Since the only person in the world that you can change is you, I'd suggest you figure out what you need to do.

I think correcting someone on how their own politeness would be pretty impolite. It is a convention of the day, as well as a regional thing, I've found. Think of it as a way of expressing "I'm happy to do it!" There is nothing wrong with that, surely?

When I moved away for college, I was befuddled when my "I'm sorry" or "oops, excuse me" was met with, "oh, you're okay!" or even "you're good" instead of "that's okay." It seemed, as you said, to imply that I was somehow
not "okay" or "good" until they told me otherwise. It rubbed me the wrong way for a while, but I knew the intent, and never dreamed of thinking less of the speaker for using a different expression than I was accustomed to.

I know we all have pet peeves, but in today's hyper-critical atmosphere, isn't criticizing one's pleasantries a bit too far?

Iirc, "you are welcome" is a bit unique to our language.

In French , you have "rien", Spanish is "de nada", etc etc.
I think "it's nothing" is the most common way of replying to "thank you".

To me, "no problem" fits on that continuum. It does sound a tad informal to me, I will say.

But, linguistically, it has always struck me that " you are welcome" is kind of unusual terminology. I don't imagine "rien" is always meant literally, nor is "no problem".

Thank you for your thoughtful reply, Jadie. I've never corrected anyone in the past and doubt I could over this either. I was mainly interested to know if I'm in the minority over finding the phrase somewhat grating. I don't think it's regional, (at least where I live) as I've never heard it until recently.

(I'm no linguist, but I believe...) In French de rien and Spanish de nada and Hungarian nincs mit means "it's nothing" so it's similar to no problem. The idea being to humble the act so the receiver need not feel beholden yet recognizing the appreciation the receiver has expressed.

Quite awhile ago...was it Wm Safire?...had an article about how so many people don't say you're welcome any more. Instead, very often the reply is, "Thank YOU!" Thank you for coming...thank you for having us. A reciprocal response so no one is beholden and gratitude is expressed both ways.

I think it's because the more formal "you're welcome" can come across as presumptuous, as in the story about Henry Kissinger when an admirer said to him, "I want to thank you for saving the world." He replied, "You're welcome."

There used to be a todo over the phrase "have a nice day" too when it first became popular. I never saw it as much different from "good day" but other people objected as they saw it as a command rather than a wish...or perhaps it was the smiley face too. I mean it's not like they're saying "get run over by a truck!" It's so part of the language now, I don't hear much objection any more.

If it really bothers you, perhaps you can select a new phrase and try to start a new trend as a response to thank you. Maybe "with pleasure".

Frankly, these days, any interaction among strangers that doesn't include the f bomb makes me happy.

There are a few phrases that people use often that sort of bug me, but that's not one of them. Here's one my DH uses that the kids and I just roll our eyes about. When we're at a restaurant and the waitress asks if he would like another drink (whether it's beer, soda, whatever) he says, "sure, I could use one more." It is such a weird thing to say. USE one more? For what?? Just say "yes, thanks!"

I use "no problem" and "you're welcome" interchangeably. If I'm feeling super sincere, I'll say "it's no problem at all!" ;)

Well said, Mtn. I was thinking the same thing about "de nada," as well as the commonly used Russian "ni za shto" which also means "it's nothing."

I also hear "of course!" or "sure thing" a lot. By comparison, a server always saying "you're welcome" might strike me as more of an "I'm doing you a favor" sentiment than those more casual replies, which essentially just downplay whatever service they rendered.

Edited to add: Annie, you are a pro at this. Your Kissinger example illustrates exactly what I was unable to convey.

