Well, I don't care much for surprise tours either esp. if the grass isn't mowed. And it always seems to happen when there are weeds where there were none yesterday! But, when I tour other peoples' gardens I really don't notice all the bad stuff for some reason. I look at the big picture, so I think others do the same to mine. We are our own worst critics.

I have one.........My mother passed I was crazed. I have a group of friends that I have been close to for over 30 yrs. They called the day before the wake and wanted to come over and offer condolence. They were coming to the wake but wanted to spend time with me alone just us girls. I was out when they called and said they were coming. I told them I was out because I had to pick up some things and would not be home for an hour. They came in a half and hour. My daughter let them in and they went and sat out on the back patio. My daughter said it was their request.

One of the girl is not an outside girl. She is afraid of air itself. She is afraid of bugs and see bugs when there are no bugs. She lives in the suburbs with a large patio that she has never been on in 20 yrs since she purchased.

When I arrived and went outside the first thing she said was mosquito every where. I have a 3 tier fountain and she said I had a mosquito breeder and she wanted to go inside. There were no mosquito everyone said they had not seen a one. Any other time I probably would have laughed at her but at that point I wanted to throw her over the patio railing. Everyone else was talking about all the beautiful plants on the patio and in the gardens.

I had this really short woman come down my driveway one day and she became mesmerized by my gardens. She was tiny and older so I walked out to see if she was okay. She just began babbling about my garden beds and how so much was growing in them. I winter sowed lots of perennials and they're reaching maturity so my beds are nicely filled and lush.

I don't really think about it since I achieved what I set out to do when I moved here but she kept gushing about them. When I look at my garden beds I'm gratified I achieved my goals but I guess when others look at them they see something that escapes me. I love how my garden looks but I don't consider it out-of-the-ordinary since I did the work myself. It's simply what I had in mind. I guess it still surprises me that others think it's extraordinary. Maybe if I'd had the garden design done by a professional I might think it's unique. I just think of it as I succeeded with my designs, my winter sowing and my efforts.

Just a bit of humor: my ND neighbor was helping his son weed my front garden bed and yanked my 5 year old mature turtle head plants out and toss them on the compost pile. I walked out about 15 minutes later and asked him, "where's my turtle head?" He asked "Was that the tall stuff?"

I'm the opposite, I keep wanting to discuss my plants with people. I make all my guests tour my garden (let's have a nice walk around the garden after dinner, hmmm?). I figure most people can't tell a weed from a non-flowering perennial, so I'm good.

But, I think you might be the way I am about my home. Oh, if only I could pull out seedling toys in the Spring and then mulch heavily over the carpet to avoid any repeats for the summer! I get a bit weird about letting unexpected guests see my home although a few neighborhood friends who have kids are always welcome - they know a perfectly clean home is impossible as long as there are kids!

It depends. We have an annual July outdoor party with people from my husband's and son's club. They are outdoorsy. One or two actually garden (vegetables) and some of the women garden. I like to have the yard fairly neat but I'm not worried about what they think. Usually my vegetable garden is bigger and they are envious (I also have a high tunnel). But, I am reluctant to invite a serious gardening friend because my perennial beds are pretty ratty and need work. My excuse is I have been to busy planting the veggies and keeping those beds weeded.

As for the comment about letting a plant die ... I cooled off a developing friendship with a person who made comments like that. And I think people who have a problem with bugs should stay home. One time I showed my garden to a friend who insisted she see it and it was in terrible shape. I was mortified. She had trouble finding something nice to say.

I am considering having an outdoor harvest party in August or early September. I think it would be fun but I doubt if my flowers will be looking good by then.

I actually do quite enjoy having people come over and enjoy the garden - heck, I've had parties with string quartets playing in it for crying out loud! But I like to be given heads up so I can prep the area. This year especially has been all over the map, and I've been doing lots of work in the back, so there is lots of stuff around, some unsafe areas to walk, etc. Plus, I'm working on things - and much like many artists, I am loathe to show my work before it is finished, unless I am educating you on the "process".

I wish I had more people over to see the gardens, we put a lot of work in them but most people I know have heavy schedules and unless they are invited, do not drop by. Our gardens are NEVER perfect. We work on a section or three at a time, but can't do it all at once and that is fine. Still would like to share the beauty of nature with my friends and family.

I have a friend that will always, always, always find fault with whatever it is I show her. It used to bother me, but I know that she really is a good person, she just has a hard time with anyone having what she wants, so this is how she copes with it, so I don't let it bother me any more.

LaLennoxa, I probably should be more reluctant. After guests leave, I realize there's a mess of toys on the patio and tools hanging around. I only see the plants and forget others don't have such a filter.

