It's good you deduced detergent (vs. fragrance, dyes, bleach, etc.) is the culprit!

Annoying Answer: Have you tried an array of brands or soaps? I think a lot of cleaning products/chemicals for surfaces and laundry are considered detergents. It's totally possible one ingredient could be doing the damage to your skin.

Less Annoying: I would try any of the bajillion plant-based cleaners (usually labeled Eco! Green! Earth-Friendly! Natural!) in your grocery store cleaning aisle. Otherwise, people swear by tee tree oil, baking soda, lemon. If those harm you too, find the most gentle, effective one and use gloves.

Suggest you wear protective gloves when cleaning.

OH can I empathize. :-)

Here are some things to try:

Bon Ami scouring powder. If this causes a reaction, then use baking soda + salt to scour. You can spray vinegar this to intensify the cleaning power.

Dish Soap: Try Seventh Generation Free and Clear. (I find at Target, also available at drugstore.com)
If this is too strong, try Dr Bonners's liquid soap in fragrance free formula. I get at Whole foods. Probably also online. I use this to wash wood floors and also to wash the dog.

Glass/Surface Cleaner: Seventh Generation Free and Clear.

Personal Grooming: Try Tom's of Main Fragrance Free moisturizing soap. It's a bar of SOAP. I get at drugstore.com.

Toothpaste: Tom's of Maine Baking Soda and peppermint.

If you need more intense medical diagnosis, find a dermatolagist to do a T.R.U.E test. This is how I found out the chemicals my skin was reacting to so that I can avoid them and not end up sick. See the T.R.U.E. test website for info on what they test for. Best money I ever spent. After 5 years of avoiding what I react to ( formaldahyde, fragrance, preservatives, and nutrasweet ) I can now manage my allergies without steroids except for rare flare ups.

This is important to manage. If you get worse, you can end up with severe athasma which we all know can be very difficult and expensive to manage.

thanks a lot guys for the lovely concerned replies. I have an appointment with doctor in next week. I am hoping to get a permanent solution to that :)

I was going to suggest some of what julie said.

I use often use baking soda to clean. I also use vinegar for cleaning many, many things.

Bon Ami doesn't bother me and the cleaning wipes in those plastic containers don't usually bother me much either. May want to try those. Those magic erasers work well with little irritation for me.

For glass cleaning... I found some type of paper towels --they are like ribbed with blue ridges and made for glass cleaning... I use those with a little vinegar or just water alone and they seem to do the trick.

I use Dove soap and swear by it but as julie mentioned Tom's stuff may work for you.

I have a huge problem with bleach lately and I can't really substitute anything else easily. All strong bathroom cleaners bother me. What do you guys use to clean the shower/tub/tiles? Any safe bleach substitutes?

Rosessecretgarden, a steam cleaner may be exactly what you need. Superheated water cleans many, many surfaces.

And a wet microfiber cloth by itself will also clean pretty well.

carla,
for the bathroom sink,tub, tile I will use bon ami to maintain. I can also tolerate Ajax pretty well, if I wear gloves and open the window. I don't like to breathe in sprays, that tends to bother me.

I have glass shower doors, and have used a razor blade to scrape off soapscum, and also used rubbing alcohol on them to maintain them. Try that instead of bleach--you can dab on with a q tip for lots of applications.

Do take care due to flammability to ventilate and handle any cleaning cloths properly.

I will say that I do use the magic eraser about 1 x a month. they are very effective, but I do wear gloves. I prefer them to sprays.

If my tub gets beyond this, I will open the window, take some allergy medicine, put on gloves, and use harsher cleaners like a soap scum remover, mildew killer, or CLR.

We have very old bathrooms (1931) and sometimes they just need more heavy duty cleaning.

thanks for the ideas, julie. I'll give them a try.

I would suggest that you try some of the natural cleaning products and see how they work for you.

I would also like to suggest that you try using a soap instead of detergent, to clean. Castile soap has many uses. I make my own spray all purpose cleaner/degreaser. I mix water, castile soap, borax, washing soda, essential oil(for fragrance)to clean. Since your skin dries out, I would leave out the washing soda.

Castile soap has many uses. You may want to even try it out on yourself. Dr. Bronners also makes the bar soap, which contains the castile soap, plus different oils. I use the bar soap when I shave my face. It leaves my face smooth, with no drying or stinging. I have very dry skin in the winter months. I probably would not suggest this soap, for body use, to anyone who has very oily skin.

Experiment and see what works for you.

I use one-edge razor blades for any scraping that needs to be done-you don't need any cleanser but I like to pour on dry baking soda, add a little water to make a paste. Use this all over-on my gas tovetop, sinks(stainless and porcelain) and in my bathtub. For the tub, I like to use one of those net body scrubbers you can get in any drugstore. I don't like chemicals at all. I had a terrible reaction once to Tilex in my bathroom. A trip to the dermatologist might be helpful. If he/she recommends certain cleaning products, post here. Plus I "think" you can use the cost of cleaning products as a legitimate medical expense for tax purposes.

I use magic eraser, for all general cleaning. For tubs, I found that a good shampoo works great takes the stains right out. I use magic eraser on windows and mirrors,sinks, cupboards, walls, they really work great. If you can't use them, corn starch and water work great on all of these, yes you read right, corn starch and water, for surfaces make a thin paste and scub then wipe with clean wet cloth. For windows put 2 tablespoons in a spray bottle. and fill with water, spray on windows and use clean cloth to wipe.
Let me know how they work for you.

i'm not allergic to detergents but i am particular about fragrances and chemicals used in cleaning/bathing products.

i use a vapor steamer for deep cleaning.

just everyday- spray bottle with vinegar and water. or bio-kleen with enzyme diluted with water- it does have a orange extract/fragrance

bon ami for scrubbing.

plus now i'm making my own soaps- shampoo bars and body bars.

except for when vapor steam cleaning, i always use gloves.