Save the Date for Important Events

Martha Scott
June 18, 2019

I received a "Save the Date" notification in the mail for a January wedding. I think over the last five years or so I've gotten a couple of others.

If you have a 300 invitation guest list that means that you spend an extra $150 on this "save the date".

I'm not sure why this has become popular. You either come or you don't. Whether you come or not, a wedding invitation should equal a present so the bride and groom shouldn't be short changed in that area.

And do people REALLY pay attention to "Save the Date" -- I mean mark it on their calendars and schedule nothing else for that day?


Comments (101)

  • maddielee

    Do you consider calling cards those cards with names that were a part of high school graduation announcement stationary? Classmates (1968) traded them so I ended up with a drawer full of cards with people’s names on them. That’s the last time I’ve seen them used. They probably lost favor when women started having business cards with their names on them.

    I do have a sterling silver plate thing that was once a receptacle for calling cards, said to be over 200 years old.

  • Judy Good

    I too appreciate the "save the date" notice. My husband also has to request off for work, so it is great for us.

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  • Debby

    Wedding invitations are sent out much closer to the wedding itself. All the bride and groom are doing when sending the "save the date" notifications are letting you know they intend to invite you to their wedding on that date, so you don't plan an expensive vacation during that time. That way, if you choose to go to the wedding, you can book your vacation another time (if you book really early) or you can go ahead and book it anyway and miss the wedding.

  • mtnrdredux_gw

    Wow, a STD card is "pretentious" but a calling card is not?

    For the record, i like both of them.

    And I think to establish that something is pretentious you'd have to consider current norms. In that vein, calling cards are and STD are not.

    My kids used to have little calling cards called "Moo cards" before they had phones.

  • Raye Smith

    Suzie, a calling card only has a name on it, written in formal style. Here are some examples: "Miss Jane Doe" and for married ladies "Mrs John Doe".

  • gsciencechick

    Things have changed a lot since I got married in 2006. I looked at engraved and letterpress invites because our wedding was smaller, but, seriously, no one can really tell, think badly of you ,nor does anyone expect a raised letter engraved or letterpress invitation! The lady at the printers told me to not even bother with the expense. We did response cards but now I would also include a web or email response. I still have some of the thank you cards left over, LOL. They are generic enough to still be used.

    Now, you can do your whole save the date, invites, thank you cards, etc. easily on sites like Shutterfly, but that wasn't really an option back in 2006. I actually had to go to the print shop and look through books of sample invites. I printed our Save the Date magnets on magnetic inkjet paper. DH"s grandma designed a funny Photoshop meme of us and we actually used that, but it wasn't high enough resolution to get it professionally printed.

    We also did the disposable cameras (LOL) on the tables and we actually got some nice candid shots from those. I know people who did websites but relatives were not digital savvy (would be the case for us) or they got pretty much no decent photos.

    I did order personalized graduation announcements when I got my Ph.D., because that was a big accomplishment, and I wanted to share with relatives.

  • pennydesign

    I really disagree that a reply card puts the wedding in the category of "fundraiser"...For me, I'm very organized and I loved having the same cards come back (I immediately knew what they were by the envelope and I think they were less likely to be misplaced). I had a buffet at my wedding so I didn't have a meal choice portion on the card, but I think it's nice to give people a choice, so that's a plus in my book.

    Did someone say that an STD is pretentious? I must have missed that...

    I don't understand why a reply card would be forgotten about, but an STD wouldn't? No matter when either is sent, the odds are pretty equal in my house that it would be noted on the calendar.

    As far as literally saving a date, if you're important enough to me, I'll change things around, no matter what they are. If you're not, you likely don't care if I attend your wedding anyway.

  • pricklypearcactus

    Official wedding invitations should be sent out about 6-8 weeks prior to the wedding. As busy as people's lives are these days, it's very helpful to provide advance notice of a planned wedding date. If you send out the invitations too far in advance, people may forget to RSVP or their plans may change by the time the wedding date nears. While a save the date card is an extra expense, the intention is to provide advance notice so that people can schedule accordingly if they so choose.

  • mtnrdredux_gw


    Yes, Anglophilia feels that STD are pretentious.

    I think they're self-important and pretentious unless the wedding is at a location where reservations must be made a very long time ahead.

  • sheesh

    This is an interesting discussion.

