Everyone has a different type of personality, sometimes people have a bad day, some have different viewpoints.

You shouldn't take things personally. If you let things that are said online get to you it will make you miserable. Just let them roll off your back and keep moving on. I hold no ill feelings against anyone online. Life is too short.

There is a wealth of information to be had here. Don't let a bump in the road disuade you from taking part, sharing what you know and learning from others.

Excusing inexcusable behavior doesn't fly. Somebody needs to call a Bully a bully.

And I think I may have hit a chord with some people - in the hour since I made my posting, I have already received two emails from members that had been (their words) "put in their place by the clique", "ridiculed" and "not welcome at all". Why do you think they chose to send me an email instead of responding to the thread? It couldn't be they didn't want their names to be attached to their responses, could it?

I am very sorry you felt unwelcome I am sure it was not intentional. Usually most new comers have felt very welcome here. Some new comers have even posted how welcome they feel. I have only been on this forum for about 2 yrs now. Actually this is the only forum I have felt welcome at. I have to ask my questions here for things non hosta because on other forums I am ignored. There are some people on here with a dry sense of humor that can come across as rude at times but really they are not or don't mean anything by it. Then there are some as franknjim said that are just having a bad day-that is NOT an excuse it is ONLY an explanation. We are also talking about opinions here, sometimes a nerve is hit and some people don't think as to how it might come across on the other end. Typing is one of the hardest ways(I assume) to express emotion. Not all people get it right all the time. Also there is no such thing as pleasing 100% of the people 100% of the time. There are a few people here that know each other personally but I don't think they have formed a "clique" and tried to gang up on anybody. We do have moderators here and when there has been a post that seems to have gone "too far" or emotions seem to be running wild they tend to step in and try to end things. I am not here 24/7 but MOST of the posts I have read in the past 2 years have not seemed like anyone was ridiculed. I am sure everyone here is very sorry to hear anyone has felt that way.

I've been on this forum for (wow) 8 years now. People come and go and the "in" crowd changes regularly. I think it is common for there to be a sense of community that develops and people can sometimes seem exclusive - whether that is intended or not.

While I have been offended before and have probably been offended some - lol - I think at the end of the day this is an excellent forum w/ some really great people that I have grown fond of over the years.

This is one of the more amicable GW forums. There are some forums that are more highly "technical" in their conversations (*cough*conifers*cough*)and they can outright draw blood sometimes. ROFL

I recall recently that I was "brusquely chastised" by someone there for improper use of capitals when naming a conifer cultivar (ok, I probably just used the wrong word there) and I thought "what is this dude's issue????" because of the direct nature of his correction.

I figured out that he is actually from another country and his intent was to be helpful and educational. His tone did not translate well b/c of language and the fact that this is typing...not talking. He is actually a great guy who is kind, extremely knowledgeable and very pleasant!

All of that blah blah blah to say that we need to extend grace *both ways* when we read on these forums.

I'm sorry that you felt singled out and that you were offended...and I'm sorry that you feel excluded.

I welcome all folks - new and veteran - and think that we have something to learn from everyone!

Thanks for reading my novelette. too much coffee probably lol

The
n
d

Wow.If you have been a lurker for the past 2-3 years than you know that the vast majority of the posts and replies are very friendly and helpful.If you have a problem with Les than maybe you send the e-mail to him.Les has only been around for barely more than a month.
I appreciate everybody's comments and contributions.I also understand that people have different personalities and have their own way of expressing their opinions.
I also appreciate the fact that Garden Web allows most of the postings without interference.The politically correct want to dictate to everyone else what we can or should not say.It is nice to be able to have our opinions without Big Brother stepping in.Sounds like you want to start screening our posts here because you have that ability at your other site.I consider this forum to be very polite and quite tame in the postings.
This hosta forum is full of great people.It is not perfect, but than again, my idea of perfect will be different than somebody else's. Phil

I'm a newbie and lurked for a year before posting. I have learned so much from every post on this board. While sometimes the only thing I can say is "beautiful hostas", I am now actually starting to be able to add a little constructive input. I really appreciate that others have taken time out of their day to help me and others on this board.

While I never had the opportunity to obtain a college degree, I have managed to have a successful career in fields where all of my colleagues had a minimal of a bachelor's degree. I contribute a large degree of this sucess in being able to surround myself with people who know more than I do. I've also learned that, unless you pass what you've learned onto others, you'll never be able to move beyond where you are. My goal is to have a beautiful garden full of healthy hostas. If this forum wasn't helping me achieve this goal, I probably wouldn't be a member.

