I don't understand why the builder would be involved in getting permits for tree removal. I would think either you or the tree removal company would be responsible for doing that. This close to the end of the project I would try to not add any more work to his contract especially site work.

Not appropriate.

Things do get tense towards the end, at least that was our experience. You are thrust into a relationship with somebody that you really don't know. I would rather deal with a faceless corporation. But faceless corporations aren't custom homebuilders.

He is an older man in his 60's and I'm an almost 40 year old woman. My problem with him is he's nice sometimes and other times rude or try to make it seem like things are delayed because of us. We make decisions on timely manner but he has the problem of not ordering things. For example, I've made decisions on lighting, plumbing, and tiles months ago and gave him all info. I had assumed he placed order but was just informed by people I was working with he had not even ordered even after they reached out to him! I've been working on the exterior patio selection but he has never given me any timeline on anything. In fact, throughout this whole building process he has not givn us any guideline or steps we need to start picking things..even after I ask!

Our city requires that any tree removal needs city permit. They are very strict with tree removal and preservation. I'm just really irritated bybthevway I was spoken to so just venting I guess.

The other poster was not questioning a permit for tree removal, but why the builder would get a permit if he is not doing the removal.

My understanding is builder gets all permits for what's needed to build our house. At least that's what he told us at beginning of the project. I don't think of it as adding more to his list but as something to address now or later. It affects our driveway so that's why we are making sure it's done correctly where we won't have to worry about it later.

The big issue isn't really about tree permit or not. It's his attitude towards me. We are paying for whatever needs to be done and paying him. There's no reason for him to yell at me as if I were his child.

You have a HUGE advantage. It's called "reviews." Do it! And let the world know what a jerk he is! Anyone in business who doesn't put the customer first should know that it will come back to haunt in a big way! Give YELP a review.

You just want it to be over. You don't need a lawsuit on top of it all.

I'm not so sure I would write a review on this since he's still working on my house. I'm just upset about his attitude and really want to just yell back at him asking what the heck is wrong with him and not to talk to me so rudely. However, since the conversation was yesterday I feel it's too late to bring up. Wished I had just hung up on the jerk like MsLindley suggested.

I feel for you! Personality matters so much in establishing a trust relationship and whether or not you enjoy the process. We extend the first "trust" olive branch by choosing the person to work with. We want to be treated with respect and trust in return.

After reading lily'smom story, I wonder if you should verify that materials/subs have been paid for, in case his behavior is the same kind of red flag. How disappointing that you could do your due diligence, even checking at the lumber yard, and still not be able to find out the truth.

I know this is a side issue, but our contract states that the builder will obtain all permits needed for the job. So if we needed a permit for tree removal I would be coordinating that with the builder as well.

If you wanted to yell back, you should have done so. This isn't a garden party. It's a building site. Construction operates on different rules.

Rule #1 is if YOU don't stand up for yourself, you are being weak, not ''polite''.

Women are raised to be quiet and avoid confrontation, and that gets taken advantage of by those who were raised to be very direct in confrontations, i.e. primarily men. Put on some big girl pants and deal with what is in front of you here. Yell back. Be direct and concise. ASSERTIVE. Be the boss. You are, after all, if you are the one who owns the property and hired the builder. If he owns the property, that's another story.

Worry less about rudeness than the quality of the job being done. If the quality is good, then you shouldn't whine on the internet about how the social niceties of the inevitable confrontations are handled unless you are willing to step up your own game and force the issue.

It could be so much worse than ''my builder yelled at me''. Like, my builder absconded with all my money. Or my builder didn't use any weather barrier or flashing and now my house will rot.

Count your blessings if you are receiving a quality product. That is the end goal.

Be prepared the next time. If he starts treating you poorly, simply ask the question "is there some reason you are treating me poorly here?" Have your script ready - "Hey, I know I am not perfect, but I am trying to give you what you need and as long as we communicate with each other, this shouldn't be that hard, should it?" and finally "you need to step back and take a look at how you are treating me as a customer."

I believe it is also an EXCELLENT idea to check with the subs on payment. I think it's reasonable to worry that his behavior is driven by something else going on - and certainly money issues / not paying his bills could do this. Certainly ANYTHING that might delay payments / closing he could look at very negatively and lash out at you if he didn't have enough money to cover ongoing expenses.

