err.... um.....
call Dr. Phil.

I know - not much help anyone can give me. Started out thinking someone could give me suggestions, but then realized my husband will never let me change it.
Oh Well, back to house plants

Here is a link that might be useful: The yard!

Photo isn't visible, but don't worry, it doesn't really matter. The problem is clear enough, and I totally sympathize!

Options depend on how good the relationship between you and your husband really is. If this is a symptom of how you get along on all fronts (and it used to be between me and mine!) then you've got way more than landscaping on your plate! If this is just a glitch in an otherwise wonderful relationship, then I suspect you can either find it in yourself to let him win on the landscaping while you enjoy other things (his wonderful company, or landscaping the back yard maybe?) or you can make it a long term project to change his outlook (you know the tricks, like directing visitors to your house when he can hear you by saying "we live in the house with all the square bushes out front".), Humour is, as always, a saving grace. Division works too: "Honey, give me one quarter of the yard to work with, and let's see whose part looks better in two years!"

Either way, go with the flow, focus on what really matters, and realize that happiness resides in many houses with either no landscaping at all or houses with the worst landscaping you can imagine.

KarinL

Possibly you can get him to agree to have informal planting in front of the sheared shrubbery. Many beautiful gardens elsewhere with billowy flower borders spilling out of beds in front of tightly sheared hedges or walls. Here this kind of scheme is associated with English gardening in particular.

The geometric backdrop forms a contrast to the exuberant informality in front, and prevents the whole from looking messy.

You would want to talk him into this only if you are interested in designing and maintaining such plantings. These do require attention. Such work would be enjoyed only by an enthusiast.

BOY do I HEAR YA!!! My DH and I have been at this house for the last 4yrs and it has been a FIGHT to do Anything to the yard!!! He flipped out when I got the irrigation system in...and fought putting up a deer fence...till I explained that the deer will eat our little fruit trees(6 of them)so he conceded and built fencing JUST around the fruit trees...baby steps...but last yr there was Major developing/clearing of land around us and it drove the deer tolook for food elsewhere...like our yard!!! No roses left no nuthin' left!!! So This yr I went and hired a fence guy who put deer fencing up(450ft), landscaped my yard(as I have a terribly sloped backyard and already had MAJOR injuries)better irrigation, AND a pond dug!!! BOY was he spittin' mad!!! I paid for this out of my own wages too!!! He's been acting like I have just put us into Major debt($6500)!!! We fought...but I have resigned myself that it is better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission!!!lol! Today...Easter Sunday mornin', he is giving thanks for the wonderful fenced yard that keeps our bratty dogs in!!!ha! Praise God!!!lol! (No deer have set foot in the yard!!! YEEHAAAWWWW!!!!! I have had to fight tooth and nail over any thing and everything it seems, but he is just so cheap that if I don't(and it's always about maintaining/improving the house, that I would be living in a really delapitated old shack with ugly grass!...Well hopefully that will change now...heh heh! And like I say...he always likes what is done in the end! Go Figure!?!!!

This really isn't an issue regarding landscaping......it's more of a case of marital harmony, or lack thereof :-) If this is just an example of a similarly dogmatic approach to other issues, I agree with Karin that you've got much more going on that needs to be addressed other than some differences of opinions regarding plantings.

OTOH, maybe it is just a case of different preferences as well as the maintenance. Would it make a difference if you took charge of all the yard work? Have you tried driving around various neighborhoods and pointing out attractive gardens that are more your style that you would be willing to accept total responsibility for? Maybe he's adamant against any change because he is comfortable in knowing he can 'tend' what he has now but would feel overwhelmed by something requiring more effort or greater gardening skill. The notion of each partner having their own 'space' is also very sound. If you seriously enjoy gardening and want to participate but have your own ideas, this may be the route to go. I know of a number of married gardeners with vastly different gardening styles and plant preferences that coexist very happily by dividing up the garden - the front his, the back hers or vice versa.

If it's the first scenario rather than the second, then I'd suggest either some assertiveness training or couples counselling. Good luck either way :-)

(oh, the joys of being single and not having to answer to anyone but myself!)

I feel for you! I'm single as well, and yes, it is
a perk when it comes to decorating and gardening! I thought the saying was, if momma isn't happy, no one is. Call me old-fashion but
why isn't your husband listening to what you want as
well. He should want to see you happy with the yard!

I just read this and my first picture with your description was that dreaded straight line accross the front of a house, so I fully apprecuate what you mean. Is it possible to make a compromise by having them clipped, but with variation? Maybe high on each end, or mounded slightly over each plant (wavy). Then maybe you would find it less offesnive to the eye and could add one or two items, that would continue to soften the lines.

Or just do what my mom (a wonderful artist and gardener) would do when my very straight-laced, resistant-to-change father said no to her landscape ideas: just wait until he goes hunting or on a business trip and then change it yourself.

It always looked amazing when she was done, and when my dad was back, he would realize that she could see something he couldn't.

The key is to change just one or two small things at a time (so change was never too drastic). And stay balanced in design, like what bboy suggested.

Eventually they learned to appreciate each other's style...or my mom won, however you want to put it.

I'd just slowly start putting things in when he's not around. It seems like the easiest method, and if he's like most men, won't even notice until too late.

Aside from the marriage and communication issues, it might help for you to try to study and focus on what bothers you. That will help you see more options for getting some of what you like into the landscape, without starting over or getting caught up in too big of a project.

Examples would be: more color? more shapes ? don't like how pruned shrubs look against house? want to actually "experience" the garden yourself and work in it (as opposed to, wish it looked different)? don't like certain looks, but could live with it if you had a plot to mess with somewhere else?