So, just a newbie wanting to thank everyone for telling me my hostas were nice, telling me that they were too crowded, telling me to show scale when I'm looking for an ID, telling me I'm right, telling me I'm wrong, for making me laugh, and like Frank, run out into the yard with a flashlight to look at something I never noticed before.

Gesila

I certainly realize most of the folks here are quite friendly. And no, I don't want to decide what people can and can't say. But I also don't want to be accused of shilling for some vendor - I never have and never will.

It is so wonderful that so many have benefited from this forum, as I have (for the most part) as well!

But, let's not forget, andy DID have reason to feel he was treated unfairly! If you didn't read the thread where he WAS singled out to be admonished, (I don't see why other than oversight of the previous thougths expressed before his postings) then don't negate his reasons for feeling the way he is expressing it to us in this thread! I , too, would have contacted 'Les' directly with my thoughts on this subject but he does not have 'emailing' available to us on his *page*! I think that is always the first course of action we should take, (when possible) in such a case, rather than publicly dressing someone down, as was done to andy!

I do not like to see others disrespected or treated unkindly and I don't always resist the impulse to come to their defense even if they are perfectly capable of defending themselves, as is the case with andy, obviously! And, perhaps that is why most of us remain silent when someone is not treated as they should be! We keep hoping things will self-correct or someone else will speak out saving us the 'face' and possible bull's eye painted on our chests!

If you've not been on here long enough, like 'monkeybuttface' (hehehe) said, (in summary) to "be offended and offensive" then just wait--your turn may come! LOL But, I hope all your experiences are good ones--by and large, and that there's room for all no matter the personality conflicts, differing opinions and outlooks some may have, and that we CAN disagree (even dis-approve) and still show respect to one another! There's just no reason we can't be kind and respectful, other than a feeling of self-importance above others, IMO!

There is a wealth of learning to be gleaned here through the experience of others growing hosta and their willingness to share it with us! I have really benefited from their expertise and the friendships that have been birthed from this meeting of minds over and for the love of a *funky* plant, named Hosta!

Andy, I finally found the thread and read the whole thing. I certainly didn't think you were shilling (hmmm... new word in my vocabulary now). And, if you noticed, Les got called on his response from another member. That should tell you about this forum and the atmosphere that members are trying to keep. I believe everyone that posted under this thread has given you some good advice.

Gesila

"...There are some forums that are more highly "technical" in their conversations (*cough*conifers*cough*)and they can outright draw blood sometimes. ROFL..."

We don't draw blood, we draw resin. We're just a bunch of saps over there. Albeit technical saps. LOL

Geez, I hope folks know how to take that, my being new here and all. Otherwise you won't know how to take this...

Would one of you monkeybuttfaces please include a link the offening post because this monkeybuttface is clueless (once again). LOL

tj

This forum is certainly a lot more tame than the writing forums I've been to. Some of those people will tear you a new one! lol!

Let's drop it, friends. I feel I know many of you after reading for several years. It was my turn to be the fish in the barrel. I'm over it. Let's talk about Hosta!

I'm all game for that, too, andy! Hosta folk have to remain friends and stick together--the rest of the world thinks we're all FREAKS!!!

Or, as my husband calls us, *hosta-whacko's*!!! But, (don't let him hear me tell you this) he's getting hooked, too--now that many of ours are all growed up and perty as heck!!

there is no moderator ...

you just have to accept it for what it is ...

and ignore what bugs you ...

but do keep visiting ...

ken

ps: this is the key .... psst... dont tell anyone.. i read your post.. then skipped to the bottom and added my 2 cents ... ergo ipso presto .. i dont really know what was said by everyone else ... and they can accept my pearls of wisdom.. or not.. but the rest of it all wont bother me.. because ignorance [of such] is bliss ... but i can guess.. you started a flamethrowing row... lol ... might want to think that out next time .... lol ..

i swear there are.. more surely 'were' .. peeps who came tot eh various forums .. just to start arguments... who didnt even really care about the whichever plant ... whats that all about .... though currently.. there arent really any i can think of off hand .... so dont be thinking i am talking about you... [not you andy] ..

i swear .. one of the hardest thing on GW .. is to simply stop coming back to a post that raises ones blood pressure.. its like continually picking the scab off a wound ... just stop it ... i think i better hit send.. now that my ps is twice as long as my response ...

