It’s very common! You spent a lot of time in your old home, maybe raising kids (?), etc., and it was comfortable and routine. It will get better! A key to a house being a home is making memories in it, so once you start doing that your feelings will change. And congrats on the new house!

I could have written your exact post because I'm going through what feels like an identical experience. It's gut-wrenchingly frustrating to feel like this because I've been wanting to move to a different house for years. But now that we bought I've second-guessed everything and I also feel horrible for putting my family through this and not being thrilled now that we are going to move. Our kids weren't happy about any of it, but we have been getting some work done prior to moving and over the course of a couple months,multiple visits to the house, holidays have ended, and lots of discussion about what it might be like at the new house they are now excited to move. Everyone is excited; even though I'm finally getting to move I'm just kind of sick that it happened.

I try to believe it will work out in the end even though I feel like this right now. We liked the house and neighborhood enough to make an offer even though now I'm completely overcome with anxiety. I'm so worried that the layout isn't going to be so great after all, and once we're living there it will really sink in what a mistake it was to move. I'm afraid that even though it's bigger we will still have all the same problem areas. I fantasize about how maybe if we just do some updates we could re-sell and come back home, but the reality looks like our market is slowing so our timing was really poor (buy at the tail end of sellers market, sell in buyers market). I guess that's that risk and price to pay for the luxury of taking our time to get the new place ready for move-in, but it adds to my anxious feelings of regret.

Our new house also has a front sitting room and formal dining that I am worried we won't use. When we looked at the house I thought those spaces were great, not now... now I'm thinking they are just part of the weird layout of an old home that doesn't really make sense for modern life. In discussions with DH, we're thinking the formal dining is going to become a cozy tv space that is away from kitchen noise (pocket door can be closed). Thinking we can eventually create an amazing kitchen/dining/gathering space in the middle family room that won't be competing with tv, which is an issue at our current house. The sitting room will possibly be a sewing and reading room, it is bright with lots of light. I'm hoping it will be at least the one place that doesn't get cluttered up with daily detritus so could maybe be a peaceful spot. Our kids are entering their teens so I think it would be nice to have a little more flexibility in the use of the house.

My ramblings have gone astray. Advice from me is try to balance your negative ruminating with the reasons for why you bought the place to begin with. Allow yourself to imagine how it could be once you're there. Maybe start writing about your ideas for what you would want to change. The house had a special quality that attracted you, whatever it might be, do try to keep that in mind. And go ahead and share here when you need to!

Thank you to all you lovely people for your thoughtful comments. It really helps. I can’t believe how I feel and was not expecting this level of anxiety and discomfort. I feel terrible about it and don’t want my husband to know because he is working like a dog on the new house and for the new house. I know I need to move forward and stop looking back, but I am just so filled with fear that these feelings will not subside and that we have made a mistake.

I just read a quote from Norman Vincent Peale (see below in bold) that could really help dispel buyers' remorse (along with all the great comments above):

"Any fact facing us is not as important as our attitude toward it for that determines our success or failure. The way you think about a fact may defeat you before you ever do anything about it. You are overcome by the fact because you think you are."

^I find this quote to be so true for myself. It is amazing how you can change your feelings about a fact and suddenly see options and opportunities that weren't there moments ago. I really believe that making 'your mark' on your new home (as others pointed out above) goes a long way toward changing your feelings about your new home. Try to enjoy the process of change. Embrace it. It is your chance for a fresh start in a new place.

Life goes on and everything happens for a good reason. Do you remember your old boyfriends in college? They all went for a good reason.......you ended up with your lovely DH!

Life is like in a barber shop.......next! You will be Ok! :-)

It can take some time to adjust to being in a new house. I think you'll grow into it!

Home is where your heart is, let yourself love the place. :-)

My husband and I have lived in six homes over the past 15 years. He's always prodding me to sell and purchase another fixer-upper. We even built a home, because he always claimed it was easier than remodeling. Through all of these adventures, he's the one that experiences both buyer's remorse AND seller's remorse. It's an ongoing joke between us. Give it some time to adjust. If you still don't like it, then sell and find another adventure.

