Your problem isn't décor or design, or even family finances. It's communication. Lack of communication indicates a need for family therapy so you can be sure you are on the same page for everything, not just the divorce inducing projects of building or renovating a house. Fix the problem, not the symptom.

Sorry but you sound a little mixed up..... do you really want to move? Are you just daydreaming a lot? Maybe you and your husband could take a vacation somewhere and talk about it.
If you have to sell your home and move in with your family to save up for your dream house, then you may not be prepared to design and build your own home.
As usual, the pros are right on!

It sounds like you're experiencing a focus on scarcity. That is, when something seems, or is, out of reach it becomes the single focus of all our attention, to the disregard of long term consequences.

Like when we were kids and weren't allowed to have "________." It became our single minded absolute MUSTHAVETHETHINGRIGHTNOWORIWILLDIE! focus.

Relax. Communicate, as others have suggested. The market is flexible. What may be rising out of reach now, will fall back into possibility in the future.

For now, check out a few books of home designs (check out the books near the customer service desk at Lowes and Home Depot) and feed your need that way. They will also serve as "dream books" for your home purchase when your are both on the same page.

The counseling market needs a couples counseling subspeciality for prospective homebuyers. There are so many competing demands, subliminal messages, and hidden feelings about housing and family life that get brought up when choosing a place to live. Then, add in all the financial implications and the various relationship power plays and priorities and then concerns about social status and mobility...quite a Pandora's box. Unless you are in an untenable situation, staying put may be the best choice until you are both ready to make the individual and joint decisions about priorities and goals.

I understand how difficult this could be as I faced a similar issue with my husband. We have a very comfortable vintage house but it turns out that hubby is allergic to the monstrous sycamore tree that towers over the house. Our recently emptied nest required too much time and effort. I have bought and sold or rented several local houses in recent years so I thought it would be a relatively easy task.

We started with very few vague desires for a smaller vintage house that would be easy to maintain. I found several houses that met the basic criteria and we went out to look at them. Each one had a problem - he decided that one of them was exactly the right layout but then decided that he didn't want to live on that side of town which removed at least 2/3 of the supply. This house was too close to the neighbors (you wanted a smaller lot?), that one had a small bathroom (like most other small, older homes), another one was only a one car garage.

House after house, it was a constantly expanding list of reasons not to like a specific property. Yet, he kept saying he wasn't picky and he would move into a particularly cute, tiny 2 bedroom rental property that is too small for my tastes. At the same time, the house prices were rapidly rising and fewer properties were available at his price point. Talk about an exercise in frustration...definitely time for a different approach (separation? divorce? maybe just unexplained disappearance?) At that point, I decided to move on and find my own house - he could like it or not. I bought a foreclosure for a rehab project and decided to get the house I wanted. I ask his opinion on some big ticket decisions, but the result will be mainly my vision.

Unfortunately, it's even more than the obvious communication issues. Hi tech visuals equal maximum HOUSE LUST. In my lifetime, ( still no mobility devices here, folks) this has gone from folks being thrilled with the house they could afford and that was close to good schools and had kids nearby, and with flaws!!........to I. MUST. HAVE. AND. IT'S .A. TWENTY. PAGE. LIST, and the sooner the better such as on move in day. My own parents would have been out- of -their- minds- thrilled not to share a single small bath with three kids, but share they DID.

The younger you are , the more visuals with which you are bombarded, the more you want. The beat goes on. : ) just faster and faster with every passing year. The line stretches around the planet with those who've sacrificed sanity, security, and relationships to get it, whatever it happens to be.

I think you need to get the ball rolling with your "must haves" not ours.

My " must have" has always never having to move back home with my parents (& their house is beautiful & in a spectacular location).

This reminded me of a client of fifteen years ago. Against all advice, she began a large decorating project eight weeks prior to Christmas. I said I would do my best, but could guarantee no more than that, and pulled together all, to ninety five percent complete. However, my painter had made a promise to come back and hang a huge 60" wreath on an exterior second story window. He was foiled by wind and ice coated walks with sub zero temps......

