So true. We all have only so much time, energy & attention!

So much of our time can be spent absorbed in the thoughts in our heads, & we can miss out on so much...life can just pass us by! There's so much more going on in life than our thoughts! Eckhart Tolle says that 80% of our thoughts are repetitive & useless. The mind is a wonderful tool, but we need to put it aside & give it a rest when we are not using it for some specific task.

Moving attention away from the mental chatter onto what we are doing and experiencing and what is coming into our senses brings us into the present moment. That's where we experience Essence, or our true self.

Attention is important. We have a choice about what we give attention to, & life is transformed by this realization.

Choosing to listen to the egoic mind takes us out of the moment and misleads and misguides us, while ignoring the mind brings us into the moment, where life is happening and wisdom and guidance are available.

We all know what it's like to get lost in the moment. What we lose is the false self, and what we find is our true self--and life itself. Life is waiting for us to notice it.

Beautifully stated. I try very very hard to live this way. Luckily I'm able to "live in the moment" and block out all other thoughts. Even if I'm loading the dishwasher, I concentrate on the shape and the pattern I'm making while loading them. During that idle thought process I calm down and relax totally. "Losing yourself" is the greatest feeling of oneness with the universe. Years of yoga have taught me so much and Eckhart is a wonderful mentor along with my bud, Deepak Chopra. Thank you for opening up this thread, we need to hear it more often.

This post was edited by yayagal on Tue, Jan 15, 13 at 13:51

I am a SAHM because it became important to our family for one of us to slow down and not rush which allowed the whole family to no longer rush. DID that make sense?

I used to call friends and suggest a cup of coffee and all I ever got was "I'm so busy with this and that and etc..." So I never called them back. But I often thought "What - you don;t have time to stop for 30 minutes for a cup of coffee?"

When you ask people how are they doing, the common response seems to be about how busy they are - like it's a badge of honour to be super busy. It isn't. JMHO.

Yayagal, I enjoyed your comments.

Blfenton, I hear you...a badge of honor, indeed. Seems we all must convince each other we are worthy to be alive by doing (not to mention, having) more than enough!

I've been a SAH*W* most of my 25.5 yr. marriage, (no human children...just furry ones!) & I can't tell you how many times people have asked, "What do you do all day?...How can you stand it, aren't you bored?" I've also been told by many, that if they were me, they'd surely be in a psychiatric facility in no time! I'm just a scientific wonder to have an ounce of sanity (or maybe I *have* lost my mind...lucky me!).

But we are so fortunate to have the time to attend to matters with care & attention, imo! Really giving quality attention to whatever is presenting is a vastly different experience than dashing through "chores" to "get them out of the way." (Of course...women with careers can aspire to mindfully move through their days too! I don't mean to suggest otherwise.)

I like this quote from Eckhart Tolle's Stillness Speaks, page 45: "Most people confuse the Now with *what happens* in the Now, but that's not what it is. The Now is deeper than what happens in it. It is the space in which it happens."

It is the space in which it happens! There is very little regard for noticing the space between our thoughts or around our "doing" in this society. But how else can we sense our true aliveness? Doesn't perpetual busyness & thinking numb us & block us from immediate experience?

This is a great reminder for us all ; no time to rush, I love that.

I have a friend who always says she's so busy, it's become an automatic response to any request and it's also a convenient excuse to not do anything.

I go see a reflexologist from time to time and she starts you up with a relaxation process, she says : " imagine yourself scooping out the chatter in your brain, to empty it from all random thoughts" it helps .

"imagine yourself scooping out the chatter in your brain..." I like that.

I found it very telling when Obama introduced John Brennan as the new head of the CIA. He told a story of seeing My Brennan and always noting that he was wearing a suit and tie. He commented on this to Mr Brennan and asked if he never had "down time".....Mr Brennan stated that he didn't do " down time".

Everyone laughed and made light of it and it was definitely seen as an attribute and a strong point in Mr Brennan's favor. I can't think of a worse recommendation for ANY job or a sadder description of anyone's life than that they never have down time and worse...they are proud of it. c

Great example, Trailrunner!

