When he watches a movie or TV show, especially about trains and then explains to me why it isn’t realistic.

Example: An old western movie with a train in it he’ll tell me that it wasn’t authentic because they didn’t have ribbon rail then. There’s cowboys and Indians and bank robbers …and he’s studying the flippin’ track?

Other than that, he’s fine.

He takes too long in the toilet. IDK why it bugs me, we have another toilet in the house should I need it. I just don't understand WHY someone needs to sit on the can for half an hour -- do your business and move on.

Also, his shoes are in the way. We don't wear outside shoes in the house, so we slip our "house shoes" on and off by the doors. His always manage to get slipped off right in the path of traffic. I usually mumble about it and move them off to the side (though I will admit to every once in a while kicking them way out of the way...usually when I trip over them)

Well, the most I can offer is my daughter's and her boyfriend's obnoxious habits. They have an entire second floor for all of their stuff that isn't in storage, but they feel the need to also use the common spaces for their junk, using my dining room table as a landing pad, for instance. Sheesh. I don't care what you do with it once it goes past the door to your hallway, but be considerate. I don't know how each of them lives with the other's mess.

Give him a knife or switch to small pasta.

She keeps buying new crap to put on the walls when we already have plenty of old crap on the walls.

I always get rigatoni, or penne, or the like, because while I can twirl it just fine, what I can't do is twirl it without spattering myself in the process.

My SO is the sweetest, kindest guy I have ever met. He reminds me of a golden retriever - always smiling, loves to meet new people/anyone/everyone, will help anyone out joyfully, he goes through life happy, and generally calm/ stress free.

He's also kind-of a freaking slob. And I need my house to be in order to be happy and calm myself.

We have most of his mess controlled, relegated to specific spots which I do my best to overlook. 😆 But even his clothes dresser is a nightmare (to me). I will open a drawer to put clothes away and everything is jumbled up, just jammed in there.....and he'll even have garbage in there. Like....why?! There is a trash can 4 feet away, why can't you throw the tags from new clothes, the cardboard from the T.P., and the empty gum wrapper in there?!

🤷‍♀️🙄

Fortunately I am perfect you know! 🤣

He drums his fingernails on hard surfaces. For no reason whatsoever. No, there’s no music playing. No, he’s not a musician. Like a lady calling attention to her brand new red fake fingernails.

It’s like fingernails on a chalkboard to me.

Putting the recycling in the wrong containers and putting powder into the wrong drawer of the washing machine. It's almost as if he's determined to do it wrong however often it's explained. It's selfish because I end up moving the recycling and cleaning out the drawer. Not likely to change now though.

Don't sweat the small stuff and it's all small stuff. Sometimes.

This is almost like the other thread talking about whether each and every decision one makes needs to be "perfect" or not, or whether "happiness" can be enhanced by deciding when "good" suffices.

jasdip, I think you've had a stretch of bad luck. When reasons you find a person's habits off-putting outweigh reasons why that person might be someone you'd enjoy getting to know better, the writing is on the wall. It's not WHAT the person is doing, it's perhaps the absence of positive factors that amplify what you find irritating.

I’m fortunate to have many long relationships in my life—with my wife and friends I’ve known even longer. I don’t think romantic relationships are that different from strictly friendship ones: when the positives outweigh the negatives, there’s potential for something meaningful. In the best relationships, the negatives eventually stop mattering or become easy to overlook.

Oh my hubby would certainly drive you bananas, littlebug - he's a pro drummer 😄

There are many small irritations after being together over 30 years - here're some off the top of my head: makes mini pizzas in the toaster oven without anything underneath so the rack and bottom of the oven get nasty - and leaves other kitchen messes too. I gave up trying to get him to do better, tho. He's a spiller and never sees it, for some reason. My fave are the chia seeds that get scattered everywhere 🙄

He also leaves the toilet lid up - at least he puts the seat down 😏 (and we have 2 toilets, so I don't have to share)

P.S. He will clean the toaster oven - when asked.

