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Please send good thoughts for my family re nephew.

March 4, 2019
last modified: March 4, 2019

23 yr old Nephew has been out of touch for 2 months. He has never disappeared before. He left under his own steam at least to the airport in his town according to his friend who drove him. We know that he quit at least one college class and didn't pay January and February rents.

Room mates are mad at him for breaking the lease which had 4 more months to go so are holding his things, computer etc hostage. His brother went and rescued the cat from them but they would only meet in a different location. The police are talking to everyone of course but we want him found safe and sound. Then we'll sort out monies etc.

We wish we knew why. But we don't. Parents his brother family and friends are frantic.

Please keep him in your thoughts. Thank you.

Comments (119)

  • yeonassky

    Thank you so much everyone!

    The police are working on it and we are not allowed to interfere. It is now in their ballpark. If they drop the ball our private investigator that we plan to hire will pick it up.

    Yes it means lost time but we really feel we should let the police do the dealing right now. We don't know if they have the computer yet or if they have tracked him through the airport to other locations yet. They say little. I suppose it's because they don't want us to muddy the waters.

  • Rusty

    I firmly believe you are absolutely right, yeonassky, to honor the request of the police. They have their reasons for asking what they ask of you.

    As far as the computer goes, those roommates can delete away all they want to, from now until Kingdom come, but 'stuff' will never go completely away, it will always be floating around out there in cyberspace. And there is technology that experts can use to recover it.

    Stay strong. . . . ..


    yeonassky thanked Rusty
  • LynnNM

    Please, if/when he’s been found, start another thread for us to let us know right away. We care!

    yeonassky thanked LynnNM
  • sealavender

    Yes, this situation is just so disturbing. I hope it turns out well.

    yeonassky thanked sealavender
  • Olychick

    I have a lot of faith in police to investigate, but unless there is a hint of a crime, this could fall to the back burner. Please make sure someone in the family is holding their feet to the fire to make sure they are on top of this. Be a squeaky wheel.

    yeonassky thanked Olychick
  • joyfulguy

    Sending good wishes for all of you and offering prayers for his getting things worked through well and soon contacting you, and for all of you in the meantime, and after.

    ole joyful

    yeonassky thanked joyfulguy
  • Sheeisback

    Saying a prayer for your nephew and whole family.

    yeonassky thanked Sheeisback
  • ldstarr

    You are in my prayers.

    yeonassky thanked ldstarr
  • localeater

    Yeonassky - I will pray that he is safe and soon back in touch with the family. One of my siblings disappeared many years ago and it was many years before she was found. It was an extremely distressing period for us and I have the greatest empathy for the pain and fear you are enduring. (((((((((((()))))))))))

    yeonassky thanked localeater
  • katlan

    You have my prayers for his safe return. I can't even imagine what that would be like.

    yeonassky thanked katlan
  • maire_cate

    Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and praying for your nephew's return.

    yeonassky thanked maire_cate
  • salonva

    I am so sorry to read what you are going through- and remain hopeful that you will share a happy update. I am very touched by the sharing and caring on this thread.

    yeonassky thanked salonva
  • hcbm

    I am very sorry this is happening. Sending positive energy and hoping he shows up soon.

    yeonassky thanked hcbm
  • Debby

    I grew up walking distance from where I live and worked in the area many years ago. A regular customer came in and I recognized her right away as one of my old school friends mother. I asked, "Wow! Mrs Martell! How is Madeleine doing?" It was sad. She said, "she left home at 17 and I haven't seen her since!" I was 34 at the time so her daughter had been gone about 17 years, we were the same age. Mrs Martell died a few years ago, and I do believe she never did know where her daughter went or why she never contacted any family members. She would be 59 now. I hope your nephew doesn't do the same. I do hope he eventually reaches out to someone he knows to let them know he's okay.

    yeonassky thanked Debby
  • watchmelol

    I am jaded enough to think the police want family uninvolved not because it would disrupt their investigation into the disappearance of your nephew but they have a side case going on regarding the room mates. The fact that family wasn't allowed to come to to the residence to collect the cat sends a red flag. What are the room mates hiding? What are the police really looking for/at? It may or may not be related to your nephew. It happens.