The only time I don't want to give a tour is in very early Spring when everything is grey and only the tiny bulbs are out. Those make an impact on me, but are not as much a landscaping medium (well, if I had thousands...). I had a friend look around at wet leaves, mulch and mud with a few tiny flowers poking out one year and I think my gardening abilities went down several pegs in her mind! What did she expect in early March?

Funny, I'd be much less sensitive about having someone come into the garden in early spring with the mud, wet leaves etc. heck, nobody wants to come and tour at that time, maybe because they know I would hand them a rake and a garbage bag.

Yes, I am sensitive about my garden; like LaLennoxa, I don't like to show things off before I think they are "finished". It's driving me batty that the gardens in my new house are in their infancy, whereas at my other house they were mature and I was satisfied and proud of what I had created over the years. Unfortunately I don't have the extra cash laying around to get the hardscaping done right now nor to buy buttloads of plants (I'm not big on planting itty bitty things and waiting for them to reach maturity - I have no patience for that...), so I'm working with what I've got. But I cringe at times when I look at certain areas because it's not up to snuff -- by MY standards, anyway. Well, at least I finally have a nice house that I'm proud of so I can show off something LOL! Totally understand where posierosie is coming from re: the house -- I HATE when people drop by unexpectedly, I feel like they "caught" me with a bit of clutter or dog hair on the floor, although probably no one but me cares.

I used to always suggest guests tour my garden when I would have people over at my other house, but I got tired of one person in particular who never really said anything nice or even asked questions about less-common plants or whatever; rather pointed out everything WRONG (like, say, a bit of plant crispiness in the height of drought), and she always wants to turn things into a competition --> "oh, you have hydrangeas -- you should see MY hydrangeas, they're GORGEOUS". Man, I hate that!! If I'm touring someone else's garden, it's about their creation, not mine, and I can always find something to compliment even if overall I'm not impressed.

I'm just surprised when some people don't ask to see the garden or show any curiosity. Not insulted because I understand it is not personal, but surprised that one could be disinterested in gardens.

I enjoy garden visitors and, if someone stops to chat about the garden when we're working out front, we tend to offer to show the rest to them if they are interested. 'Warts and all' tours (i.e. weeds and general garden messes from work-in-progress) are inevitable - non-gardeners tend not to be too bothered by occasional weeds (assuming they recognize them!) and gardeners tend to end up in discussions comparing their weed population vs. ours and how both we and they mange the weeds/maintenance issues. A gardening neighbour and friend across the street knows she has permission to come check out the garden whenever she likes, even if we're not home. If someone asks to see the garden at a time that is not convenient for us, we just say it's not convenient at the moment and suggest an alternative time. We are always happy to share our pleasure in the garden with others who are interested. A few weeds and a little mess are just a part of gardening and nothing to get to stressed about. I do tend to apologize for them but their presence gets incorporated into the general garden discussion. No big deal.....

I don't care what other people think about my garden, but I have very few visitors so it is kind of irrelevant. My gardens are spread out over an acre of open meadow, and all of it has meaning for the hubby and I. The fact that we have such a variety of landscape types on our 2+ acres is a source of joy to both of us. We have a brook and a wetland area with willow bushes and a wooded area on the hill behind our meadow. Some areas in the open land are cultivated into flower or veg gardens, but many strips of land are left wild and home to wild flowers and all the pollinators they attract. For many years our land was pastureland that sustained our horses, and their legacy remains, in the path they made through what is now our woods, their favorite watering holes by the brook, the multi-cultural nutritious plants in what is now mowed lawn, and the little barn now re-purposed into a garden shed. For visitors, the sentimental value of our gardens would not be recognized. Probably people look at the deliberately left wild areas and think "weeds!" I have a love of wild things and am filled with dispair by the sight of sculpted and manicured lawns and gardens, so to each their own. My land is a sanctuary for me, and the solitude it affords is its best attribute.

No, I am not sensitive about my garden as no one has made negative comments to me about it. Gardeing is a process for me, a fun experiment. If the experiment is failing I like to know that and sometimes I need someone else to point that out. I generally don't offer a tour but if asked am happy to show others if they are interested. What I don't like is giving a tour to someone who is not really interested but still asks "to be polite." Then we are both bored. I like to talk gardening and it doesn't take long to know if the visitor does as well.

My garden is like my bedroom - I don't like anyone going in there unless they are invited, and I am ready for them. I think my friends have gotten used to a certain expectation that popping by for a visit is an opportunity to check out the garden. Well, a little notice is required, so I can at least pick the sex toys up off the floor.

