I would move heaven and earth to get a privacy fence with NO GATE installed.

This is not the forum for your question. This is the building a home forum.

Try theHome Disasters forum. I know they've had threads like this in the past. Good luck.

Home Disasters wasn't an option for me to choose from but I'll post it there.

There will definitely not be a gate on our privacy fence.

We have a gate with one of our neighbors. We have very large yards, and it takes a good minute and a half to walk down one drive, across the pavement, and up the other.

I set ground rules in my house and all the neighborhood kids obey them. They play freely in the various houses, but a lot in ours. Everyone behaves because they regret it if they don't. I happily will report bad behavior to their parents and expect their parents to do the same. Everyone mostly gets along, though several kids had rough patches.

Good reminder of why I'm longing for acreage with neighbours I never see or hear (their dogs too!).

It is unfortunate you have to deal with this situation. We used to live in a mobile home park, so had several similar stories.Was not unusual to come home to a neighbor's child eating from a neighbors kitchen. Or rummaging in the house of a neighbor. We kept our doors locked and had a very intimidating guard dog(kept inside when we were gone), so never had any of those problems

Our situation was, thankfully, much shorter in duration than yours because of the short stays of many people who frequent those parks. We also spent 20 years working with kids in the local county 4-H. The lessons learned from dealing with both types of kids were sometimes harsh.

The best solution is to make a deal with the parents. That seems not to be possible in your case. This example is one that often leads to children growing up and becoming criminals. That leaves, unfortunately, only legal avenues of action.

You might speak with an attorney, just to find out what legal alternatives you have and the long term effects of using one of those alternatives. Issuing a trespass order, order of protection, or other legal bans can be done.

One effect from that type of legal action is to infuriate the boy's parent(s) and spur them to increase the problem. That is why I advise the attorney consultation, so you have more understanding for a decision.

Hello lucky charm, sorry to hear you are having these issues. Can you imagine what this child would be like to raise and live with. The child's behavior is perhaps more of a reflection on his home life than anything else. Perhaps kid is out of control as are his parents! In addition the child may have undiagnosed developmental or learning issues. Perhaps compassion is warranted and yet, your need for privacy and normalcy is indeed important. A suggestion which may or may not be useful, talk to the parents, see if they are also exhausted with dealing with these behaviors, perhaps they may be open to professional help etc. also, is it appropriate to contact child welfare services? The later can at least investigate and determine if the family came benefit from support services, even if just a parenting class.

Perhaps post your dilemma on the family/parenting forum you where might get more ideas or help.

A pet skunk...?

I have to read the above and wonder if he's worried/afraid/not wanting to be alone, and so he's coming over rather than staying by himself?

Doesn't mean you should be taking care of him, having him break your things, but doesn't sound like he has a supportive home live, kwim?

There's no mention of a daddy (or brothers) for Jaxson, so I might be assuming quite a bit here, but maybe he wants to hang out with your husband (or sons, if you have any)?

If my boys are any indication, it seems that boys, in general, often go through times around this age, where they strongly prefer to be around their fathers. Mine have the fortunate circumstance of also belonging to a (soon to be) 5 pack/band of brothers. I swear, they all play like a group of puppies -- crawling all over each other, chasing balls, making as much noise as possible, lol.

Not an excuse for the behavior, but maybe an explanation. <3

How sad, for the boy, and yes, I understand your situation. We had a similar situation one time.... just a neighborhood boy none of the kids liked, but who always seemed to be around, and he acted out as well, defacing a park in front of the other kids, threw oranges at our car one time... Here's the thing. You do not want to be on bad terms with the neighbors. They are on notice already and not going to do anything about it. If it were me, I would be nothing but polite to those neighbors, and even sort of friendly to them. But when the kid comes over, just be repetitive, but nice with him.

"Oh, sorry kiddo, there's no TV watching any more, it's using too much electricity." and take the remote and shoo him out the door.

"Oh, but the motorcycle doesn't belong to us! And we don't play with things that don't belong to us, or we would have no friends, right? Want to help me sweep this floor? " (distract him)

"Sorry, kiddo, we are having private family time today, no playing. Here's a cookie, go on home sweetie."

"Oh, hi, kiddo, the boys can't play, they have way too much homework. Here's a deck of cards for you to play with at home."

Escort him out each time, be nice, be friendly, be aware that he is a child. He has no manners, and no one exists who will teach him any. But you know what? You can be the person that he remembers gave him a cookie, while politely teaching him, and if this kid isn't very bright, it may take 20 times before he gets the picture.

And yes, build that wall and lock your doors, but still be a friendly neighbor, because what you're dealing with could easily escalate beyond your imagination, and no one needs that.

Make sure you have a healthy sized umbrella policy. I recently heard a story (third hand) of a little girl who climbed the neighbor's fence and impaled herself on some kind of a lawn ornament. She nearly died. She survived but the neighbor's million dollar umbrella policy was tapped out. Attractive nuisance.