Carol, for you!

Worst habit - or is it a trait? - My husband is not a good patient when he’s under the weather. He will not let me ’fuss’ over him or be a nursemaid. He’s cranky about it which makes me cranky. He’s currently on day 8 of cough but sounding much improved. We’re both much less cranky today! I really agree with Elmer’s comment. Very good perspective.

Guess that's the difference between laughing about dating, and finding THE one, though! Until ya get there, you gots to weed out the silliness. So why not laugh along the way?

DH has difficulty remembering names. These are not friends/ family but peripheral people through business, tenants/ their family etc.

I am supposed to know these names as he will often say “:You know that guy from XYZ…..?” or, “What is X’s wife’s name.?”

Funny though, I often do know these names. But it gets annoying when I don’t and we have to go a deep five fighting out the name.

It’s little things. And i really cannot complain too much about someone who handles the bulk of the outside maintenance, cleans up after I cook, makes the bed lots of times (to military specs), and is good about keeping his laundry picked up and does wash his clothing himself if necessary (he know not to do any of my stuff).

The thing that drives me nuts is he cannot remember where anything goes in the kitchen. Plates, silverware, glasses, he’s fine with that, but the small items, e.g., tongs, vege brush, measuring spoons….I have to go on a hunt for those the next time i need them. i have 2 drawers I use for these, 1 on each side of the island. I organized them by where i use them the most (and somewhat by size) so of course he can’t fathom my system.

Which leads me to his other quirk…if he sees an open space, he will fill it with something. Anything. Even if it is the spot where I usually have my outside garden shoes, he will put something of his there. I just move it and carry on.

We both have our habits that can irritate one another. Tolerance and a strong sense of humor have brought us through the tough times. 53 years this September. My strong friendship with who I jokingly call my "barn husband" is the same way. Strong trusting, relationships take compromise and being able to laugh and not sweat the small stuff. I find most people are too high maintenance these days, expecting others to be responsible for their feelings. I don't know what caused that shift or maybe I am just more aware and less tolerant of it.

I have little gestures I use to indicate he is doing the things that irritate the hell out of me. And he stops. I seem to not do anything that irritates the hell out of him. I have no idea how that is possible, but it is.

Kendrah - little gestures? Are these for social situations or when it’s just the two of you?

Roxsolid - "Other than that, he's fine." That made me laugh.

Porkchop - that is the same trait as DS2. I have no idea what he does in there. But it's his wife's problem now. They only have one bathroom but their house does have a suite. When their last tenants moved out they no longer rented it out. They now have a son and really need that second bathroom.

My DS can't cook at all - like at all. Not does he know how to load a dishwasher. I used to worry what would happen if I died first - would he starve? But I no longer have to worry because there is Hello Fresh and Door Dash and other ways of getting fed.

He's not too bad, but he is a coffee slurper...HAHAHA! I've had to just ignore it because even though I have told him it bugs me and is bad manners, he won't stop. He claims it is because the coffee is HOT, oh yeah, that cup that's been sitting there for a half an hour, I'm sure it's really scorching hot by now....LOL!!!! He is alright though, I think I'll keep him! :)

A couple of years ago DH, now 78, started making "old man" noises. You know, clearing the throat, harrumph-type sounds.

I am not married nor do I live with anyone, but the older I get, the more I understand all the noises my father used to make.

As a retired physician, he drives me crazy when he’s in a food store with me and insists on stopping to read the ingredients on everything I might buy! And, not paying attention, he tends to stop pushing the cart in the middle of the aisle to read it!

He whistles or hums old songs or TV show themes constantly. I'm slowly going crazy

@OutsidePlaying, we've lived in this house since 1991 and DH still doesn't seem to know where stuff goes in the kitchen. After he puts the clean stuff away it is often a search and rescue mission the next time I go to cook.