Oh my LaLennoxa! What is the gardening equivalent of the ...ahem, coughs... "items" on the bedroom floor? I'm having trouble drawing the parallel! Haha

I think the equivilent is leaving the preen, round up, sevin, and gopher gas where people might happen on them. I suppose if you hung skins of l garden varmints on the tool shed exterior walls people might question if you were at one with nature

For me, genuine garden people see beyond the weeds, dormant plants, developing beds (actually usually very interested in what you're planning for those), so quite enjoyable to show them round. The fully non-gardening people are quite easy too, as they see none of it and don't fake any interest, don't make any judgements.

It's the people in between! Not real enthusiasts, but have an expectation of how a lovely perfect designer property should look like... The people you spend the day manically cleaning the house if they're coming for dinner.

Theyre not necessarily bad people, you just feel pressure for whatever reason. I try to remember that the homes I feel the most comfortable visiting are the ones that aren't perfect, that have a bit of mess, that life is obviously lived in. And the ones I'm uncomfortable in are the too perfect ones! Same for gardens I think :)

I would also describe my garden as my sanctuary...somewhere to escape from the world, so I'm not all that keen on letting people into it. I do put up a bit of a defensive guard when we have guests over. And I tend to go out of my way to point out flaws, perhaps as a way of beating anyone else to the punch: "hey look that crispy brown geranium is probably getting too much sun where it's planted and also that patch of crab grass that i'm going to pull tomorrow and yep see all the blackspot defoliated roses...gardening is such a chore isn't it? let's change the subject now"

I don't think I could ever participate in a garden tour given the level of emotional protectiveness I feel for my garden and the work I put into it. Gardening to please others would just ruin the entire venture for me.

"The people you spend the day manically cleaning the house if they're coming for dinner.

Theyre not necessarily bad people, you just feel pressure for whatever reason. I try to remember that the homes I feel the most comfortable visiting are the ones that aren't perfect, that have a bit of mess, that life is obviously lived in. And the ones I'm uncomfortable in are the too perfect ones! Same for gardens I think :)"

Well, after going into a friend's house that was IMMACULATELY CLEAN, and having her wave her hand and say, "Oh, please excuse the mess," I realized that most women, me included, are so insecure about what others think about our cleanliness that things will never be clean enough. My friend had to know her house was spotless, but we all pretend it's dirty just in case somebody thinks it's not clean enough. After that I decided that there was no way I could ever get everything clean enough, so dirty will have to do. I homeschool four kids, which means five people are in our house all day long. There ain't no way it's staying clean and organized. In addition, my husband is an excellent cook who spends hours in the kitchen, and it always looks like a bomb went off. He uses every single pot, doesn't like to clean, and tucks things for later here and there. Really, like a bomb went off. All I need to complete the picture is tomato sauce all over the ceiling.

So, I have to treat my garden like my house. I'm busy, I don't have enough time, and in gardening I really don't know what I'm doing but I love it anyway. I'm learning as I go. Nobody's going to pay me money to do their garden. If you come and find fault I'll probably listen because you're right and I might learn something!

(About all the open concept kitchens that are the trend, all I can think is how miserable it would be for our Bomb Kitchen have a clear line-of-sight from anywhere in the house. Then everybody would see the disaster. I'd put our kitchen in a back shed if I could!)

Marie Tulin, you rose to the challenge! I think you are right - the little things we use to keep to garden going. I'm very "granola" when it comes to the garden, but that all goes away when it comes to poison ivy. I take out the heavy duty stuff. I think I am actually not allergic as I have lived and played in woods as a child and never had a reaction, but my sister has not been so lucky and her discomfort is enough for me not to push my luck!

Deanna, I'm right with you on the open kitchen! I have seen some very, very high end houses (online) that have a fully tricked out, beautifully done kitchen that has a SECOND kitchen in a room behind it. Yep - the first kitchen is open concept and the second hidden kitchen is where the mess is. That's the only way open concept would work for me.

I live near DC, so buying our first home within a decent commute meant compromise. I really like our home and feel intensely grateful we can afford and have one. But, when the kids were little and everything thing was diapers, accessories and toys, I really wished I had a hidden family room behind the kitchen so that I could keep an eye on them, but not have their mess right when people walk in. Now that they can play without constant attention, the basement is the playroom. Good thing as,we priced out a small bump out and it was $70k for something that was half the size we wanted. Did I mention high cost area?