    Such a terrible strain for the family to be under. I do hope that he is found safe and sound.

    yeonassky thanked watchmelol
  • yeonassky

    Watchme unfortunately we have no say in the matter about the investigation so far. We do not think however that they are involved as the person who took them to the airport is a friend of his not a roommate. We don't like the roommates' attitudes but so far there is no evidence that they actually did anything wrong just that they were young and silly and hence unconcerned about his whereabouts.

    Also about his passport he had one to go visit his family a couple of weeks before he disappeared. As to whether he used it no one is saying yet.

    The family as in his parents are contacting the police every few days for any updates so they are the squeaky wheel at this point.

    We are all on tenterhooks awaiting orders for any help we can give but right now we are just on the sidelines watching. Very frustrating. Very scary. And as the days go by very disheartening. He just had his 23rd birthday in February. We need to celebrate many more with him.

  • yeonassky

    Thank you so much for sending your good thoughts and prayers.

    It helps me get through another day without breaking down in tears. The not knowing and the fears for him are very very difficult.

  • pennydesign

    You poor thing...waiting and not knowing are such stressful things...

    I suppose you've all asked him via facebook to get in touch? Sounds basic, but not sure if you're allowed to.

    I imagine checking social media is a way for him to connect with you even if he's not wanting to reply directly...So at least he would know that you all are waiting to hear...

  • rob333 (zone 7a)


  • tennessee_swift

    I’ll be praying everyday for your nephew that he would return safely and unharmed. I can’t imagine what you are feeling right now. I’ll be thinking of you and your family.

  • chisue

    Do I recall that the Red Cross will try to locate missing people -- and then ask them if they 'want to be found'?

  • Olychick

    chisue, I think the Salvation Army used to do that. Not sure if they still do.

  • l pinkmountain

    If it were my child I'd hire a private detective. Is done all the time with runaways. My husband's family had to hire one to find his sister when she ran away with a girlfriend. Thankfully both were OK but had gotten a ride all across the country with a trucker.

  • mayflowers

    I don't understand why the police wouldn't keep his parents informed of any developments such as info about whether his passport was used. How long have the police been involved in his disappearance?

  • watchmelol

    There has to be more to this story. Police do not actively seek missing adults who left of their own free will unless they have at least some evidence that there was some sort of foul play or crime involved. A 23 year old man who left school and had a friend drive him to the airport is a walkaway. Lowest priority one can be when missing.

    Police cannot compel the family to do nothing and stay un-involved. You can hire a private detective, post his picture on social media etc. It is not the police's business to tell people they can't collect their loved one's belongings and store them safely and settle their accounts if one wishes to do so. Certainly not after two months.The exception would be if the belongings have been confiscated by the police for investigative purposes. If the private belongings are still in the apartment after two months I would guess that they are not being used by the police.

    On the other hand the room mates don't have a legal obligation to hold them either. The period one must hold abandoned property varies but after 30 to 90 days they can sell them, keep them or dump them.

    So someone is either misinformed or not telling the whole story. Unfortunately police are often the ones doing the fibbing. The police are investigating something but I don't believe the disappearance of the young man is their priority. The bottom line is the police are looking for criminal activity. It may be nothing more than a fishing expedition. But the missing person part is low unless they think the man is part of the criminal activity whether as a participant or a victim.

    There is no way in hell my family would sit back, stay out of it and allow the police to do their job if the facts were as stated. As a parent they would have to give good reason for me not to deal directly with the room mates to settle up or they could go pound sand. This is a free country. You have the right to talk to anyone you want. They have the right not to respond but police do not tell us what to do here unless we are planning to do something unlawful. Not unless the other party has a restraining order. Met somewhere for the cat? Ridiculous. Why didn't they just go knock on the door and say they were there for the cat?

    yeonassky thanked watchmelol
  • Zalco/bring back Sophie!

    Yes, yes, yes ^^^

    yeonassky thanked Zalco/bring back Sophie!
  • yeonassky

    From what I understand the police do not say anything until they found the person and then they only say something if the person wishes to be found as long as they're adults. So even if they found out where he went up to a point they won't tell us that. They don't tell us things no matter how we ask.

    Since we have exhausted friends and acquaintances and acquaintances of acquaintances in terms of searching including cell phone and Facebook and everything else we can think of it really is only the police and private investigation that we have left. I understand why everybody is questioning everything. Believe you me I have been anxious and furious and questioning and sad disappointed and confused every single emotion that you can go through. There never seems to be quick enough answers when you're worrying about a loved one.