I almost always know when DH has been making a coffee or tea because there is almost always a ring of something brown left behind on the counter.

It took me over 40 years of marriage and chemotherapy to finally convince DH to put the toilet seat down. Especially since the chemo, I don't always have as much ability to hold on until I get to the toilet AND put the seat down. He still forgets sometimes but at least now it's usually down.

But all of this is far outweighed by his many good qualities, and I am so glad we found each other :-D

@KW PNW Z8 - I make hand signals just when we are together. The gestures are kind of funny and light hearted. It eliminates the chance for a tone of animosity to pop out of my mouth. I hate sounding like a nag.

When hiking, if I try to talk as we walk along, he will just stop in his tracks, and want to converse while standing still ... it's always weird for me, I just want to banter as we walk and I do make an effort to speak loud enough, so that's bonkers for me

It has always worked with other friends, I just miss that joy of walking along while chit chatting in a sort of loosey goosey way

So, we end up just walking silently and dare I say I feel we are dour

I don't know if you've seen this hilarious video...I could only find it on instagram, so hopefully it can be viewed by everyone.... https://www.instagram.com/reel/DSlgXTyDR0g/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

edited to add....here it is on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1XX8TuRe9x/

Be sure the sound is on!

lat62 Could it be that his stopping is sending a signal you are missing? I can't stand being in nature with constant chatter. It takes away from the experience for me. Maybe he feels that way and just hasn't voiced it for some reason? When I trail ride on horseback I just want it to feel like me ,the horse and nature. My mentor and I used go out and not speak a word the whole time. We would come back so relaxed and refreshed. We called them our church rides. I always dreaded the rides where others came along. I would drop to the back whenever possible just to avoid all the vapid chit chat. I can't wait for the day when we can do those solitary rides again. I love conversing with people but not at the expense of missing out on the experience I'm in. That's why I solo camp and solo river tube. Plenty of time to chat around the campfire with people at night.

Well there you go! We’re all so different, thank goodness.

My husband and I have the best conversations when we are outside. There’s something about the great outdoors that gets one thinking about things. Your mind just wanders, you feel good, you want to share ideas and thoughts. It works for us.

Looks like hubands are the only ones getting complaints, hope VgQn doesn't see this thread, ;-)

Olychick that video is hilarious! But I would be very afraid of that little hand.

I have been on my own for centuries, but I notice things in my SIL that my daughter has learned to just ignore. Good for her!

vgkg, she’d probably have a gripe about you picking chalaza out of the eggs. 🤠

Justifiable, I’d say.

@rob333 (zone 7b) - My sister solved this with her husband and kids. She tried for years to get them to stop leaving stuff on every flat surface of the house. No amount of bitching was working. . . So she bought a new trash can and set it beside the door in the garage. Every night when she got home from works she walked through the house and dropped all their "stuff" into the trash can and stuck it back in the garage. If their homework or shoes or book wasn't where they thought it should be they could go out and dig through the trash can to find it. Anything that was still in the trash can at the end of the week went into a garbage bag and was set out with the rest of the trash. She didn't check if it was a library book or their laptop, their favorite pair of shoes, an expensive game . . . she even dropped her husbands wallet and car keys in the can on multiple occassions (although I am not sure she would have really put those out on the curb with the trash).

Her two daughters learned quickly and the habit of putting things away stuck. After 30 years her husband still goes to the garage to check the trash can when he can't find his shoes or the book he was reading. . . She no longer throws everything away, but makes him put everything away when it gets about 1/2 full.

Mentioning silent signals between me and DH - we have one. When out to eat with others (and sometimes even just the two of us) if I get my handbag and put it upright in my lap so DH can see it, that means I’m ready to go. Now.

I read somewhere that Queen Elizabeth did something similar. Surprisingly DH caught on quickly and it’s a Thing for us now.

And since he calls me his (Passenger) Princess, it seems appropriate. Year 52 and still getting along well most of the time.

