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palimpsest

My thick skin--disclosure statement.

17 years ago

Ok, there are a couple of threads that started innocently enough (covering books with decorative paper) and purely for controversy (huge kitchens...) and by posting in agreement with, or at least not in offended *disagreement with, I have managed to be part of what p*sses people off.

I am aloof and sit back and sometimes post on both sides of the argument. I won't get all worked up until perhaps, someone singles me out for not being on whatever the *correct side. Of course, its all about people feeling their "class" or "values" are called into question.

Here is why I could pretty much care less about what people think of my particular values. And, why in my own way, I am a snob in my own right.

I am rich. (at least I was from one of the richest families in my poor factory town)

I am poor. (make about 50% of what someone in my profession should make, poorer than my neighbors)(Interior design is not my primary occupation)

I am white.

I am biracial. (Native American partly if you go back far enough)

I am of high socioeconomic status (Ivy League, multiple degrees, from a family of Drs. and educated women several generations back.)

I am white trash (One grandmother didnt finish HS, my father built his parents a house with indoor plumbing in 1965, I have a number of Irish alcoholic cousins who have been in jail)

I am green. (I don't drive more than a couple times a year, I walk or take public transportation)

I generate a lot of plastic. (Three plastic half gallon iced tea containers and or 2 litre soda bottles leave our house a day)

I am very intelligent.

I am stupid (don't balance my checkbook, can't run a business, can't remember names)

I am male (bet you didnt expect that), and its why I can't understand some of the nature of the arguing in here.

I am Catholic with a Jewish sister and an atheistic Quaker mate.

So, there are very few things that you could say about how my house reflects my own personal lifestyle or experiences or your perceptions of my "class" that would offend me. I am a product of my environment(s). I probably *am smug because I relate to a lot of different things.

The only thing that offends me is if someone were to accuse me of not trying to do my job the best way I know how.

Comments (85)

  • 17 years ago

    You do need to let it go, Oakleyok. OP's don't own a thread and the way they turn. Really, your "offense" has been more revealing than anything.

  • 17 years ago

    oakleyok,it's starting to sound as though you have a GREAT NEED to be the center of controversy. We know your feelings were hurt; people have apologized.

    Let the poor horse die a quiet death.

  • 17 years ago

    Oakleyok , your post is a classic, you need to laugh about this and be proud.
    And for the upteempth time, you were not the subject of the ensuing humor.
    It's a thread that took off with a life of it's own.
    Tons of people apologized and realized it was unfair to you, the OP.

    I had an iconic thread years ago where people commented on my urinal, someone posted a previous picture of that powder room, I owned up to it and went with the flow. I miss my urinal, lol.........

    Bathrooms/bidets/urinals/toilet tanks, always guarantee giggles, eeewwwwww factor, a general free for all discussion that veers almost off topic.

  • 17 years ago

    Once I asked whether it's a good idea to remove the wall enclosing the WC and make it open to the rest of the master bathroom (very small bathroom). It ends up w/ people talking a/b peeing standing up, and whether it's okay or not okay to do the private thing (no 1 & 2) in front of their partner.

    I love your toilet seat cover thread. Laughter is the best medicine. :-)

  • 17 years ago

    Hey, I would LOVE to let it go, but I'm not the one who keeps bringing it up!!! You all are the ones who do it, not me.

    He!!, I don't even think about the stupid thread until I see one of you bringing it up in another topic. And since it was started by ME, of course I'm going to be offended because you all are still making fun of it!

    How would you feel if you did a topic almost a year ago and people keep bringing it up, in topic after topic? Try putting yourself in my position.

    If I wanted to be the center of attention like you all imply, wouldn't I be jumping into the constant bickering here, and on the other board?

    Thank you Mitch, I stopped reading the thread halfway through, because the first 50 replies were nothing but making fun of me for even THINKING of putting a toilet cover and rug around it. lol. And THEN, a poster with a beautiful home put a picture of her toilet, decorated just like mine, into another topic, and everyone just oohed and ahhed.

    The 50 sarcastic and nasty replies to me far outweighs any apologies later on.

    People were the exact same way with my sofa table thread. Ever since the STUPID toilet thread I have been snubbed on the board by MOST long time posters.

    I loathe when people say to me, "Get over it", because I did, until THEY bring it up again.