At no time ever, has anyone ever fed so much venomous ( not fit for print) rage to me through any phone line. I, at the time was pushing a huge cart with just received lamps, to my car. I listened with my mouth open, took one breath, and spat out...... "Michelle, I want your life for just twenty minutes, when I have a gorgeous new house, three healthy and even more gorgeous children, and my WORST EVER PROBLEM is the wreath on my second story window!" She hung up, we've not spoken since.

I can only imagine what tech has done to her, or her home.

So my husband is 43 going on 44, I'm 35 going on 36... wow can't believe how old we're getting ...

There are a few reasons why I would like to move and a few reasons why o don't want to... I made a list and I'm trying to think about the long term.
We've talked a little bit about this, and a few homes have come up on the market up north.

Because of things beyond our control, my husband is no longer going to be working. He has a brain tumour. We are going to be looking at a slower pace of life. Due to his genetic condition we will not be having kids. No plans to have them.

Selling our place now would mean that we would be able to pay down the mortgage or break term and pay it all back. My place has doubled since we have lived here. My cousin just recently sold her place and got 130k over asking.

Listings in my area are not feasible. However moving away from the hustle and bustle is better for the soul I think. I like the idea of privacy, being detached, and having everything on one floor so that if something were to happen, we could manage.

Right now we are in a semi in a fairly large city, noise is a constant thing here. We are close to many amenities. The highway, train and airport are all within reach.

We have a cottage up north, and his parents have also moved up there too. My parents live down here but travel half of the year. Living there would only be temporary as my cousin did so when she was selling her place for the showings.

Our plan is to get out of the rat race, retire early, and move somewhere feasible. My aunt mentioned that her first house cost her 26k she used to live up here... now the prices for semis are starting at about 600k and up.

Moving north would mean there would be a few extra hundred thousand to save, taxes are less as well as insurance.

So yes we do lose out on the amenities but definitely are looking for places close to the hospital.

Also work wise, I am taking time off right now for stress leave. I don't know about what the future will provide. Dealing with a ltd denial with insurance lawyer but hubby is collecting from insurance. When this is resolved, we will be almost mortgage free depending on what sum is paid. Breaking the mortgage early will mean a small percent going back. Roughly 2k. We owe less than 60k.

It's the unknowns that bother me. But soon I'll have a more definite answer. My lawyer and I meet tomorrow for mediation for my ltd.

As for the house we live in now, it's from the 1970's with aluminum wiring, and the homes we are looking at are newer builds. From 2004. So therefore there are less things to fix.

The last things to renovate here would be our 2nd floor washroom and our laundry room in the basement. We have a cold storage room that needs the floor painted as well as a lot of decluttering.

Our furnace, roof and hot water heater have been replaced. We have put in new floors as well as a brand new kitchen. We can leave the rest for someone else.

I feel like I'm writing a lifetime story here so I'm going to stop lol...

You've enough info from me.

Anyways that's the position we are in. There are so many variables right now... hopefully in time we will know what to do.

We lost our chance to move to other places closer to where we are because there's too much of a gap. Detached homes around here within a 30-45 min drive are starting in the mid 700's and people are paying over asking as it is.

That's it from me. Thanks for listening.

It sounds like you know exactly what you want and why. Less stress and family close by and the option of a place to stay while you sell &/or build. Go of it!

You have been married long enough to trust and respect each other, so I would suggest you try what my husband suggested when we did our whole house renovation after a flood. His words? "You decide, I am ok with anything you want to do". Easiest renovation ever!

I found that it actually made me more thoughtful & sensitive to his needs & preferences. In the end he did make a couple of suggestions, which I think I was more open to than if we had debated very detail.

If you are aware of what his future medical related needs will be, design around that to make his and your lives easier. Find a reliable, skilled team of builders/designers who respect your vision and are good communicators.

Build your house with love as your guiding principle and it will be a home that reflects that back to you.

BTW, if you are in a hot sellers market, I wouldn't bother fixing up the last few items on your 'to do" list.