The "signals" made me think of this Carol Burnett & Tony Randall skit. Cracks me up every time!!

“…if I get my handbag and put it upright in my lap so DH can see it, that means I’m ready to go. Now.”

I’ve used various signals but we still often go through what I call “The Goodbye Tour” (taken from an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond). It can mean another 30 minutes or so of standing and chatting with various people.

He has so many habits that make me nuts, but at his age he's not going to change. So I've decided to focus on the good that comes with the bad.

F'instance, he makes me graham crackers which I love. I so appreciate his doing that! But he is one goopy baker and every time after he bakes, I'm wiping down cabinet knobs and refrig door handles and such, and have to pick up dough bits off the floor. Whenever I cook, I'm washing and rinsing gunk off my hands a thousand times....I don't know how he can stand it. But he doesn't seem to mind goop on his hands....something I especially appreciate when we have a plumbing issue!

He does the laundry which I so appreciate. But he never seems to get the collars right on my shirts...the lay flat are up, the standup are splayed flat and left to dry that way. Oh well, it's only clothing. At least I got him to stop folding my sheets which always came out cattywampus.

He went to grease the tractor and he was wearing his very heavy light gray wool sweater with the fleece lining. Mind you, it is a knock around piece but I figured it was still a good idea to change tops before he greased the tractor. He said no, he wasn't going to get messy. It was a quick and easy job. Well, awhile later he comes back and his sweater is covered in grease. Seems the grease gun got jammed and when he unjammed it, it kind of burst all over him. After many hours of soaking, destaining, grease treating, washing and drying, we finally got it back to being tolerable. I hope experience has taught him something my nagging never could!

He rarely sits still and will rock his foot slowly which inevitably creates a squeak in the chair, in the ottoman, etc. Drives me crazy, but I'm sure it helps him keep fit and burn extra calories. So it goes.

But since I've known him all my life, I can't say I didn't know what I was getting into!

Jasdip, I had wondered whatever happened to the man you had not yet met but had talked to on the phone and video calls. (you had a whole post about it some time back) I guess that didn't go anywhere? :)

After 39 years, mostly the annoyances have faded into the woodwork. The only one I can think of is the door. He has a detached workshop a few steps from the back door. He's in and out a lot. And every time he goes out, he slams the door. Not intentionally, he pulls it on his way through and it swings closed. With a slam.

Every. Single. Time.

I swear one day the glass is going to crash to the ground.

I'm sorry if my post came across too serious, I'm a little embarrassed :) He's a great guy, very quiet ... I'm not really a chatterbox but as my body moves I begin to have ideas and excitement about things, making me want to engage, etc.

I have that banter vibe with other friends, so I am satisfied :) And we live so close to hiking trails that he can get out in his quiet way as well.

Men and women have different practices, different attitudes, and different sentiments about conversing. Where and when, how, why and what.

I'm an extrovert, I'm gregarious and outgoing. My wife is too. She likes non-stop conversations and I don't. She sees a walk as an opportunity to have one. I don't. The resolution - as far as taking walks for exercise and scenery, we usually don't do that together unless we're travelling and visiting somewhere new. I don't like the constant banter.

I’d be appreciative if someone could explain this one. You add ice to a drink…LOTS OF ICE and the drink overflows. Then you keep adding MORE ICE!😵‍💫🙄

I am very much enjoying all of your relationships and how you make them work for you. It's refreshing and nice to hear about even the annoyances being dealt with in such a loving manner. Nicely done.

Good point, murraysmom!💕

Ha - I was just reminded of another habit that bugs me. To be fair, they're all more like pet peeves than actually driving me bonkers.

Hubby never rinses a razor after using it. This usually doesn't bug me if it's his razor, but he uses mine and doesn't rinse it out and the gunk dries and clogs it up. It baffles me why anybody would do that. Also, the dirty razor will leave gunk(shaving cream and hair)when it's left laying by the sink.