1. This past weekend we went to a party for a couple that had a joint birthday party. The husband had told a few friends to arrive at 3. The invite was actually meant to be at 4.

The wife was ticked that she had to get things ready without his help. I understood that. She proceeded for most of the party to gripe about this to anyone that she could find.

The people that showed up an hour early at one point realized that they had been given the wrong time and the wife actually said to one of them "That's right you got here too early. I could have killed my husband. He spent all that time talking to you all and I needed help getting ready." It wouldn't have been so bad if it had not been infront of an entire kitchen of people that didn't know this early arriving crowd.

2. I hate when a hostess cleans up her own kitchen. Just leave it. It ends the party and everyone starts cleaning up with her. Stacking dishes til later is not the end of the world. Unless you are trying to kick people out. But, if you want people to stay and continue to enjoy themselves stop cleaning.

Signs of a bad host....

1) Inviting you to a party and then having you bring a food dish. I just don't get 'hosts' that do this.

2) Ditto ilovepink about cleaning during parties...all household chores, including doing the dishes should be done after a party, not during it.

3) Making people feel uncomfortable...if they spill or break something...you should just be able to shrug most things off or at least act like they are not a big deal.

4) Not having enough food, or having people over at meal times and only providing snack type foods.

Ok....this ought to bring out discussion...
Caring more about your carpet than your guests....like either having a basket of paper booties by the door to slip over your cute little pink sandals that just match your pants....or asking you to remove your shoes.

And giving a "mass party" to pay back all your obligations at once.
I'll think of some more later...
Linda C

Oh I have another.

Having 25+ people over and only having one tiny little hand towel in the bathroom for everyone to use. In this day and age when people are concerned with germs I don't understand why more people don't buy paper ones or offer more than one or two towels in the bathroom for a five hour party.

This is my most recent bad hostess situation. I was invited to a "passion" party hosted by a girlfriend of mine. You know these parties....bring a friend....it will be fun. Anyways i had one girlfriend who really wanted to go. She was really looking forward to buying some products. Well a week before the party i realized that i couldnt afford to buy anything. Usually i will decline the invite however i knew my friend was excited about going and she was definatly buying stuff. So i went. At the end of the party the hostess kept saying loudly, infront of everyone "why are you NOT buying anything." I was very embarrassed and i wish i never went. Funny thing is the hostess has never phoned me since. Even though my friend who came with spent over $100. I guess that wasnt good enough!

I hosted a dinner. I invited the guests to come around 3:00. Turns out that my DH talked separately to a few relatives and told them to come over at 10:00 a.m. They did, and one brought his new girlfriend. The two guys hung around outside with DH, and the new girlfriend went back and forth between outside where the guys hung out, to sitting in the kitchen in which I felt I needed to entertain her and chat. I had so much to do and did not know that my DH invited them to come on over whenever they got up. She really was very sweet, but I had so much to do, and I too was a bit ticked that my DH actually invited them to come hang out for the day...when we had so much to do to get everything ready. The day was a blur and I hope that I did not say anything to anyone about it.

Between really "cleaning the entire house", and all of the food prep (menu planning, shopping, cooking all the side dishes, buying table linens, re-cleaning the kitchen after all of the cooking) the meal and cleaning the kitchen yet again...whew!!! I am amazed that some of you love entertaining so much. And I can understand a hostess being ticked when a spouse wants the dinner party but disappears (figuratively) on the day of the party to play with his buds, and has a good excuse not to "help" out.

Maybe I'm weird or maybe its just the non-formal kind of entertaining I do but it's fine with me when people show up early, late or whenever. Actually, I'd prefer some precision but it never seems to happen so I 've laid back a bit over the years. I like kitchens open to dining and living-room areas so there can be free-flow in-and-out. Some people love to help. Some people don't want anything to do with it. At my place, everybody's welcome and they can help if they want. Sometimes I have to ask for a little assistance. However, nobody gets "trapped". And nobody ever feels abandoned or put-upon.

Not talking neighborhood BBQ here. Doctors, lawyers, Indian chiefs...often mixed with neighbors. I mean invitations and the whole schmear. However, if these folks weren't my friends or people whom I thought might become my friends, I wouldn't have invited them. Yes, they're my guests. But they'll soon learn, if they didn't already know, that they can relax here. They can be part of my family for a night.

Years ago, did have one alcohol-related faux pax. Those folks have not returned. Otherwise, things just flow. Try not to get excited about small stuff or make others feel that they need to get excited. Spills? Breakage? Part of the plan.

From reading some of this I get the feeling some people are putting on a show and get emotionally sideways if anything goes off-track. Maybe I'm missing the points others are trying to make.

I agree with asolo, but I think the problem with ilovepink's hostess example was how it was handled. A gracious hostess shouldn't make guests uncomfortable (b/c of her husband's mistake, a spill, etc.) We used to be very close friends with a couple, but I got tired of her comments about her husband's incompetency, not taking the dog out, not fixing the broken lamp, etc. etc. etc. Comments like that are not appropriate for hosting (or anytime, IMO).

Thanks for the reminder about guest towels. I am setting up for a party tomorrow, and I have 2 hand towels in rings, plus 2 linen towels on a stand...no one ever uses those, which is such a shame b/c I love washing and ironing them. I put out a basket of 6 small hand towels and will remind myself to check the powder room during the party to see if I need to refresh them. I tried paper once in a pretty dispenser, but someone or more than one flushed them down the toilet rather than using a plainly visible wastebasket. That was a $150 plumbing bill, but fortunately for my reputation as a good hostess, the blockage wasn't apparent until after the guests had left. Still, I've wondered who of my guests was so thoughtless....

gellchom, I'm so sorry the weather is not cooperating with your lovely planned celebration. You have a good attitude, though, and congratulations on your anniversary and a very happy Fiftieth Birthday--it's great!

