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How long do you wait before taking over a kid's bedroom?

Emily H
6 years ago



When kids start to leave the nest, how long do you wait until you use their room for another purpose? Do you keep the room as-is in case they return or for when they visit?


Share your experience! (photos encouraged)

Comments (113)

  • lacasita
    5 years ago

    Hah! My old room was ”repurposed” right out of existence. After I moved out at 21, my parents knocked out the adjoining wall, dry-walled my bedroom doorway, and expanded their bedroom to make a sitting room, a mini office and an enormous walk in closet for themselves. Imagine my surprise when I came to visit and my bedroom door was a blank wall. I thought it was pretty funny, but guests now have to sleep on the sofa bed in the den. Good thing I had already gotten my junk out of there!

  • tqtqtbw
    5 years ago
    last modified: 5 years ago

    I love the Ikea dream kitchen commercial where the parents do a beautiful remodel and the college student son's bedroom is now the size of a tight pantry, just barely big enough for the just the twin bed. LOL.

  • havingfun
    5 years ago

    my son is like a squirrel every time he come to visit he has left something behind.

  • PRO
    Hal Braswell Consulting
    5 years ago
    It doesn’t matter. As soon as you repurpose the room as a home office or craft room, that’s their cue to move back.
  • pennydesign
    5 years ago

    I remember my parents wanting to wipe out our very existence the minute we left. It didn't feel very good. My own kids, well, 2 are still here, but the other 2, I didn't hurry. But they don't plan on coming back...But I wonder if they felt the same way I did when I left...

  • santrac0
    5 years ago
    last modified: 5 years ago

    The house that our children grew up in did not have a lot of storage, so for many years we stored many of their old toys above the garage where it all fit nicely. I had forgotten how much "stuff" was up there, but to my delight, when we moved to a new house in 2014 (kids graduated from high school in 2001 & 2005) I was quite surprised. It was as if Santa had come to our house again. I carefully put all of the toys (trains, Ninja Turtles, Hot Wheels, Marble Works,etc) in a nicely organized closet in the guest room. Now, my 4 & 6 year old grandsons come to my house all the time, open the closet, smile and stare in the closet and say, "Nana, what should I play with today?" We then bring out my own collect of marbles that are over 50 years old and my heart proceeds to melt.

  • Carlos Lovera
    5 years ago
    mine come over often on vacation. I do not need the room and it makes them feel welcome. my answer is that it all depends whether you need the room or not. If you need it, then once they have their own place.
  • jpp221
    5 years ago
    I think one should wait until the moving truck wheels are off the driveway surface. Any faster is just rude.
  • jpp221
    5 years ago
    PS - one local designer has been creating double-height libraries by removing the bedroom floor and creating a double-height room on the floor below. It is very effective at preventing move-backs.
  • whatkids
    5 years ago

    What Kids ?

  • admiral8
    5 years ago
    Well, my husband is 53 and his room, books, and toys still remain the same at his mother’s house so if I want to clean out my 24 year old stepsons room I’m afraid I will look like a stepmonster!
  • skmom
    5 years ago
    Well, none of my kids have moved out yet, but my three oldest are aged 18, 20, and almost 21, I also have 16 year old twins, so they’ll probably all leave as fast as they came into this world. LOL! It’s my 20 year old that might get booted out of her room BEFORE she even moves out though. I need her room to become our master closet before we do a much needed gut remodel of our master bathroom. Why? Because our plans to remodel involve using a huge portion of our current master closet as the new shower... our current shower is unusable because it leaks into our family room. It’s ok, I told her I’d move her into our guest room if she’s still here when we finally begin the remodel. Also, we’ve always been clear with our kids that 1) we love them more than life itself, but 2) this is our house and they live here. LOL! For as long as we stay in our current house (which will likely still be a long time) after they move out we will keep the current guest room as a guest room, oldest daughter’s bedroom will become a second guest room, second daughter’s bedroom will become a large closet (it’s gonna be amazing, glorious, a thing of beauty I tell you!) and our boys’ rooms in the basement might get turned into an Airbnb. If not, then we will have a crapload of guest rooms. It won’t stay “their” rooms though. Oldest daughter recently redecorated her bedroom... she knew that everything she did had to transition easily to a future guest room. We worked on it together. She’s happy to be rid of the former teenie bopper bright green walls and hot pink accents and have a space that looks grownup now, and I’m happy that it’ll be easy to turn it into another guest room.
  • Deitra L Dean
    5 years ago

    I have been an empty nester for years and "set in my ways". My children are now 30 and 28. When the children left for college into their own apartments, I repurposed the bedrooms immediately. I started making plans their junior year in high school for the spaces. While still in the nest, they were allowed to decorate their bedrooms "with in reason" to their choice but It was always understood it was my home so unless you were a mortgage holder you are a guest. There would be no returning for any "just in case" events... Adult eagles never return back to the nest, therefore, my adult children can not. I provided for them while the were under aged children now adults it will not happen unless...God forbid, they are completely unable to take care of themselves, then the house would have to be renovated to accommodate the needs.