    I'm not sure how long exactly the police have been involved. I didn't personally involved them. It all evolved over time. We did not hear anything, even the parents how about his disappearance for the first 2 to 3 weeks for sure. He had told his friend who drove him to the airport that a family member was ill and that's why he was leaving. So there were no alarm bells rung until he didn't pay his rent.

  • maifleur01

    If the young man is over 18 it is not the business of anyone other than himself to tell family anything. It is also illegal. This is similar to medical information under HIPPA. The family can ask the police to contact the young man and ask him if he wants the family to be told that he is safe. That is all the police can do once they find the young man without his permission. The mention of the missing passport makes it sound like he could have left the country. The family may have been told that he is safe but they may want more information than the police can give. How a question is asked and answered is important. I would check any facebook or twitter site that he uses.

    As far as the computer etc. he was behind in the rent the roommates held it to receive some value for it. If they still have it the family should offer to buy it from them. However the purchase price may be the cost of the back rent.

    yeonassky thanked maifleur01
  • aprilneverends

    what a nightmare. I pray with all my might it's over soon as indeed a bad nightmare, and you and family see him safe and sound. All the strength in the world to you

    yeonassky thanked aprilneverends
  • Elmer J Fudd

    Careful, maifleur. This story is happening in Canada. Different country, different laws. They may be similar or different to laws here.

    yeonassky thanked Elmer J Fudd
  • watchmelol

    True Elmer but the way this written I think he was attending school in the states. I hope Yeonassky will clarify.

    Protocol for missing persons in Vancouver BC pretty much mirrors the US regarding a missing person who is an adult. This is a 23 year old man who judging by what we know left freely and by choice. Breaking a lease is also quite the same. There may be difference among provinces but I would think they would not vary by much. Maybe things like rent control would differ just here in different cities and states. But landlord tenant law is very similar.

    yeonassky thanked watchmelol
  • joyfulguy


    Hope he gets in touch soon - and is in good condition physically, mentally and emotionally.

    And feels ready to ask others for help and support when needed.

    ole joyful

    yeonassky thanked joyfulguy
  • yeonassky

    Thank you for your incisive questioning once again. We have been through every route possible to find answers but your continued questioning helps me to keep it all fresh.

    I have a bit of news which the police disclosed. He purchased a ticket to Europe. They are not saying where or whether he boarded or not. Europe is big and trouble where ever he is is boundless. Again more questions than answers.

    Also the landlord has taken custody of his stuff and will release it at the end of the month if back rent is paid. Not sure why the delay. It's all so confusing. We will pay the back rent when we are allowed to.

    I feel like I'm in the twilight zone. I feel a bit queasy and always uneasy and it's hard to go any time without thinking about him. Why are things so hard. It should be simple. The main goal should be to find him. No one's acting like that though. I suppose they can't but sincerely wish they could!

    This happened here in Canada where nephew went to school. His parents are retired abroad so his brother is the physical representative. That's who went alone to pick up the cat and question the hostile roommates. He had no choice but to pick up the cat in the neutral place. None of us knew they were hostile until he tried to arrange the cat hand over time when he got there. Otherwise he wouldn't have been alone.

  • watchmelol

    Well it does sound as if he left of his own accord. The reasons for not sharing his plans are his alone. It's very hard on the family but it seems he is most likely safe and alive somewhere. Maybe he just wanted an adventure. I am so sorry you are all under this terrible strain of not knowing.

    It also seems the police would have little left to do since this is now international and there is no sign of foul play.

    That is why I question that they are investigating at all. I think you may have misunderstood when I said earlier they are doing a side case. I didn't mean they were investigating the room mates in regards to your nephew's disappearance. I meant that they took the opportunity of investigating his disappearance as an excuse to fish around for some other crimes. It's not uncommon. Many times police find evidence of other crime when checking out something mundane. Plus they are not beneath using innocent people as pawns to catch the bigger fish. It happens.

    yeonassky thanked watchmelol
  • terilyn

    I have to say, I haven’t read every comment, but, this age is very typical when schizophrenia presents itself. I truly hope this isn’t the case and he is just exploring privately.

    yeonassky thanked terilyn
  • Elmer J Fudd

    " I question that they are investigating at all. "