Re: reviews - I FREAKING HATE people that threaten legal action. First - if you state facts, your opinion and your experiences, you should not be afraid of any lawsuit. Be careful how you word things - but they say truth is the best defense. Also - I find that people that THREATEN to sue are usually the least likely to do so because they don't have money to pay for a lawsuit like this - so they are usually all bluster - especially knowing how hard it is to prove. I had someone threaten to sue me in the dog rescue business (she surrendered her dogs to us, signed papers, sent toys, etc) and then threatened to 1) call the sheriff for stolen dogs and 2) sue us for slander. She had ZERO money (one of the reasons the dogs were a mess) I said "bring it - I'll use all my resources to bury you" (Don't like being threatened) She never mentioned it again.

I agree I should've spoken up at the moment but I was taken aback and was driving. I'm more mad at myself for not speaking up as well. I will be discussing with him today that I didn't like the way I was treated yesterday now that I'm more composed.

Lots of construction people do good jobs but are not great at the business side. Or at the personal interaction side. Or the communication side. If they are good at it all, they soon get out of the average joe's price range.

Building is stressful for everyone. If you have different ways of handling conflicts than your builder, that doesn't make either of you "wrong". It just makes the person who avoids the confrontation to vent to strangers the one who is avoiding truly dealing with the issue directly.

It also means that you are the more stressed over the interaction because your local support systems is lacking, or you don't have good coping mechanisms in place to deal with conflict. Take a walk. Go to dinner with your family. Do something to manage your stress. And learn some conflict resolution strategies that you are comfortable using.

You are almost at the end. That's awesome! But that's the point by which everyone is pretty much sick of the whole project. :) Your builder wants it done and over with, YOU want it done and over with. Building a new home is like getting married to the contractor, in a way. You two are linked up in a deeply personal way, and you're "sharing" finances with someone you may not have picked if you were looking for a best friend. Look, I hated my builder by the end too. It's a major undertaking to build a new house and stuff is going to go wrong along the way - and if his being rude to you is the worst of your problems.....you are a lucky woman. Seriously. :) I'm not saying you shouldn't try to address it either, just trying to add some context.

Legislators Introduce Bill Calling For Nationwide Ban On Non-Disparagement Clauses

Today, Representatives Darrell Issa, Eric Swalwell, Blake Farenthold, and Brad Sherman (two Democrats and two Republicans) jointly proposed in Congress the Consumer Review Freedom Act of 2015, which would ban non-disparagement clauses nationally. We at Public Citizen have litigated cases against the use of such clauses (for instance in the KlearGear case, as well as the Cox case). The proposed bill, which is similar to one introduced last session (by Democrats only), also prohibits a business from imposing a clause requiring consumers to sign away their intellectual property rights in communications about the business. We've challenged that type of clause, too. Today's bill authorizes enforcement by the Justice Department and by state attorneys general.The proposed law includes fines that could add up to real money fairly quickly.

I do not know if the law has been implimented yet. It removes clauses from existing contracts from being enforcable and restricts them from further contracts. I would send a copy of the law to that lawyer and tell him to keep up, once enacted of course. ;)

Let me just add to my post above that my husband and I have a construction-related business they we have operated for 25 years. Women make up approximately 80% of our revenue.

In 25 years NOT ONCE have we yelled at a client. NOT ONCE.- not even with the most difficult ones. The excuse that sometimes you have to trade good work for verbal abuse is twisted thinking in itself, and I can't believe anybody would even suggest that.

You don't have to adjust your coping skills, keep quiet, etc. The verbal abuser is the one who needs to be called out and HE needs to be the one that evolves and makes the changes to successfully serve his clients. Period.

I yelled at a client once . . . then he adjusted his hearing aid and everything was fine.