    The sanctimonious hypocrisy from some people is deafening.

    ONCE MORE, I will drop the toilet topic if everyone else will, but don't lecture me on NOT dropping it when it's still being brought up by others!

    Lastly, some of you are missing the point of Pal's post. He pointed out that we need to stay on topic and not throw in critical opinions on things where those opinions weren't even asked.

    IF we all did that, and I certainly do, then we WOULD get along. But leave it to some to be downright rude and spoil it for everyone. Some posters have already left because of the rudeness here, and it sure wasn't because of ME. ;)

  • 17 years ago

    Oakley, whenever I see your name in these forums, I always think of you in a positive light. I see you as someone who is well-liked and always has valuable input. I'm sorry that you feel you're being snubbed. I can't imagine anyone purposely doing that to you.

    And I tend to think that anything having to do with toilets is just hilarious, but then again, I'm immature that way.
    ;-)

  • 17 years ago

    mitch, whatever you do, don't "go with the flow" of a urinal...

    (immature? moi? :))

  • 17 years ago

    But that's totally relevant, Bella! Not whether it's 'right' or not, but that it's a functional consideration, in general. You would already know your own household preferences, but if you were asking if it was 'okay,' it would make perfect sense for us all to think ahead to the house in general, ie, resale.

    I once saw a thread turn to how men mess outside of the toilet, with the guys explaining their methods and how they were trained as children and such, lol. Now that was interesting! But something I still don't understand!

  • 17 years ago

    squirrel: I didn't mind it -- I thought it was insightful & very helpful. Not mentioning hilarious. Could never dream those things up myself. LOL :-D

    As for staying on topic, sometimes the solution is not what you are asking for. For example, recently somebody ask a/b rug placements, but it was her furniture arrangement that was the problem. So we suggested that she rearranged her furniture, and voila, the rug problem got solved by itself.

    Or when somebody ask vote choice 1 or 2 and then other people suggest 3, 4, 5 (etc.).

    Oakley: I don't think you are snubbed. Maybe people are afraid of answering your Qs because they are afraid to set you off. Or maybe they just don't know the answer to the problem.

  • 17 years ago

    But you still don't get it Oakleyok. If the thread is brought up again...it's still not about you! I don't think anyone was making fun of YOU or your toilet. It was about bathrooms in general and then it got silly.
    I don't think anyone is snubbing you and I'm really sorry you feel that way.
    The nature of the boards here is that if you post a picture, it is open to criticism of all kinds. That may be annoying when all that's being asked is "does my new lamp work?" and posters comment on any and everything in the room and how awful it is. Then posters will express why lamps are bad for the eyes- and it's just their opinion about lamps in general!
    And someone will always want to know the paint color (my pet peeve).
    Anyway, this is to be expected as we have all kinds of clueless people in the world. I bristle at being told what I can and shouldn't do as this forum is open to everyone and their opinion.

  • 17 years ago

    I remember my first post over two years ago on the Kitchen Forum. I had lurked for six months thinking it was a big deal to post. I was scared to post. Worried nobody would respond to my threads and worried that I would post something stupid. I finally get the nerve, a camera, and Photobucket knowledge. And what happens...??? I post a pic of my banquette and someone calls them morgue drawers. I didn't know what to think. My first ever post is a flop. People are teasing me and making fun of my expensive remodel. What I thought was the best part of my kitchen was being laughed at (igloochic was one of the ringleaders.) A bit later I decided "what the heck, that is kinda funny" and I joined the party. I propped up a fake dead guy in the drawer and posted a pic. You can do a search on GW and you will always find me. You can Google morgue drawers and I am either #1 or #2 on the list.

    I have had dreams that my obituary will reference the infamous drawers. I have never referred to this recurring dream as a nightmare. It actually makes me smile a bit.

  • 17 years ago

    So, I just searched this thread for the word "toilet", and the first time it came up in this thread was in Oakley's post. Furthermore, whenever people do bring it up they don't say "Oakley's toilet thread", they just refer to it as "the toilet thread". I wouldn't even remember who the OP was if I wasn't reminded each time it came up. Also, I really don't think that anyone was ridiculing Oaklely in that thread. Like Auntjen, I usually think of Oakley in positive terms, until she starts in on how her feelings were hurt in the great toilet thread incident.