Fun topic for a linguistics minor, funny girl! :)

This post was edited by jadie88 on Fri, May 23, 14 at 8:19

I don't like "no problem". My friends and associates do not use it, and neither do I. At first, the very mention of a problem made me think it really WAS a hassle for the speaker to respond to my rightful request, whether it be ring up my sale or trade my dish for a hot one. Why is he denying that there is a problem when my order is wrong and I graciously offer thanks for the correction, or when I'm asking to be checked out, when that is what she is paid to do? But now it has become part of the standard lingo. I only hear it in shops and restuarants. The more expensive the place, the less you hear it. At the Ritz-Carleton in Boston, they say "It's my pleasure", as of the last time I visited, which was admittedly a while back but was within the "no problem" era.

One that used to bug me was the grocery check-out "you're all set". To me it sounded like "you're too slow putting away your change and picking up your bags; get the heck out of my lane and don't ask me to do anything else for you". Shouldn't I be the one to determine whether I am set or have a problem in these situations? That's the part of it that I don't like -- the implication that I really am intruding on the peaceful daydreams of a person who is supposed to be working a role that is supported by my purchase dollars.

I do sometimes say "It was nothing", or "You are very welcome", or "most welcome", or "happy to do it".

I don't feel I can correct the use of this expression by the majority of those with whom I casually interact, and I don't try.

{{!gwi}}

This post was edited by jamies on Fri, May 23, 14 at 8:37

I think we need to start the trend. I noticed that my toddler never said "yes", but could handle "no"! I started thinking about all the different ways we say "yes"...uh-huh, sure, okay, mm-hmm, go ahead. I started making a concerted effort to say "yes", and DS followed suit!

So, how about let's all make a point of saying "you're welcome" for a few weeks, at home as well as with others, and report back with what happens? Do we start hearing it more?

Guilty as charged. I use the expression, but vary it with "you're welcome," "my pleasure," "happy to do it," and on occasion with my kids, looking at them with Paddington Bear's hard stare, "I'm sure you'd do the same for me."

I just can't stand the phrase "reach out." It seems appropriate for an attempt to end an estrangement between siblings, or from a drunken parent once cut off. But for a phone call?

"Use" another drink, LOL!

I think it's the word "problem" that bothers me. None of the other examples given above would offend me, i.e. "it is nothing", "happy to do it", "sure thing", etc.

DD used to work at the R/C and we occasionally (within our family) follow up a "thank you" with "it's my R/C pleasure":)

Now that I have typed a few paragraphs, I realize what I really think: "No problem" is the response to an apology, not to an expression of appreciation. It implies that there was an injury, and it is insulting to be told that your civil request or normal behavior intruded on , injured, or disturbed someone. (Of course that's why we have manners, because social boundaries are so touchy.)

"Thank you" is not an apology. When I use it, I am not expressing regret or sorrow; I'm expressing appreciation or gratitude.

It reminds me of something a coworker expressed to me once:

"It's a shame when people mistake kindness for weakness. "

funnygirl, I love it!!!

But I want to be sure to use the expression correctly - do you actually pronounce the R/C as letters, or do you say the whole name? ;0)

Mtn, you're right that de nada is it's nothing, but no hay problema really irritates some of the older (and by that, I mean 40 y.o.s) Spanish-speakers out there. It's similar, but a different connotation, because it puts the "worry" that there MIGHT be a problem. So, if you want to be polite in Spanish (unless with the young, I guess), refrain from no hay problema (unless you are directly saying something would not be a problem).

I don't know why, but "You're welcome" also sort of irritates me in certain situations. My BIL complimented my mom, and when she said, "Thank you," he said, "You're welcome." It sort of feels like the person is doing something nice for you, giving you something, etc.(which I guess they are), but I don't like it. I can't put a finger on it, exactly.

However, I don't say anything and never would, except maybe to my own children. Instead, I think modeling what we want to hear is the best and only way.

I agree, no "you're welcome" after compliments. Instead,
"I'm only observing what I see", or "You don't mind if I copy your style, do you?" .

Perhaps better to respond to a compliment with "I'm so glad you like it", or "What a nice thing to say", or "Oh, you are too kind".

