Do the 6ft.

Keep the peace. Store the 6 ft fence in the shed until she's passed.

that's a thought....give it a year perhaps....

Put in the 6 foot fence that works for you. Maybe stop by once a week to bring her some muffins, flowers, drawings from your kids, or just to talk to her for a few minutes. She may just be lonely and is looking at the fence as something that will separate her further.

I have to have a fence as I have two small children and dogs. I also do pet fostering and they require a 6 foot secure fence. the back of the property is a retaining wall so i am worried a 4 ft one wont be safe

What about doing a fence that doesn't block all the light? Depending on what is typical in your area and your budget, you could do chain link fence, split rail with metal wire, wrought iron, as well as vinyl made to look like picket fencing. I'm all for finding the middle ground within reason, and it is good to stay on good terms with the neighbors, but in the end it is your yard and the life of your pet at stake. Surely, any neighbor wouldn't want to see your dog run over from getting loose?

We landscaped our entire backyard, then the single story home next door was torn down and replaced by a two story, effectively blocking the sun to our landscaping. We didn't ask them not to build a two story house, because it's not our property and we have no say as long as they are within building regulations. Build the fence you want to build. Your neighbor and her plants will adapt.

Yes, build your 6 foot fence.

I am thinking of purchasing string outdoor grow lights and putting them on the other side of the fence for her.

You can certainly do what is permissable. As we age we learn what is reliable and this change was a disruption. She knows this. I suspect your neighbor will be honored if you asked for a shoot from her treasured lilac.

Build the 6ft fence. Chat with her and say you are sorry that it has to be this way because of your dogs etc. Also say, let's see how things work out, perhaps the plants will be ok after all.

Be nice but firm.

You have kids, dogs, and foster dogs. Put up the 6 foot fence and stop worrying about her. She's 80 and has lived through much worse. She'll get over it.

You've already gotten off on the wrong foot. You have a right to put up a 6' fence, but don't expect to have good a neighbourly relationship with her if you do. So, you have a choice - the fence you want so she can't look at you, or ill will from your neighbour......which you choose will depend on which you want more.

Randalyn, you sound like a good, considerate neighbor! I like mountainjuls' suggestion for a fence that doesn't block all the sun. I don't know what style house you have, but you might consider a 4' "solid" fence with 2' of more open work (trellis-type or other) on top of that...that might let the sun in for your neighbor, but give you both effective enclosure for kids and pets and privacy. Also, that would let you enjoy your neighbor's lilacs a bit too.

(In the interest of full disclosure, I will add that we had a new neighbor move in several years ago and put in a tall garage that blocked the sunlight to a number of trees (that had finally reached maturity) at the back and side of our yard - we ended up having to remove 9 trees and replace them with a different variety (still waiting for them to mature and provide softening of fence)...so I have an idea where your neighbor is coming from! It was frustrating and sad, even though I recognized that they - of course - had the right to do it!)

You have kids, dogs, a requirement for fostering for 6' height, want your privacy, and also have already made the purchase and started the install. Finish installing your 6' fence.

I realize you are the new neighbor, but you aren't under any obligation to be her live TV that she likes to watch your backyard, nor are you obliged to adjust your needs to her plant worries. If you two want to be neighborly, you still can- chat in the front yard or invite each other over for tea. Neighborlyness does not have to be restricted to just watching/chatting over a backyard fence if you don't want it to be, and they are willing too.

And lilacs- if they were going to be harmed by a 6' fence shade, they would be harmed by a 4' fence too. I can tell you from personal experience of neighbor on one side of me that a 6' privacy fence don't bother lilacs. The fence was there and lilacs were went unpuned before I moved in, and they have happily grown out on both sides of the fence for a good couple sections worth :) They also are standard lilacs, so grow above the height of the fence.

You've already gotten off on the wrong foot. You have a right to put up a 6' fence, but don't expect to have good a neighbourly relationship with her if you do. So, you have a choice - the fence you want so she can't look at you, or ill will from your neighbour......which you choose will depend on which you want more.

This is ridiculous. The OP offered a compromise, but the neighbor declined. Things change and people need to deal with it. I don't care if the neighbor is the sweetest lady on the planet, I don't want to be my neighbors entertainment. Any ill will from the neighbor is on the neighbor, the OP is not to blame for that.

