It seems so me that you have some ambivalence, describing the friends as nice enough, but then finding fault with some of them, but I think the real issue is that you are self described less outgoing personalities. There is nothing wrong with that, people are what they are.

If she is a friend you want to keep, why not let her know that you are not really a person who enjoys large gatherings, but that you value her company and would love to see her for a lunch or something similar from time to time?

My DH is already at the place where you are heading. He is more than happy to decline invitations when he knows he is not interested in the other guests.

Big block party coming up and we will be making other plans so as not to attend!

Life can get in the way. You can certainly have other things to do when yet another invitation rolls around.

How many parties are a year we talking about?

Two or three parties a year. Not ambivalent. I say they are “nice enough” because I know she likes them and I assume they are not serial killers or something. They are decent people, I’m sure, just not our type. We are less outgoing, but when we are around people we are comfortable with, we are not shy or wallflowers. It’s too bad, because a couple of them are avid gardeners, as am I, but I can’t get past the know-it-all and blow-hard tendencies. It’s really hard to have a conversation with someone like that, though I’ve tried. DH is a golfer, and he’s tried too, with some of the guys, with the same result. He dreads going even more than I do. Oh well.

How large are the parties? If large enough, she won't miss you. Or stop in on the way to somewhere else, say hello to the hosts and then leave. A party invitation is not a prison sentence, you don't have to stay, unless it's a seated dinner.

What do you think will happen if you start having "other" plans and keep saying no?

If there is nothing redeeming about going, then I would stop. The other idea is to not try so hard. You know all the people, they know you, Do the rounds, then enjoy the party with your DH. You say they are magical so I am assuming the food and drinks are really good.

In cases like this I always like to think "I'm probably not their cup of tea either". You might want to attend at least one party though, even if briefly.

You seem to care about the host so just be honest and say you are not much on big crowds but consider her a good friend so are making an exception. Then, she probably will not expect you more than once a year.

Also, sometimes when you get to know a blowhard a bit better there are some good qualities hidden below the surface. I have a friend who's SO is too embarrassing to go to dinner or public places with (we won't) but after getting to know him find him to be a very caring kind person with a heart of gold. He's simply used to places in the Bronx or with his large family where he can be loud and say anything that pops in his head. We were once almost kicked out of a restaurant if you can believe it. We do go to their house for dinner about once a year though. The woman has been a friend for years and years.

Sometimes getting to know people you wouldn't normally hang with can be interesting fun once the top layer is peeled off. In your instance (someone else's party) you can always leave when you want.

Parties can be anywhere from 8 to 40, depends on the occasion and how much time she has, and everything is always perfect. She works in the medical field and has a busy life, I don’t know how she finds the time or energy for it. Thanks for the encouragement and various perspectives.

DYH, you said that all so well.

My mother was a wonderful hostess, and considered her guest list according to the occasion and number of guests. So, especially for smaller gatherings, perhaps your friend has someone she thinks you'd get along with well. Or, someone else who is new or worries about fitting in. Ask your friend!

I'm an introvert and shy, but I wish we accepted more invitations. Not all of them, but even at a big party you can create a small group to enjoy time with.

Hold your head high, and be yourself. Switch conversations if it seems obnoxious. I would play up the differences humorously, if it all possible. Find the positive attributes of the people at the party, and focus on those.

Life’s too short. Skip the parties and get together with your friend separately. If it’s ever mentioned that you’re not attending parties, i would just say, “I don’t know, the older we get the less we feel like spending time at parties. I’d rather have you all to myself once in a while.”

I'm torn. On the one hand I agree with oly and say life is too short to bother with outings or people that don't bring you a measure of enjoyment.

OTOH I feel you beating yourself up a bit (I also personally identify with that) as if you can't compete with the other guests in some way, even though their behavior is unbecoming to you.

DYH said exactly what I was thinking about finding common ground more easily in other settings. I'm usually more comfortable at larger gatherings when I have a job and will offer help to the hosts. My DH can ALWAYS be found mannning the grill at casual outdoor gatherings as his job, because it gives him a focus other than small talk and mingling and the men usually like to gather around the grill! And I've found that when I have a job like refreshing platters or drinks, I'm more relaxed and have a logical reason to mingle in and out of conversations.

I think there's good reasons to go at least to some of the parties and there no reason to feel obligated to stay till the bitter end. Make it short and sweet.

I have a neighbor/friend who is young enough to be my daughter. We're not super close but I like and admire her very much and we get together for lunch once or twice a year. She invites us to their annual Halloween party and every year we decline. Neither DH nor I have the interest or imagination to come up with costumes and their friends are, obviously, much younger than we. A year or so ago she said something to me about realizing it probably isn't our thing but wants us to know we're welcome anyway.

Their invitation went out a couple of weeks ago and I hadn't responded. She emailed me this week reiterating that she realizes it isn't our cup of tea but, again, wants us to know we're welcome and they'd love to have us.

I guess my point is that I wonder if maybe having a heart to heart with your friend wouldn't be the way to go. I avoided having the conversation but clearly my friend had no problem doing so, so it should work conversely as well. They're going to continue to invite you and rather than it becoming any more awkward, maybe just have the conversation?