A real compliment is not a gift, but is an acknowledgement or observation of something good or beautiful. You wouldn't thank people for saying "What a glorious day!".

"No problem" is a bit grating to me as well.

I find myself responding to a word of thanks with either "You are welcome!" or "Absolutely!" -- the latter implying that you are "absolutely" "welcome" to whatever action I have just performed that was deemed agreeable.
;-)

Somehow "de nada" just has a nicer, more genteel ring to it than "no problem" - at least to my ears. I'd never correct someone for saying "no problem", but I'm always rather pleasantly surprised when other words are used instead, particularly by a younger person.

If I remember correctly from the days when I was supposed to be in college but was roaming around Europe instead, "no problem" was the response not to my expression of thankfulness, but to a request for reassurance that something wasn't too much trouble. For example, if someone offered my a ride, and I'd ask if they were sure it wouldn't take them too far out of their way, they might say "no problem" . But at the end of the ride, when I thanked the driver, they'd respond "Prego", in Italy, which is the same word used when you open a door for someone and to indicate they should pass through ahead of you.

Perhaps Spanish is similar?

Jamies, the whole enchilada: "It is my Ritz Carlton pleasure":)

But "de nada" doesn't translate to "no problem", rather "it is nothing". "No problem" in Spanish, if I remember correctly, would be "No hay problema". I have no problem with "It is nothing". "Problem" is the problem:)

When it comes to "yes", just watch Judge Judy and how many times she corrects respondents who say yeah....often with just a glare.

What annoys me more is the shortening of you're welcome to 'welcome'. If you are going to acknowledge the thanks, at least put forth enough effort to add an extra syllable! I'd rather hear "no problem" than "welcome".

Yes, no problem is a problem for me when it is used in place of you're welcome. I'd never correct anyone but I get a tiny internal cringe when I hear it. I feel like saying (but don't) "why would it be a problem?."

Ha, ha my contractor just asked would I mind giving him directions somewhere and I answered "no problem" but you're welcome would not be the appropriate response. I like Jamies explanation.

I've always used "pas de quoi" for you're welcome in french. I think it is analogous to "it's nothing". "De rien" means pretty much the same thing.

Funny girl-- exactly. The problem is "problem"! De nada is not an accurate translation! I also sometimes say, "No hay de qué." (Don't mention it.)

Jamies, good point-- a compliment is an observation. I suppose one could say the "gift" is in making/acknowledging the nice thing, but you're right . . .we wouldn't say that about the weather!

LOL, Annie! Yes, sometimes "no problem" IS the right response!

I am wondering if sometimes (as in the case of servers/people you don't know), "no problem" sounds less presumptuous than "you're welcome," which is why it's gained popularity. If we think of it that way, it's less of a problem!

I know, I said only that to me they are on a continuum, and both IMHO are very different from "you are welcome". Meaning it seems to me that "you are welcome" is the odd one?

As for an R/C thank you... I'd like a chat with the management consultant who invented bits like "Good afternoon and thank you for calling the Ritz Carlton Miami Beach Resort, Spa and Conference center. I am your guest facilities coordinator Cindy Cheeryvoice, how can I help you today."

I'd much prefer "Ritz Carlton, how may i help you." Maybe that is my inherited NYC impatience.

Cindy Cheeryvoice...LOL, Mtn

And, now that I think of it, "No worries" hits me the same way as "no problem" and for the same reasons which Jamies articulated so well. (apology vs. gratitude).

This thread made me stop and think if I say "no problem" at work and I'm sure that I do/have. I deal with school personnel and admins daily regarding textbook issues, purchase orders, etc. and I get calls where they just need to understand procedures to there is a problem and how can I fix it. The conversations always end with them thanking me for helping them and I'm sure I usually say something like "oh, you're welcome, not a problem."

I'm off today, but come Tuesday I'll pay close attention to my natural response. I have to say though that I have never paid attention or noticed others saying it and been bothered by it and just think of it as a normal social pleasantry.