I do not agree that you went in the wrong direction . IMO you need a 6' fence to live your life and you have made the offer to move plants she is worried about . IMO you have done all you should do. I agree about the lilacs too the amount of shade you will produce will not bother them one bit.

I had lilacs that thrived next to a 6’ privacy fence. They also got lots of water as they were near a low point. But even the almost dead dwarf lilac that I bought on clearance thrived after I planted it under a shade tree next to a 6’ fence. All lilacs had good access to water from slopes and house gutters, and part of the day sun.

If you are worried, research lilacs. I have a feeling that may not be the issue. My neighbor didn’t want me to replace the 4’ chain link fence with a 6’ privacy fence. I didn’t ask because he didn’t have dogs that needed to be contained or a closed fence, and the fence was 6” inside my property line, so I owned the fence. I think he wanted the illusion of a bigger backyard for himself, and he was also a little nosy and bossy. (I have moved since then.)

Put the fence you want on your property, and pay for it yourself so that it is your fence to modify at any time in the future. Be sure to have utility lines located before you dig. They are often along fence lines.

See pic above: That is a six-foot privacy fence in between houses which also cast shade. Lilacs on both sides of the fence are towering over it. They get some south sun. The north side of both houses (left side of pic) have shade trees. The only thing I can say about this is that they get partial sun and great drainage. I didn’t even water them. Dry climate, some snow, occasional spring rain, soil had high clay content.

BTW, the neighbor had almost a full hedge of lilacs along the fence (further along to the right of the pic). The lilacs provided privacy (except my yard was much higher).

What about using the 4' fence along the portion that borders her property only and the 6' fence on the remaining perimeter.

If you are worried, research lilacs. I have a feeling that may not be the issue.

I agree, the lilacs are just an excuse. This lady has lived there her entire life and she doesn't want things to change. I would not agree to a 4ft fence. I like my neighbors, but I don't want to interact with them every time I'm outside. I also don't want their opinion or comments on what I'm doing. If you cave on this, I guarantee you will not be happy.

Get a survey done before you put up any fence, in case there is a complaint! In my area, a permit is also required.

Do what you must. She'll just have to adapt. Your children and pets take priority.

Change is hard. We had a lot of challenges when we built with neighbours resisting the changes. Now three years later no one cares. Just be respectful, kind and friendly. It will somewhat blow over and be what it will be.

"The OP offered a compromise, but the neighbor declined."

Right, but that doesn't mean the OP is blameless in their relationship - because the OP changed the neighbours' environment. Was it within their rights to change it? Yes, but that doesn't mean it leaves one blameless for what resulted (if the compromise was agreed to, they'd both carry the blame). So, they have now started off with a negative relationship because the OP upset the apple cart, and the OP will have to live with those consequences.....I suspect the consequences will be minor to non-existent, but that doesn't change the fact that it was the OP that changed things. Things change and people deal, but we should still accept responsibility for making those changes.

Personally, I don't know why anyone lives in a city with next door neighbours, and yet still expects privacy in their yard. If you don't want people looking in your backyard, I say live in a place where your back yard is too far away for others to see in ;) I say that as a person who has never lived in a place like that, but accept that one of the costs of living in a place where the neighbours are close - like a city house, or a multi-resident building - is that they might look at what I'm up to when I'm in an area within their natural view.......However living in those places comes with lots of benefits too, so if I want the benefits, I accept the costs.

You can have tons of privacy in a city lot depending on fencing, landscaping, how the building are oriented etc. I don’t think it’s a fair blanket statement to suggest privacy isn’t possible. We have it on 2/3 sides of our fully fenced backyard and just one where the other house, there first, looks down on us. Even then we’ve added trees that will grow and eventually make it more private. Tue other two sides we don’t even see houses even though they are there.

I guess the flip side of this is that living that close to your neighbors means you have to deal with the things they do in their yard that affect you (period), whether that's putting in a fence or planting lilacs on the property line. Our last house was in the city and our neighbor planted a lilac tree on the property line that extended about 10' into our 40' yard. We accepted it (even though she should not have planted it there - you should keep your plants on your property).

