momfromars

Even Replacements Ltd doesn’t want my Noritake China

cmm1964
2 months ago

I am getting rid of my china sideboard with hutch and replacing with a decorative cabinet. I have Noritake service for 12 that is just taking up room and collecting dust. Replacements Ltd is not even buying my pattern.

I was married 30 years ago when it was standard to register for this type of good dishes. Even though I was gifted this by my grandmother and mother in law I just can’t justify keeping it all.

I know this topic has been covered before but can anyone talk me in to donating this?

Thanks!

Comments (87)

  • Ocotillo
    2 months ago

    Oh, it's already a foregone conclusion, eld. I've been a crazy cat lady for decades. At one point we had 8 ... or was it 9? But that was years ago, and I wouldn't recommend it. We currently have two very old ones who may not be with us much longer, and I'm going to try my darndest not to bring home any more once they go to kitty heaven.

    cmm1964 thanked Ocotillo
  • jill302
    2 months ago

    This is my Noritake Barrymore

    My mom’s Lenox that I use with it.

    cmm1964 thanked jill302
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  • Zalco/bring back Sophie!
    2 months ago
    last modified: 2 months ago

    Moxie, I am totally with you, porcelain and books! The more the merrier on both counts. Fortunately my boys actually love a beautifully set table, so I think my dishes will be safe.


    NB I have zero attachment to what happens to my stuff. My grandmother passed valuable things along to her children and me while she was still alive and her offspring could make use of the items, like fine jewelry for a young woman, or silver for a newlywed. I will do the same if the items are wanted, if not, send it all off wherever.

    cmm1964 thanked Zalco/bring back Sophie!
  • sheesh
    2 months ago
    1. Fori, we've been using my grandmother's huge set of twelve for the last few years -noritake dubonnet from 1939. Very busy, lots of gold trim, very much not my taste, but I like using it anyway because, well just because I'm sentimental. She died before I was born! I also use her beautiful silver and crystal, which I do truly love.
    2. Yes, it has to be hand washed and is not microwave safe, but oh well. It's just two of us now and everything else goes in the dw, so it's a five minute job.
    3. I have no idea why this post is numbered! I tried.copying and pasting in a new post, still got the numbers. Sorry 'bout that.
    cmm1964 thanked sheesh
  • DLM2000-GW
    2 months ago

    @mtnrdredux I had the same pattern but mine was by Coalport and I mixed it with their Indian Tree Coral.

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  • sheesh
    2 months ago

    Zalco, I wish I wasn't so sentimental. My house is.filled with things we've inherited. I love using the stuff, and my kids are the same way. I don't have tchotschkes and doilies anywhere, but I like using crystal bowls and grandma's China ever day. We have a table in the living room window that's been in my husband's family since 1861.

    I have "lace"/curtains my great-grandmother tatted in the late 19 teens in a bedroom window, perfect for the room (and my house is a ranch built in 1967, so not exactly apropos, but still...) I love the stuff.


    cmm1964 thanked sheesh
  • ILoveMod
    2 months ago

    if selling it online doesn't work, LET IT GO.

    I find that if I want to get rid of something that has sentimental value, I offer it for free to friends on Facebook. if that doesn't work, I put it on my local Buy Nothing FB group and usually several people want it. rather than just casting it away at goodwill and risk it being broken on display, I can be assured that the item is going to somebody who truly wants it. that makes me feel really good.

    cmm1964 thanked ILoveMod
  • mtnrdredux_gw
    2 months ago

    I agree, it feels really good to give something away when it makes someone else happy. Freecycle it another good option.


    My teen kids discuss which things they want. I've thought it rather gauche but I will try to appreciate it.

    cmm1964 thanked mtnrdredux_gw
  • talaveran
    2 months ago
    last modified: 2 months ago

    I'll preface my china story by saying I generally swing simple modern and was so shocked on a December evening a few years back to find my entire dining table filled with a full set of Iittala's Teema white (everyday) porcelain - a memorable present. I loved that style since seeing in in Finland but didn't think to bring it home. It's great design for food. I also LOVE Heath Ceramics.

