The audacity! Now you know their true colors, which will spare you future angst.

I have visited a lot of friends in various places, but I have never invited myself - I only went to places where I was invited to stay. To me, it is odd for someone to ask if they can stay with you - they should wait for an invitation from you. My brother in Texas (who is a bit of a cowboy) has hinted that he wants to visit me in L.A., but I have never invited him, and he has never invited himself. I don't think he would like it here, and I would be uncomfortable with his wife here, although she is the one who really wants to visit. She is loud and somewhat obnoxious. I have invited my nieces and nephew to visit, and my nieces have visited, but they are nothing like their father (my brother).

On another note, my SIL once asked me to take a dog with me on my flight back to L.A. (to avoid shipping costs), as she breeds and sells puppies. I told her that I would not take my own dog on a plane, much less hers or one that she has sold. I have not had a dog since I was a child, but I have had cats. Anyway, she had no reservations about asking me to transport a dog for her, but at least she has never asked if she could stay with us in L.A.

You have become too involved with these people, who are users. Cut them off and simplify your life.

If my kids did that to an adult family member or friend, I would not be happy. No manners!

I think the texting generation's social lives are completely improvised. And they think everyone does the same. Plans change on a dime, people cancel at the last minute.

We had a large crew of college kids road trip to our house for a holiday. Despite practically begging my DD for firm numbers, I didn't know until they came in the door exactly how many were going to show up.

Lucy, while I'm not going to be a vacation house doormat, I'm not going to cut them out of my life either, they are family ;).

And d_gw, you nailed it! I agree it's partly a generational thing and partly cultural; she's southern and he's hispanic and I get the feeling they both just assume it's fine to ask to crash with family. Although they are both responsible professionals they also seem to live their personal life just as you describe. I guess in a way I have to backhand admire their fortitude. Deciding on the spur of the moment to drive 3+ hours, drink the night away then get up and start drinking again, then sober up and drive another 3+ hours THEN get up next morning and tend to sick animals. Whew!

Mostly though, the whole thing left me laughing. They were so up n down and back n forth. Oh and it also taught me a valuable lesson about being aware and careful of how I handle pushy relatives.

It is generational. Nothing is a big deal. I remember my DD's college years of changing apartments. Everything down to the wire. I can't function this way.

However, what I have learned from them is that things don't HAVE to be a deal, they only are if you make them as such.

This couple probably would think nothing of having you crash at their place if you happened to be in town and at the last minute.

It is up to us to set the boundaries that we are comfortable with. It gets hairy when you are put on the spot. I am not naturally quick for a comeback. I usually have to plan out my scenarios of what could happen just in case.

When we first starting using our lake cabin, after a 9 month renovation, we had a party with about 25 guests. At some point during the day I said something like; "this is so much fun, hope you come back soon and often!" to some of the guests.

I thought I was being nice.

My daughter reminds me of this every time I receive a call from a friend asking if they can visit on a day of their choosing. So be careful about what you say to your relatives and friends.

LOL Maddie. Be careful what you tell people? They must have enjoyed your company as much as you enjoyed theirs that day. Which is a real compliment if you think about it. I'm not sure it's should be an open invitation though. ;-)

I also don't know what the lesson in all of this is for you. Very confusing perhaps because you dealing with people who are very confused?

my heart leaps when someone says they're coming to visit. It starts to drop if they say any longer than 2 or 3 days though. I don't mind people telling me when they can visit because in our family we've always done it that way but this is family members not friends

Right! They think they are doing YOU the favor.

Good that you like family around but I sense you’re also relieved that your little voice didn’t steer you wrong and being cautious was not evil of you.

OT, but hopefully you’ll find it entertaining re: families and staying over. In-laws used to pal around w/a couple 10-15 years younger than them. Very soon after meeting them, I noticed the wife got a kick of saying things and acting in ways to make my MIL feel old and frumpy. Not a good friend in my book. On one occasion MIL asked us if we’d put the friends up for the w/end. I told her we didn’t really know them and a weekend with strangers would be too long. MIL was upset, but I suspect it was b/c she volunteered our house as lodging b4 she actually asked us, ha. The friends acted somewhat cooler after the incident but it was no great loss to us as they were older and not somebody to whom we could relate. Never felt guilty about saying no.

You don’t have to be Hispanic to live by the ‘mi casa, su casa’ motto. sometimes you can be from S Dakota like my MIL, ha.

the couple divorced and the friendship fizzled, thank goodness.