Jim, So sorry you have to go through this. She didn't deserve you.

Thanks everyone! I only got a couple hours sleep...

So sorry, Jim. There’s nothing worse than not being able to sleep, especially when it’s difficult to put your thoughts to rest. Try to have the best day possible.

Kristine, thank you.

Oh Jim I am so sorry. I wish that she could have communicated what she was feeling. Even if she was determined to go you would not have been blindsided.

Please don't isolate yourself. Talk to friends, family, and your .pastor.

Don't be alone right now. I will be praying for you.

Sylvia, your strippy garden will be awesome! Dave has another new one on Instagram called ,Dottie that is not released yet but he says it is his favorite.

I am going to have a whole Dave section think that his roses are so fun. We can compare notes.

I

Sorry to hear that Jim. Everyone has a book in life. Since this happened on your life journey, keep your head up, life goes on, and life is priceless, there is nothing you couldn’t handle. Now you have your own car , go to local senior center to meet with other people, I am sure you’d find a lot of friends there. Friends and family will help to lift your spirit up. Keep your head up Jim!

Thanks everyone! I'm sorta well still numb today...My wife has to come back and get more stuff in the future. I need to contact a lawyer soon so I know what to expect....

My wife told me yesterday if I buy her a better car she would sign house over to me then do a no fault divorce. So I need to see a lawyer...

My first wife got half the value of the house etc. back in 2002..(when divorce was final) ...We bought this house together.

So I owned this house myself before I married my current wife. But her name is on the house deed. So gotta figure all that stuff out...

Thanks again everyone! Sorry but my heads messed up right now...But I will be ok!

Jim, I'd hop on that offer. Here we have Dowager's rights so wife legally owns half the house whether or not her name is on the deed. However, get it in writing before buying her anything as I'm sure your lawyer will advise. Sorry to hear this probably isn't a temporary thing. Since I know you're a church goer, perhaps you could find some solace there today.

Jim, So sorry life is so chaotic for you right now. Just one day at a time. Yes, talk to a good lawyer about the options. Also your gut instinct can help in negotiations, since you know her. My sister just went through a divorce and got a pretty good deal without much hassle. She knew where she could push and what would cause a court fight. Sometimes a fight is fine if the other person is trying to take it all, but if you can get close to a reasonable deal with less lawyer fees and emotional drain then better. I went through a divorce and it was rough going through it, but when I got to the other side it was a huge relief. I had such a tremendous sense of peace and optimism when it was over. Just hang in there and don’t forget to breathe.

Hi Jim ! I just wanted to say I am so sorry for what she is putting you through . You have been such an excellent friend here and Supportive husband that I can’t even believe what I am reading . I’ll be praying for you and I hope you find brightness in every day . We love you Jim!!!

Thank you everyone! So much appreciated!

My friend stopped today to pick something up and he got to close to my car with his and put giant black marks on my front side fender... So looked up on internet what to do and I used a wet rag with toothpaste and it took most of the marks off...gee!

I'm still feeling quite, quite numb yet...

I think that the timing stinks

You’ve all given Jim some good advice and encouraging words, I don't have anything to add. I just hope things look up for you soon, Jim!

It ended up being a nice afternoon, I wanted my 18 year old grandson Jack to move my potted roses to a more protected spot, and he was able to do it this afternoon. He’s very busy and lives a little over thirty miles away, so it has to be when he’s got the time, so glad to have it done. Afterwards he stayed for awhile and we had a nice, long visit.

Diane, I edited my post above to thank you for the sweet compliment about my granddaughter, but not sure if you saw it, somehow I had missed that post earlier.

You seem like kind of a feisty, but sweet, thoughtful lady, that’s what I like about you!

ZEPHIRINE DROUHIN

Beautiful roses! I only have a minute, since it’s my parents 53 wedding anniversary today. It’s coffee time at 10 sharp!

Jim, I don’t know what to say, other than how sorry I am. I have a feeling she’ll regret this someday, but she asked for it. She’s going to remember someday who was there for her during all her illnesses. I’m very surprised she actually decided to leave. The day you wrote that “it was nice to see her smiling again”, must have been when something changed for her, or she decided on something. I really don’t understand her not explaining anything to you, at all.

I was able to do my own divorce without any lawyer or cost, other than filling fees. (I was a good bit sharper back then:) If there is no fight, and no custody issues, things should go smoothly and quickly. A few signatures and a 6 month waiting period in CA.