    Until rather recently - maybe 30-50 years? - people didn't stray too far from home during their lives. we were born and raised and schooled and married within a few hundred miles of where our parents lived. And most women didn't work outside the home.

    People didn't travel as widely and as often and as far as they do now, and most of us who travel now make our plans long in advance. Just read this forum for questions asking information about travel and dates!

    I think STDs have become increasingly important to current society, just as computers and cars and TV's and all the other amenities of modern life. They won't always be, but they are now. Six to eight weeks from invitations arriving to the date is simply not enough time for many of us to plan.

    And I strongly disagree that everyone important enough to attend knows the date early enough to make the kinds of plans we've been talking about.

  • raee_gw zone 5b-6a Ohio

    There have been enough times that co-workers have been desperately searching for someone to trade or work a shift for them, because they didn't know the wedding plans the just about 4 months in advance our workplace requires -- weddings of close friends, relatives -- even once or twice when they were to be in the wedding party!

  • pennydesign

    Sheesh, I think you misinterpreted what I said (If you were referring to my post :)

    I think it's pretty easy to send an invitation out earlier than we used to. It costs the same. So, to me, a save the date is superfluous.

    Those weddings that I can't go to because of other obligations, are not those that are important enough to me anyway.

  • sheesh

    Maybe I did, Pennydesign, but since STDs usually go out around six to eight months in advance, I think that is way too early to send invitations. Even if you sent them three months in advance instead of the customary six to seven weeks, many people have already made vacation plans. What's the earliest you've ever received an invitation? A hundred or hundred and fifty dollars one way or The other wouldn't matter, even for the most barebones wedding..

    Anyway, I'm glad we sent them to our guests, and I am always grateful to receive them.

  • maddielee

    “Those weddings that I can't go to because of other obligations, are not those that are important enough to me anyway.”

    You were important enough to those who invited you.

  • Bookwoman

    maddielee, I've been to very large weddings where some of the guests were business associates of the parents, who may never even have met the bridge/groom. And we've received invitations like those; when we declined, I'm sure we weren't missed!

  • maddielee

    “, I've been to very large weddings where some of the guests were business associates of the parents, who may never even have met the bridge/groom. And we've received invitations like those; when we declined, I'm sure we weren't missed!”

    You were important to someone to be on the guest list. I’m not saying you have to attend every function you are invited to, just don’t dismiss that you were invited. (Disclaimer; I don’t feel everyone invited to a wedding is invited so the couple receives another gift. Some here seem to think that.)

  • Bookwoman

    You were important to someone to be on the guest list.

    Perhaps important in a business sense, but not any sort of emotional closeness either to the parents or the couple. And for a wedding, the latter is what I consider important. YMMV.

  • PRO

    The reason I said that STD cards appear to me to be pretentious is that close friends and family already know the date of ones wedding. To me, it says to others who are invited (but are not close enough to have been verbally informed when the wedding is to be), "this is going to be such a grand, important event, you will want to schedule your vacation around it so you won't miss it". Really? If I'm not "important" enough to have been told when the wedding is to be, would I truly care if there was a conflict and I could not go? I certainly would not change any major plans I had or schedule my vacation time around such. But that's me...

    My I got married the first time (back when dinosaurs roamed the earth), girls mothers planned the wedding and advised them on what they needed for a proper adult life. That included proper stationary. There were going to be a LOT of thank-you notes to write and having nice paper was considered important.

    If the family was on a right budget, a nice box of Crane's simple fold-over notes would be just fine; if the family were more affluent, they would opt for either a "Mr & Mrs" engraved fold-over, or one with the brides new monogram, engraved in a lovely color. Engraved calling cards were ordered by even modest middle class families. No, no one used them for "calling" and had not done so since well before WWII, but they were the appropriate enclosure card with a wedding or baby gift. One learned that one used an ink pen (no ballpoints allowed!) and crossed out the engraved name (Mr and Mrs John David Smith), with a single stroke, and then wrote something under the engraved name. An example might be "All our love and best wishes", followed by a name (Aunt Chris and Uncle Bill, Sarah and James - you get the idea). One often left a supply of these (with their envelopes at the store where one typically purchased wedding/baby gifts. That way, one could call, give the sales person a price, and then choose something from the registry and pay for it and out it would go with the calling card enclosed (not personalized as I described above - but that was always used ONLY by those very close to the bride or groom or their parents).