Another observation: I live near a highly acquisitive couple, who make a hobby of conspicuous consumption. After having a large outdoor project completed by a well-known company, I complimented the husband on the results. "Ah," he said, wrinkling his nose, a tad disgusted, "As soon as you finish one project, don't you feel like you need to get busy with another one?" "No." I said, "I don't feel that way." He looked at me like I'd turned green & sprouted horns.

When we're not paying attention to what's in front of us, right under our noses, we're tempted to head off into the future, so sure that there, in the "next" project, place or thing, we'll feel we've made it, we've arrived, we're done, we can stop. All the while, what's in front of us might be pretty good, if we'd just stop... & let it sink in!

Yep...I am always skeptical of those that always have to be doing something. The thought is that the busiest people are the most efficient. While that is sometimes true, since they HAVE to be ,there is the underlying question as to why this person has to be so busy and efficient and high energy and so much MORE than everyone else. There is often the subtle message that others are not doing their share thus someone else has to make up the slack.

Oh well perhaps I am just a slacker :) Good thread annie...and as usual good responses. c

Studies have shown that workers are more efficient when they have abundant vacation time! I love that phrase, Annie (I don't have time to rush).

Very timely. We have a young professional in my dept. at work. He is going on vacation Thurs-Sun this week. His first since being with our company. He will be out of town, on a ski trip, with his girlfriend, and several other friends.

Part of our pay is through commission. So no one wants to miss an opportunity that costs them money.

I was kindly discussing with him how important is is to give yourself permission to disengage from your work email and computer and really relax on vacation. He the said that he was considering that, and was thinking about whether to bring his laptop. I mentioned in as non-butting in as I could that if he is at all serious with this girlfriend, that he might reflect on the message it sends if he can't pull himself away from work for a few days to be with her. Then I asked what his mom would say if his dad would go on a family vacation with email and a computer. He remarked that their types of work are certainly different, but I think that I at least made my point that you send a clear message to the people you are with in how present you are to them, especially during special times.

Let's not forget that one can still" be in the momemt" while being outwardly "busy". There are those that do not have the ability to financially manage a SAH lifestyle. It is not a choice, nor is it wrong to choose that lifestyle. I am sure a SAH anyone can he just as "busy" or "distracted" as one who is not.
If one enjoys projects, whose to judge the mindset of another. A project is no different than "loading a DW" in the moment, as one can enjoy or relax and "be there" just the same.
Participating in life fully in the capacity of helping others can be very demanding and keep one quite busy, but the rewards are unmatched. Many busy people do just that.
I agree with the concept, but the tone seems to be a little judgemental on how one accomplishes that goal, IMHO.
BTW, I am not a frequent poster, and not a SAHM, and I do love projects as well as my DH, but have time now to post as I am off work waiting in a hospital waiting room. Don't mean to offend anyone, but felt a need to speak up.

This is so true. My watch broke a few years ago and I never replaced it. Feels so much better!

I am so glad you spoke up, Jan! I wholeheartedly agree that a SAH person is not necessarily any more "mindful" or "present" than one immersed in a career or other pursuits outside the home.

A commitment to being present in the workplace or "out in the world" in some capacity, offers an unparalleled spiritual practice! Imo, if we spend all our time locked in a room alone, devoted to being "present" we are missing the point. Ultimately, becoming more conscious is all about creating a New Earth, to coin Tolle's phrase. Really, in a word, (not to sound corny), it is all about love.

Ideally, I do think it is wonderful to have space & margins around our "must do" activities. Meditation is helpful, as is spending time in nature. But, the busiest person can take a few seconds, here & there, throughout the day, to stop & breathe, & drop thinking. Without those gaps, I do think it is hard to sustain presence.

Granted, it is much easier to go sit among the trees, or the near the ocean, or at the retreat center, & cultivate a sense of the sacred in each moment! We must not forget that the chaos at the hospital or the office or the bank offers challenges that can build spiritual muscle. If we choose such a path, we must consciously view the chaos as a teacher, & not an obstacle.

May I speak up for the busy people? Well, at this least this busy person.