  • Mel Fair
    5 years ago
    last modified: 5 years ago

    Well...Here is my personal input, and professional guidance as a therapist. I suggest you speak to them about it and how they feel. Giving them some power over a transition such as "taking or changing their room is quite impactful". My personal input is based on personal experience-which is-My stepmom took over my room and gave all my belongings away without discussing it, then moved my bedroom furniture in my half-sisters new bedroom when they moved into a new home. I was 16 at the time, was very hurt, and still am. BY HER NOT including me was an extremely selfish and damaging thing to do.
    I believe without respecting the entire family unit, especially in a blended family situation, you can cause unintentional discord and division. All healthy families should respect one another's personal and private space, and establish healthy communication regardless of the topic.

  • suedonim75
    5 years ago
    last modified: 5 years ago

    Big difference between being a 16 yr old and an 18 yr old leaving for college Or moving out.

    At the end of the day, the parents can do whatever they want and the kid needs to get over it. There will 800 more traumatic things in life to be hurt over, this really isn't one of them.

  • Mel Fair
    5 years ago

    Emily, I believe if you have a conversation with your young adult, or teenager then you will be demonstrating healthy communication, boundaries, and relationship skills. You posted this because you wanted to hear other experiences, however at the end of the day you know the kiddo best and how they might respond. Write out the Pros and Cons.

  • Webado Webada
    5 years ago

    My husband and I would never deny our grown children the right to come back home when things don't work out for them living on their own. Things happen. They'll always have rooms here, even if their original rooms have been repurposed as guest rooms, with different furniture since they first left home. As a matter of fact they came home once each and eventually left again. But our house is open to them at all times. Of course there are some minimal house rules to be respected.


  • matermuse
    5 years ago

    It's a process that was as different as each of my children. When eldest left her room, her next sibling moved into her room immediately, others took longer and we held their rooms longer without changing them. Last "chick" who plans marriage next year just switched her room for her brother's who took four years to ease out on his own (apprenticeship education & relocation) . I again have a room of my own for art studio to restart another chapter from this mature point of view. It's strange, exciting, and a little scary to have an empty nest very soon, but life's happening!


    Very pleasant reading everyones' stories of dealing with dynamics of changing stages of both generations. Much similarity between all of us, really.


    No matter where any of us physically live, we're "home" when we get together and can find a decently comfortable bed to sleep in and wake up in the morning to a good cup of coffee and a little nourishment around the kitchen table.



  • PRO
    Design West
    5 years ago

    We use any excuse to redecorate a room :) You can always incorporate special items in the new design that make your not so little one feel at home.

  • Nick
    5 years ago

    Our kids are welcome to come back and use either of the guest rooms that their departures gifted us. However, they should not expect to receive the same service that real guests are afforded.

  • Megan Wilkins
    5 years ago

    My parents kept our rooms pretty intact for years after we left home. It was such a sweet feeling to have that "home base" to land on weekends a few times a year. I will add the caveat that there were other bonus rooms in the house to where my parents didn't really need the extra space- an office, a study, an extra family room. We both (my sister and I) graduated high school and moved 4 hours away to college, and never returned home to live. It was a gradual process of cleaning out (I'm 32!!!), and I appreciated that my mom included me in what could be changed and what could be donated. See how I still call it "home"? My parents built it when I was 2 and I always felt welcome and like I had a soft landing place. My dad died suddenly and unexpectedly 3 years ago and my mom remarried quickly and that was obviously more painful than my room being slightly different. It took us (mostly my mom) 2 years to work on going through his home office in the basement- we kept special items obviously, but it was kind of painful to walk in a room that looked exactly as it did when my dad died. Now it's a cozy extra bedroom, rustic like a cabin (what my dad loved) and I actually prefer sleeping down there as I feel so close to him, as odd as that sounds. I will be a sobbing mess when I change over my boys' rooms, but I'm super sentimental and had a hard time even moving out a crib for a "big boy bed".