    Back in a previous life, a grandfather-in-law's house was being sold, so I got some of the leftovers and among them were 3 Royal Crown "Bouquet" dessert plates that I have used on rare occasions for side dishes. The color is still very rich. But then with my Teema on hand, I just stowed the 3 plates, for years. Then my daughter finally had a home that had enough space for kitchen storage and she loves to entertain, so on a whim I looked and found 3 more of the same plates on ebay - so to make a nice set of six. I took a chance and those plates were in even nicer shape then mine, and were packed so well they survived being tossed over my six-foot gate, onto flag stones!! Of course I did check if daughter wanted them first - and she did as they were from her gr-grandparents. Really lovely workmanship.



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  • schoolhouse_gwagain
    2 months ago

    Moxie, your Blue Onion reminded me of the pieces of Blue Danube china I bought when I first moved into my old house in the late 70's. I think I have a four place setting, with salad plates, dessert plates and cups/saucers. That was all I could afford at the time. Broke one cup. Right now it's boxed up in the garage. I should really get the dinner plates out and use them.

    However, it's just me here and no one comes for dinner even before the pandemic. Plus as someone mentioned there's no heating up leftovers on them in the microwave!

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  • bac717
    2 months ago

    Ida, I still have my Blue Willow child's set!! It's one set of "china" that's easy to store!


    We sell china at the consignment shop where I work, but it's certainly not flying out the door! It seems like the simpler the pattern, the better the chance it will sell. And china cabinets? We have become VERY selective on what, if any, we will take on consignment. Just not much demand for them.

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  • salonva
    2 months ago

    Some of the china pictured here is really really nice. I have Noritake set, service for 12 and I think the only thing I broke is the sugar bowl. ( I broke it with sugar in it- that was a fun clean up probably about 15 years ago). I used to use it on Thanksgiving, and possibly 2 more times a year but I really love my every day dishes and use them proudly.

    When we moved 2 years ago, downsizing big time, I gave away so many things- crystal, furniture, tchotchkes, dishes, vases, you name it via freecycle. I didn't think it was worth the haggling trying to sell something and I really liked knowing that the items were wanted and were going to be used. I still use freecycle from time to time, and now we do have a buy nothing group on facebook that is also really good.

    I think I could probably give away my "fine china" but for now, I do have the lovely breakfront and formal dining room table in a dining area, so it does work for now to keep it. I have thought about doing away with that designated room because in normal times we are not formal and do not entertain much. Now with covid, this is a no brainer. I can relate a little bit to the guilt because it was an engagement gift from my sister, and you know how that goes. However to be honest,since I don't do Thanksgiving anymore, I don't think it would even be noticed.

    Anyway I am keeping mine for now, but I do think freecycle/buynothing is in its future.

    cmm1964 thanked salonva
  • salonva
    2 months ago

    As an aside, last year , pre-covid, we went to an auctioneer's talk at the library about collectibles and what people are buying. He said that even for the fine stuff, there is minimal market but if you are patient and don't need to sell it this week, you can bide your time and get better results. He stressed that that was more for mint condition items. He had a great personality, and would frequently prove his point by asking "do you have children?". If the answer was yes, he would ask " do they want this?". Almost each and every time, the answer was no. He also said if you want to feel young, go to a stamp show. . You will be the youngest person there ( most in the room were retirees).

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  • allison0704
    2 months ago

    @Joaniepoanie OMG your post had me scrolling back up to see if you were copy/pasting something I had written. We married in 1981 and we have Noritake Adagio!!


    @mtnrdredux_gw We have several patterns used daily, and Wedgewood Countrywood is one of them I got from my parents. Service for 8.


    Whoever mentioned silver flatware - USE IT!! We use a sterling set bought later in life, and the every day sliver plate that was my parents pattern daily. Hand washing, but I love using! I have another sterling flatware set we use for holidays and celebrations.

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  • 2katz4me
    2 months ago

    I have that Blue Willow child's set too. No idea where it is exactly but I know I kept it. My mother had Blue Willow dishes and that is one of the sets I donated.