To piggy back on the skunk suggestion... you could set up one of those motion detector sprinklers--a scarecrow. We had to use one to keep the neighbors cats out of our flower beds, maybe it'll work for the kiddo

"[...] Want to help me sweep this floor? " (distract him)

Kids (especially boys!) LOVE having important jobs to do!!!

Put that little boy to work, lol. Need rocks picked up from your yard? Need weeds pulled? Need potted plants/raised gardens watered? Need flowers/fruit/veggies/herbs picked? For some reason, picking up backyard toys isn't "fun," but doing adult chores often makes them feel good about being big helpers. And it keeps 'em out of trouble.

:-D

[Side note to Benjesbride: My kids would be totally attracted to motion detector sprinkler systems, lol. They already think the standard ones are the bee's knees.]

Sounds like a few possibilities- if daughter/grandkids moved in recently there must be no father on a continual basis. The boy may not understand that your house is no longer 'his' home. He may have witnessed/lived with a defiant/violent/drunk male in the past where this type of behavior is all he saw. Monkey See- Monkey Do. He may be ADHD. ADD. Fetal Alcohol Sydrome Disorder child. - 91-94% of ADHD/AUTISM is later diagnosed at early school age or adolescent age as FASD. ... It IS his mother who needs to set boundaries. Grandma already raised her kids- it is not her responsibility. Is the mother an alcoholic? Drugs? Physically or mentally abused and does not have the capacity herself to guide her children. You may not know these answers yet but dig. Ask grandma over or out for a hamburger. Discuss your worries with her and she may shed some light on the situation. Or not... It is not the child's fault, as much as it puts stress on you. Be proactive- lock your garage door. Lock your home doors. Ask a legal person if YOU may put a lock on the gate. Look at your County Clerk office tax assessment/file to see who legally put up the fence- you may be surprised to find out it is really your fence. Talk to your insurance company- they will have suggestions about how you can cover yourself. Most of these things are private and the neighbor's will not know of you trying to figure out the situation. Sometimes it DOES take a village to raise a child- especially a mentally affected child. I am blessed- I too have a connecting yard because two sisters and their husbands lived side by side. Then they were widows. I was able to know/visit the sister that previously owned my house for a year, before her death a few months ago at 100 years old... Her sister is my neighbor at 90, who is a wonderful woman. Don't dispair- there is a reason you are there. Figure out why as exhausting as it is right now. Chin up!

P G- No, didn't disappear. I was told this was the wrong forum so I reposted in the Home Disasters forum like cpartist suggested. Just been busy with life, working, three kids, football practices and games and cheerleading practices.

To answer everyone's questions, the father is in his life. He visits him on weekends or every other weekend. He never did listen at our home even when I tried being polite and nice. I was taken advantage of. More less a free babysitter. We have put a privacy fence now. Best thing we could've done and should've done sooner but we didn't know they were going to move in with great grandma. We still see the little boy and he waves and seems as if nothing is wrong. It's the adults who are angry that we took our yard and privacy back. I don't care because my privacy and sanity is far more important.

Thank you all for your great advice.

Check you local ASPCA for that pet skunk...never know when it may be needed again!

It's because you let him walk over you. I have no problem telling a child that they're getting kicked out for being disrespectful and respectfulness is required in my house. Much better than passive aggressiveness or ineffectual hand waving. They obey or they leave

I'm not a free babysitter if my kids' friends are over. How pathetic would it be if they could only have friends over if I felt like "babysitting"!

No child over four should need direct in-the-room supervision on a visit. I just keep an ear out and keep them from getting rowdy or mean and make them clean before they leave. Eventually, they figure it out.

The kid's a brat. Rather than making him behave, you rob your girls of their only friend in the neighborhood. That's sad.

Having neighborhood friends is normal. Being bad as personal boundaries when very young is also normal. And some kids ARE brats, especially when young. It astonishes me that it offended you so much. Did you never have friends when you were little, either? Including ones your parents merely tolerated for your sake? Do you not even understand the experience of kids knocking on a door and asking to play? That's supposed to be a normal and healthy childhood!

D Cir-91-94% of ADHD/Autistic kids do NOT have fetal alcohol syndrome. It is the other way around, that 91-94% of kids with fetal alcohol syndrome get diagnosed with ADHD/Autism...although that may be due to overlaping diagnostic criteria. Unfortunately, the way you stated it, signifies that most parents are responsible for ADHD. There is in fact a genetic link for ADHD.

Perspective. You are not responsible for watching or disciplining or connecting with other people's children. Build a fence with privacy in mind and offer civility, respect and friendship to your neighbours but if they don't accept it move on. It's nice to be liked but not essential. Sounds harsh but never let other people make their problems your problems. They end up resenting you for not doing things their way.

OP, you seem to be the cause of the problem. These people are first and foremost your neighbors. You did not choose them. They are not your friends although you can be friendly. As they say, good fences make good neighbors.

1. Proper fence with no gate.

2. Lock your doors and keep your garage closed and secured.

Assert your dominance over your property. If you don't respect it, neither will your neighbors.