As noted in several posts above, some of these answers might be very compatible with the existing landscape--a container of showy annuals as part of your entryway; a small plot of perennials in front of part of the "hedge"; a shade garden in the side yard; a kitchen garden in the back yard.

I've had "room to make a big mistake" because my DH doesn't try to dictate anything in the landscape; however, neither does he try to solve "problems"! ( He will saw stuff if I point him at it). So I don't have to compromise on his tastes and mine, but all the mistakes are mine, and any misguided high-maintenance areas, as well as any successes!

So many things play into this.
First of all - we've been married 37 years and it really is just his taste versus my taste. I thought we were going to get this wonderful landscaping, but really didn't know how to explain what I wanted. Just showed pictures of ones I admired and ones I hated to the landscaper. I tend to not know how to speak up because I don't trust my own judgment.
That having been said - He does let me prune and trim, but doesn't understand what I mean when I say I want a little bit of depth to the beds. I remember the old landscaping (we've lived here since 1980) when I tried to put some smaller bushes in front of the wax leaf ligustrum - he thought they had grown up from seed or root sprouts and I came home one night and he had taken all of those bushes out.
Everything used to be very linear (landscape timbers) and now I at least have a little curve - just not as graceful as I wanted it.
He doesn't want to change anything because he thinks it's fine and doesn't want to do the work of moving things or planting things....and I surely can't handle it any more at my age. Don't want to upset the harmony. Just gradually trying to get my point across and hope he'll let me get someone in to work on it.
Suggestions on how to explain the dimension I want?
BTW - THe landscaper put in these 4 hideous wax leaf ligustrums that are kind of trimmed to be "egg shaped(?) to frame the house. Then he took smaller bushes and put them in a ring around them....
Wish I could get the photobucket picture to load up so you can see it

Here is a link that might be useful: Yard2

Maybe this will work to describe the yard I've been talking about in Totally disappointed....

Here is a link that might be useful: Yard

You are going through the design process with a built landscape. It could have been done on paper. The whole reason why people hire a designer is to remove doubt from the outcome of the project. Creating proposed results on paper allow them to be understood and worked out prior to construction to avoid costy mistakes or bad results.

Why not try to work with someone to resolve this on paper now rather than repeating the same process over again?

Yeah ... maybe if a landscape designer could do a sketch for you ... you could convince your husband that your landscaping could look so much better than it does now.

That said ... whoever came up with what you have now ...

Nuff said.

If you really need to deal with this, then yes: paper is the answer here. Trust me, your sketches don't have to be gorgeous to get the message across. Mine look like a toddler did them, but I am able to explain what I want. Don't be afraid to use several sheets of paper and do it over if it doesn't look right the first time.

Try addressing one aspect at a time: First, bed layout. Then plant shape. Then plant identity.

But honestly? Sounds like some communication work is needed here, especially if you can't do the things you want him to do for you. If you put bushes in that he didn't know about and pulled up, then neither of you is talking to or listening to the other. (And it's never too late; we did some of that counseling work after 24 years, with the result that it's almost like we each got a new spouse. Honestly).

I wouldn't necessarily blame the landscaper. Faced with a couple that are telling him different things, most contractors will pick one - the one they're most in tune with. Or they might listen to the spouse who gives the clearest message and/or the one who seems to be setting the budget and writing the cheque.

Laag is quite right - if you just talk about it again, you will only end up with a different result with which one of you is equally unhappy.

Which brings up the question... is he happy with what you have, or just happy to have it done so he doesn't have to talk about it anymore? And does he know that you aren't happy?

KarinL

Curiosity is getting the better of me. Are you seeing the photo? I'm getting the Photobucket web page.

Same here, Duluth.

Also realize that you should not hire a designer and wait to see the result. It should be a process that brings things to the surface so they get resolved.

Couples that don't seem to agree on anything are nothing new. A good facilitator should have the experience to work it out between you. A good professional designer is a good facilitator. Its way more common than you think.

Couples that don't seem to agree on anything are nothing new. A good facilitator should have the experience to work it out between you. A good professional designer is a good facilitator. Its way more common than you think.

Heck...we see it in the garden center. Sometimes I think they ought to be paying me therapists rates... ;^)

Yesterday we had a couple come in with this very issue... luckily we were slow so I had the time to really "lay it out" for them. I gathered a bunch of shrubs and we went out to the parking lot and I was able to demonstrate "depth of bed" to the husband. Worked like a charm. Some folks just need a visual demonstration.

When this came in the email this morning for some reason I immediately thought of this thread. I'm sure there's a landscaping message in here somewhere:

"A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife look at
herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was a week away, he asked
what she'd like as a gift.

'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big
bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to a roller coaster theme
park. She went on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of
Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was
reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

After things settled down a bit, he took her to a McDonald's where he
ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, with popcorn, a pop and her favorite
candy. What a fabulous adventure!

When they arrived home, she collapsed into bed, exhausted. He leaned
over her with a big smile, and lovingly asked, 'Well, dear, what was
it like being six again?'

Her eyes slowly opened, her face puzzled. Then her expression suddenly
changed. 'I meant my dress size, you idiot!'

The moral of the story:

Even when a man _is_ listening, he is not going to get it right."

KarinL

Here's what you do. Men like water features, your man would love a pond - a big pond. A big pond needs a big hole. To make the pond really strong and macho it should be made with concrete, lots of concrete. His pond would be basically: a very big hole lined with lots of concrete, filled with water. Do you see where I am going with this txmom?