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  • pudgeder
    2 months ago
    last modified: 2 months ago

    About 15 years ago, I worked for an auction company. We had a client that for years purchased things from places like Bradford Exchange, and she bought Hummel's, Llardo, and other expensive totchtkes. She also had full sets of expensive beautiful china. She invested tens of thousands of dollars on collectables she thought would increase in value.

    Come auction day I'd say less than 5% of what she had sold. NO ONE wanted anything. She was devastated. She was counting on the sales of those items to fund her retirement.

    It was very sad.

    I didn't register for China when we married, well I did, but it was discontinued. So we changed things up and registered for stone ware. Practical stuff, and still have most of it.

    About 3 years ago, I went to an estate sale and purchased a 12 piece set of Hutschenreuther Blue Onion for around $175. I didn't have any dishes that matched. I wanted it for the holidays. I considered it a bargain price! And we use it... for holidays & when we have big family gatherings. Will my kids or grandkids want it? Probably not. But I'm enjoying it just the same.


  • usedtobergps
    2 months ago

    My grandma was married in 1911 but didn’t get her “wedding China until 1922 when she bought a Wedgewood set. She used it all the time. We now use it as our everyday dishes and love being able to still eat with grandma everyday. I had that blue willow child set also. Served root beer in it so it got discolored but I still love it.

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  • bbstx
    2 months ago

    My wedding china is Royal Worcester Blue Regency. I have 24 place settings and a few serving pieces. I have 12 place settings packed up to take to DD now that she is in her “forever” house. She says she doesn’t want it. She’s getting it anyway! I kept it packed in the attic for eons until my grad school roomie asked if she could eat off it before she died. I got it out and had a lovely dinner party for her 40th b’day - some years ago.



    For everyday, I have Johnson Bros. Acanthus in cream with the decorative salad plates. I bought it as a stopgap for DH when he and I were living in two different places (work-related). But I liked it and kept using it. This is one of the salad plate patterns.



    I also have 16 Skyros Isabella plates. I bought 8 and my sister bought 8 at a sale. We thought we could share if we ever needed to have a lot of plates. Hers would not fit in her dishwasher, so I bought them from her. They are VERY heavy.



    In addition to all of this, I also have an service for 12 in an unbranded set of white on white china and service for 16 in a set of just plain white. I have no idea why I have so many dishes. We seldom entertain. But I’m ready if we do!!! If we ever get to where we can socialize again....

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  • schoolhouse_gwagain
    2 months ago

    bac - I want your child's set! Oh my goodness how pretty. There's even a covered casserole dish? How wonderful.

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  • schoolhouse_gwagain
    2 months ago

    re: auctions. Altho I clean out my mother's house, I did not go to her estate auction, but my step sister and her husband did. Her husband told me that he personally saw a buyer who had purchased a box of items, pick out the one item she wanted and toss the remainder into a nearby trash can! He told me what the items were and I'm just glad I didn't go and witness that.

    cmm1964 thanked schoolhouse_gwagain
  • Joaniepoanie
    2 months ago

    Allison 0704— That is wild we married the same year and picked out the same china pattern. I remember it was around $30 a place setting and I thought at the time it was too expensive and we wouldn't get any. Replacements has it for $70 a place setting now.

    I have the same little blue china set my mom picked up somewhere for my DD when she was little. I’m saving it for when she has kids.


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  • arcy_gw
    2 months ago

    It's interesting that Replacements won't take product but what they have they sure seem to think is "worth" a lot. As mentioned earlier things are only worth the value we put on them and if no one really wants formal china anymore that means it's not "worth" much. Replacements and ebay seem unaware.

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  • hcbm
    2 months ago

    I tried t post twice and Houzz swallowed the posts.

    I have known and have worked with many immigrant and low income families. There are many refuges and low income families who have little to nothing. The gift of something beautiful and useful would be amazing for those families. I travel often to S.A. and save/collect certain light weight items that I bring with me to give away. In the USA I give to certain agencies or families I know can use the items. A set of china would never be turned down and would be loved.

