This is an age old parenting technique that only works if there are two choices mom NEEDs a kid to do. It falls apart big time once the child gets the idea they are in charge. That's always a poor outcome in parenting. The idea that it's a bad thing that a child with minimal brain capacity doesn't just trust parents know best and do what's in their best interest as asked by the person with a fully functioning brain has messed up a lot of kids. It is absolutely ludicrous to think a toddler/small child SHOULD think they have "agency"!!! When raising kids it's really not about what you TEACH it's about what is CAUGHT and even these minimally brained children catch on real fast that this is subtle manipulation. Better to be straight and upfront with children. That way the learn to TRUST.

Someone totally missed the point of this lighthearted thread.

Mtn, your girls sound amazing and it is surely a joy for you to see their closeness - even if the shoe situation remains an unsettled mess. 😁

I love your girls! What a great relationship they have ❤️

This was my preferred parenting technique. Would you like still or sparkling water, seemed like a better idea than, we don't have sugary drinks.

Mtn, that's hilarious! I definitely employed that technique. I remember my old-school parents raising eyebrows a few times. "You're letting a four-year-old choose....?" I admit, it was satisfying to watch the shift as these two kiddoes proved themselves to be fabulous human beings, LOL. I also remember being roommates with my younger sister in SF when we were both mid-twenties, and she called my parents once to complain about something I was or wasn't doing. My thunderstruck reaction: "We can still do that??!?!" LOL.

Also reminds me of a little snippet I just read about Arnold Schwarzenegger and his daughter, who is now a mom of a toddler herself. They were visiting Arnold, and she told her young one to either keep her shoes on or put them where they belonged, but not to just discard them there in front of the fireplace, "Or they may get tossed into the fireplace." Arnold laughed because he had done that to his daughter/the young mom now, when she was little, after a few warnings. She'd railed against it, but apparently thought it was a solid strategy now!

That's very funny!

I used to use that technique with my MIL too as she needed to feel like she was still in control of her life even though circumstances made her far less independent.

Of course I'd probably handle it differently like pile up her shoes so it's difficult for her to get in the door, or make sure she trips over her own shoes in the doorway and then maybe she'd move them!

Very funny!

Love it!!!!

That was hilarious!! ”Emily” will be a good mom one day!

I have no idea what arcy is getting at here.

We were in a diner in NYC when our oldest was about nine and I said order whatever you like. He was hunched over the menu and said, really, whatever I want? I said yes, I don’t care what you have for lunch. He straightened up and asked suspiciously, ”Is this reverse psychology?”

Oddly, it wasn’t! I was tired of policing him and that was just his lucky day 🙂

Mnt, what a fun story and what wonderful daughters you have. Your DH has a quick wit (you’ve passed on other of his quips before).

Kswl, such a cool son.

I love most of these comments. Even if the kids work around this later on, at least you moms have had dozens of protracted discussions averted.

If a kid feels like they have never had any agency, they will be quickly snatched up by a dangerous cult (someone to tell them what to do, think) I heard that on TikTok.

You’ve done good mtn.

Mtn, I did the same with the kids and it worked beautifully.

You are raising them right, Mtn, despite what someone tried to say here and which I assume you have already ignored. I thought it was very funny.