I’m remembering you BOTH in my prayers, yes Sue as well. She’s obviously making foolish decisions and will have to live with her choices, whatever they might be. My heart goes out to you. It’s true that time heals the pain, but it’s painful to get through. It sounds like you’re keeping busy by having friends come over, (even if he was a car damager”:-). Keep doing the next thing to be done, and definitely decorate for Christmas. Surround yourself with good friends and family. You’ll get through this, and the explanations will slowly be exposed. Keep your chin up. She’s the one missing out here. We all care about you even though we’ve never met personally. You’re a good, stable family man. Maybe someday you’ll met someone who knows what a treasure she’s getting. For now, pray, be with people, and hang in there. We’re here for you! ♥️ Lisa

Vaporvac, Flamingo Dancer is not exceptionally thorny.

This Is approximately mid-branch (or cane — although It seems too young to be a cane).

Thorns, yes, but prickles, sharp or fuzzy, no.

No thorns on branch/cane ends - plenty buds, though! :D

At the bottom of the canes, however, there are a lot of thorns:

Here’s the whole plant. I left the grill in to show perspective/proportions. Not bad for a first-year climber!

I think FD is a wonderful rose.. has some fragrance, too. Unfortunately, I have no idea how it will do in your zone, but for me it is definitely a delight.

Jim, I‘ve refrained from commenting on your personal saga, but it has been like waiting for the other shoe to fall. Now she’s gone, and you can begin to heal. There are so many women out there looking for a kind, generous, thoughtful man like you .. perhaps you and your wife may still reunite, but if not, I don’t think you will be single for long. You deserve happiness, which clearly you weren’t getting in your marriage. Happily, we live in an age in which no one is required to stay for a lifetime in a miserable situation. As Kristine said, “the timing stinks,,” but I know other couples who broke up during the holiday season, and went on to have fulfilling lives on their own or with others. You are not alone!

Also, Jim, nice tip about the toothpaste. I have black marks on a car which is scheduled to go back to the leasing co. in February — inspector coming next week to look it over. Time to get that toothpaste off the bathroom counter and into the garage...

All of the Dave Bang roses sold at For love of roses are own root

Thank you everyone! So much appreciated! Thank You!

I wasn't sure about something but after seeing the below article today and talking to my marriage
counselor I'm convinced what's going on with Sue....

Sue told stories of coming out of church and a guy in a SUV wearing a black suit got out of SUV and followed her to her car...Then again men in black suits followed her in Walmart...And other stories similar throughout our marriage. I would just listen not really understanding...

My wife would excuse me of taking stuff from our bedroom etc. off and on throughout our marriage... And she excused others on occasion of taking things...Like her daughter etc.

My wife often doubted I loved her even though I stood by her 100% through our marriage and her sicknesses...

My wife fights with her family alot and they get accused of things...

Etc. etc. etc.

When I brought up maybe she should see a doctor or counselor all heck would break loose!...

She has no problem she would scream!

Today I seen my marriage counselor and he's convinced she has PPD or Paranoid personality disorder and it is now getting way worse! :-(

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paranoid_personality_disorder

Jim,I am in no way a psychologist or psychiatrist but this is what I was alluding to when I thought it was psychological. Something extremely similar happened with a very good friend of ours and it went on for years. UnFortunately she did not move out of the house just to another part of the house and live like this for 10 years . Short of another person in the marriage it's the only explanation as to why she would not even discuss things with you. Of course this could not be the case at all and I'm missing something.

Jim, I’m not a psychologist but I’ve been married to one for 34 years lol. Personality disorders are very, very common, as is bipolar disorder. Your wife’s stories sound as If she is suffering from delusions, which of course may be mental illness, but she should get medically checked to rule out brain tumor or another organic cause.

Best wishes.

Jim, get a lawyer too. Don't let her take everything. I'm playing "Thank God and Greyhound You're Gone" in your honor.

I wouldn't give her ding dang didilly squat that I didn't have to. If I had a meeting with her and I was Jim, I would dress up in a black suit with dark shades kinda like Men in Black. I might even get me a little penlight and call it "the little flashy thing" and talk into it like microphone and pretend I was a spy. *Not really* but it might be fun.

It does sound like she has problems but it also sounds like they are ongoing and she hasn't wanted to get help even when it was offered. I wonder what will happen to her now that she can do whatever she wants unchecked. I guess its good that you got out of it now instead of 10 yrs down the line.

Sara Ann, you are so thoughtful, and you have a wonderful grandson. I like that he stayed for a long visit as much as anything. Getting my granddaughters to sit for a visit isn't always the easiest. And wow, that is the most beautiful Zepherine. That's what I love to see--a rose that really puts the blooms out, and the blooms look so good, too.

Lisa, I hope your parents enjoyed a nice anniversary coffee. I love that tradition.

Jim, I think of you every day and know how hard this is on you. It will get better.