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  • arkansas girl
    2 months ago

    I haven't read all this thread so not sure what others have said but this subject kinda rubs me wrong for some reason. Bothers me that companies still sell China for crazy high prices for new dishes but yet no one wants it...how does that make any sense? As Arcy said, the Replacement Company and Ebay certainly want top dollar for pieces. Makes me wonder where Replacement gets their pieces to sell if they don't want them from people? It's like those fine jewelry pieces that we have that cost us an arm and a leg but yet if you want to sell the piece, good luck...but then the jewelry store still is able to sell a one carat diamond ring for $10,000 but try to sell your one carat diamond ring and it's not worth anything...maybe a few hundred dollars! That's the thing that bothers me.

    Why not just use the china that you have...why go to Walmart and buy cheap dishes when you have sets of china sitting unused in the attic? Why don't the kids want sets of china to set up housekeeping? I think that they must be too spoiled to appreciate the value of a set of dishes because Mom and Dad will buy them whatever they need?

    So I say use it and use it until it's worn out. If it wears out...so what! Isn't that better than just throwing it out? Why go and buy cheap ugly stuff? I guess we all just have too much money to appreciate something like fine china.

    cmm1964 thanked arkansas girl
  • Joaniepoanie
    2 months ago

    I don’t understand why Replacements charges so much either. I have Oneida stainless I bought 25 years ago and still looks good. I could use more teaspoons and Replacements wanted $35 each! Now, they have one in stock for $20.


    cmm1964 thanked Joaniepoanie
  • Joaniepoanie
    2 months ago

    Arkansas girl——I see what you’re saying but it also gets down to tastes changing or getting tired of something. Would I pick out the same china pattern today that I picked out in 1981? No. I still have the same DR furniture we bought as newlyweds. While I don’t hate it, I wouldn’t pick it out today.

    Same with clothes I suppose. Most people don’t wear clothes until they wear out. They either get tired of them or they go out of style and they get donated to charity.


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  • Springroz
    2 months ago

    Arkansas girl - I agree with your thinking. Here is the deal....I still cannot believe this, because never in almost 35 years of marriage have I ever dreamed of doing this, and I swear I had NO idea.....but people now eat, every MEAL, on PAPER plates. I see it on my diet-related groups. Seriously.


    My DM’s china, an old Haviland set, went to my SIL, and I got odds and ends of her collections....some Mottahedah pieces that I treasure ( I will take some pics after chores). We were china hoarders, too. If she had had time to have another shop, we would have had a china shop.

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  • deegw
    2 months ago
    last modified: 2 months ago

    I think my wedding china is boring which is why I don't use it. I tried to get something neutral, it's really just boring. I was young, that's my excuse.

    I have blue willow and Portmeirion for daily use. And sometimes, GASP, I use paper plates for sandwiches :)

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  • Zalco/bring back Sophie!
    2 months ago
    last modified: 2 months ago

    Sheesh, I am sentimental about some things, but I am totally clear on where my influence lies with passing along my affections. In general I believe children's attitudes about some issues are shaped very young, plus in my family there seems to be a strong atavism that keeps taste very stable from generation to generation.

    Arkansas girl, the price realized for selling to a third party is always oh, so different from the price you have to pay to buy.

    IDK who buys from Replacements in this day. EBay had much better deals for me when I was buying extra pieces of my family's discontinued ( in 1935) silver.

    cmm1964 thanked Zalco/bring back Sophie!
  • mtnrdredux_gw
    2 months ago

    It's called the bid-ask spread in investing. And in consumer goods, the difference between where you could sell something (bid) and where you can buy something (asking) is enormous.

    cmm1964 thanked mtnrdredux_gw
  • bbstx
    2 months ago

    @Springroz, I was on an FB food/recipe group for a while and I was appalled at the number of dinners on paper plates that people posted! I have paper plates, but they are in the top of the pantry and I cannot tell you the last time I got them down.


    Now, red Solo cups are an entirely different story, especially when we used to have football.