Particularly after the recent recession, many working people are now doing the job that used to be done by 2..3...4...? people. The retrenchment caused by the near death economy has caused companies to cut staff, although often the work hasn't been cut.

And too, our country's evolution to a service oriented economy means that a lot of people work in roles in which they are responding to customers. That is the case for all those (and I am one) who walk into their place of employment every single day to face whatever and whoever is demanding attention. We are busy because we have people expecting/demanding X or Y or Z from us. Now.

And last but not least I personally envy the heck out of SAHM's because I do think by and large it is a much less rushed way of life (with the exception of those at home with babies/small kids--now THAT is a busy life :). As a working mother, my view is that it would be a wonderful luxury not having to balance work responsibilities with handling everything else that makes a life.

So I don't believe is that every busy person is just putting on airs instead of stopping to smell the roses on a regular basis. Do some folks turn busy into a personal who-is-better contest? I'm sure that is so. And do some folks say they are too busy because they are? I'm equally sure that is so.

Peace to all,
Ann

Runninginplace, you bring up excellent points, imo, about the entire ball of wax.

"Busy" can turn into the winner of the who-is-better contest, & "Not busy" can be declared the winner (in certain circles) too. Or, we can choose not to enter the contest! This brings more clarity to the conversation. Maybe what we are questioning is the wisdom of doing & striving in an effort to be *perceived* as a "winner!" I think you would agree that whole dynamic is very sad.

Doing what needs to be done to earn a living or to be charitable or truly giving & helpful is serving a real purpose-not merely feeding the ego!

I hear you saying that you are working very hard, not to win any contests, or to impress others, but to meet your responsibilities. That is not ego! You are doing a tough job every day in a demanding environment, & you deserve respect for your service & commitment. That is completely different from the posturing & judgement that stem from an "I am over-booked, therefore I am," mentality.

So sorry if you felt judged or discounted.

Every time I see this thread title, No Hurry by Zac Brown plays through my head!

I was primarily a SAHM for the first 16 years of my life as a parent.

In all honesty, I am less "busy" now that I am working 50 hours a week.

I think that while I was primarily a SAHM I felt responsible for pulling my weight-- I organized homeschool activities, then did the PTA. I volunteered with two organizations. I attended most of my kids' games, etc. I even typed up the board meeting notes for the neighborhood association.

I wasn't looking for a merit badge for busyness, but I didn't value down time because I saw myself as having an endless supply of it. And I figured that as a SAHM, I should step up since other people worked outside the home all day and needed time at home.

Now that I am employed full-time outside the home and my days are spent under pretty awful pressure, I am more able to draw the line and say "Nope, I can't do it" when I am asked to staff the food sales table at softball or sell tickets to the high school play. I do feel guilty --most of the other parents work full-time, too. But now that I know I have a finite supply of down time, I defend it pretty fiercely.

I have had more relaxing and mentally 'decluttered' weekends and evenings since I started working full time than in the previous five years.

This weekend I sat out on the back patio for almost an hour not doing anything but looking at my winter-ratty garden and just feeling lucky that I had it to look at, gray and wet and full of weeds as it is. Much better than being too busy to sit there, or too'busy' with thoughts of what needs done to it. Just enjoying the misty morning. Bliss.

From a different perspective......i was always taught to "slow down, we're in a hurry!" If one wants to do a really good job at anything don't barrel through it without taking proper care. Rushing the execution of a job or project and/or not taking the time to fully think it out beforehand often yields a poor result that doesn't last and must be redone.

Stinky, re: I can't tell you how many times people have asked, "What do you do all day?...How can you stand it, aren't you bored?"

My mom has always told me that only boring people are bored, and that explains why YOU are never bored!

RE: busyness, I am busy. But not the way people think I am busy. I am not rushing to places. I have a million things to do and millions of things I WANT to do (for fun). I let a lot of what I should do go. I stay up too late to get time for myself-- a little quiet in the day. I underschedule my kids. But, if someone wants to socialize with us, we are never too busy. We make that a top priority.

While this discussion of busyness is interesting, I want to make sure the original point does not get lost....

I don't have time to rush.