  • 17 years ago

    Oakley, I agree with the above, I really DON'T think you get it. When someone mentions the toilet thread, it IS NOT about you. You started the thread, it took a life of it's own. That happens frequently!

    I'm not sure why you think you are being snubbed. I mean this as a constructive criticism, but many times when you post, asking people something, and then people reply, you disagree with their advice. That's fine, but then why are you asking??? I think because of that people hesitate to answer you. Not too long ago you were very sensitive because someone asked a question, and honestly I did not see that question as belittling your dining room, but you got upset over it.

    I think you need to go back and read Pal's original post because I don't think you are getting it either.

    "So, there are very few things that you could say about how my house reflects my own personal lifestyle or experiences or your perceptions of my "class" that would offend me. I am a product of my environment(s). I probably *am smug because I relate to a lot of different things."

    "The only thing that offends me is if someone were to accuse me of not trying to do my job the best way I know how. "

    His post is about thick skin and CHOOSING TO BE OFFENDED, not about staying on topic (although I do realize this is mentioned). Choose to take people's suggestions or thoughts, etc. with a grain of salt, and choose NOT to be offended. Honestly, everyone is not against you.

    tina

  • 17 years ago

    As for staying on topic, sometimes the solution is not what you are asking for. For example, recently somebody ask a/b rug placements, but it was her furniture arrangement that was the problem. So we suggested that she rearranged her furniture, and voila, the rug problem got solved by itself.

    Or when somebody ask vote choice 1 or 2 and then other people suggest 3, 4, 5 (etc.).

    This is very true. Staying on-topic doesn't necessarily fit with the creative process or may not address the whole of things. If someone is really sensitive about things like that, I think it's best to just state it in the opening post. People here just love to decorate! and help in whatever way they think they might be able to. Great ideas can evolve from very unexpected places or even ideas that are 'wrong,' or off, initially. Just take what you need and leave the rest. No need to try out, explain why it won't work, or comment on every suggestion, imo. Brainstorming is a good thing.

  • 17 years ago

    Anyone want to discuss the time Mitch picked up the wrong dog? One of the all time funniest posts ever. LOL! She was a great sport about the ribbing.

  • 17 years ago

    Wow, kitchenkelly, that's fascinating...the birth of a legend :) I never knew you took it any way but as an affectionate joke-I wasn't there when it happened, but I've seen the references all over the place and now people specifically request "morgue drawers" in their kitchens because of you! Good onya -- your thick skin and good humor started a trend! :)

  • 17 years ago

    Kelly, that was your first post?! LOL. I only heard about it over here : ) I remember the first time I posted on a forum, I was scared to death. Then I got an email saying someone had actually responded! I trembled and shook, lol. Think I didn't even open it right away I was so nervous, lol. I can still see and feel those moments, which makes me laugh.

    And I still remember Kelly coming home to her new sitting room that I was painting, lol. I had no idea what her style was, but put some furnishings in just to fill it out a bit. She said something like, oh, let me take a moment to take this in. Now I've seen her style for furnishings and the whole thing makes me laugh : ) (Kelly, you are just such a sweetheart! and too funny.)

  • 17 years ago

    I am so glad to finally understand the infamous "morgue drawers" joke! I've heard it mentioned time and again, but never knew what it was about, and wondered if I'd be intruding on a private joke by asking. Now I'm off to search the forum for more particulars. Morgue drawers. Heh. ;-D

  • 17 years ago

    And most recently, when she posted a picture of her adirondacks, some of were curious how she kept her backyard's lawn so spectacularly green ;; )

  • 17 years ago

    LMAO!!!!

  • 17 years ago

    lol! I always thought they were wide horizontal drawers under a banquet or something.

  • 17 years ago

    Kelly -LOL Wow! I remember seeing references to the "morgue drawers" while browsing over there before and wondered what on earth people were talking about! :)

    Oakley - Try not to let it bother you. You can't control whether or not someone else brings it up. At this point accept the apologizes and explanations that were given and just ignore the urge to say anything else. Sounds like it's fallen off the board now.

  • 17 years ago

    oakleyok, like some others have noted, if you would not tell so frequently that you started the toilet thread, no-one will necessarily remember, they just remember a classic, funny thread.