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  • maddielee
    2 months ago

    Let’s not China-shame those who don’t want, like, need, or use stuff. 😊

    It really is ok to not live with things that don’t work for you anymore. If family members don’t want it, donate it if isn’t sellable. Hopefully that will keep it out of the landfills.

    I would never consider a child spoiled because they may not want something I owned.

    cmm1964 thanked maddielee
  • Ocotillo
    2 months ago
    last modified: 2 months ago

    I agree with maddielee. It doesn't make one spoiled if one doesn't want what one's parents or grandparents had. I remember when I was collecting my "trousseau" as a young thing of barely 19 and ready to marry for the first time. I had very specific late 1970s tastes that were nothing like those of the older women in my life. I don't think I'll ever forget how I felt when proudly showing my things (bought with my own money, mind you) to my grandmother, and when it came to the bamboo-patterned handles on my stainless, she visibly cringed. She said, "I would have thought you'd like something in a floral instead", but no ... I decidedly did NOT want "something in a floral", and that one comment from someone I loved and trusted made me -- just for a moment -- doubt my own tastes and feel a bit foolish for having shared them.

    Live and let live. It's JUST dishes 'n' stuff.

    cmm1964 thanked Ocotillo
  • cmm1964
    Original Author
    2 months ago

    At least it has been fun seeing everyone’s China patterns. I have two sons so that isn’t something they are remotely interested in. Both are apartment dwellers and in their late 20s and single. So there we go! Most weddings I have been to the young couples are asking for camping gear and money for experiences. Next time I swing through Macy’s I’m going to even see if they have a fine China department.

  • bpath
    2 months ago

    Neither of my brothers is married, one lives in a tiny condo and the other lives abroad. They certainly don’t want our parents’ chin, or barware, or nice serveware. Our mom loved to entertain and has some lovely things. My sons are in their 20s and don’t have any interest . . . yet, and probably won’t. If they marry, the couples will have their own style.

    I love my mom’s good china, but I also have my grandmother’s wedding china that became her everyday china when they built a new house, and I liked the “new” good china so much that I registered for it as my wedding china. We use it for birthdays, holidays, etc. But no one will want any of those.

    I love, love looking at china, especially at estate sales, rummage sales, thrift shops, and antique shops. DH always panics when I drift toward those aisles lol but really, I don’t buy much.

    Myself, I’m on my 3rd or 4th set of everyday dishes. Breakage, doncha know. But at least I don’t have the old plates still hanging around, except for the last set before the current one. They were from my parents’ house and impossible to find, but I really liked the size of the bread-and-butter and salad plates, which don’t exist in current patterns.

    cmm1964 thanked bpath
  • nekotish
    2 months ago

    I received a Denby Baroque (which has since been discontinued) "tea set" from my Mother for a shower gift 35 years ago. Teapot, cream and sugar, mugs, serving plate and side plates for 4. One of my daughters has always loved it, so I have it "earmarked" for her. One of the mugs has a small chip in the rim, so I have been looking for a replacement so that I can give her a pristine set when the time comes. Oh my word. The most reasonable that I've found is almost 150.00 for one mug!

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  • Bumblebeez SC Zone 7
    2 months ago

    Nekotish, denby baroque was my wedding china, and I still love it!

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  • salonva
    2 months ago
    last modified: 2 months ago

    I am enjoying looking at all the patterns. This is mine, Noritake Innocence. I always loved blue ( as in EVERYTHING in my house is blue forever and always lol) and while I think it's a bit old fashioned looking, I really love it. I do remember though my mother saying she preferred when the plates had more white. I think that still gnaws at me a bit. But looking at this photo, I still really like it.

    I got married in 79. When I do use these dishes, I do use the dishwasher and don't care if the metal ring wears away. So far, so good.


    cmm1964 thanked salonva
  • Sherry
    2 months ago
    last modified: 2 months ago

    I sold my grandmother's stoneware and my son's wedding china, It was four place settings. They got a divorce and neither wanted it. The son's was discontinued Mikasa from 1999. My grandmother's was Frankoma pottery. I sold the son's at 1/2 price of new and guessed one for the stoneware. I sold it on Craigslist. No hold, no dithering. Firm price. Cash. You pick up, no ship. You want, you send local phone number. One call, one sold item.