He is working for YOU so verbal abuse should never be tolerated. You have the right to call him out on it and let him know that you will be respected and not talked down to like that.

have you spoken to him as yet?
conflict does not translate into rude. yelling, "you'd better... do you understand" is rude and rudeness is not justifiable in any situation or relationship, nor is it justifiable due to decent quality work, or a good attitude at times.
He's taking advantage of the fact that you've not contested his work quality (presumably), and moreso of the fact that you're close to the end of the project. if you overlook a person disrespecting you, they become comfortable doing so. uphold your standards, and let him know you don't accept his behaviour

Lawyers can claim defamation, the key is to tell facts, not feelings, facts, and be truthful. Defamation suits are based upon lies.

The legal description is "untrue statements". i.e. if you tell someone a lie, slander. If you print it, libel. Then there is malicious intent.

Bottom line, it is all about being true statements. So long as it is true, nothing they can do.

I know folks that sued a major home builder and settled within days... days. The key is keeping it honest, civil, focused, and informative... otherwise Yelp people would have lawsuits out the wazoo.

There is nothing that says you cannot talk about your actual experience. They cannot sue you for freedom of speech. They CAN, however, sue you if you claim something and they can prove it was wrong.

And if they cannot pay their supply bills, they have zero chance of paying a lawyer half good enough to actually win something against a deadbeat that has a reputation of being a jerk.

oops.. back on topic, don't tolerate rudeness. Tell them exactly that. It is your house, your land, they are doing a service for which you are paying them handsomely. Let them know in a firm but polite voice that while you understand this is all stressful for everyone, you do not work for them, they work for you, and they will treat you professionally, or they will be gone.

The catch is, you have to be willing to walk away from them, which you may or may not be able to do.

R

You need to figure out why things went off the rails.

Responsibility for residential construction permits is often misunderstood. All permits will be in the name of the owner but the GC is also named in the permit and is considered the owner's agent for the purposes of filing documents and site inspections because building departments prefer to deal directly with General Contractors.

When I am involved in a project I am listed as the architect and I am also considered an agent of the owner and have often submitted applications for a permit. My point is that there would be little reason for a GC to be involved with a permit for work not in his contract so that may have been the source of his annoyance when you asked him to do that. You were essentially asking him to make a trip to the building department for free since I assume he was not allowed to add a markup to his contract amount for the tree work.

Or perhaps he was having a bad day. Another clue to his emotional state is the delay in ordering which is sometimes a sign of financial difficulties. Home builders are generally undercapitalized which puts a great deal of pressure on them during the buyout process.

The other issue is expecting deadlines for when design decisions must be made. A general contractor is usually obligated to provide a construction schedule with updates but not necessarily deadlines for postponed design decisions although it would be a reasonable courtesy. That information should be provided ASAP after signing the contract. Its difficult enough to schedule subs even with all the information.

I'm not trying to justify bad manners but when people get upset it is best to find out why in order to get back to normal. Fighting is not an option. I sometimes need to act as the referee between builders an owners but when an architect is not involved, the parties must do that for themselves. If it becomes a contest, you will both lose.

I did have the conversation with him to understand why he snapped at me. He never gave an explanation other than to say I was holding up the process by not making decisions quickly. That was when I explained to him that I had made all my decisions months ago and the people are actually waiting on his response to order the supplies. I have made decisions on tiles, lighting, plumbing, and hardware over 2 months ago and the reps have reached out through emails/phone calls to get things ordered. I have also reminded him multiple times through email/text/phone calls that I am done with my decisions. I'm also waiting for him to tell me who to go through to work with on my landscape or exterior because that is really the only decision I have to work on last. I've asked him many times on that but he has yet to get back with me on that. As far as the patio decision, I had already narrowed it down to two selections but didn't give him the info yet because there were so many other supplies that I've given him that were yet to be ordered.

My husband and I met with him yesterday hoping to get a better timeline. There is another delay so instead of July we are looking at August. It's really not our decision making that is delaying as we're done with the major decisions. When I asked him for a timeline of when things are going to be ordered and completed for better idea we received a vague answer. When I asked him about tiles for kitchen/fireplace and lighting (which I completed selection over 2 months ago) he couldn't really give an answer other than "Don't worry I'll take care of it." That has been the answer to many things. I don't know what else to do other than wait and hope he follows through.