Trish, I hope Rosie continues to get better each day. I love how your garden is blooming right now, especially your ruffled parrot, Angel's Camp Tea. So here's my own ruffled parrot (sort of). Diane

Diane, yours is much prettier (and less untidy) than a ruffled parrot. Is it Eglantyne?

Rosie is getting better, and she's now down to one cortisone tablet a day, and is more like her usual self, though still not grinning as she usually does a lot of the time. But she did cuddle up again this morning. Her cheek is still a bit swollen, and she still rips at it from time to time.

Jim, this is starting to make more sense. I feel for your wife, but having been on the receiving end of someone who was bipolar and paranoid, I know how hard it is to live with. I wish you everything that you deserve, and that is a lot.

Sara Ann, I had ZD for a little while (it blackspotted terribly here), and I loved it. Although the blooms don't seem spectacular, their shape to me, was lovely, and the perfume delightful.

Lisa, I wish I was part of your family! All those coffee mornings, and delicious cakes!

I saw a Pink Party Bus the other day. No kidding. I had to look several times to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. I didn't have time to see who the driver was though...… or who was on it....

Lisa, I also hope your Mom and Dad had a nice 53rd Anniversary. You have said some very good things to Jim, you're a sweetheart.

Diane, thank you! My grandson is quite a thoughtful young man, I certainly enjoyed our visit. What rose did you feature? It’s beautiful, as usual.

Trish, thank you! ZD is quite a vigorous rose here. I haven’t had too much problems with it having blackspot, its sport Kathleen Harrop is much more manageable, I actually prefer it.

LADY OF SHALOTT

Thanks everyone! And wonderful photos!

I have a lawyer appt today at 12:30pm...

My sister now told me things my wife said and did to her that I did not know about...

Thinking back everythings making sense now!

I did notice through the years my wife had paranoid etc. issues... My wife was seeing a counselor back in like 2010...Her counselor contacted me and asked me if I could tell him anything that maybe she wasn't telling him about herself... I told him about the paranoid issues BUT he handled it all wrong! My wife denied it and I got a major tongue lashing from my wife that lasted months! :-( So I sort of backed off the rest of our marriage not knowing what to do...

I told her I loved her many times per day and I stood by her 100% through everything...

But I'm learning now without my wife admitting there is a problem and getting help nothings going change!...She actually thinks I take things, hide things, etc. etc. from her....All the love I gave her over the years I guess meant nothing! Her paranoid disorder has taken over her completely now!

I tried discussing with her family recently but they all are turning a blind eye and just figure everythings my fault and have stopped talking to me! SO?

I guess I need to just move on and pray for my wife!

Jim, I'm so glad you feel you can come here for support. I'm sorry her family is not engaged with figuring out the problem or helping in any way. Perhaps if she is living with them full time they will come to experience some of what you have, especially as it seems to be taking over her personality full-time. Everyone has said all I could so much more eloquently, but your last sentence really shows who you are and why we really do care so much for you, although we've none of us met! Diane, thanks for the rosey beauty. It's a reminder to us all that the sun rises each day and the Spring will come after the winter. Hang in there, Jim. Your Spring will come.

I just want to mention that if you think your wife is, or has been, depressed and /or she mentions hurting herself or others, please let someone know like authorities or a mental health professional. Sometimes when people are depressed they may have suicidal thoughts or thoughts of hurting others and not have the energy to act on them. Once depression has lifted a little (sometimes with meds or even without) they get the energy to follow through and may isolate themselves from loved ones or people who might try to stop them. They may be very secretive.

Not saying she is depressed or anything, just if...depression often accompanies other mental or physical illnesses.

In FL there is The Baker Act where someone can be detained for mental evaluation involuntarily for up to 72 hrs if they are thought to be going to hurt themselves or others etc by law enforcement, a judge, mental or health providers etc.

I dont know if your state has that. Many states have similar rules.

My wife can get 50% or more of property value...Also she can file for spouse support... lawyer said, if she wants a car, go for it, cause that's a deal of a lifetime!

Lawyer said, he would draw up new deed papers and when both of us sign it then hand her money for car but not before she signs off on deed ...

SO I'm in Limbo...

I'd really like to see her get help for her illness..Even if she never returns here I'd like to see her happy!

sultry_jasmine_nights, my wifes family has ceased contact with me... My wife will not contact me so I have no idea whats going on with her...My wife has problems but has never been suicidal in any way nor wanted to hurt anybody...

I'm more perplexed than ever. : ((

I'd take the car deal, Jim, and run for your life.

I don’t know what to think, Jim. She really does need help.