    The pottery, lady was thrilled. Why do you sell? Well, I have no room. She was happy, her hubby was happy, and well I guess I was. If I had had a huge kitchen or pantry, I wouldn't of got rid of anything.

    Man came up for his son for the Mikasa. son wanted it for his wife for an anniversary present. She didn't have a full set and the son wanted to give her one.

    Both were thrilled. I don't dicker. I set a firm price. Take it or leave it.

    cmm1964 thanked Sherry
  • ded_tired
    2 months ago

    I have an entire set of Mikasa Lodi packed away in the basement. When I remodeled the kitchen, I got new dishes and packed these away. Hopefully they’ll find a new home at a garage sale some day.


    cmm1964 thanked ded_tired
  • Lars
    2 months ago

    Since I never got married, I never received wedding china, and so I've always been somewhat "china poor." I have bought odds and ends at thrift stores that I liked, even though I never got more than a couple of matching pieces at a time. I have also bought small plates and bowls at the Japanese $1.49 store (It used to be a 98¢ store, but...) and I still have just barely enough to use. This means that I have to wash the dishes very often, but I also do not have enough cupboard space to store more dishes, unless I decided to store fewer food items.

    My mother had white Wedgewood dishes that we always used on Sundays and holidays, but my niece has them now. I did get two sets of sterling silverware from my mother, but it's a pattern that I don't especially like, and I wish I could trade them in for one set of an Art Deco pattern, like the dessert forks and spoons that I bought at an antique shop on La Brea for cheap. These were from an estate sale and had just been delivered (very tarnished), and the guy at the shop didn't know they were sterling, as he sold them to me for less than the value of the metal.

    Anyway, if you were in my neighborhood, I would probably take dishes off your hands and pay you for them.

    The house in Cathedral City came with an incomplete set of white dishes, and so I bought another set at Revivals in C.C. for cheap. The problem with all of these dishes is that they are not microwave safe, even though they are all completely white. I bought a set of stainless steel flatware for the house in C.C. from Amazon and then found an almost identical full set at Revivals for a fractions of the price. I bought a teapot there that cannot go into the microwave either, and that's how I normally make tea😞

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  • beckysharp Reinstate SW Unconditionally
    2 months ago

    Lars, I bought my 12-place setting of Spode Blue Italian in my mid-20s when I was single, after I bought my first apartment. I didn't want to wait to get married to have pretty dishes : ) . At the same time I bought the Blue Italian set, I also bought Spode's "Blue Room Collection", a set of dinner plates in various other blue transferware patterns.

    It's been my everyday set for the past 30 years. It's survived a move to Canada and three kids -- a few plates and bowls have small chips, several have broken and been glued back together (tea cup handle), and I bought a few more pieces about 10-15 years ago. I still love the pattern and would buy it all over again.





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  • Lars
    2 months ago
    last modified: 2 months ago

    Beckysharp, I don't know where you bought your first apartment, but when I was in my 20s, I was living in San Francisco, and real estate was extremely expensive - way beyond what I could afford at the time on my own. I did have roommates that had nice dishes, however.

    If you bought your first apartment in Manhattan, then you would have spent more than I would have had to. When I was 32, my business partners wanted me to move to Manhattan with them, but I thought that San Francisco was expensive enough - plus I could not handle the climate in New York, although I loved the people in NY - more than the people in SF, except for the ones from NY.

    cmm1964 thanked Lars
  • bpath
    2 months ago

    When my son was moving into a college apartment, I was working at our church rummage sale. A box of dishes came in, and I bought it. It’s kind of the official church rummage sale china: it has cycled through 3 or 4 young adults already, coming back to the rummage sale every 5 years or so. Hmm, DS has had them almost 7, hopefully we will be able to have the rummage sale next year if he is ready to trade up.

    cmm1964 thanked bpath
  • beckysharp Reinstate SW Unconditionally
    2 months ago

    Lars, yes, it was Manhattan, but renting wasn't cheap either and I expected to spend the rest of my life in NYC. Even at the time the prewar co-op was a good deal, and I had a 30-year mortgage, which would have been up right around now lol.