We bought our house 40 years ago. We had 3 young children when we moved into the biggest house we ever owned. The dining room remained an unimportant room for decades. Then the kids left for college and careers and bachelor pads. Now the dining room is one of the most important rooms in the house because everyone returns for the holidays and other visits. We fill the dining room with happy chatter over meals that include 3 generations. We all look forward to these visits when family arrives from near and far. Don't short sell the good old dining room.

Do something to make it yours. Paint a room, plant a tree, change a light fixture, something that you choose for your house.

I completely completely relate to how you (and others) feel. I do love my new home but I regret my impatience and often wonder if something different would be a better fit. It’s so nice to see all the supportive comments here. I could have posted something like this myself but I worried about the harsh comments of “experts.”

LIz Lemon, this is the first time I have EVER posted to an online forum. I never did because I thought the Internet with rife with trolls and ugly comments. I am so blown away by the supportive comments on this board and can't believe I was wrong. Hopefully I will feel that way about my new house in time. I think you have to make concessions on any house, and the fact that you say you love your new home says a lot...I wish I was there. My new home just feels like someone else's house to me and I am so afraid I should have just stayed put.

I have to say I'm really enjoying the fresh start. We bought a brand new build and we're able to put our own mark on everything. I love the possibilities and the choices ahead (backsplash, new furniture, paint colours etc.) I just wish we had the means to do everything right NOW lol, but I guess this is a good lesson in patience (which I need). I also love having more space, I didn't fully realize how cramped we were in our old home when we were there. I don't think I could go back. I think that if you focus on the possibilities and the new adventure and try to ignore the what ifs and the worries you'll be fine. I'm the worst for fretting about things I can't change (like the past) but I'm learning to focus on staying positive about the future. I still struggle with anxiety over my decision sometimes but I'm really just trying to optimistic and to remember to count my many blessings. Good luck with the new home!

@melle_sacto..just wondering how the past couple weeks have gone for you? Are you feeling any better about things?

We bought our house long distance with only pictures and our realtor using FaceTime. The first time I saw it in person I cried and I hated it. But slowly we have updated it and made it feel more like home. I wouldn’t recommend buying without a personal visit but sometimes it’s just not possible.

Well for what it is worth Sharon I did pay a personal visit to the house a couple of times and I am still feeling bad about it. I do like how peaceful and quiet the neighborhood is, but discounted things that I liked about my other house, such as the master bedroom being on the main floor; the master bedroom and bath and closet are all huge too and while I was dazzled by that at the viewing now I am feeling overwhelmed by it and think it is all too big. I am hoping as i develop new patterns and get used to the house I will start feeling better. I am glad to hear things got better for you, thank you so much for sharing.

I guess I don't have a huge update, but since posting earlier this month our flooring work was completed. My oldest, who will be starting high school in the fall, ended up liking the new neighborhood school quite a bit and isn't so wrung up about a new school any more. We are about 75% finished with painting his room (it was awful--two layers of wallpaper with skim coat between them, which we removed as best we could and then sealed and had re-textured when the ceilings were re-done).

The kids have both remarked that it will be nice to have more space so they aren't very upset any more. I finally started packing up things from the kitchen that we never use... and we're culling a lot of stuff as well. We also planted a new tree to screen a really ugly view (prominent utility pole in neighboring yard).

I still think the kitchen is fugly but it is a rather private kitchen, not completely closed off but easy enough to not have to see all the time so I don't think the ugly style will be that big of a deal; I'm still sad all the bathrooms are interior with no natural light, but DH keeps saying we can always put in skylights and I suspect they will be beautiful when done. We still don't have a dog door installed (it ended up not being a simple install) but we have plans to accomplish that soon. It's a must before we move because we have two dogs. Most of the other issues are things we'll just resolve over time since it appears to have been a decently maintained home.

So I guess I'm more resigned to the fact we are actually moving. Getting the flooring refinished to just natural red oak and having the carpet replaced with flooring to match really made a big difference in the feel of the house overall. The changes are helping it feel more like our home.

HU give it time and open up to what the positives are. We do love the quiet of our lot and the privacy and wildlife in the back yard. If you can find one thing to love hold on to it until it becomes two; and so on. Hoping it happens quickly for you.

Thank you Melle and Sharon for your thoughtful remarks, they are much appreciated and so helpful. Helps hearing how others move forward.