  • sheilardenton
    5 years ago
    last modified: 5 years ago

    I asked my son to participate in a series of decorating decisions for his room as he was preparing to leave for college. Our stated goal was guest room / TV viewing / his room during summers and holidays. It needed repainting - an opportunity for change, right? - but we stayed with the medium blue because we both liked it, and out of respect for the history of that space. We decided on bookshelves and wall art (some of which he had created in high school that was quite good)... that kind of thing. We built a lot of flexibility into the space, and we're both very pleased with the results!

  • Kris Bruesehoff
    5 years ago

    Mine have a room till they are through college... then once they get a stable place of their own we semi convert the room to a guest room. One of our guest rooms is more feminine and decor more to dd’s taste and one is more my sons room.

  • marycanabou
    5 years ago
    I grew up with 5 siblings in a 4 bedroom house... literally the DAY someone left for college their bedroom was claimed by one of the remaining siblings - a family right of passage!!
  • User
    5 years ago
    last modified: 5 years ago

    I have 5 siblings and although I was the 2nd oldest I always seemed to get the 'short stick' as far as my OWN room was concerned. I moved out young and soon married and had 4 children so gone was chance to have MY room again. Now only at 60+ I have finally claimed MY play room. I'm excited as I have the curtains "I" want, a rug "I" want, a display cabinet I bought and so far I'm happily organising MY hobby things MY way. Yipppppy I feel like a child in a candy store.

  • waverly6
    5 years ago

    It's going on 14 years now....... Still have their clothes in their drawers and closets. My older son's stuff ( he is now 32) takes up 3 rooms in my house. His bedroom, his hobby room and all his stuff from college he left in my basement. I did manage to get him to clear out about a third of his stuff in the summer. Working on the rest...... I did redecorate the bedrooms so they have to sleep in rooms with pink accessories when they visit. (But I kept heir duvets in the closet just in case.....)They also have their own bedrooms in my beach house but the rooms are used for guests as well.

  • Cheryl Smith
    5 years ago

    We never had kids so every room is our room.. but mom still lives in the house they built when I was 4 years old. I'm now 65. I shared a room with my sister with 2 single beds and my brothers shared a room with bunk beds. The rooms are still there for us to use but are not our rooms anymore. my sister used the bunk beds for her family and I think they sold the twins. the upstairs room has my parents original bedroom set With a full size bed and the basement has a queen. Anyone with a spouse or dog stays in the basement. I usually use the one upstairs because my husband usually stays home when I visit and the upstairs room is closer to my moms. Mom would not be happy for us to stay somewhere else if she had room. It's just expected.

  • IM DB
    5 years ago

    After reading all of these comments, it seems as if it would be easier to move to a new place after the kids leave. ;)

  • yalemichmom
    5 years ago
    This was a great topic to read, and a nice break from reading about what grout color to choose with my “subway” tile. Our son was a junior in college when his sister left for her freshman year. I was truly feeling the pains of an empty nest, so we decided it was time to take on some major remodeling. It gave me an extra project to focus on and a noisy house, again. I always hated my first floor laundry right off of our garage and kitchen, so we turned our son’s (the junior at that time) large walk-in closet into an upstairs laundry and rebuilt a smaller closet in his room. I LOVE having the laundry upstairs with all the bedrooms. The old laundry will turn into a better mud room once we do the kitchen.

    Now, my son is graduated and living in California (we are in Indiana). I’m not sure when I’ll ever get used to the distance, but he was in Connecticut for college and was only home for Winter/holiday breaks and a week or so each summer. Because we had remodeling done in his room, I was forced to pack up his memorabilia and other personal items while he was still in college. I’ve never unpacked his things, and he only had three days home this first post-college Christmas, so there wasn’t time to go through his things. He couldn’t fly back with them, and his studio apartment is too small to house things, yet, anyway.

    The BIG mistake I made was not asking him and encouraging him to go through a bit each day while he had about six weeks home last summer between graduation and his job starting. He spent time visit friends and building a climbing wall in our garage with his dad. (Yes, we actually have a wall with “routes!” It was quite a last bonding moment for the two of them.) Not sure when he’ll ever get to it. I plan to sift through it myself. Maybe someday I will send a “pod” when he’s settled in a more permanent home.