    Would it make you feel better if I started a similar post, so that in the future when people refer to toilet decorating thread, you will not take it personally, as it could be my thread as well?

  • 17 years ago




    This is a picture of our cookie-cutter, new construction kitchen from when we first moved in, over a year and a half ago (decor has changed, lol).

    I posted this pic with a question concerning hanging art on the right of our fridge. I was bemoaning the fact that there was no wall space for said art, and was fairly new to the boards. Something just seemed *off* about the room and I could never figure out what it was.

    Les chimed in and suggested we get rid of the "funny little upper cabinet" on the far left hand side and I could use that space. OK, here's a woman that had the nerve to tell me to deconstuct new construction?! Of course, she was 100% correct. That whole corner is screwed up and makes no sense at all.

    I hope that no one ever stops giving me constructive criticism. That's why I came here in the first place. When a person is here for a while, they get to know who the people are that *get* what they're trying to do. If someone offers an opinion like "I don't care for...ABC" be it a specific color or style of furniture, etc, those I thank and ignore.

  • 17 years ago

    And that wasn't the first time we have had such a discussion about toilet area decorating. It was simply the most recent toilet discussion. And really, someone else who shall remain nameless was the butt of most of the jokes.

  • 17 years ago

    Oops, meant to say her decorating choices were the butt of the jokes, not her.

  • 17 years ago

    Hey now...I asked who was in your drawers AFTER the morgue drawers were named :oP Just who did name them? They're literally world famous now :)

  • 17 years ago

    parma - I have, believe or or not, a bathroom linen closet on an angle like that. It's bigger, but pretty much useless, unless someone can clue me in on how to fold towels in a triangular fashion? Wait, like a flag, right?!

  • 17 years ago

    "parma - I have, believe or or not, a bathroom linen closet on an angle like that. It's bigger, but pretty much useless, unless someone can clue me in on how to fold towels in a triangular fashion? Wait, like a flag, right?!"

    It's not just that it's pretty much useless, it's not even lined up correctly.

    I never knew why they did such crazy things in this new build until Palimpsest explained that was what the builders ended up with when they added the obligatory (my word) architectural features to the rest of the spaces (paraphrasing). Yeesh, you should see the powder room and entry.

  • 17 years ago

    oooh Kelly - I never knew the whole story behind those drawers either. I have read many hilarious references to them though and you always laugh right along. For some reason I thought they were under a banquet too!

    tina

  • 17 years ago

    Hi flyleft, my horror was short-lived but I took posting so serious back then. I sat there hitting refresh over and over looking for follow-ups, hoping that I was helpful. One lady posted after me and said she wanted something that was COMFORTABLE! after she saw my banquette. I felt so stupid.

    Yes, squirrelheaven. That was my first post ever. (Never had been on a forum before GW.) Of course I remember your help on my family room. I almost posted back saying that it was my great room. lol. I was overwhelmed by all the photoshopping. It was sooooo helpful but made my head spin with indecision. I remember igloochic kept chiming in saying wacky things. It was one of my first posts on the decor site and I was sure everyone thought I was a goof. (Again, I took it so seriously.)

    Igloochic, my buddy, pal, ol' chum. Yes, I remember coming home one day and looking on the computer screen to see a post "HEY KITCHENKELLY, ANY MEN IN YOUR DRAWERS YET??" That one did give me nightmares. (It was fori that named the drawers.) I remember you also saying my dog was orange once.

  • 17 years ago

    I do have to admit though, Parma, that the drywall column is my favorite easier way to enclose a full depth refrigerator so the sides don't show at all. (Minus the Dali-esque side cabinets. Maybe a drooping watch on that sliver of counter would help.) Although that IS a good place for the keys.

  • 17 years ago

    Oakley, I still stand firm on not putting a cover (beret) and rug ( cape) around the toilet. ( insert smiley here )

    The person who posted the tank ornaments in her home had been rather caustic and cockey on other threads, claiming to be a sought after designer, so I think the comments you took personally were directed to her, as graywings noted.

    *good one, flyleft, I got your joke; my urinal had a very good flow ( and a lid).

  • 17 years ago

    I sat there hitting refresh over and over looking for follow-ups, hoping that I was helpful.

    ROFL!! Pitiful, isn't it, lolll.

  • 17 years ago

    Terriks, Ideefixe referenced the Decorative Loo Squad before Oakley.

