Please post pics. Which room would you like to start with?

When grey and white wane in popularity you may thank him for not letting you paint.....

I think we need pictures.

Pictures will help. "greys, whites, creams and warm colored neutrals" You can do all these with wood trim, I don't know why you think you can't. If your worried about too much wood I would look for painted furniture and shelves.

I am a little thrown off by the description of "slick, dark, shiny baseboard." This does not sound like a typical wood baseboard. Please, Please photos!

I am in the same situation! I love modern style colors (gray, beige) but it does not look good with honey oak trim. I can't seem to find a warm, cozy color for my living room that will look good with the trim.

I guess that is the upside of being drawn to all things FALL. Honey Oak is THE BOMB and all autumnal color palates integrate beautifully. What could be more warm or cozy than fall?!?!

The color/treatment of trim is more important than your "thrill" with the home you are creating for two? Tell him this:

No couple ever got in the car after a party and said, " I wonder why he chose that powder room paper and that vanity......??!!"

On the other hand, virtually every couple might say on a drive by a home.." Gee, he must be doing really well!! He did a a fantastic job $$ on that landscaping and new porch......"

See what I mean? As much as the world evolves.....some things do NOT change. A home is assumed to be the design/preference/style domain of the woman who resides within. That includes its comforts, warmth or lack thereof and yes, even interior maintenance for good or bad. To my mind, a little accommodation with regards to this "fact" would be very kind on the part of the male who enjoys the fruits of her labor. Let him have the outside, it will be presumed it's his territory anyway : ) Life isn't totally fair lol. You can also tell him white trim will enhance the view to his acres beyond. ....because it will.

Oh you are going to get a lot of comments on how your husband to be should let you paint this white, how you are marrying the wrong man, how this is your house not his, etc. SO, first ignore them. My husband has always been just as interested in the look and maintenance of OUR home as I have. So, with that off my chest, if you post pics, we can better guide you. My taste is white trim but, I really think I could work with wood trim, cabinets or whatever. I remember back in the late 90's when we built a house picking wood cabinets, no one would have dreamed of picking white back then. They were all getting rid of the white from the early 90's.

Don't feel bad, it's a man thing. They don't like painting "good wood".

That being said, it's his home also, so there should be some input, discussion etc. Pls post pictures.

Yes picture please. From your description I can't tell if you mean golden oak trim or dark wood like walnut or even espresso color. If it's golden oak you could easily have true farmhouse look ;-) but I agree that is hard to decorate around. I am on my third house and have painted various shades of oak white in all three houses so I am on that side of the fence.

After trying for years to mix my dh's beloved pine bed furniture into my color tastes I found that bluer and greener greys worked well. Also white looks great with yellower oaks. Here are some color ideas to work with golden wood trim.

yes you can use reclaimed wood next to polyurethane trim. This rustic mantel looks great!

rustic frame around tv next to poly trim.

https://www.kylieminteriors.ca/the-best-paint-colours-to-go-with-oak-wood/

Pics

Granted, it's fir but very orange

Staining?

Don't be so influenced by what people trying to sell you all new stuff say is all the rage. Everyone doesn't have to tear out all their kitchen cabinets to have a happy and functional home. Look at the photos above, lots of ways to live with wood. It looks OK with some greys, I have honey oak in my house and it looks great with a neutral pallet if you use beiges and whites and browns and greys instead of all black and white. Use black and white for accents, as the photos above show. Or paint the whole dang house in builder's white (mine is) and do all your furniture in blacks and greys. Lots of options, think outside the very narrow TV decorating show box.

Here's a house tour of a house with wood trim, blotchy wood kitchen cabs with tile counters, but it's pretty endearing altogether.

http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/house-tour-creative-collective-style-in-silver-lake-232749#_

Never mind the overexposure of most photos.

as you can see in the pictures above (or, say, when walking into a park in the late fall...somewhere when they have four seasons..)-most wood tones work beautifully with grays, creams, whites, etc

what might be a problem, from your description-is less color pallette but more pairing rustic and maybe distressed wood with polished wood..

so. we really need to see the pictures, in order to be able to suggest something

have in mind that you can combine rustic and polished..if they're of different materials

so even if your trim is as traditional and sleek as they come-you can still pair it with faded rugs, antiqued, dull metals, woven grass, linen curtains, and other things that will make it very warm and cozy ..I'm not even mentioning plants-they fit every house out there..:)

so. waiting for the photos..:)

Nosoccermom's link is a great example of what I was talking about using builder's white or some similar white throughout the whole house to create a backdrop for many different decorating touches that are outside of the wood fixtures. Easy peasy to implement and gives you a great starting point rather than futz with all that figuring out what colors go best with the wood in each room.

Just redefine your terms and adjust your "farmhouse" design inspirations to include wood tones. If you are only watching Joanna Gaines that's all youre going to see- and want. However, there are plenty of other takes on "contemporary farmhouse" out there.

I honestly am not getting why browns/beiges/greiges are ok for painted surfaces, but not the same color in a wood stain.

Yellow-golds, grays and whites are classic .... would fit quite nicely with your ca. 1980s gold toned wood.

Re above statements that white trim will never go out of style.... well ya, some truth to that but the drab colorless interiors, the monotone white on white will. Mark my words, people in the not too distant future will be cursing the latex paint that soaked into the pores of their brick and caused it to spall, wondering "what were they thinking." Lets not forget that there was a time when people thought that a popcorn ceiling and metallic blobs of paint sponged onto every conceivable surface was a good idea!

These are all wonderful comments and suggestions, we had company all weekend and I wasn't able to get pictures, but will try to tonight. I am not one who can easily see the possibilities with a room. I tend to like pictures of others rooms, and then try to recreate it. I will post what I am working with, and then also maybe some of the things I like if that would help? I do love the farm house look, not bc it's all the rage, but because I am a farm girl and we live on a beautiful farm. It would be more fitting to my tastes, not only for "now" but for life. I just need to marry the wood that we have with what I love. Unless one day I can paint the trim and cabinets....sigh...here's to finding new inspirations along the way! Thank you ALL AGAIN!

Perhaps the spirit of compromise....paint the woodwork in 1 or 2 rooms; maybe the MB and ??

Since the home you are living in belongs to him, my advice is to be happy.