Zalco, glad you are enjoying Tiny Habits!

Kswl, your rec in one of the reading threads steered me toward the book, so thank you :-)

I am 64 and have no family left. My mom died then both my brothers from muscular dystrophy and my dad died; my father-in-law died , my husband was an only child and when I met him he had already lost his mother we never had children and then his dad Died and then my husband as well I tried to immerse myself in work and then i was laid off and the pandemic hit it has been 2 years and I have yet to see a friend can anyone help me?

I'm so sorry for your pain. There isn't much anyone on an anonymous social media forum could do for you but to encourage you to take advantage of your local crisis line and call them for some support. I also hope you could find some counseling to help you work through your fears and worries and how to handle the sadness you feel. Lots of counselors are providing online counseling during these times.

I hope you can find something or someone to help you.

I was surprised to see this thread is 3 years old! Doesn't seem that long ago. @3katz4me I turned 60 this year and lost my dad in the last year. It hit me hard, especially since I lost my mom over 10 years ago. It's a strange feeling realizing you have no parents. Grandparents are all gone too. Thankfully, I have a sister and a brother! But another thing I have in common with you is none of us have children. Kind of strange I suppose since we had a close family. But that's the way it happened!!

HU - Mrs. S gave some great advice above. I'm sorry you feel all alone. Now that we are getting somewhat of a handle on the spread of the virus, I think it would be safe for you to venture out, or invite a friend over, etc. That is, if you are fully vaccinated and your friend(s) too. Otherwise, I would take some of the suggestions from Mrs. S. Many churches have programs for singles of all ages. Or just attending and meeting people might be nice for you. I believe garden clubs, golf, etc. were mentioned. How about a cooking class or cooking club? What are your interests? At 64 I believe you could take advantage of the senior citizen centers (if you have them in your area). There is a very nice one near my mom/dad's old house and they used to meet up with friends and play cards. My mom took painting classes there. They greatly enjoyed the fellowship. Also, I would encourage you to think about volunteering. There may not be many opportunities at this point, but more and more things should be opening. You could meet people and also be doing something to help others. I know an older couple who one volunteers in the cancer center at a local hospital. He hands out cookies and just makes small talk with those in the waiting room, etc. His wife is a volunteer in the main part of the hospital. They are lovely people, older than you. They have volunteered for many years and greatly enjoy it. I am sure they meet many people! I hope you will read through the suggestions on this thread and find something of interest.

I thought I was the only one . I have no parents ,no grandparents ,no aunties, no uncles. I am 38 married with 2 kids . I am so tried! I work too hard to keep friends that I I don’t even if it’s genuine love anymore . I find it difficult to express myself in my marriage because I am afraid of being alone . I find it difficult to celebrate achievements and special events because

HU you are certainly not the only one feeling isolated and overwhelmed during this awful year and pandemic time. I was talking to someone on a crisis line last week (trying to get some help for a friend with a mental illness problem) and the social worker said that many people are experiencing a feeling of crisis for a whole variety of reasons.

I also find my family dwindling. I absolutely think you should seek out some type of religious group or even volunteer. I also think you should try and find work again. Things are opening up. I am back to work and work keeps me engaged and feeling like I'm part of something . . . a community of sorts.

Don't mistake the pandemic for "normal" times. Once things open up, make a point of doing something social, you'll probably start to feel a bit better. My elderly Dad is spending the weekend at a friend's cottage, its doing wonders for his morale. Even if you don't have family, maybe book a weekend getaway with your family. Bloom where you're planted . . .

You are not the only one... As a matter of fact I don't even have in-laws or anyone it's just me and my cat... I grew up the only child was a single mother and she passed on May 23rd... Right after I relocated to Georgia from Massachusetts... I am absolutely devastated and don't know what direction to turn.... So needless to say You're not the only one..😥

Wow Tonya hugs to you! I'm so sorry and hope you find this or another online group to give you some comfort during these covid times.

I'm so sorry Tonya - it's too bad all of us "orphans" can't get together. I think when we are ever "safe" from Covid I'm going to figure out how to organize a group in my area.

I'm 54 and I'm in the same boat. I was an only child, with two older parents, no siblings and no cousins. My grandparents on both side passed away when I was young and the last when I was 16. I do not have any children. However, I had many animals through my life up to current and I consider them family. I wish animals would live longer. I am married and have a husband. My husband has a big family but not warm people or inviting and I'm not close to them. I learned not to have any expectations. I do think about being alone when I'm older and it does scare me on occasion. I have friends with siblings and family, and most do not get along with their family and it can be a real issue. I do not have to worry about this. I try to keep positive and feel up to this point my life has prepared me for whatever lies in front of me. I feel empowered and mentally strong. My mom is currently 95 and lives in her home. She's a good 95 and hope she's here for a while more. She does daily exercises and keeps active.