I don't have time left in my life to miss my life by not being present and aware of whatever activity I'm doing at that time. Whether I'm driving to an appointment or cleaning a toilet or prepping for an important meeting.

When you take a shower, are you even aware of the water on your body? The smell of the soap in your hands? The feel of the shampoo as it rinses out of your hair?

Whatever activity you are doing or even taking time for non-doing as in meditation, are you present in that moment? You can be physically very busy yet present, or you can be physically very quiet, yet someplace else....re-living the past or pre-living the future.

You can't change the past. You don't have access to the future. The only time you have is the present moment. Be in that moment, however you choose to spend it....you don't have time to rush.

Thanks, Anele! I hear you about "how" you are busy! I can well imagine that you must be!!! I have times that are very busy too! I usually feel there aren't enough hours in the day between May & December! I work my caboose off during those months. As a mother of young children, you must find there is no rest for the weary all 365!

So, I hear you about having a million things to do, & attempting to do them with some degree of care & grace! To bring some quality of attention to our tasks, to the day, to the moment, whatever we are doing, determines whether our lives will be a labor of love or a never-ending chore. I hear Kswl speaking to that too.

Well said, Annie! Hope my last remark (which I was typing while you were typing) speaks more to your original post. Sorry for the labrynthine journey back to the essential truth. Life can be like that...

Annie, it is interesting (strange) to me that this thread took the path it did. I didn't even consider it to be a debate between work or staying at home or whatever. I read it the way your last post explained it. I definitely don't ave time to rush anymore in my life-no matter what I am doing. Well, unless it is chasing down a student who decides to run into the parking lot after her moving bus with other moving buses around!

I didn't mean my contribution as part of a debate between work and home-just that part of being 'not rushed' is deciding not to be rushed because being un-busy matters.

Stinky, I do imagine you are very busy, but even if you were not, so what? It is annoying that people comment on your life one way or another, however. (I know you do not think this, as you are far more positive than I.) Why do they care? Somehow, it all goes back to them instead of learning more about YOU.

Annie, I apologize for getting off-track with the busy discussion, because your point is so important. Presence is truly the GREATEST present in life. I have been reading Peace Is Every Step for the last several months and it helps. Thank you for this essential reminder.

Here is a link that might be useful: Peace Is Every Step

This is very interesting to me as, when I had a husband and three children, having a career was looked upon as a negative since most women stayed home. I had a husband and two homes to take care of and also parents with health problems. I worked because it was my passion, ran a business for 40 years so I know both sides of the coin. That being said, I still "took the time" to try really hard to "live in the moment" I've been doing yoga since I was sixteen and followed all the various methods of meditation etc. through the years. There are many roads to learning how to be "present" To me, it makes me feel I'm really alive. I hope I didn't sound condescending as I admire all women who work at home and at a job and respect all their perspective life styles. Women were made to be comrades and cheer each other on through the tough times and more so in the good times. Life can be a much simpler to live if we can weed out more time. Just plain old time to be what ever we want to be on that day. My Dad always said "Who you love you give your time to" and it's so true. So when we love ourselves, we give ourselves time for what ever it is that makes you happy.

You are a kind & supportive cyber friend, Anele. I appreciate your concern!

Oh I felt annoyed, even very hurt, when I was younger! Frankly, I was naive! I needed to learn that people don't always have *MY* best interests at heart when they speak, lol! Many learn this valuable lesson by the age of 16, but not me! So God puts the people before us to teach us what we most need to learn, yes? (I still have SO much to learn & the lessons are still rolling in. How wonderful!).

The only reason I brought this up was to address the bias that only busy people are living lives that "count!" For both males & females, conventional wisdom asserts that "success" in the world is what makes life worthwhile. My remarks were an attempt to emphasize that there is value in just *being*, value in the most ordinary moments, & in the most mundane tasks, contrary to popular opinion.

I did not mean to devalue the career path. The benefits of the career path are well noted, applauded, & sought after -money, social connections, status, skill, character & talent development are the prizes of the world of work! I felt the "prizes" of another, less recognized kind of life needed to be spoken for.