    A mother who could afford it, also purchased some larger stationary - either single sheets or large fold-overs. They often had the same engraved monogram at the top. These were used by the new "adult bride" to write replies to a formal wedding invitation, and for other more lengthy correspondence such as a condolence letter. A condolence note would be written on the smaller fold-over stationary.

    I agree that today, only a few people still recognize the difference between printing, thermography, and hand engraving. But to me, it's sort of like having nice underwear; no one knows I'm wearing it, but I KNOW and that's what matters. And yes, there are still those who know the difference, especially in the more traditional cities and in the South. As for the more modern "decorated" invitations without formal wording - well I can promise you a woman of a certain class and age or from the South, would be clasping her pearls and about to faint at the "horror" of such. This would be followed by a phone call to a friend to discuss such a "gross impropriety". Just know who is actually receiving ones invitations and act accordingly.

  • sheesh

    Oh my heavens! Gossiping while clutching those pearls? How veddy veddy gauche.

  • PRO

    You DO know that I'm using humor, don't you? But I can assure you that there are still a few of these "grand dames" in the South - a very few - and most in in their mid-late 80's.

    My own daughter is 47 and she and her friends would have been shocked if anyone they knew didn't use a formal, engraved, traditional wedding invitation when they were getting married in their mid-late 20's, ie 20 years ago. And we live in the upper/south/midwest (take your pick!), not the Deep South!

    They all gasped when one of their group named her first child, what they considered a "made-up" name instead of a family name. They're all lovely young women. A few, such as my daughter have careers, and they have chosen to rear their own children pretty much the say they were reared.

    And no, they did NOT all stay "local"! In fact, one lives in the Bay Area! Is there really a problem with this? I could care less what you and your friends do, and presume you feel the same way about me and my friends. But when one strays very far from the way one was reared, eyebrows may go up. That would hold true if the parents were Woodstock Generation Hippies who had continued their unconventional life style and a child of theirs decided to adopt more formal, traditional ways of living. They would "gasp", too! It does work both ways.

  • lakeaffect

    Well, anglophilia, you may be *of* a certain class, but you and your friends clearly do not *have* class, which is much harder to acquire than money.

  • sheesh

    Oh. Well, no, I didn't see the joke. Are you still using humor? :-)

  • IdaClaire

    Good heavens. I cannot fathom that anyone gives a flying fig if priggish eyebrows are raised or gasps are emitted over such completely inconsequential trivialities as those outlined above. Too, proper "rearing" means that you value your child as a unique human being and fully respect his or her decision-making abilities. Learn to control that silly eyebrow tic and the gassy air intake.

  • PRO

    You know, irs actually possible to rear a caring, bright, ethical, hardworking child who still respects certain traditions. I have always seen my children and my grandchildren as “unique”, but being unique does not mean one must respect all the standards of ones rearing. They certainly could have done - grandchildren are all now between 14 and 19 so who knows. All have shown good decision making ability.

    Is it a sign of poor decision making if they choose to maintain the standards of their “tribe”? Why do you think it’s your right to evaluate theses abilities based on what YOU define as “inconsequential “?

    lakeaffect, do you see all people who are giving a wedding and choose to follow traditions (also put forth even in modern etiquette books) as having “no class” just because you think these things are silly?

    I see “class” as being tolerant of the choices others make in their lives. I’m not seeing much tolerance here. We’re all members of a tribe, and different tribes have different traditions. They do sometimes clash when members of different tribes marry and their family‘s ideas are different.

    I could care care less if you buy wedding presents at Goodwill, put the gift in a grocery bag and write the names of the giver and recipient in magic marker on the bag. I merely answered someone’s comment/question about calling cards - what they are and how they’re used., and also responded to a post about type on an invitation.

    As is far too typical today, one cannot just disagree with an idea, one must also castigate those with whom one disagrees. Such a shame it’s even this way on GW and not in Hot Topics, either.

  • IdaClaire

    Yeah ... all that gasping and eyebrow raising just shrieks "tolerance." You chose to paint the picture of your "tribe" expressing disdain for those so uncouth as to not send engraved invitations or choosing a "made up" name for a child. Surely you knew this was provocative and would garner a reaction.

  • sheesh

    Ida, in her reply to me anglophilia said I missed her humor. I hope she is still using humor and that I am missing it entirely.