You're not alone in the world as I believe there is always something watching over us and guiding us. Take care of yourself and be safe especially during this time.

Sending warm wishes to you, HU.

Same here…I’m 52. I never had a grandfather because one died when my mother was 12. The other was simply a ”John” that created my father. My grandmother was a prostitute in the 1930s. I never knew her and my other grandmother died when I was 8. All of my aunts and uncles are now deceased. Both of my parents are also dead. I am one of five siblings and the last one left…….it’s very sad. My younger brother was actually murdered by a couple of cowboys in Montana for being gay. However, I’ve been married to an amazing man for 20 years so far. Sadly, both of his parents are also deceased. We made the correct choice to not have children…but, we have amazing critters and I foster kittens as well. Sometimes, people are overrated.

Im only 37 with zero blood family. this is going to be a long, lonely life.

Ashley, that's a sad and erroneous statement. You can have a life filled with people who are unrelated but love you - many of us do. They do not have to be blood and, quite frankly, choosing good friends can sometimes yield relationships with people who treat you better than many relatives treat each other. Learn how to make friends, be a friend, fill your life with concern for others and you will never be lonely.

Ashley - right there with you. I promise it's as good or as bad as you make it. Yes we miss some good things, but don't forget we also miss some bad. No family drama, no fighting, no pressure or external expectations from "blood" to be something you're not.

Olychick is a very wise soul and said it best. I am surrounded by love - from people who choose to be a part of my life.

I am 47....the last girl

I’m 57 an about to become an orphan. My father died in January and my mother is 92 And very frail. I am also an only child, married but with no children of my own. I have a good relationship with a step daughter but I’m now haunted by not trying IVF with my wife in the past. its too late now for me to have children. It’s very sad and I am frightened to be honest. I can’t sleep at night due to grief. So you are not alone, but I am going to struggle i think. i hope the pain will ease over time.

{{{{{{{paulsmith1965}}}}}}}}}}

((((((Paul))))))

My family has been shrinking. I am going to reach out more to my cousins whose families are even less than mine.

Paul Smith, I'm sorry you feel so sad. I hope you'll think about seeing a counselor to help you with your feelings and maybe find some peace about the life you've lived and choices you've made vs. having regrets for the past. I've related this before and probably even earlier on this thread, but having your own children is no guarantee you won't be alone or cared for. Foster relationships with your stepdaughter and her children, friends and their children, make sure you have younger friends who could be there for you should you need them. They do not have to be your own children to keep you from feeling less alone. What I referred to earlier was that I worked for a couple of years styling hair in a small nursing home and got to know the residents very well. Those with the best lives seemed to be those without children. They had no expectations from anyone and no "woe is me, my kids never come to see me" or "my kids stuck me here" or any other sad tale many with children had to tell.
I really suggest watching a couple weeks of Dr. Phil to see just how messed up child parent relationships can be; we idealize them a great deal. I'm sure 2 weeks of him is more than anyone can bear, but it might give you a different perspective. :-)

Thank you. Yes, this makes perfect sense. But the frightening thing about my choices is that there is never a solid bond to bind myself and my family together moving without a shared child. And nothing in my life which is mine. My choices in the past have been a thing of madness really and I feel alone in this. But infertility and age are to blame. But options were there for me.

I'm sorry it's so hard.

This four-year-old thread resonates with me so much. I was adopted by my grandmother and grandfather, who had three children. I grew up calling my aunt and uncle my sister and brother. I grew up viewing my biological mother as my sister as well (I do not know my biological father). My grandparents/adoptive parents have been gone for more than 20 years. My brother/uncle, ten years older than I, died (without children) four years ago by his own hand at 58. Right now, I’m sitting in the hospital with my sister/aunt, who is about to enter hospice care after a long illness that has taken away her memory—so we don’t even have the comfort of reminiscing with her. Once she is gone (also no children), it will be only my biological mother and I left. And my bio mom is now battling her own progressive medical condition—when she is gone, that will be it. I never had children, primarily because I lacked the mothering instinct, but I am regretting that decision desperately. I’m 52 now, and it just never occurred to me that I would end up without my family. The irony is that I always dreamed of living in a house filled with life and family—but for some reason, I did not want the responsibility of children. So, I know that’s my own fault. I do have a loving and supportive partner, who also was ambivalent about kids. I love my sister so much, and the fact that she, like my brother, is dying under tragic circumstances, is gutting me. Like others have said here, the idea that soon I will have no one in my family to share my life events and stories with is crushing me. I took them all too much for granted, and the thought of being all alone in my family, and being the end of my family line, is almost more than I can bear. I wish I had done so many things differently, but now, as I watch my sister suffering here in the hospital, I must somehow come to terms with the fact that I wasted my chances. It is too late. It truly feels as if my life is about to be over.

