((((Blueenough)))), my heart goes out to you with the loss of your daughter. As for how to secure the dowel rod, could you possibly use a nice-sized ball of florists clay at the bottom of the vase?
Lynn

if the mouth of the vase is fairly narrow, would be to form a cylinder of the florists clay all around the dowel rod, from top to bottom. Florists clay is very heavy and should hold the tree down fairly well, but when you lift the tree up, the clay will come with it for easy removal afterwards.
Lynn

Blueenough, I am so very sorry for your loss. I can't help you with any suggestions for your stacked ornament tree, but I'm sure the ladies on here will be able to help.

Blueenough, I dont have any ideas. I just wanted to say I am really sorry for your loss.

Mo

Blueenough ((((((hugs))))) - Don't have any suggestions for the vase because I am not a cemetery person but you do have my thoughts and prayers as you do through the holiday season. I was in your place in 2003 as my children and I struggled through our first Christmas without a Dad and husband. I am sure that anything you will do will be from the heart and that is what counts - again ((hugs))....

Lynne

((((Blueenough))))) Could you line the vase with something like clear heavy plastic, put the dowel in and hold it straight and pour plaster of paris in around it. After it dries you could begin your layering.
My worst fear is that of losing a child.... Blessings to you.

I don't have any ideas either, but wanted to add my ((((((hugs))))) also. So very sorry for your loss.
Betty

Blueenough... I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter.
There is a site, that might be helpful or give you some ideas, as to how to secure your decoration. Good Luck and Blessings To You.
jane

Here is a link that might be useful: Headstoneware

Thank you all so very much for the hugs and compassionate words. I never even thought of florist clay. I did think of plaster of paris but was afraid I couldn't get it out later to decorate for other holidays. I want to tell you all, also, that my three-year-old grandson had a blood clot (stroke) deep within his brain six weeks ago. He's okay except for his behavior and residual speech problems. I want all you mothers and grandmothers to know that a child CAN have a stroke with much the same symptoms as older people do. I want you to know this so that you will be aware of this. Two days after his stroke, his eye was back almost to normal and his mouth was just somewhat slanted. If his mom had not been an RN, no one might have realized what had happened to him. All that said, I am not thinking as clearly as I could have. Do you all think that a stacked ornament Christmas tree would be okay in the vase, or can you think of something else that would be more beautiful? Thank you so much for all you responses.

Blueenough,
I'm not a cemetary visitor, so I really don't know what you're referring to when you talk about the vase. If the vase is off the ground and sits upright, is it strong enough to support a hook that you could hang a wreath on? That way, you can wire all the ornaments, bows, berries, etc. and not worry about wind or weather. You could make a fairly light-weight wreath out of a garland and go from there.

I pray that God may give you the strength to get through this first holiday season without your beautiful child, remembering only the wonderful times you had, while at the same time dreaming of the glorious possibilities that will be realized as that grandson of yours grows up.

I am so sorry for your loss. I know there is no greater pain then the loss of a child.

Blueenough, this explains your forum name--I was curious about it when you first posted. I cannot even imagine what a difficult time it must have been for you with the loss of your daughter and how hard the holidays this year will be for you.

What a blessing that your grandson is doing okay, I would never expect a small child to have a stroke. Do the doctor's have any idea what may have caused it?

I can't quite picture the stacked ornaments you are talking about, but do have one suggestion to offer. How about placing a small faux tree in the vase and decorating it with ornaments signed by all her family and friends? You could use the paint pens to have them write their names on. You could also add small bows or flowers as well.

Whatever you decide on, I'm sure it will be lovely and a sweet tribute.

God bless you,

Luvs

Blueenough, I am at a loss for words, tho my heart just breaks for you. You will be held close in thoughts and prayers.

hugs, Karen

Blueenough,
My heart goes out to you this holiday season - I think I can say I know what you are going through as I lost my beloved 14 year old son in Oct 1995 (he died of second impact syndrome - a head injury playing junior high football). We have decorated his grave with Christmas trees but in December we battle the wind. We now lay a decorated wreath on his grave and it stays nice longer. Are you able to do that or are you limited to a vase?
I was unable to decorate for Christmas for 4-5 years after his death. I just could not get my heart into it. We moved to a new home in 2000 and I started decorating again. I still cannot decorate the way I used to when he was alive. I have bought all new ornaments and have gone to a more "glitzy" style. I always put a photo ornament on the tree each year for my son and daughter when they were growing up and those ornaments go on the tree each year. Now, I think I am totally overcompensating and am going all out for the holidays. You do whatever helps you get through this difficult time. You will never "get over" the loss of your precious daughter but the intense pain will lesson.
God bless
Delph

Once again, thank you all.

luvstocraft, this is the stacked ornament tree, but I want todecorate betwen the ornies: http://ths.gardenweb.com/forums/load/christmas/msg1018483915053.html?41
Thanks for asking about my grandson. He's had an array of tests run in the hospital, but nothing has definitively proven the cause. He did test low positive for lupus, though, but the doctor said he doubted very seriously a 3-year-old male could have lupus. Also, my user name is not from the loss of my daughter, but from the lung cancer my husband has. About a year and a half ago, my husband had a third of his lung removed, followed by three months of chemo. He's testing clear right now, though. Thank God! I didn't mention this because having three situations like we've had in a year and a half almost seem impossible. God is good, though, because He's brought us through.
I love the idea of attaching a wreath to her vase, too. She always made such gorgeous wreaths that I'm not sure mine would even be close to hers. We're not allowed to put anything over the plot, just in the vase.

