Grown kids help at holidays?

11 years ago

I Cooked and prepped and decorated everything for our recent thanksgiving meal. We had 10 people for dinner which included my parents, brother, sister, my 2 little kids and and my 3 adult/grown step children.
I ended up doing almost all the clean up because my grown children seem to think (and actually stated) they are guests when they retun home (20, 21 and 23 years old mind you).
Can I get some opinions here? Are grown children guests? The 23 yo supports himself but the other 2 do not. Regardless of that, I was brought up to always help and I've been on my own for 20+years!!

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Comments (3)

colleenoz
11 years ago
Well, I for one (in your shoes) would be letting them know that next year I expected to be their guest.
For family dinners I would expect (as happens in our extended family) everyone to pitch in to help both with the cooking and the cleanup.
mamaspoon
11 years ago
My children were always expected to help with the clean up of table and kitchen from the time they were 14 and always help out to this day.
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daisyinga
11 years ago
Regardless of that, I was brought up to always help and I've been on my own for 20+years!!

Did you bring your kids up to always help? If not, that's probably why they feel the way they do - they still feel like *kids*. Whether or not you brought them up to always help or not, they still should help you if that's what you want. If you brought them up to help when they were kids but they think they shouldn't help now that they've moved away, then this is a good time to clue them in that a parent/child relationship is different than a more formal guest/hostess relationship.

You shouldn't be cleaning up alone if you don't want to. Your brother and sister should be helping, too.

When my kids were little, my kids and I did almost all the prep work for Thanksgiving - cleaning, decorating, shopping and cooking. My son has been washing the cranberries and the vegetables since he was so little he had to stand in a chair at the sink to reach the sink. At the grocery store, they had to pick out the sweet potatoes, etc. and hold the bag for me.

So my grown children (21 and 24) are not guests, and neither are their adorable friends who come on Thanksgiving Day. All the young people pitch in, and have since they were in middle school. Many of them come up to me as soon as they walk in the door, hug me and ask how they can help.

The young people are usually so busy talking, laughing or playing games after dinner that most of the time it's my generation who does the cleaning up. I really prefer it that way, otherwise they'd be happy to help.

I expect my kids to offer to help any time they are guests in someone else's home, wherever they are.

Good luck. It's a lot of work to pull off a big holiday meal for that many people all by yourself. I wouldn't want to do it.