I'm sorry you have such regrets, Paul. Have you considered a foster-parent or grandparent organization? Might you find that rewarding? I don't know your age group but here is one:

https://americorps.gov/serve/fit-finder/americorps-seniors-foster-grandparent-program

I'm the sole survivor of my entire family at 53 I lost my identical twin sister she was murdered November 24th 2021 I lost my mother and mother's Day she was also murdered I lost my brother February 5th 2020 he was murdered my dad died November 17th 2018 old age all three of my cats died two and three weeks apart in 2022 it's a very very tough time for me to lose someone in your family is terrible but to lose every single person no cousins no aunts no uncles and to boot family with everything to me I didn't make outside friendships so now I'm really really alone

No, no rare.

I lost everyone in my family in the past 3 years, father, mother both brothers and my little sister, I literally am the last one in my family, my friends thinks it's funny my last name is Page so they jokingly refer to me as "the Last Page" and sadly true.

WELL BEING THE LAST MAN STANDING OUT OF SIX MY DAD DIED IN 1988 MY MOTHER DIED IN 1997 MY YOUNGER BROTHER DIED IN 2005 MY YOUNGER SISTER DIED IN 2015 AND MY OLDER SISTER DIED IN 2020 AND NOW AT THE AGE OF 63 I FEEL JILTED EVERY DAY IS SO EMPTY I HAVE DOGS AS PETS THAT DOES HELP BUT EVER DAY MY WORLD SEEMS TO BE TURNED UPSIDE DOWN THERE IS NOTHING EASY ABOUT BEING THE LAST SOUL LIVING IN A FAMILY BUT I WILL NEVER GIVE UP... !!!

Im 53 and never questioned my decision not to have children till losing the last the family members in one year. I will say it is very surreal not having anyone on the planet who knows your story from end to end. Its like you never really were in a sense. At times a question will come up that only your witnesses could answer and none remain. There is no support and others see that and find it much easier to inflict wrong doing on you business wise and financially. My 33 year old niece is the only other blood relative, None of my family are around to witness the legal battle so she figures she has nothing to lose... I never thought she was capable of this.

I chose no children because I saw the toxicity and genetic dysfunction in the family and chose to end the chain. All I need to win at this life is to reach my end still grateful for my life.

@Troy I can imagine that it feels very painful and maybe makes you think about your value, and whether anyone values you. The family you are born into does not have to define you. Have you maintained connections with friends? Do you have activities/hobbies where you meet people? I hope you do. Maybe think about re-connecting with people you knew when you were much younger. I do see in my life where men have a harder time making "friend" connections. But we can do what we set our mind to! I hope you can turn this around, and make friends and do good in the world for others. To me that seems like the right way to leave a legacy, especially where family has let you down or is too dysfunctional to maintain connection with. Those are my thoughts.

This just happened to me in Nov. When my only sibling died.  Parents passed long ago. Sole survivor at 66.

I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOOSS'S AND THE PAIN AND HURT AND GREIF YOUR FEELING IN THIS TRYING TIME .....!!!!

Thank you.  Gets easier with time.

just to clarify and vent however, and this isn't easy to say.  I have very mixed feelings about her passing, because she was often emotionally abusive.  The pent up anger and resentment came out almost immediately.  I read about mourning a narcissist which I believe she was.  They said these feelings will overide any grief and sadness.  I never mourned this strangely.  She did make it to 80 and I m glad for that.  I m sorry for her that she was so unhappy, (which supposedly I was the cause of).  But I certainly don t miss her controlling personality.  I m finally free of it.

You could not be the cause of another adult's unhappiness. That is simply not possible, unless you were holding the person prisoner ;-)

Regardless, being the last one standing has its own special sting. I am sorry for your loss.

Thank you.  It s a strange feeling.

Yeah, people are responsible for their own happiness or lack thereof. You get used to being the last man standing as I can attest to five years after posting the original message.

3katz4me thank you for coming back with that update. That offers a bit of hope for the rest of us!