I suggest you print a copy of all the dated notifications regarding the design issues and give them to him "for his records". Then he will know the statements he has been making will not hold up if you decided to terminate the contract. I wouldn't threaten termination but he needs to know that the available evidence is not in his favor.

Yep - ALWAYS keep a paper trail. Or a digital trail.

As Eleanor Roosevelt said, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. It sounds like he doesn't handle stress well but since he's there to build your house (and I'm assuming you approve of his work since you didn't bring up any quality issues, even if you wish he would handle some things differently,) and not to be your new best friend, I'd blow it off. Don't make it about you.

I feel your pain, same thing happened to me. He was all nice and polite before the contract was signed, then part way through it was like the guy was bi-polar. Try and keep your cool and work it out, even if it means your husband takes over all communication.

Mine ended up walking out, not paying some of the subs, and I had to find a new contractor.

Mine also threatened to sue for slander if I posted any negative reviews, so I didn't.

But one thing I learned is here in Washington state there is a website where you can look up if someone filed lawsuits. After the fact I looked up my contractor and found he has sued a lot of people, and a lot of people have sued him. So before I hire someone next time I will make sure I check that.

The comment above by Veda Beeps goes to what I was going to say .. my response when someone would address me in that manner/tone would be "I usually don't respond to people who speak to me in that tone, but in your case, I will make an exception." I have not had to use this yet, but it is there!

When someone starts getting rude (especially on the phone, which seems to give some people the feeling they can be more rude) simply put your teacher voice on and say....I don't appreciate that tone. Please talk to me in a more civilized manner.

If they get more upset, you get nicer and talk more slowly. I understand this is unexpected, but this is what needs to be done. Or I realize this is making more work, but I want to have it done now, rather than later.

If it's going to cost you more...be prepared to pay it. If not, find out before telling the builder what you want. Maybe ask, instead?

My husband and I met with him yesterday hoping to get a better timeline. There is another delay so instead of July we are looking at August. It's really not our decision making that is delaying as we're done with the major decisions. When I asked him for a timeline of when things are going to be ordered and completed for better idea we received a vague answer. When I asked him about tiles for kitchen/fireplace and lighting (which I completed selection over 2 months ago) he couldn't really give an answer other than "Don't worry I'll take care of it." That has been the answer to many things. I don't know what else to do other than wait and hope he follows through.

I'd be concerned and I'd make sure he has lien releases for you to see.

Like JDS said, make sure you have a paper trail to give him.

Reading between the lines, it sounds like he's hurting for cash.

Please, go right now to your online county and surrounding county court records website and search his name and his business name. Search civil and criminal records. Don't give him any more money until you know he is on the mark and paying his bills and his subs. You don't want to have to pay for things twice...

His blatant avoidance in answering your questions about ordering product is troublesome. And his behavior seems consistent with someone stressed about resources.

Document - email and in writing is your friend right now, and consider recording your face to face conversations (assuming it is legal in your state to have one party authorization, or - put the recorder on the table and say you are just bad at taking notes / action items)

Could be cash flow problems, but it could also be something going on in his personal life. I'm speculating here, but if he is rude to you and not your husband, he might be picking on you as a woman. In other words, he may be either a sexist, or having trouble with his SO, in which case you become a kind of proxy for his resentments. If he's going through separation and divorce, the whole situation could be intensified. Again, just speculation on my part, based on my experiences.

I totally understand. I have had two builder/contractors in Bend, Oregon do the same to me. I am beginning to think it is the nature of the beast. Most of these people I have met seem to have personal problems, drinking, depression, etc. You cannot take it personally, but it is hard to find a professional (in this type of business) that is respectful and not disparaging or simply rude and arrogant! Sorry you had that experience! Also, unfortunately I agree with scone911. I am a single woman, and I do think they often treat women this way!

Resurrecting June 16, 2016 thread? I hope the matter was resolved long time ago.

I despise there are sooooo many SOB GC's out there! Yes, they want to make money but there is a limit.

Cindy - We have begun interviewing builders here in Bend and would be interested in hearing about the builders you had a bad experience with so we can avoid them. If you're willing to share, can you enable messaging?

Michael, I just saw this. The two builders I had issues with are retired. New Era Homes is great and affordable in case you are still interested.