Honestly if my neighbor admitted to watching me in my backyard all the time I would absolutely put in a privacy fence. It's one thing to know that your neighbors can see you, and accept that. It's quite another to have them intentionally watch you. And rather creepy, little old lady or not.

Also FWIW my neighbor's lilac was shaded by our house and their massive silver maple and did just fine.

That's great!

But please do not offer/pursue an outdoor plant grow light. Its not a thing. If something was powerful enough to add more light outside than the sun, even in the shade, the power consumption would be huge. Plus, lighting from the side would not help anyways.

I had an attorney for a neighbor who objected to me installing a 6ft wood fence in my back yard. She had overbuilt on her lot and considered my flower-filled yard as her rightful view. She got over it. This issue is change, and people don't like it but they adapt.

The grow light is completely unecessary for the lilacs. As others have said, it's just an excuse. I'm glad it worked out.

You don't need sun all day for lilacs to thrive. I have one that is shaded half of the day by my neighbors pines. The pines were their first. It is growing and blooming just fine. Forget the grow light.

I never could understand what business neighbors have telling another neighbor what to do with their own yard. Luckily only once did I have a neighbor tell me that I couldn't plant something. I just ignored him and planted away.

@Toronto Veterinarian Not everyone has a choice about whether to live in town with neighbors looking in on every side. My wife and I both grew up in the country and that's what we love, but I have to live where there's public transportation available for me to get to work. We hate it, but really have no choice.

We've been stalling putting up a privacy fence we desperately need (neighbors have a junk filled yard) because we like our neighbors a lot and didn't want to seem unfriendly. Now they're moving and we want to put up a fence before the next people get in, if possible, to forestall complaints. I'm glad the OP got the issue resolved with the fence! It's so important to have good relationships with neighbors.

"@Toronto Veterinarian Not everyone has a choice about whether to live in town with neighbors looking in on every side"

Of course, and if wishes were horses, beggars would ride......We all make choices about what is more important to us, and prioritize. If living near public transport is important, then there are things that will have to fall lower down the list and probably won't be realized. That's life, but I don't see much point in lamenting an orange isn't an apple, or in trying to turn an orange into an apple.

I mean, most of life is spent dealing with less than ideal circumstances and trying to make the best of them that we can. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. We don't "expect" privacy in the city, but we make our best effort by putting up fences. :)

I'm not against fences......good fences make good neighbours. I'm just against unrealistic expectations.

The OP never stated she wanted complete privacy, or expected to have it. But a 6ft privacy fence will give her more than what she currently has. She doesnt want to be her neighbors constant entertainment.. She has every right to use her backyard without having to interact with the neighbor. That the realistic expectation for the fence.

I'd build that fence lickety split, at 6' height, with full-on privacy. It sounds like you're being taken hostage for plants. That's absurd.

4' won't work for dogs, except maybe chihuahuas.

You are very kind to your new neighbor. She'd better consider herself lucky that you don't have huge parties in your backyard or keep peacocks.

Having privacy is a key detail in feeling at home. It sounds like a fence will make the difference to you in terms of relaxation and comfort. That's a home. Get your privacy.

I'm anticipating the neighbor might not be keen on a lot of dogs. By then, she will have gotten over the fence thing, and might be VERY glad she doesn't have to watch a doggie gang going rogue in your back yard.

Don’t put up a fence at all if you wanted to be boxed in, you should have moved to the inner city Leave nature alone What was distroyed to make your materials?

" Don’t put up a fence at all if you wanted to be boxed in, you should have moved to the inner city Leave nature alone What was distroyed to make your materials? "

Very enlightening on a 3 year old post @kathy_curnutte

Since top freedom became the law in Ontario more than 30 years ago, every summer we risk the frightening sight of uncovered br****s in public. I've had to shield my eyes repeatedly from sunbathing neighbours. A six-foot fence is a necessity. (Nursing in a subway car is harder to shield your eyes from-- most males studiously study the ceiling and floor instead.)

"(Nursing in a subway car is harder to shield your eyes from-- most males studiously study the ceiling and floor instead.)"

I enjoy watching others eat, no matter their age.

These are gross comments guys! Honestly beneath you.