There’s only a couple of us left, some relatives becoming more and more distant, and one who left us all behind. And my adorable pets have gone to heaven. Still, I choose to be self employed and have wonderful daily social interactions with my lovely customers, many who have become friends, and we go out to eat once in awhile which is really nice. I may go home alone (tho I have a roommate to chat with), but the fun social interactions and catching up with my roommate at home helps. I also live in a big city where everyone lives in apartments so I have friends in the building I see daily, and there are often social gatherings in the lobby that are fun. I guess that goes for being a pedestrian city so you see acquaintances out while walking places everyday, you know people in the shops, and then the dog park friends. Holidays are spent alone and I try to ignore them and often work because it’s hard to see everyone else celebrating - something I have many happy memories of, now sad, memories. I don’t agree that we can make up our new family of friends. I have succeeded at this until their families need them and they are gone. I do believe it works when undersranding the family of friends will evolve…new ones joining and old moving on and recognizing many kinds if friends. What I wish for are close friends to hang out with spontaneously and friends to share in dinner gatherings. I haven’t been able to create these. That’s where seeing my friends-customers during the day helps a lot. After writing this, I can see all the social oppties living in the city makes life happy and curbs lonliness so my alone time at home is welcome.

My 92 year old mother joined a ”newcomer” club in her town when she moved there years ago. She goes to lunch, movies, friend’s homes and is so busy during the week that she rests on weekends. She also recently moved to a retirement community with a meal pllan for the restaurants, and they have games in the evenings. A couple of times a year they help a charity with craft donations. Tho she lost her husband and son, she is so happy. I think the secret to her longevity is that she reaches out to make friends and eagerly participates in social activities. She also likes to buy herself new shoes and clothes :)

HU, that is the beauty out of making family out of friends - it separates the wheaf from the chaff. I have family I can never count on too. And yes, I have made some friends who were more fleeting. However I also have found a few friends I can trust with my life

It is all about finding good people, nurturing those relationships, and accepting not everything will be a home run.

It is all good.

I,too, believe there are friends who become like family, but you can’t sit back and expect that of people, without nuturing those relationships. . I see no reason to spend holidays alone if you don’t want to. If you participate in groups, you meet people with common interests and values. There are others with no family nearby who might love to join you. It doesn’t have to be elaborate; it can be pot luck.

I also don’t limit my invitations to single people. Many couples are eager for getting together and don’t care if you’re single or not.

@Laura Lee Hillier - I just read your comment - and I am truly speechless (unusual for me). I cannot imagine having even one family member murdered - it is unbelievably cruel to have to suffered through three. I don’t know how you’ve been able to deal with all of this. My heart goes out to you.

I too am the last one left. It's tuff on me everyday

I too am the only one left and it is tuff on me everyday

I need help

If you need immediate help please call the crisis line in your community. They will listen and can provide info about resources available in your community. I wish you well finding what you need.

Dial 2-1-1, the crisis number across the country. Please reach out, you don't have to do this alone.

I'm 35 dad left and spent his time in the correctional institution. My mom has raised me up til 13. My big sister however raised me until she no longer did. My big sister was my best friend even 11 years older. She had 8 or more kids that took the frustration away from the fact I cannot have kids myself. Years of memories come to pass until one morning she left for court, then cps came over under my supervision and removed permanently all children. By the way the oldest had gotten upto age 10 and with all her effort her only baby girl birthed had just been taken from me. Remind you my sole purpose since 13yrs old is to be an active force within my family unit. My sister spent a year incarcerated while i attempted attempted to individuate my future as a young girl. Iv since been alone. Besides the monsters of chosen men whom iv been deceived by. Total of 5 monsters that have taken a tole over my years of grief. Yes grief because my niece was in a drounding accident in care of foster families and lost her 4 year old life. My sister is a shell of her old ,drugs and her grief combined. Haven't spoken to her in 3 years. My mom is scratching lotto tickets in effort to save me and my dogs out of the nightmare of domestic alcoholic mistreatment i fell a victim being for this monster. I honestly cry randomly to my mom to save me and how much i miss being in a safe place next to any blood relative i have. I'm the last one left. Felt the pain for 3 years of domestic violence without smiling yet. Missing my sister. Missing the children. Iv cried my heart out for momma and been left hanging. My counselor says she won't end our sessions because I'm in trauma environment, so she and my dogs are all that matters. There who claims to stick by my side. Ya know, it's really hard to just get the simple answers in a day too. I've spent so much time to locate adult ged for someone like myself who is limited to isolation aka virtual classes. Or a yearly check up. When growing up consistently evolved around kid stuff...I fell right into survival mode right after childhood. Now isolation as a reality against my wishes. Never shown or been taught how to survive, winging it thus far. My heart is broken for everyone having to feel what I do. We don't have kids we don't have community initiative. Told the monster I could be killed and who would notice? My phone doesn't ring bout 1 time a month.

Alexis, I'm sorry your life has been so hard. You deserve better. I hope your counseling will lead you to a better life. You are a strong woman to have survived all you have been through. I hope you can reunite with some of your nieces and nephews, so you have some family in your life.