You are, for the most part, correct. Based on Cost vs. value report:

Major Kitchen Remodel: 65.3% recouped

Minor Kitchen Remodel: 80.2% recouped

Don't overimprove for your neighborhood. If homes close by are typically are valued around $200,000, for example, don't make so many improvements to your house that it would be valued at $300,000.

You can spend anywhere from $5,000-$80,000. It comes down to how much you are changing, materials, high end products, the list goes on and on. An average kitchen remodel can be done for approx. $10-$15,000+.

Our house pre-remodel is one of the lowest prices in the neighborhood. We will be on par with the rest of our neighbors after the reno. Now our house is worth $1.1; post renovation we are told it will be about $1.4. Kitchen will be about $60-75k.

$1.1M houses in high cost of living areas are "family homes" and in medium or low cost of living areas they are "estate homes". $60-75K will get you a nice but not luxury kitchen in a high cost of living area. If you are in a medium cost of living area and yours is an otherwise sprawling luxury estate home I think you'd want to spend a little more on the kitchen. Of course you aren't planning to sell it so what fits your tastes and lifestyle should be key factors.

I'm not sure how you can accurately attribute structural/systems work to the kitchen portion of the renovation, so I'll leave that aside. We just went through a major addition/remodel where we about doubled the size of the house. For the kitchen-only finishes (cabinets, appliances, countertops, backsplash, flooring, sinks, faucets) we spent about 12% of the total cost of the job. Finished house price point is mid 800s.

I don't think the percentage or the value of your neighbor's houses is particularly relevant. What do you need to make your house function well for you and your family? Once you have that firmly in mind you can decide if that is better achieved through a major remodel or moving to a different house that already has those properties. Based on those needs (and the balancing of priorities that a budget imposes) you might put all or none of your budget into the kitchen, there's no magic formula.

I find it useful to start with a list of needs, eg -- fix leaking roof, bedroom for new child, 30K stove burners, pot filler, replace 40 year old shag carpet, and so on. Then bucket them as must do, nice to do, or wouldn't it be nice if... Then build a plan to get as much of the top categories as you can, adding at least one frivolity just for fun, if you can.

When thinking about various upgrades I find it useful to frame the question as "would I rather have fabulous high tech designer faucets or a week in Tuscany; which will bring me more joy?" (Insert whatever experience is most appealing to you) So I have a very nice new range and beautiful granite countertops, but recycled used (still very nice) cabinets and a second-hand SZ refrigerator. And just got back from a month in Italy paid for with the resulting savings.

I feel much like rweigand about it.

Make a list of must do's, needs done items and a list of wants/desires. See what those items that need done are going to cost and prioritize the rest of your list. It might help to have a general idea of cost before you start prioritizing your wants.

From a real estate perspective it's a good idea to not over improve for your neighborhood... Like littlebug mentioned. You generally don't want to be the nicest home in the neighborhood because you don't help yourself by doing that, you only raise the value of everyone else's home and yours is lowered by those around you.

That being said, it's pretty often that kitchens and baths are what help sell a home. If they present a wow factor or are at least pretty nice, they can help make a home more marketable. I understand you are planning on staying there long term but sometimes plans change when we least expect them.

I live in an area where some of the nicer newer homes have laminate countertops and vinyl flooring. Shortly after we moved in, about 15 yrs ago, I got an estimate for Corian counters. Egads, after I saw the quote I decided a trip to Disney with memories for my family was more important than pretty countertops and I have lived with the laminate that was there when we moved in. Not hideous, but not my taste. Now I'm looking at butcher block and soapstone counters. The butcherblock will be made by a friend out of locally sourced oak and we are planning to DIY the soapstone if we can source a stone for a reasonable cost. I'm glad today I didn't splurge on that countertop years ago. I know now I wouldn't have loved the Corian because it really didn't go with my home but stone any counters were $$$ in my area back then. We enjoyed having the $ to take a couple of trips when my son was young with the $ we saved.

@geoffrey_b if you happen to see this would be interested in what appliances you purchased and if you are happy with them.thanks!!