I had a friend over for dinner yesterday. Lovely hot day, BBQ, sit outside under the gazebo. This friend has a bit of an annoying habit of talking endlessly as soon as she enters and then following you around as she speaks - so as I was moving in between the outdoor patio and the kitchen (which opens right out to the patio), she would get up with me, follow me, stand with door open letting in all the flies - all the time non-stop talking. I think she would follow me to the toilet if I went there! Anyway, at one point she felt the need to go and walk around the garden...which was in a bit of a mess and I'd normally be more sensitive about it, but all I could think was: great, now I've got a few minutes of relief where I won't have this woman trailing me around the house as I bring out the food - a few minutes of relief. And she was still talking to me as she walked around the garden even though I was a distance away, LOL! After she had finished walking around she was saying how nice the garden looked, etc., and I'm thinking how grateful I was to have it as a distraction :-)

This really has nothing to do with gardens, but when it comes to homes, I *detest* open floor plans! I mean I *really* hate them! I like lots of rooms and hallways and small doors that close. It has zero to do with the mess. My house is messy and comfortable, the way I like it. It is just that I feel lost in big open indoor spaces, I loathe the lack of privacy they afford, and I worry about the removal of supporting walls that created these open spaces. If I ever had to buy a home with an open floor plan, my first act would be to hire a team of carpenters to reconstruct all those (supporting) walls and doorways.

I am sensitive about my (missing) teeth, my awful cooking and my enthusiastic, but frequently woeful attempts at carpentry and mechanics...but no, I am not sensitive about my garden...because it is mine, to do with as I wish (although other household members are making inroads) while I have only the barest interest in creating an artistic masterpiece. Out of three spaces I use for gardening (home, allotment, wood), there will always be 2 out of 3 in a state of chaos (right now, it is the wood and allotment)...and even supposing some areas look wonderful, the very next beds will be an overgrown mess. Since I have a vast number of tactics to deal with this (ranging from the infallible squinting myopically (keeping my glasses in my pocket) to the swift floorsweep (the psychological effect of a new broom)...and including lies and delusions (this is a fully intentional experiment...the dog ate my seedlings...we are in a 'transition mode'..I am rocking the 'feral charm' look this season...it was amazing in May and so on), I am, in other words, fully prepared to fend off rude remarks...and have no inclination to share, show off or offer a tour to anyone apart from the dog.

I had to laugh about the bomb in the kitchen scenario above... DH is a professional chef, and while he's not bombing away in the kitchen, I think he thinks that there is always someone to clean up after him like there is in the restaurant -- so when he cooks at home there's grease or debris on the counters, sauce drips on the floor, etc. Used to drive me nuts, but I've kind of gotten used to it and pretty much given up trying to change his habits -- I'm his kitchen clean-up crew, I guess... Although he is great about cleaning up after we host parties -- one time I had to have a gentle "talk" with him about don't starting putting away tables and chairs while the guests are still here LOL!

I'm having houseguests this weekend, so of course I'm running around trying to get everything spotless in the house. My garden beds are what they are, I have an excuse since I just moved in recently, but my veggie garden will be on full display, my guests are big-time veggie gardeners and I know they'll want to check it out. I hope I have time to hand pull a few weeds - fortunately nothing major, since I finally got the quackgrass under control - but it's still bugging me, I feel the weeds might reflect badly on me.

Last year, one of my neighbours (whom I actually rather like) came by and felt the need to comment on my front garden, which I only really began to dig up two seasons ago and experiment with. She said something like, "At first I didn't really know what you were trying to do when you first were putting in such and such, and I was worried because they looked like such and such, but now I can see such and such coming together now that you've done such and such - wow!" And I nearly spit out my morning coffee bursting out laughing. Why? Because her front garden, which is the same postage stamp size as mine (9' x 13'), is a mostly weed-laden lawn that gets mowed every few weeks with some wild tulips in a small bed which runs against the house. So, it was a bit Twilight Zone-ish, but I was thankful for her words...

My garden beds are a **lot** neater than my house, so I enjoy it when I get to share them with somebody else. Now if I could get visitors to stay outside, and not have them see toys strewn all over the house... :)

The local garden club came over to see my garden a couple of years ago. One lady in particular kept finding fault with it and said several snarky things like, " Don't you want to prune that?" ( same plant someone else quite liked) or " I didn't know roses could grow in weeds." and " Look at that! ( exposed roots on an asparagus fern which I kind of like) At the time she didn't bug me. I must have gotten better at letting people have their opinions. I do like to please myself in my garden. But later, thinking about that lady, I thought she must have mud on her glasses rather than rose colored glasses. I just don't think a happy person goes to see something and only comments on what bugs them.

Some people just don't have any manners.

Indeed. I can't imagine going over to someone's home and saying anything like that. Maybe because I know the work that goes into maintaining a space.

If that woman had said something like that in my garden, I might feel the need to direct her to my special guest, RuPaul...