Should all kids be treated equal?

lilly2007mike

9 years ago

I have been with my live in boyfriend for several years. He has a son, I have 3 kids. The situation is that I am starting to get upset about how my children are treated differently than his son. Examples of this in the last month are: My boyfriends dad calls and tells him that his son wants to go to an event and that he will pay for my boyfriend and his son to go, but its just for the 2 of them. My children were not invited. For the holidays his parents picked up his son and took him to open several gifts at their house because they didnt get anything for the other kids. Also, While i was working and my boyfriend was at home with my kids, his son was visiting his grandparents- My boyfriend got a call from his friends that they were at this event for kids and that he should bring his son to play. They said they would pay for him and wanted to see him. My boyfriend left my kids at home (They are old enough) and took his son. His son spends every weekend with his grandparents and comes home with new clothes, shoes, toys- ect. While my children dont get invited to these things. My youngest is the same age as his son, and I just dont think this is right. When talking to my boyfriend he says he didnt see it that way, that they just want to see his son. With the extra gifts he says he asked and they were gifts from the family. When my kids opened their gift it was a pillow. I got a towel- while my boyfriend and his son had several things and my kids had to just watch him open his gifts. What can I do without causing more issues?

Featured Answer

sushipup1

9 years ago

last modified: 9 years ago

You can get married.

I don't mean to be so flip, but there is no bond whatsoever between your children and your boyfriend's family.

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Comments (6)

colleenoz
9 years ago
I doubt marriage would change anything much. TBH I don't get why being married or not should make any difference in how your BF's parents treat children their son has in as part of his household. (Here it is quite common for couples not necessarily to marry and no one thinks a thing about it.)

That your BF is oblivious to the unfairness of it isn't a good sign either. Either you accept that your BF's parents are not very nice people, the apple doesn't seem to have fallen far from the tree and seethe in silence, or argue about it and go your separate ways.

Personally I'd leave. After so many years, your BF should have bonded at least enough with your children that he would want to see them treated fairly. Since he clearly hasn't, it doesn't look like that's going to happen any time soon.
share_oh
9 years ago
What about your side of things? Does your family do things for your kids but not your BF's kid?

I think if I were in this situation and my daughter lived with her BF and he had a kid, it would depend on how well I knew them if I felt I needed to include them in outings, gifts, etc.

I think grandchildren are treated differently and maybe rightly so. If it was a step-grandchild situation it would be different. But a BF's child? Probably not.

Sorry.
User
9 years ago
Even if you do choose to marry...his family may never acknowledge your children as equals. It is ready obvious they only care about blood relatives. It is a shame that they limit their love this way. You cannot change other people but you can change how you feel and act towards them.
kkny york
9 years ago
You have the right to marry someone, and you two agree on how children are treated. You cannot make grandparents do what you want. He can tell his parents they cannot do things with just his kids, but I think you want to think long and hard before you encourage to do that. I do think he can and should gently ask his parents to tone down gifts, and instead put money in his kids college funds.
tete_a_tete
9 years ago
Toning down the gifts sounds like a good idea. Is it even doing your boyfriend's son any good being treated like this?