Delph, my heart breaks for you, too. I know I'll never get over this. I just look forward to the time I'll see her again. I've also found myself going overboard. I've bought so many "glitzy" things, too. I'm decorating in her honor, though. I'm also doing a tea at my church, so I'm making trays for all the tables. When my husband became ill, I quit work, so now I'm trying to keep busy. If you saw my house, you'd think otherwise. lol Other things seem so much more important now than constantly cleaning.

Please look at the stacked ornament tree to see if that would look okay. I hope each of you wonderful girls have a great day!

What a good suggestion from Luvs, the signed ornaments and all. I'm sorry I don't have a decoration suggestion for you. I just wanted you to know although we've never met that your post was very touching. You obviously love your daughter and extended family very much. I pray that you will find comfort instead of depression this coming holiday season.

Last year when I lost my dear MIL my husband and I didn't feel much like celebrating. I was solicited by a charity that fixes cleft palates on third world children and instantly felt a sense of charity. I discussed it with my DH and we donated enough money for one child to have an operation. It really did raise our spirits to do something and I hope it made my MIL smile up in heaven. We plan on doing the same this year. (((hugs)))

Denise

Oh my goodness! Blueenough, you have been through three nightmares in such a short time! I too pray for your comfort and strength this holiday season.

Delph, so sorry about your tragedy also. I cannot even imagine what pain both of you have gone through losing a child. I came close to losing my son once and hope never to have to face that possiblility ever again. Strength and comfort are wished for you also.

Today we were in Sam's club and they had a box of three large ornaments. Two were big round ones and one was the type with the pointed tip. I'm sorry I did not check the price on them. There was one in red and one in gold, they might be just the right size for your stacked ornaments. Good luck in finding just the right thing to make it the way you want it.

Luvs

Hi Denise, what a marvelous way to celebrate your MIL's life. I, too, love my MIL like you did yours. I love the way you and your husband responded to your loss.

Luvs, thanks so much for the kind words and for telling me about the ornaments at Sam's. I've already bought some at Big Lots and WalMart to make my daughter's tree. I also bought some pics and beads to add to the stacked ornaments to make them somewhat fuller. I hope they look okay when I finish. I wish I knew how to post pictures on this site. I barely know how to take a picture with my camera. let alone post them anywhere. lol I've always relied on others to do that kind of thing for me. I guess I'm going to have to "grow up" technically.

I spent the day helping lay out t-shirt quilts for my grandchildren who lost their mom, my daughter. Two of my friends volunteered to make the quilts for me since I couldn't bring myself to cut the shirts. I am so grateful for loving friends. I'm going to make them stacked trees for Christmas because they have been so good to me.

I know I'm going to enjoy reading the posts here everyday, too.

Blueenough, Bless your little grandson's heart and thank goodness his mother was knowledgeable enough to be aware of what was happening. I hope he makes a full recovery. And I'm so sorry for your DH's illness and glad to hear he is in remission. I know this has been terrible for your family and hope that the future is brighter.

Delphinium, I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your son. I can't imagine losing a child.

Blueenough, our friend Anjabee on the Painting forum typed up step by step instructions for posting pictures from Photobucket. You may not be ready for it now, but you could save this link for when you are. We would love to have you joining us anytime you can. Luvs

Here is a link that might be useful: How to post pics

Oh Blue, I'm so sorry for your loss. We lost our beloved brother in law in a vehicle accident a month ago so the holidays are very bittersweet right now for my family. I am so glad you brought up the topic of children having strokes. Please,all of you parents out there.. learn the signs and symptoms of a stroke. They will mirror the same signs and symptons in a child as in an adult. Blue, I'm not sure what area you live in, but if you have a Winn Dixie grocery store in your area, they have the prettiest wire angels. They stand about 3 ft.tall and are filled with Christmas balls ornaments. They are not tacky or cheesy looking and would look beautiful at your daughter's gravesite.

Susan

Hi Susan,

I am so sorry for your loss. How is your sister? Were there children involved? Today has been rather difficult for us, but we are so thankful that we had our daughter with us for the time she was. She was much loved. I also appreciate the suggestion you made, but we have no Winn Dixie here. I've also finally settled on something for her vase. I've been making those ornament trees, but I've decided they are too heavy for her vase to hold, so I bought a pink, her favorite color, tree from Hobby Lobby yesterday along with glittery white ornies to decorate it with. I bought a white, glittery wreath to put at the bottom of it, and pink and white pics to make the topper. When I saw the tree, I knew immediately it was the one for her. Her children, along with my husband and I, will take it to the cemetery this weekend. Thank you so much, also, for telling others to watch out for strokes in children. I tell every mother and grandmother I see the symptoms. It's become a mission for me since I'm afraid so many of childhood strokes go undiagnosed. My grandson seems much better. Please pray that God protects him. Happy Thanksgiving!

The tree you got for your daughter sounds perfect! I hope it brings you some comfort to decorate her final resting place. Our family refers to my son's grave as "David's Place". My MIL will say "I went to David's place yesterday and dropped off a plant" or balloon or whatever. It brings us a lot of comfort to involve him in our holiday decorations. It would be too hard to not do that. Take care of yourself this holiday season. I know it is such a difficult time.