    Now, our daughter is college junior. I decided to “pack up her childhood” and begin steps to transition her room into a space she’ll still feel comfortable using when home, but one that won’t feel like a complete time capsule. I like using it as a personal dressing room so our Master Bedroom isn’t cluttered with jewelry, makeup, etc. Her bedroom and furniture provide me a “she” space. I miss my kids and having them live at home, but keeping their rooms “as is” just doesn’t help them grow and “fly away” or help me accept this big change in all of our lives. They are always welcome home and have a spot to rest their heads.
  • sheilardenton
    5 years ago

    Beautifully written. Thank you for sharing at this depth.

  • PRO
    Sabrina Alfin Interiors
    5 years ago

    We solved that problem by selling the suburban house and downsizing to a condo in the city. :-) There's one extra bedroom for kids/guests for when they want to crash.

  • Amelia Bumsted
    5 years ago
    My 19 year old daughter went into the Navy in September leaving just one child left in the nest for another year and a half. We are building a new house that is downsized for my husband and I (we have 4 kids ages 17, 19, 20, 22) and will be selling this one in the next few months, so we had some serious purging to do. We needed to stage it for selling.

    However, I knew she would be coming home for the holiday and would like to feel some semblance of “home” and comfort. What I did was utilized her bedding theme (hippie-girl style) and created a “yoga retreat” room for staging. She still had her bed, bedding and room, but also got to see the room transformed from a place that was once littered with makeup tables and knick-knacks to a calming meditation area. She thoroughly enjoyed her time in her “new” space and felt it was a more grown up version of her own.
  • Lisa SW
    5 years ago
    I posted a year ago, but was so happy to see this thread resurrected. For me it’s not about decor or remodeling, but rather life stages for ourselves and our children. And fingers crossed, I’m facing one of those transitions and it’s bittersweet. yalemichmom, I’m a few years ahead, but we’ve travelled such similar paths. (Hate to break it to you, but I’ve been waiting 10 years for the final purge.) Daughter’s left Chicago metro area for undergrad in MA and NH, and spent last 8 years of grad school in NYC and a certain small city in CT. Because they’re academics, we still get to enjoy extended holiday visits that reflect school calendars; they come home to redecorated adult rooms that still mirror their individual styles. The academic job market is brutal, and today I learned one daughter is a finalist for a very secure position. But yalemichmom, it’s in CA...it’s so far! I’ve spent the last few years worrying about them finding secure positions and wondering where they’ll be. And now as retirement approaches, I realize I have no idea where we’ll choose to be. But there will always be a home for my daughters; one which I hope for their sakes they will never need for longer than a holiday visit.
  • User
    5 years ago

    My daughter is off for a 6-month internship to complete her Bachelors. I won't do anything to her room (actually a "suite" in a converted attic space) until she returns and leaves "for good" in September or so. At that point, we're gutting the attic (it was converted into living space in the 80s and is quite dated!) and updating it to an office/studio and guest suite.


  • HU-606352706
    4 years ago

    How long do I wait?? 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...GO!

  • garlicdog
    4 years ago

    FIVE minutes. Long enough for the car to leave the driveway. Ha!

  • mcbrayer0814
    4 years ago

    My parents didn't change my room until I married. Even then my mom really only changed the room to a guest room and kept pieces that I didn't take with me. She wanted to make sure that whenever we visited we had somewhere to stay. She also uses the room when my sister's children stay the night with her.

  • lacasita
    4 years ago

    Yes, garlicdog! And have the renovation completed BEFORE they come home to visit.

  • acctg97
    4 years ago

    Divorcing parents forced my hand before I was "ready".(post-college, living out of state & still renting a room...) Dad packed up most of my things and they were ready for me 3-4 years later when he returned from overseas, but any stuff my mom grabbed was dumped with no regard for my feelings or possessions. Still burns me up! Our daughters are semi-launched (27 & 24) and living in our community, & working on independence. Hubby and I are working WITH our daughters to go through their rooms to evolve them into 1 guest room and one work/craft space. They are given a chance to "claim" furniture or box and put into our crawl space if they want, but thinning out the accumulated items has been very cleansing and has given us all time & space to envision their futures as individuals... (and US as true empty-nesters!)

  • Aries Parker
    4 years ago

    Probably about a year after my kid was gone his room became a storage room. He has yet to move back and only visited 2-3x over night since 2011. I miss him taking out the trash and doing the dishes and walking the dog... he was for sure my lil butler as I use to call him..until he found out what a butler was ...