I hope you start planning things to do in your new home: dinners with family, friends, or new neighbors in your dining room; BBQs and outdoor happy hours (when weather permits) in your new bigger yard. Take walks in your nice neighborhood, and most of all enjoy each other's company because home is where your honey is with you.

I'm only in my 2nd home that I've owned, but have experienced remorse. My first home was a condo that I purchased long ago, in my 20s, when I was single. I actually threw up in a garbage can on my way to the closing, I was so nervous! (I had to get off the el train a stop early due to nausea.) When I sold it a few years later, I was married and had regrets that I overpaid; at the time my DH reassured me all was fine - we had some good years there and were moving on.

Now I'm in my current home where I've been for over 20 years. Have made lots of improvements over time, including some where I regret my choices -- like my granite choice every time I look at the gorgeous kitchens on the Kitchens forum. But we can only look forward, right? I have had a wonderful life here and it's a house full of love. That's the home and the legacy I focus on every time I have regrets.

OP - they say that moving house is one of the most stressful things you can do, so it's not surprising that you're feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all. It's important at this point for you to focus on the positives - the better neighborhood, the bigger yard - and what they can offer to you and your family.

This house will become a home - but it will be a different home to your last one. Don't fight it - embrace that difference. Create a library out of the unused dining room, luxuriate in the big bathroom, and by the way, closets can never be too big. If mine were larger I'd be using it for things that have to go elsewhere - bedlinen, out of season clothes, and my killer collection of shoes!

Due to work requirements, I moved around a lot in my younger years, and the houses and apartments I ended up in weren't always what I'd have chosen if I'd had the time to look around more. But each one did become a home. I personally find hanging up my favorite art is the moment when "the" house becomes "my" house. Work with the new house and you'll find your moment.

Thank you so much, all you lovely people have no idea how much you are helping.

As the years went by and we moved 9 times, I discovered that the house did not feel like mine till I could smell the morning coffee brewing. I used to pack a last-on/first-off box with linens, towels, bath soap, TP, pajamas and coffee makings for the whole family. We often found the truck would finish unloading about 10pm, so I wanted everyone in bed, bathed, and up for a breakfast in our new home. It helped make life less hectic. Yes, buyers' remorse happens, or price remorse. You have to face reality, quit shopping for houses, live with your decision, and go for it. Happy, positive parent movers make for a happy, adjusted family. "Attitudes are contagious; is yours worth catching?"

Hello HU,

My family has moved several times due to job transfers and it can definitely be tough. Leaving that very first home, which was so lovingly cared for, was awful. I suspect this might be your situation. Time really does help. No matter how great the new home is, there will always be your own personal touches that need to happen. Each time you add a personal touch, it will feel more and more like home until you finally feel settled. Not sure where you live, but if you are living in a cold climate you may be feeling some of the effects of a dreary time of year too. You are going through an overwhelming event so what you feel is normal. My husband and I are empty nesters and building a new home, so believe me I understand what it is like to wake up some days and wonder why in the heck we just didn't stay where we were even though it really didn't work for us any more. Hugs and best of luck in your new home. I am betting that you will make it your own with time.

Kriii, your comments are spot on. It was my first home as an adult and I have never lived anywhere as long as I did in that house. It hurts when I drive by it and I try not to. I just miss the comfort of the routine and familiarity so much. I agree that the winter weather is contributing to my view on things right now. It really helps to hear that you chose to move forward and build as your life changed, and that you were not afraid to try something new. Thank you so much for your comments.

When we moved out of our first home after 25 years there raising our family, I cried all the way to our new home. I felt that I was losing a part of me that no one in my new neighborhood would know: the young mom, the PTA president, the Cub Scout den mother. Only two of our kids moved with us and in a few years they were gone as well. But our empty nest was filled with love and the perfect house for our family to visit. Our sons married and brought their families where the little ones formed memories in our home. Now, 19 years later, we are downsizing to a condo near one of our sons. His oldest said she’s going to miss their sleepovers here but I assured her that grandma and grandpa will always make room for a sleepover and we can still make meatballs together in my albeit smaller kitchen. A house becomes a home with each passing day and every memory made.

Thank you for your comments Gerry. i am trying to be patient and am hoping the at home feeling comes , eventually.