I also appreciate what Yayagal points out- it doesn't have to be either/or-Enlightenment OR Success. As I mentioned in a previous post, Career can be as spiritual a path, if not more so, than any other. But one does need to intentionally cultivate the dimension of life that is not immersed in the mind & external rewards.

Thank you for the link, anele...Thich Nhat Hanh is very good....

The concept that serenity is not freedom from the storm but being at peace during the storm....

I agree, what a beautiful book Anele, & how wonderful that you have committed to reading it! You are on a path, I can see that. Do you have support from others, people to talk with & share your journey with (irl?)

The concept that serenity is not freedom from the storm but being at peace during the storm....
I love this line Annie and it's so true. Thank you.

"Serenity is not freedom from the storm but being at peace during the storm."

Yes, this is a lovely, poetic way to describe being present to what is- allowing, not resisting the Now, in whatever form it presents.

And...if we find ourselves unable to accept the storm, and fear, not a sense of peace, comes up for us in the midst of it, we can have compassion for ourselves & accept that too. Then, we have still created a space for presence. We have accepted our unacceptance!

Annie, I've printed the saying out and put it on my classroom wall. As a teacher in a private school with very high expectations, I sometimes get caught up in what I have to get done and this saying is helping me to remember that WHAT I get done is not as important as HOW it gets done - especially when dealing with wee ones.

Thank you for telling me...glad you find it helpful, daisychain.

I've reached the age of retirement where every day is a weekend, or a Tuesday, or whatever day *I* choose for it to be. Just last week I 'lost' a day. Somehow I missed Friday, and it was in reality, Saturday. Did I care? Not on your! Hey, i'm retired, remember?

My days are sometimes filled with the lowliest of tasks, making my cup of coffee on my new Kurig, making the bed and straightening up the house, feeding the animals, all such mundane tasks. Do I care if I have nothing more to do? Again, not on your life!

I have a space at a local antique mall, and I 'create', which I know makes someone else happy, and also makes me happy. I'm using a gift from God when I create, and it doesn't get any better than that. I take my time, no need to hurry since the person who's wanting that 'something special' may not be ready, yet~life's a circle, remember? You play your own little part on that vast stage, and why hurry, it may not be time to go on stage, yet.

Thanks, patty cakes....I too am retired and struggle to remember what day it is. I spend my days creating and socializing and it's just fine. I also spend an inordinate amount of time on the mundane, but such is life. I feel so blessed to be in the phase of my life now and find it to be the most contented time I've ever spent.

Annie, I couldn't agree with you more! To have the luxury of no time constraints everything becomes spontaneous. I feel so blessed also, more centered too, and little things don't upset like when I was younger, just go with the flow.

I love life and rather than trying to 'live life to the fullest' keep enjoying the things i've always enjoyed, even if it's choosing to do nothing. ;o)

"I too am retired and struggle to remember what day it is. I spend my days creating and socializing and it's just fine. I also spend an inordinate amount of time on the mundane, but such is life. I feel so blessed to be in the phase of my life now and find it to be the most contented time I've ever spent."

Ah this is huge. I think being retired means one's perspective and focus on being busy, rushing etc is markedly different from those who are still in the thick of other, more hectic and yes busy phases of life.

I don't want to belabor the point but as a retiree one certainly has more time and independence in which to relax. Having no time to rush is probably a heckuva lot easier when you have a lot of free, unstructured time and not much of a reason to rush.

I certainly look forward to being there myself someday.

Ann

Runninginplace, I responded to you earlier, but I assume my post was not helpful, as you didn't reply back. I made an effort to connect with you, but I guess I failed at doing so.

No, you aren't retired, & granted, you have demands upon you now that require you to rush. I hope you don't put your contentment on hold until you find yourelf "there" in retirement land someday. The difference between being happy and not being happy is not in what you are experiencing, but in the amount of attention and the attitude of preciousness you bring to any moment.

