they pay it forward. Someday, perhaps they can host a niece or nephew or someone else, needing a bit of help.

People like to give and do for others. I would decline the gift of money unless it is needed or covers incremental costs incurred. I would tell them they owe you dinner at your favorite place, or a spa day, or some such.

OMG that park. Save a spot for me!

You know your sister and BIL, do you think they will feel beholden to you? Their biggest "impact" was probably on your electric and water bills, maybe on your data? But how would you divvy that out. Surely they've bought groceries, or toilet paper, or paid for dinner or picked up doughnuts and coffee. And you've enjoyed having them, right? But if you think they will feel beholden, maybe they can host the holiday gathering for the next 3 years as payback!

If you'd rather let it go, be sure they know how much you've enjoyed having them with you. And maybe, if you ever remodel, they will let you move in with them for a month?

I agree with all that has been written. It's wonderful that they are considerate enough to think of asking to reimburse you.

Isn't this just the way it is supposed to be. A generous offer made, gracious guests, reciprocation offered when they could, your declining it. This is family. This is love. This is how we should all be able to live. If you were tight feeding them all, I do hope they have pitched in for meals..but a gift freely offered, freely given no regrets is the best ever!!

I agree that you leave it, or let them buy you a nice dinner. They didn't overstay their welcome, and I'm sure they contributed in some way while they were there.

At one time, we were the Home for Wayward Relatives. At various times we had three different people (one unrelated) stay with us. A cousin lived here for 2.5 years! We have a large house and it was no imposition. None of them contributed financially, but they all cooked on occasion, and were usually around for dog sitting if we wanted a weekend away. We enjoyed being able to help out, and didn't expect anything in return.

As I started reading your post, I was sure it was going to be about how sick you were of them or some petty thing they'd done to upset you (not b/c of anything I think about your character, but just b/c we all sometimes come here to vent). How wonderful that you made living in close quarters work so well.

I would let them know that your feelings are that this is was a wonderful opportunity for you not a chore and it was a win win for both of you (you get your family back, they get a place to stay). The only way I would change my response to this is if it caused you financial hardship that made you resent her presence and it sure doesn't sound like that is the case.

Agree that your instincts are spot on. You have already mentioned that you and your DH may move one day, so look at it this way....You might sell your current home and need an interim place to stay for a few weeks or so while your new home is being remodeled, so would they be able to reciprocate and accommodate the two of you? Probably so. I think the idea of a celebratory dinner out (their treat) is a great idea.

Ok so I have an updated dilemma which is that today is moving day and on my coffee table I found a very nice thank you card with a rent cheque in it!*for half the amount they first suggested.

wwyd now??

Oh, wow. Your sister and BIL are very sweet and thoughtful people - obviously!

You could tell them you're tearing up the check (and then do so), or thank them and graciously accept their generosity. It's really hard for us to say what you should do -- but if I were in your shoes, I'd probably do the former and just tear up the check (I'd tell them though, so they didn't keep looking for it to clear their account).

That said, they obviously wanted to give you something. Not knowing the personalities or the dynamics involved, if you think for a moment that they might be hurt if you refused their generosity, then I think accepting it would be the right thing to do.

I would accept the check, cash it, donate the money to a cause I believed in.

Then I would tell my sister, "thank you, because of the money you forced on me I was able to make a nice donation to St. Jude's."

It appears this is very important to them. At this point the gracious thing is to leave it as is and move forward.

Robo, I'm curious. Did your sister and DH chip in for groceries throughout their stay?

eld6161, yes and helped with household chores. Really great guests. From their perspective we saved them a bundle as they didn't have to rent a house and this is their way of saying thank you and contributing to utilities, etc. And they likely don't want to feel indebted in a way (not that we were aiming for that feeling!)

Keep the money for now...then give it back to them as a Christmas present? Maybe take your sister out and buy her something fabulous for the new house?

If they're barely able to cover moving costs, I'd return it. Otherwise, keep it for something special and maybe take your sister (and yourself) to a spa after the move? Or all four of you to a fun splurge you normally wouldn't do?

BTW, I love that park! A 20 minute drive isn't too bad....mine is longer, but I get to come home to a beautiful view! If you could get something in your price range, it would be such a nice area. But only you know what works for your situation.

If you ever did decide to move....I'll bet you could stay with your sister, if your house sells too quickly : )

Perhaps there's something you could purchase for your home with the money they left - a new lamp, an area rug, a pretty vase or maybe even a few bottles of wine that you could share with them. They obviously want to thank you and this way you can tell them how much you appreciated their thoughtfulness and that you decided to buy something special to enjoy.

What a thoughtful couple, but not on your life! The memories and time shared together was all the 'payment' you could ever have asked for. It a win-win situation.

LL - no, they get a moving allowance from her work, profited substantially on the sale of their home and are probably in a similar financial situation to us so they're comfortable, although they have a baby on the way!

Since it is something they really wanted to do, I would cash the check and follow Maire's suggestion or donate the funds. Robo, you have a lovely, thoughtful sister...but I think it runs in the family!

Hi robo,

since you are in Canada like myself I would thank them and tell them you decided to start their new baby off with the beginnings of a RESP account with their money.

i started one for my grand daughter and am sure glad I did.

Thank you all for the great insight and suggestions! I'm still a little torn on what to do so I am going to sleep on it and of course consult with my husband.

Since they obviously feel that payment of some kind was the right thing to do, I would accept the $ graciously, thank them, then do whatever you think is right. Keep it, spend it, donate it, but don't make it look like you're rejecting their "gift" by telling them you're giving it away. I'd simply say that you'll do something special with it. But don't tell them what, unless it's a treat for you and your husband and you can say how much you enjoyed it.

I love Lyban's suggestion, and think that would be a win-win solution, as surely you are all excited about the arrival of the new little one!

I would accept the money and put it in a bond or bank account for the baby. Saw Lyban's post after I posted this....not sure what RESP is...but do that!

Anne's idea is excellent about bank account for the baby.