Speaking of bathrooms, dont forget a nice scented candle. It keeps the room smelling fresh and it doesnt smell like flowers pumped out of a can. I always keep a candle burning during a party. A nice glass candle.

Okay, I realize this is off topic, but what is it with people's fear of hand towels?

I only have one bathroom. If I'm having a bigger get together, I'll remove all bath towels and have 3-4 hand towels out.

On a weeknight, or if I am just having a couple of close friends over, I'll leave my bath towel to dry on the rack. I'll still have 1-2 hand towels out - always.

But for some reason, people never use the hand towels. They always dry their hands on the bath towel. Which when you think about it, is frankly, kinda gross.

Craftfetish I personally like hand towels but not when I have to share with every guest of the party. I have posted before that I have a stack of hand towels (anywhere from 25 to 50) on the sink for parties. Each guest has their own.

Really they are only washcloths. But, they get used! I think people feel cleaner and I know I feel like I have been a good hostess for having them.

For those of you that have the hand towel problem, you can always buy paper hand towels too. They even sell monogrammed ones or seasonal ones that are pretty nice.

pink -- regarding that stack of 25-50 hand towels on the sink for each guest.... what do they do with them as they use them? I can't imagine how that would work. Should we put up a notice in the bathroom as to what towel to use and what to do with them (paper ones in waste basket not stool, etc.)?!!! ;-)

I have a basket next to the cabinet. I always use one or throw one in before the party to clue people in.

It also helps that this is a guest bath and I took all the towel racks out years ago. The space was small and it didn't fit. So we did hooks on the back of the door. Otherwise you wash your hands and to dry them you have to use the little towels stacked.

I think when I first started this I would tell guests as they arrive where the bathroom was along with the bar. LOL Then I would add in that I had towels on the counter. It caught on. But, again I think I said this. I can't remember. To me adults pick up on these things.

Kim Knickerbocker
April 16, 2021I’m visiting with my sister. She’s done a lot for me, so I decided to come and help her while going through a divorce. I brought a gift each time and help around the house. buy grocery for the time I’m there, even though I’m there to help

.The last time, I visited I painted her apartment kitchen so she could get the cabinets, appliance, etc... finished. Everyday I was hers I was painting or helping with something else.this visit, she starts lecturing me on what’s a good guest and how I should behave.where do I set boundaries on helping her.I feel no matter what I do, it’s never enough.I was outside gardening for her for 4 hours today. When she came out as I was finishing, she starts critiquing me about what bad shape I’m in, not a Thank You... just that I’m in bad shape. I told her I have scoliosis and arthritis through my spine. Nonetheless. I worked outside and accomplished quite a bit.How do I handle a sister that doesn’t seem to appreciate anything?

it’s just never enough and there’s always something wrong with what I’ve done, me or someone else.

Was it Dear Abby who said that no one can walk all over you without your permission?

I always say no one can wipe their feet on you unless you lie down like a rug.

I stayed at my nieces' home and their mom and the mom's sister would talk SUPER loud very late into the night (one of my nieces who was almost 10 at the time had to explain to them to use inside voices because they have a guest who is trying to sleep) the mom's sister kept finding excuses to interrupt my time with my nieces when I only get to see them once a year and my time when them was less than 48 hours, their great aunt didn't greet me or introduce herself to me when I arrived and was very rude, abrasive and aggressive throughout my time there, making comments about what she buys or doesn't buy for my nieces in comparison to me and everything she thinks is right or wrong to buy for them. Plus, the mom's sister made statements about my brother, calling him names and talking badly about him right in front of me. Then the mom and her sister can't figure out why I haven't spoken to them since that time. There's also way more other reasons on top of all of this that I don't talk to the mom and her and sister anymore.

Somehow this thread has deteriorated from being a good host to family problems....I'll try to get it back on track.

I have a friend who has since moved away, who would occasionally call and say "Come on over for dinner tonight, I have a coouple of little steaks, or a pot of soup...or whatever." and I being a good guest would reply"what can I bring? I have a loaf of home made bread in the freezer" and she she almost always replied "can you bring a salad too?".....and of course I could.....and more than once she would say "if you want Scotch you better bring it because I don't have any"....but the topper was one time when I arrived with a loaf of home made bread, a salad and a bottle of home made dressing, a bottle of scotch.....and she said "I shut off my ice machine last weekend when I went out of town, if you want ice you better bring some"....so I went and got ice.

That's NOT being a good hostess!

And another time this same person stopped by my house about 5 PM, we chatted a bit and I offered her a glass of wine, just ordinary red table wine, she accepted, took a sip and said "Do you have anything better? I have gotten used to drinking good wines.".....and I dug into my stash and found something better.

Now that was a good hostess....

I'd just say, "That's the only wine I have." And save the good stuff for myself.

However, If Linda shows up at my door, I'll serve her the best that we have in the cellar.

Thanks Sushi...I should have said that's all I have....but was too dumbfounded to think. I have tales about the rudness of this person that would make your head spin....like one time 3 of us were out to dinner and drinks, 2 had wine and I had my scotch....andw hen the first round was finished the waiter came and asked if we wanted another round. I said sure as did another woman.....the third said no I have had enough. And when the drinks came she reached over to the womanw ho had ordered another glass and poured half into her own glass....saying you didn't need the whole glass and I just wanted a little more.

Ya just can't make this up....

My post isn't "family problems." I wasn't related to the hosts. The point of my post was to show signs of being a bad host.