Your life as it is right now, busy & full & rushed, is just as precious & meaningful & sacred as a retired person's who is not so rushed. I hear a longing from you to be less rushed, & for now, that is not possible for you. It will happen, but life is asking (many) other things from you at the moment!

running, no matter how busy you are, you can still only do one thing at a time and if you do it with intention and attention, you will be less stressed than you are if while you are doing something your mind is also racing back and forth between what you've done and what you have yet to do....both of those activities add stress, but are not useful.

Running, don't worry, it will come sooner than you think! I still have 'occasions' when I try to get too many things done at once, but that's because i'm a procrastinator. I think that's ingrained in most of us, and a habit that isn't broken by retirement. LOL

Mindfulness practice has been very helpful to me. As an adult I realized that I have ADHD. I prided myself on multi-tasking and having many balls in the air. I did a mindfulness course at our local clinic per my doctor's advice. He gave me a copy on "Mindfullness in plain english" and asked me to read it before our next appt. It was very eye opening. I always had assumed that meditation and "being in the zone" are accidental serendipitous happenchance events that you stumble into and nice while it lasts. It never ever occured to me that it could be a habit I can develop. My life is better and happier when I work at not rushing. Being in the present is very hard for a Type A person like me but I know this is good for me and will need to work at it. It changes how I am in very subtle ways and my DD8 and DH have commented that I am just nicer on the days I meditate.

That is really interesting GWlolo. thanks for sharing.

This has been a great thread to read.

I wish I had nothing to do right now. Just in the last four days I have pressure washed the long driveway. Painted the air handler cabinet, painted the gates, de-bugged all exterior areas, repaired a seem on the 12' high porch ceiling as well as primed/sealed and painted, hired a bobcat driver to fix the back yard, ordered sod, found some teens to lay it, painted the front columns, repaired some stucco, cleaned the house, did some laundry, washed all the front of the house windows, did some weed kill, Re- caulked, repaired a door frame, went to look at some real estate...blah blah blah. It was a light week compared to the ones before it. House is going on MLS hopefully on Feb 4th. I also started my marketing in emailing all the realtors that serve my area letting them know my house will soon go on MLS and linked my Zillow ad with description and pictures for review as well as commission info.
THEN, last evening husband called, said he was on his way home and wanted something to eat THAT NEVER HAPPENED so he acted hard done by because He has a JOB. THEN my husbands brother and sister in-law emailed us to say they are coming to stay for nine days ( a few days after the house goes on MLS). THEN I said I'm hiring a maid while they are here and husband acted like I was being extravagant. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR lol! Whew I feel a little better now.

This post was edited by jterrilynn on Fri, Jan 25, 13 at 20:19

GW...DH and I are Vipassana meditators. We hold retreats in our home once a month now...silence from 9 AM to 3 PM. We also have a group that comes every Wed night. We attend a group every 1 st and 3 rd Sat. I meditate from 4 AM - 6 AM most days and then DH and I sit together at 4 PM most days. Once a year in Feb , we attend a 10 day silent retreat...this will be my 2nd year ...DH's 3rd.

DH buys copies of "Mindfulness in Plain English" and gives them out to anyone that is interested. Read the last chapters 1st. If you want to email me there are some other things we could talk about . It is wonderful to be able to exchange ideas here. c

Trail I wish I lived near you I need a group meditation intervention.

Trailrunner - I have been eyeing vipaasana retreat in NorCal (Kelseyville). They have one during the thanksgiving and Christmas breaks. Maybe this year :)

jt...I wish you were closer too . Is there nothing in your area ? Can I help you look ? Would be glad to if you email me.

GW...DH and DS2 went there to Kelseyville, North Fork this past summer for the 3 day...they can go for a 3 day since they are " old students"...you have to do the 10 day one time and then you can do the shorter courses. Have you attended a 10 day yet ? It is the best thing you will ever do for yourself. We will be in Jesup the end of Feb. c

TR, you are a master meditator! I don't think I could be silent for a day, let alone 10.

If you wouldn't mind, would you share some of the ways you think meditation has impacted your life? I and I think others would be interested in hearing it. Also, a friend of mine is into meditation and he keeps pushing me to do group meditation, but I always feel very uncomfortable meditating in a group environment and am happier alone. Would you mind commenting on the differences and +/- of either?

Thanks!