  • Texas_Gem

    In my area, we would refer to certain behaviors/attitudes described in this thread as "putting on airs".

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with upholding your traditions, there IS, in my opinion, something terribly wrong with "clasping your pearls and gasping" at someone who doesn't do what you expect as "normal"

    I've known many people from many walks of life and backgrounds, some come from well to do and are well to do, some are rags to riches, some are rags to still rags, most fall in between in the moderate middle class.

    None of the people I choose to associate with would have a Downton Abbey-esque response to the Opera singer being invited to dine with the family.

    In fact the most down to earth non-judgemental people in the lot tend to be the rags to riches people.

    Those who were born into and have always existed in an upper class tend to look down their noses at anyone who says or does anything they perceive to be lower class, such as choosing a more unique birth name or, sending printed invitations with a reply card, or shopping at Target, or mingling with the commoners.

    Those who were born lower class can similarly be just as judgy about those they perceive as trying to be haughty and better than.

    Those few folks who have literally been on both sides of the aisle are the best though.

    Thankfully for me, when I got married 17 years ago, there were no old deep south grannies on my guest list for me to offend when I mailed off my "printed at home on my computer" invitations.

    Each guest received a hand written thank you note on my "gasp" store bought stationary a few weeks after the wedding.

    My invitations had no menu selection choices because my wedding took place mid afternoon. There was no meal and also no bar. We had the ceremony and then the reception for about an hour or so after.

    I can only imagine the myriad of thoughts going through everyone else's minds as they read that.

    If that one throws you for a loop, let this one sink in for a moment.

    My entire wedding, literally ALL of it, cost 3500 dollars. Yep, that's it. That includes facility fee (got a discount because my dad had worked with the owner in the past), cake (made by mom and aunt who were cake decorators), photography (dad's assistant), my dress, my two bridesmaids dresses, the tux rental for hubs and his 2 groomsman, party favors, invitations, gifts for wedding party, EVERYTHING.

    When I hear things like sending out save the date cards "only" cost 300, I'm flabbergasted.

    I will say I'm so glad that hubs and I were BOTH more focussed on the marriage than the meaningless minute details of our wedding!

    17 years later and I would like to think we got it right!!

  • Raye Smith

    Anglo, being from the deep south, I agree and understand what you're talking about. Congratulations on raising a lovely daughter.

  • runninginplace

    "When my DD got married, we did not include "reply cards and stamped envelopes". We assumed that anyone we knew well enough to invite to her wedding knew how to write a proper reply to a formal invitation, and if they didn't, the internet could quickly inform them"

    Anglo you seem to have completely missed the traditional reason for reply cards, which is that when one is extending an invitation, hospitality dictates that the recipient of the invitation be given every possible courtesy including the grace of having an already prepared and stamped means of responding. Somehow in your zeal to provide a primer of gracious manners you completely scrambled the true meaning of this gesture! Likewise with crossing out one's name on the calling card, that's the most gauche thing I've ever heard. Maybe it was done in your corner of the world but no, one does not mark on one's card. Ever.

    I must go now and have my pearls repaired, they seem to have broken while I clutched them in horrified disbelief ;).

  • robo (z6a)

    This conversation reminds me a bit of my gracious stepgrandmother who was probably the classiest person in our family, all of my related grandparents having grown up poorer than church mice in occupations such as logging and tenant farming. Not putting on airs is putting it lightly.

    She was a minister’s daughter, minister’s wife, and so very polite! But she was gracious with everyone which included tolerating the foibles and modernity of the younger set (and even enjoying the new way of doing things from time to time—I taught her how to use a computer in her late 70s). She was also super interested in everyone and could pry a life story out of a rock. A true classy lady in my opinion.

    She was much more uptight than our easy going family but she genuinely tried to accommodate our heathen ways. She used to correct the spelling on the restaurant board in her assisted living facility. I remember her saying to me once, “we’ll just keep it flexible” about plans - clearly a phrase she had learned from my family - and it was like she was speaking a foreign language. So cute. Love thinking about that lady.

    Here she is at my wedding trading war stories with my minister.

