I am a personal optimist but a skeptic about all else. What may sound to some like anger is really nothing more than sympathetic contempt. I view my species with a combination of wonder and pity, and I root for its destruction. And please don't confuse my point of view with cynicism; the real cynics are the ones who tell you everything's gonna be all right.

� George Carlin

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

� George Carlin

Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

� George Carlin

And finally:

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

� George Carlin