I am so relieved! The grandson who helped me the other day had a cyst removed a week ago. My daughter told me it had some strange qualities, they sent it to pathology. I was a little concerned. My daughter told me “don’t worry, just pray.” She texted me a few minutes ago and let me know it was a benign dermoid cyst. Very thankful this evening!

Glad his cyst was benign Sara Ann! That's such a relief to hear!

Thanks everyone!

I did not expect so many members of this community to have the knowledge and/or experience needed to provide useful advice on the matter at hand.

I have neither. I’ve previously disclosed I am not a psychopathologist. Nor am I an ordinary, every day run-of-the-mill pathologist. Nor a psychologist, nor a psychiatrist. And I am not a physiatrist, though interestingly I am in need of one.

I do have some experience trying to administer oral meds to a cat.

jim1961 Zone 6a Central Pa.

Cagney is doing ok BUT its getting harder and harder to give her a pill... :-/ So I need to figure out new ways...Right now I'm using Greenie treats and putting pill inside. But I think shes getting sick of those...So?

Jim, if she still needs medication, and if the transdermal approach is unsatisfactory: have you tried the pill ( or a crushed pill, if this is OK) in regular canned(wet) food (especially if she would view that food as a treat)? You very well may have, though I didn’t see you explicitly say so. I do know that some cats have expertise in eating around any matter they consider foreign.

Thank you, Jim.

Cagney will be on meds for life rifis (zone 6b-7a NJ) ... She is still taking the pill in the Greenie treats... I think the pill if crushed is real bitter... Or maybe can not be crushed...Gonna check on that...Thanks...

Thanks everyone!

Ok I need to get back on track and talk about roses...

Sadly alot of my old rose pics are on photobucket which has recently blocked me from getting them off unless I pay money...

I'll have to search my camera card for some old pics...

vaporvac,

My present Earthsong came from Heirloom Roses...I bought a ES off another vendor first but it appeared to have that virus of the leaves..RMV or something like that...
I personally prefer Earthsong over Thomas Affleck... ES blooms last longer, ES gets more blooms and disease resistance is better...

Jim, I'm thinking of you today, and hoping things improve and keep becoming clearer to you. I think you're doing all the right stuff. Good luck with Cagney and her pill taking.

Sara Ann, I'm happy your grandson is all OK. That type of cyst is pretty common, I think. Your grandson is such a gem to help you. I could use a few grandkids like that, plus I'd pay them well, too. No takers here, though. Your Lady of Shallot is so pretty and I love the more subtle color.

Warmish and rainy around here, and I'm thrilled with all the precipitation at last. Here is a little Ballerina. Diane

Thanks Nanadoll and great pics! I'm doing ok..Just playing the waiting game..

Jim, I can’t keep from thinking about you, and hope things are going okay. I always enjoy your pictures, your roses always look so healthy, you do a great job caring for them.

Diane, thank you. I love your Ballerina. Yes, my grandson has been very helpful many times. And I do pay my grandkids.when they do a job for me.

It wouldn’t allow me to post more than one picture right now, I never thought I would like striped roses, but I love my NEIL DIAMOND, and it’s so fragrant!

Diane I love your Ballerina. So cute and dainty.

Sara Ann I keep hearing about how fragrant Neil Diamond is. It sure is pretty too. Striped roses are really growing on me. I didnt used to have any. Now I have three.

Who wants some comic relief? Lol

Remember the little Naked Neck chick pic I posted earlier? She sure looks different now.

She still has her little bow tie lol.

I also got some little Polish chicks when I got the Naked Neck. They are very silly looking as well. They have crazy crests on their heads. The males' look like mohawks and females' crests are more rounded.

I've been calling this little boy, Rod Stewart Lol

Cruella de Vil

Liza Minnelli

Havent thought of names for these two yet. They are blue.

Male

female

better photo of the female's crest lol

Great looking bloom Sara Ann! And thank you!

sultry_jasmine_nights, love those Polish chicks ! Rod Stewart! lol

Thank you, sultry. I love the pictures of your chicks, and their names too! We do need a little comic relief from time to time

Two of my favorite LOVE SONG pictures.

That last Love Song bloom looks so fluffy...lol... Very nice!

rifls, you’re a piece of work.

Sara Ann, I had a dermoid cyst removed last month. The pathology report was truly disgusting, “pinkish pulpy mass,” etc., but it wasn’t anything dangerous. Your grandson will forget about it in six weeks. Also, your Love Songs are charmers.

sultryjasmine, I don’t dare show my husband your chicken pix. He grew up on a chicken farm, and he’s always wanted some. I refuse to enable him, especially here where we have a HOA. I also think “Rod Stewart” is aptly named.

Jim, it may be my imagination, but I think you are a happier man today than you were last week. Cagney is a great cat.