  • jmck_nc

    The whole point of etiquette, historically, is to define individuals, categorize and to judge. Especially to judge, and to find wanting. So classy. No pearls to clutch (actually I have some, but I don't know where they are at the moment)...we are just not classy enough here...but we're fine with it since we are always kind and thoughtful to guests. If they are mortified by our STD cards or our wedding invitations with enclosed RSVP cards they are welcome to decline our heartfelt invitation. No hard feelings!

  • graywings123

    I thought the purpose of etiquette was to give everyone guidance in how to interact with others properly so there are no surprises. That said, I have been on the receiving end of an insufferable Southern woman who used etiquette to judge.

  • Raye Smith

    The whole point of etiquette is to know what to do or not do in any given situation so that all around you will be comfortable with your actions. For example, a friend saw this occur in a restaurant, a lady dropped salad off her fork down her blouse. The correct thing to do would have been to say "excuse me" and head to the ladies room. But without knowledge of etiquette, she used her fork to retrieve the salad down her blouse in at the table. Yep, my friend was trying hard not to laugh at her.

    It seems that there are some here that find etiquette offensive. Are you aware that you too have things that you would find offensive or incorrect to do in public and around family? So whether you know it or not you do practice a form of etiquette.

  • lakeaffect

    Not unsurprisingly, anglophelia, you completely missed the point of my post, which was not commentary on the classlessness of anyone's wedding invites, STD cards, reply cards, etc., it was commentary on YOUR abject lack of class, and the example you posted of women from your socioeconomic group quickly phoning each other to mock out invites that don't conform to your tiny slice of acceptable behavior. And FTR, in no way, shape or form do I believe you were joking, despite your weak protestations to the contrary.

  • IdaClaire

    But without knowledge of etiquette, she used her fork to retrieve the salad down her blouse in at the table. Yep, my friend was trying hard not to laugh at her.

    So ... wouldn't the correct response from your friend have been one of compassion for the woman's perceived faux pas in light of what was likely an embarrassing thing to have happened to her at the table? Wanting to laugh at someone for what one views as improper etiquette is just mean-spirited, is it not? I would imagine the woman who dropped the salad and used the fork to retrieve it was much more uncomfortable than anyone who saw her do so. And why would they have cared, anyway? It's not like they were expected to share her fork.

    As a Texan with North Carolina roots, I'm no stranger to Southern mores, and have no problem if someone chooses to place importance on things that I view as trivialities (i.e., the method of printing used for an invitation, weight and size of paper, use of a fountain pen, etc.), but I believe that importance extends only to the person assigning importance to such things. When people look down their noses at those who give no weight to similar traditions, that's nothing more than ugly snobbery, which has no place in polite society. The whole idea that people would be gossipping amongst themselves and "gasping" over things that truly do NOT matter one whit in the overall scheme of things (and if you think they DO, precisely HOW do they?) is ridiculous to me, and is the antithesis of civility.

    Of course, you are welcome to disagree and I understand that some here do. Fortunately, we don't have to cross physical paths, so those who are prone to the gasping and brow-raising will never have an opportunity to sneer at my inappropriate gaffes, which probably happen more than I'm even aware. It would be nice, though, if they'd occasionally give a caring thought for those who are the subject of derision within their own circles.

  • maddielee

    I just want to say that most Southern women are not as portrayed by a few on this thread.

    Bless their hearts.

  • jojoco

    "For example, a friend saw this occur in a restaurant, a lady dropped salad off her fork down her blouse. The correct thing to do would have been to say "excuse me" and head to the ladies room. But without knowledge of etiquette, she used her fork to retrieve the salad down her blouse in at the table. Yep, my friend was trying hard not to laugh at her."

    "Correct" must be regional. For me, the correct thing to do would be to commiserate with her and probably offer a toast to her dexterity and fortuitous menu choice. Glad it wasn't lasagne, etc.

    I grew up in an area where snobbiness ruled. Yes, certain rules are drilled into my head (don't start eating before the host is seated, no hats at the table...) I follow those rules for myself, but I don't care if others live their lives by their dictates, not mine. You can wear a hat and dig in while I'm still in the kitchen. I'm more interested in your company.

    My biggest etiquette pet peeve? Dear waiters, please wait til everyone is finished before beginning to clear plates.

    Oh, and as far as crossing out names on cards? That is a thing. In stuffy New England, people use rather formal printed closings, ie, "Robert and Janet Williamson" or The Williamson Family on Christmas cards. I am accustomed to seeing the name crossed out casually (just a slash through it) and beneath it might say, "Hugs to all, Love, Bob and Jan"

  • sheesh

    Why cross out the name? Isn't it still the name?