  • lilibet10
    4 years ago

    This is a subject I am familiar with. I got married in 1967. After the wedding reception we went back my family home to change our clothes. We were heading back to my hubby’s military base immediately. I asked my mother to have my wedding dress blocked and cleaned. I had left it on my bed in it’s full beauty. We came back the following summer and I couldn’t find the dress. My unloving mother said, “Why would I care about YOUR dress?” I found it crumpled up in a plastic garbage bag on the floor of my closet. And that, dear friends is Exhibit #1 of my experiences with my mother’s and my relationship with her for my entire life. She hated me. She told me that the day before she died. Now that I KNOW that, everything she did to me during my childhood makes sense!

  • lilibet10
    4 years ago

    If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck. It’s a duck.

  • Webado Webada
    4 years ago

    @ lilibet10 , this is such a sad story!

  • tatts
    4 years ago

    Sorry, but your wedding dress, your responsibility--as a married adult.

    You want something done right? Do it yourself.

  • partim
    4 years ago

    tatts That's harsh.

  • bluenose123
    4 years ago

    Lilibet..... sad about your relationship with your Mom but this wasnt about that? You cannot control others actions only your own. Time to move forward. On this topic..... obviously I did not offend by clearing out the room as I will have them all back in the fall... I think we need to change up the rooms to suit our needs. Most important is we made a home they feel drawn to. Good on all of us!

  • Sarah
    4 years ago

    My kids are 15 & 13. We plan to move out of our house when they’re in college and get back into a loft in the city. We hope to be able to afford one with 3 bedrooms so they’ll have a place to sleep when visiting. The bedrooms will serve a couple purposes so we can have an office and sewing space.

    I’ll be honest- this is probably not going to happen as I don’t imagine suddenly being able to afford a $4million loft! All while putting 2 kids through college.

  • Lois Beasley-Carlisle
    4 years ago

    Well, every time our kids move out and in the remaining kids play fruit basket turnover with the bedrooms. Once a child (child 1) laid claim to her bedroom for a year before we let someone else move in and take over. That was a couple years ago and now that child (child 2) that moved into child 1's room has moved out and we have been moving stuff we have found belonging to child 1 to child 1's house. We didn't wait a few weeks after child 2 moved out to start moving my grandchild in. We boxed up child 2's stuff as soon as child 2 moved into an apartment and child 2's stuff is in a closet. Come get it whenever... I was going to claim child 2's room as my new craft room but alas a grandchild beat me to it. If the grandchild goes back home to her mom..... It will immediately become my new craft room or my new office...unless...I decide I like the craft room I am setting myself up now which is the room the grandchild just moved out of. I have six kids and I think each of them has lived in each bedroom we have at one point in time or the other but I couldn't swear to it!! Usually once you move out you loose it and the lay claim to it right then so its not long! We had a vacancy for a few years as one son joined the air force but he came home but child 1 had moved out by then and he got child 2s room and then child2 moved into child1s room. Child 1 was distraught that we moved her shrine but she had moved even if she wasn't ready to acknowledge that she had moved!!! Of course grandpa is living with us and he's on hospice now so who knows what the future holds!! Son 1 who didn't join the airforce said he's done and he's not moving and noone will ever get his room again as he waited to long for that room! Son 2 doesn't want child2's room as he has painted his room and fixed it up really nice so no problem there. Child 2's room is the second best kid bedroom in the house which is why the furor over who gets it happens so quickly. Of course there has been talk about my now craft room becoming a grand baby nursery so....... we will see!!! The grandchild's room is lovingly called the aquarium because of the fabulous paintings done on the walls.

  • fatima1958
    4 years ago

    My son is 27 and I am in the process of turning his room into an office. We are texting about what things he would like to have and what things should be tossed or sold on kijij, with the money going to him. (I've never recovered from my mother selling the moped i bought with my hard earned house cleaning money while i was away at my first year of uni).


    I am putting an ikea daybed in the space that can be turned into a double.


    I think its important not to surprise them with a sewing room at thanksgiving of their freshman year, or indeed, any year. Don't surprise them. Find out their investment level. Communication is important.

  • felizlady
    4 years ago

    Our daughters’ rooms are still bedrooms. One also holds my sewing table and supplies. The other has the computer station their Dad uses. If one of them comes to town, her bedroom is available, and both bedrooms if they come with husband and kids. Both live out of state and run their own businesses, but when they come to visit we’ll take all of them and rent cots if needed.

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