Depending on the context, "no problem" can come across as flippant or insincere to me. Or sometimes just doesn't make sense.

For instance, I check out of a store and the cashier hands me the receipt. I say "thank-you" and she says "no problem". Hmm. It never occurred to me that giving me my receipt might be a problem.

Now If I said to the cashier, "thank you for double bagging the xyz." and the cashier says "no problem." that seems fine to me.

This post was edited by deee on Fri, May 23, 14 at 13:32

it's not a problem for me. :p

Joanie, not everyone is disturbed by it, for sure! But, other options . . .
-It's my pleasure
or
-I'm happy to do it

(Focus on the positive that way.)

I never thought about this before so I guess it does not bother me. It's said in good faith usually, and it becomes a habit.

In Canada, people often respond to thank you by
"no worries" , which I find odd.

If someone responds to my "Thank you" with "No problem" it does sometimes annoy me. I have been known to reply warmly "I'm so glad!" when my children have said it. I think it cured them.

Yes, it bothers me a tad when it comes from a service worker as I'm leaving the store. When I thank them, they should respond with , " thank YOU. "...a short version of thank you for shopping, dining, etc., with us. Agree that "no problem" insinuates you have just apologized. I'm over it, though....pretty much, as hate scrunching up my panties over such a common occurance; just as I am friend's children all answering "yeah". Yes, and occasionally my own. :). :(
On a lesser evil, I despise servers in restaurants, even nicer ones, asking me if I'm "still workin' on it"! :)

When I use "No problem" it's usually in response to someone bumping into me or being in my way or something like that. Maybe I should listen more closely when I hear it used, but it doesn't bother me.

Worse than "Good afternoon and thank you for calling the Ritz Carlton Miami Beach Resort, Spa and Conference center. I am your guest facilities coordinator Cindy Cheeryvoice, how can I help you today." is

"goodafternoonandthankyouforcallingtheritzcarltonmiamibeachresortspaandconferencecenterIamyourguestfacilitiescoordinatorcindycheeryvoicehowcanihelpyoutoday???"

All I hear is the question mark and can't figure out what the question is. Then I get to hear it a second time, moooooorrrreeee ssslllloooooowwwwwlllly.

Martinca, my mom gets very irritated with the "working on it" comment; thinks it's gross.

I took my kids to get haircuts today and noticed the stylists said "thank you" right back to us when we thanked them. It is a goth place ( I even take my 4 y.o., haha) with the occasional swear word sticker on furniture, but they are very polite!

I always think of the service retail employees as having a difficult job with a lot of tough customers to ruin their day. Responding to a thank you, regardless of the nomenclature is a positive for me. I always respond that I hope they have great customers for the day.

Dated a COLONEL once and he always used "No Worry". I can't remember where he was from, but also can't imagine his using this response with troops.

O.K., so today at the grocery store the checkout clerk apologized for the customer ahead of me who took up waaaay too much time attempting to use a Barnes and Noble gift card to pay for her purchase. And what did I reply with? "Sure, no problem!". This, in my opinion, falls into the same category as the example used above about being bumped into and replying to an apology with "no problem". It seems perfectly acceptable and expected. So, in thinking it over, my main gripe is when it is used in place of "you're welcome" esp. in a service type situation where I'm paying for a service. I don't appreciate the implication that their performing their job which I'm paying for is (or has the potential to be) a problem to them.. Almost any reply other than "no problem" or "no worries" is perfectly acceptable to me.

I enjoyed reading your thoughts on my first world problem:)

I thanked the checker at the grocery store today for saying you're welcome and not no problem. We both laughed.