  • Olychick

    I would guess crossing it out just signals they want to withdraw the formality of the printed name and add a personal signature for those they feel close to. Leave the printed name for others - business associates, others who might not even know the wife or husband of the couple.

  • Annette Holbrook(z7a)

    I grew up in the Deep South. My mother was a New Zealander and my father was British. New Zealanders(in my experience)are actually more adhered to etiquette when it comes to social mores. So, while we were a middle class family I was raised with very firm rules about many things. My mother would actually be stunned at the lack of knowledge regarding etiquette of our southern friends and acquaintances. Although she would never mention or correct(except her own children). Funny little things still stick with me, like never separating the salt and pepper when passing at the table, or how to place the knife and fork on your plate to signal when you are finished eating or just pausing. My first marriage was into a VERY wealthy family. Debutante balls, private planes, the whole shebang. However, my mother-in-law to be was very impressed with my table manners and that I ate continental style. She would regularly comment to her now adult kids that they should observe and learn from me. This was always said in fun, but she was being serious as well. All the new additions to the family did get calling cards. Whether when you married into it, or as a newborn. At first I found it odd and, yes, pretentious but eventually came around to their usefulness. I still have mine and put one in gifts.

    In that family I have 10 nephews and 4 nieces, and then in that extended family there are another dozen kids that age. There are soooo many weddings to keep up with, then add in the children of our friends and it gets ridiculous. Not to mention graduation luncheons, baby and bridal showers aaahhhhh. So save the dates save my sanity lol.

  • patriceny

    I came from a blue collar family in New York. I'd say my upbringing was lower middle class. We were never in danger of going hungry and my parents had a solid if uninspiring ranch home, always kept tidy and and in good repair.

    My wedding was a long time ago so I'm sure things have changed since then - but my mother would have skipped buying us food before she sent out my wedding invitations without a self-addressed stamped reply envelope for the RSVP cards.

  • amylou321

    All this inspired me to drag out the old Gilmore Girls DVDs to watch THE Emily Gilmore in all her glory.....

  • C Marlin

    Anglophilia I see from your many posts you are proud of your children (and their friends) and grandchildren good upbringing, etiquette and good manners is important and to be praised. I do find it very disconcerting you speak highly of "rearing a caring, bright, ethical, hardworking child who still respects certain traditions", but also chooses to gossip and arrogantly castigate others who don't follow in her (or her friends) "tradition". The irony of this is your last comment stating, "one cannot just disagree with an idea, one must also castigate those with whom one disagrees".

    Children who are gracious and humble is very important and worthy to be taught. All people should be caring and considerate of other people, it has nothing to do with a geographic region or "upbringing"..

  • PRO

    Oh for God's sake! This is ridiculous!!! ALL of this!

    I can assure you that the calling card with a ink slash through it has been the traditional way someone used a calling card as a gift enclosure card if one was a close friend or relative. The slash was for this purpose - to show a relationship where the recipient did NOT call them "Mr and Mrs Smith". It has a very short one-line comment was below ("We're so thrilled for you both! Much love, Aunt Sue and Uncle John") I have seen this in St Louis, Louisville, and NYC so it's not just something in one part of the country. Since very few brides under the age of 40 even have calling cards, it's no doubt now only seen with gifts from middle-age and older people. BTW - a man's calling card with just his own name on it was always a different shape than a "Mr & Mrs" card or a single woman's - it was longer and narrower. But there are still a few of us alive that like to use them, and that does include my DD, DS and their friends. Why? Probably because their mothers/grandmothers did and bought calling cards for them.

    So, none of you EVER gossips nor do your children? Really? I find that hard to believe. And when one gossips with a close friend, sometime comments ARE "shallow and catty" - that's what gossip is! "My gawd, did you see that hat?" People not only love to gossip, they do so online as well. All the talk about Meghan vs Kate is nothing but gossip and I'll bet at least some of you actually read it. It's human nature.

    Young girls and young women tend to have a pretty tight set of standards, whether it's what tattoo they have, how many piercings and where, do they get a brazilian, or what they name their children and what their wedding invitations look like. Anyone who deviates will be talked about - it goes across all socio-economic lines. What did the prom dress look like. Who did she take - it's all fair game.