I’m in the same boat. I do recommend a podcast - Ruth Chang’s Ted Talk on How to Make a Hard Decision. Very helpful!

Great update! I'm so glad that you've reached peace and the anxiety/depression have lifted.

I can also post an update because we finally moved into the house we bought last year (moved 2 months ago). i still have remorse over a house we could have bought but lost out on...if only we'd offered more money... that would have come close to being a dream house!

but this one is totally fine. the things we initially liked are still good and it's a great neighborhood to call home. the things we didn't like can so be dealt with in time, and the house itself is quite comfortable for us to live.

Looking back I can see that a priority for me to get more living space in a nicer neighborhood without dramatically impacting commutes or distance family and not get into something we couldn't afford... definitely not worried about that!

@melle_sacro. So glad you are settled in too! I feel better with each change we make to our house, and as it just becomes more familiar to me. Like you we also moved to a much nicer and quieter neighborhood, and got something that did not dramatically impact our commutes. We also got something we can afford and got and more space and privacy. It helps to remember that like most people, we are limited by financial resources and so nothing will ever be perfect...it sort of sounds like we moved for the same reasons! I definitely let my anxiety and fear of change take hold of me. There are still things I miss about my old house but that is probably just the way it goes and doesn’t mean we made the wrong decision. My husband and I also just learned a couple of days ago that the vacant lot next to our old house is for sale so likely another house will be crammed in...we are both so happy we moved!

So nice to have updates and that you are posting - so others can learn from your

experience.

Thank you for the updates. So glad you're now happy in your new homes.

So glad you got to the other side of your depression. I think change is difficult... I was one who posted about experiencing similar feelings after moving in into our new build. When people congratulated me I played the part of being excited... when I felt just the opposite. It took me a few months to get over it and like you I now love it. Now I’ve accepted a job in a different school district and feel depressed over the changes:(... hopefully I’ll feel better in a few months too:(.

@AC LB. I remember when I left my last job of 7 years I bawled and bawled even though I had hated the job for so long and was going to something better. I couldn’t believe how upset I got over the job change. I did remember that too when i to a new house...how it was so good that I made the job change and that it would take a while to see the new house. It took a long time for me to settle into the new job and now I have been at my “new” job for 9 years. And thank god I didn’t stay at my last job. Your moment will come too...I read somewhere that we all eventually adjust to our circumstances, and that helped me through this process too. You WILL get there!

THANK YOU HU! I know it’s better for my family in every way... I know it’s my own fear that’s causing my depression... I’m not one for change! (I mean I have a post about a rug I’ve been looking at for the past few years... still trying to pull the trigger!! ) I appreciate your comforting words. I hope to have a positive update soon!

Funny story. My MIL was the same as some of you in that she never wanted to change. She was offered a promotion at her job but refused it because it meant she'd have to move to a different floor in another part of the building.

When she was first married, she and her husband lived in the house she grew up in with her parents. After 3 years and the first baby (my DH), her husband wanted to move out. She wouldn't even look at a new house.

One day her husband came home and let her know he had put a deposit on a new house and he was going to move there. Her father made sure she moved out with her husband.

She lived in that house for 55 years and the neighborhood went downhill and of course with stairs it really wasn't safe for her anymore but once again she refused to move. LOL. We finally got her out and into an apartment when she fell and while in rehab, we let her know that she couldn't go back to the house.

However she insisted she take her furniture and her bed. We suggested she get a new mattress. She insisted the mattress was fine as it was "new". That "new" mattress was 40 years old.

Change is hard for some folks but usually it all works out in the end and for the better. What makes a house a home isn't the house or the things in it. It's the ones we are with and we love.

Love that story!! Thank you for sharing!!

@cpartist I love that story too! It definitely clarifies things for me...I could easily go down your MIL's road. I was thinking about the job BEFORE my last job, which I was at for 3 years, and had forgotten I bawled and got depressed after I left THAT JOB TOO. And I had grown to hate that job too! I know the job I am at isn't going to be my last job, and I know I will struggle when it is time to leave, but at least I have this house experience to remind me that I will be OK. I recently discovered that in daily life, I hate when the plan changes even if it changes for the better, simply because the plan changed! Spikes my anxiety like nothing else. @ AC LB....I really think the farther you get down the road on your journey, the more you will see how the job change was for the best, and you will be glad you trusted your instincts to take the job. We just need the long view, and man it is hard to wait for it.