While I certainly don't mean to keep this going when it is quite obviously not your intent Andy, I do want to at least share my "newbie" viewpoint.

I have read the forums here for quite some time, but have been gone for a year or so for medical reasons. I am very new to hosta, (a year or so) and I just LOVE them.

I have been treated not only with courtesy, but I have never felt that I was treated differently or badly. I have had some DUMB questions, believe me, but I really have to say I have been very impressed and appreciative of each and every response.

I am sorry your experience was bad, but I hope you don't stop posting because of it. If you love HOSTA, I would love to hear from you and ask you questions, so DON'T GO.

Thanks,

Gabby

Oh, here is my newest hosta:) Cherry Berry - in case you're interested:):) I can't wait for her plum colored petioles - Yay!!

OK, now for a little angst of my own.

As I mentioned in my first post a several days ago, I have been a fan of the hosta forum for four years. I waited in the wings with my toe in the water to make sure it was safe to jump in.

I don't like to be ridiculed or accused of something or chided for being ignorant... but who does? At times I did sense an insider feeling to the forum. But I stuck my neck out and made a post. And two since. They were kindly received, as any should be, and gave me more confidence.

I do my best to know what I am talking about, but we should NEVER be critical of one who makes a mistake or a rookie error or posts something we think is mundane. After all, we all love gardening and hosta and should support all the rest of us that do.

Ron

As a longtime internet aficionado (okay, addict), this is my Cliff notes version of the best advice I can possibly think to give anyone.
When someone pi**es you off online, and they will...get up and walk away from the PC.
Do something "real life" for a minute.
I used to be horribly offended, angered, even cried!
If I walk away and do something else, it helps to *break* the hold that the offending comment or commenter had over my emotions. Life is too short.
That's what works for me.
Michelle

Andy - I have posted an apology in the - has anybody bought from Contrary Mary's posting and will repeat it here. As soon as I hit the submit button I regretted it. My apologies to you Andy!

I am not a long time forum member, nor am I a cliqueish (how in the world is that word spelled?) person - nor is Hosta forum such a group of people. I was unusually tactless in how I responded and this usually is not my nature. I can be a bit of a "pot stirrer" at times but it is in the interest to stimulate others opinions being expressed (which certainly happened in this case) and not done with malice.

I also apologize to Mary. I have no idea why she calls herself contrary. There is absolutely no connection between her and the course the two threads had taken, which largely rests squarely on my shoulders. She is doing a very fine job in her business and is a very nice and friendly person.

And finally my apologies to the long time forum members who may have been offended or cast in a bad light by my indiscretion.

My deepest regards to all of you:
Les

I have been here "only 8 years",and have been writing what I know about hostas, but not as much as some. Everyone should know,no one agrees with each other all the time. I have learned to avoid the really contraversial conversations,and keep my opinions to myself,well, most of the time! We should try to keep to why we keep coming here to discuss! Hostas. Phil

I understand the 'submit' with regret, myself Les! Many of us have done it, too! I think having an option to email one another, through GW, and not exposing our address publicly (if we choose) is a good way to solve misunderstandings and to deal with our 'submit-regret' issues!

We're a group that can move on, even when things get hot, when attempts are made to right a wrong--most of the time, as I've observed the temperatures fluctuating here! I think we're a really decent group of garden-folk, IMO!

Gardens are a great idea, that didn't start with us, but the peace they bring CAN carry over into the rest of our lives--hopefully for us all!

Now--I'm going to plant *something*(?)!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh,Janice, would that "something"? be ahhhh,lets see now,A Hosta? teehee
cAROL

Hmmmmmmmmmm, cAROL, you'd THINK it would be wouldn't you, BUT, this time
it was a planter box we put on our new tool shed, just today, filled with Creeping Jenny
and fuschia Impatiens!

I did set a new potful of 'Warwick Comet' (recently received from Lakeside Hosta/Rob)
on the wrought iron table and chair set we placed on the deck of the shed! Does that count? hehehe

I'll have to show you what we've done--in another thread, maybe? :o)

Janice,any thing Hosta related, counts,ha ha
Good girl.
cAROL

hahahaha tsuga...that was awesome (resin) - love it!!!

hey_j - you are a hoot - lol

love,

monkeybuttface