    Very true, and maybe in fact there was no "investigation". They might have done little more than conduct a database search for his name in airline travel or outbound immigration records, or looked at a charge card record, and upon finding information suggesting his movement was voluntary, stopped.

    yeonassky thanked Elmer J Fudd
  • Elmer J Fudd

    Unfortunately and sadly for friends and family, his location remains unknown although the likelihood of foul play has been removed. Is that better, worse, or the same? Whether for reasons of mental illness or other causes, he's gone and not reachable. Best wishes to all concerned.

    yeonassky thanked Elmer J Fudd
  • mayflowers

    Have you been able to talk to the friend who brought him to the airport? He must have mentioned a country. Has the friend tried to contact him? At that age they may be more into friends than family and friends are less judgemental.

    yeonassky thanked mayflowers
  • yeonassky

    Nephew's parents spoke with the friend who drove to the airport. He said nephew told him his parents were in Mexico. And that the ill person was there. Straight up lies.

    If he has any contact with friends they are denying it right now. Everyone is saying they have not heard from him. They have all sent him texts and tried to contact him on Facebook, Twitter etc.

  • Zalco/bring back Sophie!

    I hope you hear for your nephew soon. I cannot imagine how hard this is for you and your family.

    yeonassky thanked Zalco/bring back Sophie!
  • glenda_al


    yeonassky thanked glenda_al
  • joyfulguy

    Prayers here, too.

    (((((yeonassky, family and nephew)))))

    ole joyful

    yeonassky thanked joyfulguy
  • l pinkmountain

    Do his parents want to find him bad enough to hire a private investigator? Do you? If not, you may have to live with this very, very difficult and sad reality. There is a history of mental illness in my family, and I can relate to how difficult it is to sit by and watch a train wreck that seems so avoidable . . . or even if not avoidable, illogical and hard to fathom. Such is the pain and agony of mental illness. It makes no sense, and that is precisely the reason it is an illness. The normal tools of logic, common sense and self-preservation do not apply. Very hard to deal with, very painful. I am SO SORRY. You may have to practice detachment to save your own sanity! Feel free to keep venting here, I think a lot of us understand how difficult and painful such a problem is to bear alone.

    yeonassky thanked l pinkmountain
  • IdaClaire

    I have some experience with this myself, having posted before about a loved one who is an opioid addict with a habit of disappearing. The police have been involved on more than one occasion in trying to track her down when she was a danger to herself, and I know the confusion of secondhand reports that still have me questioning certain things, even months after their resolution. I say this to affirm the comment above about detachment. It's extremely painful and difficult to do, but sometimes (particularly when you have absolutely zero control in a situation), it is the ONLY thing that will save you from an inner turmoil that will literally eat you alive. Please -- in all of this -- take care of yourself.

    yeonassky thanked IdaClaire
  • yeonassky

    Thank you for everyone's kind words and concern. Trying to take care of myself but I'm a bit of a worrier and I think this is a valid thing to worry about. My hands are slightly tied as I am not the parent but DH is on my side that we will do what we need to do to find out more information.

    There is one logistical problem and that is that we don't have time to go fetch his stuff. Haven't thought it through but perhaps a storage company would come get the stuff and store it?

  • Iris S (SC, Zone 7b)

    I am so sorry. Didn’t say anything before since I have no experience with this. Wouldn’t it maybe be helpful to pick up his stuff and go through it? Maybe there is a clue what he was thinking? I figure at this point you wouldn’t worry about his privacy.

    yeonassky thanked Iris S (SC, Zone 7b)
  • yeonassky

    Iris unfortunately his place is several provinces away from us. His brother was supposed to pick up everything before the roommates then the landlord and police put a kibosh on any plans we had. Anyway it will all get worked out as far as his stuff goes just not sure exactly how at this point. As we can't go there right now.

  • Yayagal

    Still praying. Keep the faith.

    yeonassky thanked Yayagal
  • joyfulguy

    There are several Canadians on here, yeonassky, and I'm sure that some would be very willing to offer whatever help we could, if anywhere close enough to where he was living.

    Perhaps the ones holding the materials - landlord? - would be willing to release them to folks who had documentation from family giving permission. Likely be happy to get the problem off his hands.

    ole joyful

    yeonassky thanked joyfulguy
  • yeonassky

    Thank you for the ideas joyful. We are in touch with family friends who live close so hopefully they will be able to help us at the end of the month.

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