HU-As I start my first official day on the job, I want to let you know sharing your experiences has helped me more than you’ll ever know. Thank you!

HU, I just tumble onto your thread. Congrats on your new house. No wonder I have not heard from you for a while .

HU, you will get used to it. Give it time as everything is different and new . You will fit in perfectly . Just matter of time you will claim it as your own.

Congratulations on your new place. It is your HOME and a new journey begins.......

jin

Glad you liked my MIL's stories. Change was definitely difficult for her.

Another one. When my DH and his first wife moved 5 miles from my MIL to another town, my MIL wanted to know why they moved "so far away." LOL.

Anyone ever drive by their old house, not because they didn't want to move, just

because they DID move and it was now part of their past?

I did on a regular basis the first year we moved! I loved our new house, but was strangely jealous of the new owners... almost like an ex moving on with a new girlfriend(if that makes any sense:).

I've been tempted to drive past our old house but I've decided to wait a full year first.

One of the main reasons I wanted to move was because our house was close to a road that was a main artery, and the street had become a thoroughfare, even though it wasn’t built for it. The town grew and the traffic started driving me nuts. So, it is oftentimes necessary for me to drive by my old house, because it is off a main artery road where I can see it...along with everyone else. When I see the for sale sign up on the lot next to my old house, and when I see cars spill off the street, I am happy again we moved to a quiet and private place. But I couldn’t drive by it for the longest time and took the longer route to avoid it. I can drive by it now, but admit it still feels strange and hope the new occupants are taking care of it.

@AC LB. I hope your first day went well!!

We never truly "own" a house since if a house is well built, it should outlast us by many generations. We are just the house's caretakers for the time we inhabit it.

I drove by my old house where i raised my kids. I was happy to see the new owners got rid of the horrible aluminum siding, etc. The house looks well loved

I did make the mistake of driving by my parents last house, a 1960's ranch with shingles that my Mom had updated on 2 acres with lots of gorgeous, old growth trees.

The new owners turned the house into a white stucco something with black windows, a horrific 2 story entry portico and had cut down all the trees.

Change is an ocean voyage in a leaky boat with a mutinous crew.

Sorry to be dragging up an old thread, but I came across this thread in my idea book. Two years ago we purchased a house and I started an idea book I will call " House in different city" My husband and I purchased a home near our daughter and her family in a town that we thought it would be good to retire to. Our plan was to rent it out for several years. My husband found the house and loved it, we immediately went and looked at it and made an offer that was accepted. It was small, but we thought it was workable.

After purchasing it we both had terrible remorse. The first night we stayed there a friend of the prior owner drove past the house and tried to get into the shop. He said there was something in there that he had been promised. It felt like we were being invaded. The neighbors were always in our business. The house layout was more and more bothersome, and the yard was a conundrum on how to fence it safely for the dog. The big shop took up the entire view from the kitchen window... you get the point, buyers remorse.

We tried to rent it out, but had very little interest in it.

We decided a few months later just to sell it. Our daughter was very upset, since that meant we were no longer on track to move to the area she lives in. We lost a little bit of money in the transaction, due to selling fees, but we were happy to be done with it.

Fast forward a year and a half later. We saw a cute place in that same town. We did not want to hurt our daughter again, so we didn't tell her we were looking at it. We liked it, it checked alot of our boxes. Due to the stock market and real estate prices we were able to purchase the home and retire, instead of waiting.

We love the new house. Nice big fenced yard, quiet street, GREAT neighbors that like us are friendly but not excessively so. Very functional home layout. We love being close to our daughter and her family. Our other daughter is moving to this town in 2 months with her fiance, who is from this town.

All this to say sometimes we do make mistakes. We are so happy that we sold the not right place instead of trying to make it work. Yes we should have known better, but even still it worked out fabulously for us, and we are so grateful. The home we ended up in is in a much better location for us, very near hiking and outdoor activities we enjoy.

first pic is of the house we ended up in, the second pic is our buyers remorse home.

Glad it all worked out. Sometimes we don't know if a house will work for you until you have lived in it - new ones and older ones.