Loving this thread...
Part of me wonders if the increase in 'no problem' can be partly attributed to texting. NP seems more common in texting than YW.
When we have a generational shift to one that was weaned on instant communication, will we see more 'no problem' ?
Personally I love varying my thank you's and my 'you're welcomes' to shake things up and I am glad to see I may be having an impact.
So much of what we say is trite, and overused and doesn't express what we truly mean. Why am I thanking the server for refilling my water glass? Isn't that their job? Instead I would rather say "I appreciate that," "It's kind of you to be so attentive", "Your service is lovely" -those are what I mean.
We have lots of ways in English of responding to a person's expression of appreciation, I think you're welcome is often not the best expression to use. When someone gives me something, concrete or intangible, and I thank them, then it seems logical for the reply to be 'you are welcome" with the "to it" implied. When someone does something for me and I thank them, the more logical reply would be to ease my concerns that I caused them trouble, here 'it was nothing' 'think nothing of it' , 'no worries' would all be great replies.
In French, there is c'est rien, - 'it was nothing', de rien, which is probably best translated as 'for nothing' or 'no thanks needed' and 'ce n'est pas du quoi' or a truncation of it which are 'it was nothing'. A true 'you're welcome' would be je t'en prie or je vous en prie.

I've been thinking about this thread a lot. I just don't see how "thank you" -- "no problem" is offensive. It certainly isn't meant to be by those who utter it.

To me, the real "problem" here is taking offense at a polite response-- even if that response may be semantically incorrect, but is well-meant.

If you, or we, or the OP do this, it increases negativity in our lives for no purpose. And yes, I sometimes get upset with improper language usage, whether it's grammar or whatever, but such are "don't sweat the small stuff" things" and it's better to let them fade away.

I think you need to not let it bother you when people say that. It's not meant to be rude or impolite. It's really not a big deal.

I work in customor service as an optician and when I do so something helpful like fix or adjust someone's eyeglasses I am usually thanked. What I say is " my pleasure".

Is that okay? Does anyone have a problem with that?

I also think this falls into the "don't sweat the small stuff" although I don't like it. But I don't really care either.
I have had so many upheavals in life that truly are big, that everything else falls by the wayside.
Now if only my favorite grocer would move the shopping cart corral back onto the aisle I've been parking on for ten years. That is really annoying.

I love "my pleasure" as a response !!

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry to have given the impression that this was any more than an observation I've made that I was interested in getting other opinions on.

Sort of like how I ask my self every Memorial Day why people say "Happy Memorial Day". Happy & Memorial seem oxymoronic (is that a word?). And why are the fallen remembered in a celebratory rather than more solemn manner? I'm not getting my knickers in a knot over it, just wondering.

Happyladi, I have a pleasure with that.

Funnygirl, how long have people been saying "Happy Memorial Day"? It sounds jarring to me, too, and I think that must be because it's a fairly recent thing. It is still sober, though, if you go to a parade or the cemetery.

I think we encounter more strangers on Memorial Day now than we used to. Used to be just family and maybe you'd speak to a gas station attendant but there wouldn't even be a store at the station. Now we shop and work the holiday.

I'm probably a "little" different...;-)

I sometimes say "You bet'cha" to "Thank-you's"!
"Uff-da" may sometimes be correct too...;-)
(there's SO many uses for that word!)

The lovely Hawaiian word "Mahalo" can be used too!

Faron

uff-da? what is "uff-da"?

deleted repeat post which appeared for no apparent reason!?!

This post was edited by funnygirl on Wed, May 28, 14 at 9:16

VW...you've never the Norwegian/Scande-hoovian utterance "Uffda"?!!??!?! Very common here in the upper-midwest!

Uffda...Don'cha know der-den...

;-)

Faron

haha, no, I've never heard that. Not sure I've ever visited the "upper midwest" either.

Here we have, "No hay problemo!"

and of course, "de nada" -- it's nothing.

This post was edited by Violet.West on Wed, May 28, 14 at 16:16

Language evolves with usage. People speak differently than their parents, and their parents speak differently than their grandparents.

Most of this just sounds like a bunch of "Get off my lawn, you damn kids!"