    I knew that I wanted the Spode Italian so I waited until Michael C. Fina had a good (very good!) sale.

    Shortly before I moved to Canada, I went to a wedding in SF and still have the champagne flutes and bronze crab I picked up at Gumps : ) . I envy a climate that can grow both roses and bougainvillea outdoors.

    cmm1964 thanked beckysharp Reinstate SW Unconditionally
  • runninginplace
    2 months ago

    I'm with Maddielee, I hold the firm belief that while it is lovely and wonderful to treasure something you own you have absolutely no right to expect or assume that ANYBODY else will or should do so.


    I especially dislike the corollary of assigning deep value when whatever it is isn't even used and yet cannot be discarded. Dishes sitting gathering dust in a cabinet or stuffed away inside a box in the basement are not functional or useful other than as a personal memory or talisman. Again, that's fine so if YOU love knowing it's there, great. Just don't get huffy when nobody else feels that way or shares your own connection.


    They do not have any responsibility to care about your stuff and you don't have any right to insist that they do so. A lot of the responses in this discussion seem to be just that. Mom or grandma or whoever loved the dishes so now daughter or granddaughter can't discard them. C'mon!


    Having already cleared two houses full of all the things somebody couldn't bear to discard, I have seen how this always ends. You can't make others share your memories and sentiments via the things you possessed. Sometimes it happens but that is only up to the recipient not the giver. What really happens is that somebody feels guilty for not continuing to feel the way the original owner did and I think that is a shame.


    After my own downsizing I hope my Lenox wedding china is being enjoyed by someone who got it at Goodwill after I donated it. But TBH I haven't actually spent a second fretting about it! Those dishes sat unused for decades and I knew I wasn't ever going to use them.

    cmm1964 thanked runninginplace
  • beckysharp Reinstate SW Unconditionally
    2 months ago

    I especially dislike the corollary of assigning deep value when whatever it is isn't even used and yet cannot be discarded. Dishes sitting gathering dust in a cabinet or stuffed away inside a box in the basement are not functional or useful other than as a personal memory or talisman. Again, that's fine so if YOU love knowing it's there, great. Just don't get huffy when nobody else feels that way or shares your own connection.

    Of course, one of the best ways to create those connections and memories is to use those items -- dishes, cutlery, etc -- regularly with one's kids and/or grandchildren. You can't make memories or connections with something that's not there.

    cmm1964 thanked beckysharp Reinstate SW Unconditionally
  • maddielee
    2 months ago

    I am so glad that our children and grandchildren have memories (mostly good) of the good times around the table. Often I’ll hear what a ‘great time dinner was because so and so was with us’. Or ‘remember that time when you served the Shrimp to Jane and she had an allergic reaction?’ I can’t remember anyone mention which China the food was served on. Yes, they may remember that the table was pretty, but the important memories are the ones that last. IMHO.


    I use our sterling flatwear everyday. So there is no special memory, other then I now watch the price of silver as it goes up. No, I’m not selling it. I have enough for the kids and grandchildren if they want it.

    cmm1964 thanked maddielee
  • runninginplace
    2 months ago

    "Of course, one of the best ways to create those connections and memories is to use those items -- dishes, cutlery, etc -- regularly with one's kids and/or grandchildren. You can't make memories or connections with something that's not there."


    That's why I noted that for items someone loves and uses, there's no reason to discard. I'm talking about the numerous comments about dishes, silverware etc that nobody is using or wants to use but which the owner feels must go to someone who will treasure them because of who they once belonged. I stand by my contention nobody should expect other people to take on someone else's memories or connections via the things they leave behind.


    In my life, I have very, very few tangible items that belonged to my mother who died when I was 19 YO. And yet, I have all my memories of her, all the love we shared that I will always feel. Just because I don't drink from her cup or put my food on her plate, she is no less present in my life and my heart. Maybe that's a kinder way for me to phrase this: those you love are always with you whether or not you can touch something they touched or not.