    BTW. "reply cards" are a fairly new thing. When I was first married in 1966, there was no such thing. Same in 1978 when I remarried. People grabbed their best stationary and wrote a reply in the same formal format as the invitation. Or they called or wrote a note. Somehow, they replied. There were also no menu choices. Actually, at that time, only the very wealthy had a formal seated dinner, but when they did, it was no different than entertaining in ones home - there is no choice of what one is served. They were being used when DD got married in the late 1990's but then as now, they are consider to be "optional". They're expensive and if one is doing a wedding on a budget (both of my own and my daughter's), an extra $300 is a BIG hit to a budget. They started as more and more people didn't know how to write a formal reply and even those who did, were a bit remiss in doing so. Thus the "reply card". Unfortunately, those who are remiss still are, and it doesn't matter if one includes an email address for replies - many of the young today like to keep their options open and tend to reply quite late (better offer didn't come through?) or just don't reply at all. Ask any Mother of the Bride who has given a wedding recently! Getting the count to a restaurant/event space/caterer is not easy in these more casual days.

    Since I'm now feeling down right ornery, what do you all think a birth announcement should look like? Photo of baby? Photo with parents or siblings? What I used (as did DD - she just loved the look of these!) is the most traditional kind of birth announcement - to quote Crane's web site (yes, they DO still make these!), "...a small card attached to a larger card with a pink or blue ribbon".

    I think they're adorable, but I guess today, they might not pass muster with the "gender neutral" crowd. Pink or blue ribbon? The horror! How sexist!

    Do you think I actually gasp and grab/clutch my pearls? I do have pearls but only wear them to church or other dressy occasions and I don't "clutch" them. It's an expression of speech and it is used rather commonly today. It is always with tongue planted firmly in ones cheek.

    Do what you like but how about allowing me to do the same and not be raked over the coals and insulted for what is traditional among my friends and family.

  • sheesh

    I'm kinda feeling ornery, too. I have been married exactly once, since 1968. We most certainly did send self addressed, stamped reply cards! And I hand wrote thank you notes immediately after our lovely wedding with a ball point pen.

    I am 72 years old and did not in 1968 nor do I now in 2019 have calling cards. And neither do any of my six well educated, successful, ethical sons and daughters or any of their spouses.

    ETA Ask any Mother of the Bride who has given a wedding recently! Getting the count to a restaurant/event space/caterer is not easy in these more casual days.

    As I mentioned earlier, my two youngest very succesful, well-educated, ethical professional daughters were married in 2016 and 2017. We sent STds for each July wedding in February. We had a 98% reply rate for each, and not one single no-show for either wedding. And they used ball point pens to write their thAnk you notes, too.

  • Zalco/bring back Sophie!

    I used those announcements. I hope they survive social media long enough for my grandchildren to be born.

  • amylou321

    Last year, I got an formal engraved invitation to a coworkers wedding after a verbal save the date. I did not go,and told her verbally that I would not. She knew already of course, because I was covering her shift that day so she could get married. But I did send her a gift. A really pretty turquoise hand mixer off her registry. She texted me her thank you. I was satisfied with that. Whats the big deal?

  • sheesh

    Beats me, Amylou. Beats me.

  • nini804

    I love those birth announcements! My best friend used them for her girls. So sweet and simple.

    I think it is wonderful that we live in a free society where we can mark milestones anyway that pleases us. I love getting invited to things, and it doesn’t matter if the host makes different choices than I would...I’ll have fun regardless! :) Especially if there’s an open bar, lol. I am kind of envious of all the cool things that can be done with technology to make things like weddings special these days, vs the nineties when I was married.

    My children were raised by my husband and I so they have had certain things drilled into them, lol. But my daughter does not have as traditional tastes as I do, and my son is a boy who I imagine will have NO opinions on things like weddings and such...and that is just fine! I had my wedding! As long as the events are warm and welcoming to all they invite (and they write prompt thank yous!) I’m happy!

  • maddielee

    There is nothing wrong with the birth announcement posted by Anglophile. They are fine.

    I have received some like those and many other types of birth announcements (some with photos, even the pets!) and never thought anything was wrong about them. I rejoice in the happiness shared by the announcement.

    ML (trying to remember if I sent ever sent any out, over 40 years ago?)

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