    Oakley, I think I'm the one Tina was referring to on your dining room thread. You seemed insulted at my question, so I apologized although I honestly didn't understand why it caused that reaction. I stopped opening the thread after that. When I see your name I immediately think of "that other hippie chick." And that's a good thing. ;) Oh, and I never read the toilet thread ... no interest.

  • 17 years ago

    I remember seeing that ... 'decorative loo squad.' Did that post get deleted, too, or was it in another thread?

  • 17 years ago

    It's the 3rd one in this thread.

  • 17 years ago

    Seriously, squirrel. I was so obsessed on the Kitchen Forum. I remember getting upset on holidays because not many people were posting. I would talk to my computer and say "not all of you people have lives. Start typing and help me with my kitchen!" Then there were slow Saturday and Sunday mornings when only a few members were posting and I would be so hurt because they would bypass my thread and go on to others. My goal was to remember their name and give them advice when they needed help. (And since I was not good at advice I would look totally innocent.)

    Thank goodness that is over. I was beyond pathetic. 2007 was not a good year.

  • 17 years ago

    lol, Kelly. Building is supposed to be one of the toughest things you'll do, if that makes you feel any better : )

    My search must have started too low. I didn't find the loo thing earlier.

  • 17 years ago

    Terriks, Ideefixe referenced the Decorative Loo Squad before Oakley.

    Ah, that make sense. I just searched for "toilet" not "loo".

  • 17 years ago

    And I wrote Loo thinking I was all "Wink Wink, Nudge Nudge" by referencing a topic that did take on a life of its own, Subtlety obviously doesn't work here any better than it does in real life, at least for me.

  • 17 years ago

    "I wonder what city supports the Book Police, the Polish Inspectors (who write you up for mixing polished brass and satin nickle in one room), the Shoe Sheriffs and the Decorative Loo Squad."
    ideefixe, I though this was brilliant but I did not comment then.

    hey, who are you calling Shoe Sheriff ? lol.......

    I almost revived the shoe thread because I bought an outrageously expensive wedge recently, but I didn't because I thought it was over the top.
    It's my own little secret.

  • 17 years ago

    If I ask a question PLEASE be honest with me and don't sugar coat it, I'm a big girl.
    Does my A-- look big in this room? lol

    Going to the Loo to shower.

  • 17 years ago

    ah, so nice to come here and have a laugh first thing in the morning. Thanks NewDawn and Idee : )

  • 17 years ago

    Oh funny! LOL LOL!!!!!!!

  • 17 years ago

    KK I admit to ganging up on the morgue drawers back in the day. I had no idea! I thought you were just full of fun!, not angst( like me) who knew. I loved your kitchen and your postings of it- drool worthy. I hope I told you that I would die for a kitchen with a banquette and yours was one I would want. Even if you have an orange dog. and yes your backyard is very green and lumpy! and whatever happened to your million lamps you bought for your LR?

  • 17 years ago

    Hey Kelly, looked at your kitchen thread last night (yep, #2 on a Google : ) I can't believe they don't delete the threads over there the way they do here. That goes back to 2007! Anyway, I would soooo love to have some of those drawers! If the opportunity ever comes up, they're in. And it will always make me laugh, esp remembering such a great online persona as yourself!

  • 17 years ago

    Oh, CB Sue. No worries. You are such a hoot. Like I said it was very short lived that I was feeling stupid. Went something like this....Saw "morgue drawer" on the post....felt like an idiot...called a friend...she burst out laughing....knocked some sense into me because I was taking it too serious (knowing I usually have a great sense of humor)...I was over it and have thought it was fun ever since. (We all need friends like that, don't we?) I looked at the post again today. Funny how I told fori that I thought it cracked me up. Took a few hours but it did! (My friend still says that I was just mad that I didn't think of the term morgue drawers first.)

    Thanks squirrelheaven. You are the best. That darned thread just keeps getting bumped every once in awhile.

  • 17 years ago

    Oh, CB Sue. I just reread this and saw your lamp remark. LOL. They are in the lamp room. (Aka, the empty spare bedroom.) When's your birthday?

  • 17 years ago

    You're offensive, palimpsest? Hmmm, and all this time, I thought you were merely very interesting ;) Just wanted to take this opportunity to say I enjoy your posts.