I couldn't think of any words that would comfort but wanted send some (((HUGS))).

me too, hugs...I have tears in my eyes. You just tell them yours are tears of joy and leave it at that. Later after a few months go by you can explain, if you want.

ajsmama - what you are feeling is totally normal. You may always grieve the loss of a baby miscarried. I know from experience. However, when I feel that loss, I try to concentrate on what I do have. I have a beautiful soon to be 20 yr. old DD. I do think it would be harder if I'd never had another child. Children aren't interchangeable, of course, but rejoice in your own two children.

Try to be positive about your cousins' joy. Maybe shift your focus (after you've had a good cry - a really healthy good one) to what you do have, two healthy children. It is very hard, but try not to dwell too heavily on what wasn't, but rather on the joys you celebrate daily in your own two children.

If it helps, send a note/give a call of congrats and delay the visit to see the new baby for a couple of days. You could dwell on what isn't/wasn't, but that's not going to be moving you in the right direction.

Life has a way of putting things into perspective. My mis was 23 yrs. ago. I haven't forgotten, but I've made a conscious decision to accept that things happen for a reason, that there was a different plan for my life. I was fortunate to have another child.

I hope you can celebrate this special time for/with your family. Hope is not only a gift to her parents, but to your entire family.

After you have had your good cry, go out and find a really thoughtful gift for Hope, perhaps in honor of the the baby you lost. I think once you have a good cry in memory of your own past loss together with a good night's sleep, things may be a bit brighter for you in the morning.

You've had alot going on with your family health-wise. I think alot of things may be catching up with you.

(((Hugs))) from one mom to another.

My heart goes out to you in so many ways, as a mom, as a mom of a dd, as a woman.

Your Hope will always be with you in your heart, never feel bad for feeling your loss. You had a daughter, her name was Hope. Although she is not with you, her spirit lives within. Never, never forget that.

That being said, I truly believe things happen for a reason. What are the chances that your cousin who lives so close to you would choose to name her beautiful baby girl Hope? That is sooooo cool to me. Rejoice in this new life of this new baby. It is like your Hope will be the angel who watches over this Hope. When she grows up you can share that with her. It is really special.

My sister's SIL miscarried around 8mo. They had a funeral and everything. She has a name. Jani always tells people she has three kids, but one is no longer with us. My sis thinks that is wrong to say but that is just how she is. A woman who loses a child has lost a child. Whether it be 6wks or 6mo, it is a loss. However you choose to tell your story it is your story. Jani will go to her grave with the obit stating she was the mother of three and the names will be listed.

I will say a little prayer for your Hope to watch over this namesake and to help you find comfort during this sad but so blessed time. Do not deny yourself any tears, they are real and there is nothing wrong with them. But I hope you do not wait too long to see your Hope's namesake. I truly feel this was meant to be for some reason.

Congrats to your cousin and my prayers of comfort to you.

Thanks everyone.

W-i-P - really I hadn't cried about Hope for years, I've forgotten the date of the mc and even when her due date comes around it just passes by without me even thinking of it. We don't talk about her, I did tell DD about her (and wish I hadn't b/c when she was obsessed with my godmother's passing she started mourning her sister too) but I discourage her from mentioning her to anyone, she likes to tell people she has an older sister and it's confusing, then I have to explain but I do so in few words and no tears, though I realize at those times that I am still grieving. So this kind of caught me by surprise, not the fact that it hurts, but just the surprise of the name and the *depth* of emotion b/c it's been buried so long.

I do tell DD that if her sister had lived, then she wouldn't be here. Not that AJ is a substitute, but simply that we would not have tried for a 3rd child, we only wanted 2. DD doesn't know yet (she will have to be much older before I tell her) that she was conceived via IVF. The pgy last year (due date July 2009) was unplanned and I mc'd very early. Hope was the only unborn baby to be named since she was the only one we saw a heartbeat for, and also is the only one we tested to see what happened (and were told gender, though I didn't want to know - we had been hoping for a girl, and after the 1st mc I liked to say I was "filled with hope" for the next one, hence her name).

I've already been trying to think of something special I can give them along with the baby CD I already have. Though maybe I'll make her something instead if I can't find something. I don't know if they knew the gender (and just didn't share info) or were surprised themselves, so they probably need clothes but I want to give something more of a keepsake (with an explanation) as well as a practical item. Blankets are easy, I have some nice bindings though I have to look for soft material. I don't have time to embroider a quilt top and assemble it like I did for my kids (in fact, DD's isn't assembled,DS's was finished just b4 he was born, it took me a good 7-8 months). Maybe some embroidered bibs?

Cousin will understand, she lost their first b/c of a fatal heart defect b4 he was born, I was there for her then (or offered to be, via mail), and also when Joey was born I know it was bittersweet for her (would have been easier if he had been a girl) though she doesn't talk about it.

Here's what I did that got me through my miscarriage, first pregnancy. I lost a baby (only three months along, but still...) and I cried for a long time.

The following year I got pregnant again and I convinced myself the soul of my lost baby was in my new baby.

Years ago I told my son that, and to this day he smiles when he thinks about it. And I still believe the soul of my lost baby stayed in my body until my son was born.

I hope you get to feeling better soon. It's really hard, isn't it? :(

Shannon we were posting at the same time, thanks for thinking of me with everything *you've* been going through.

Oakley - DS was just 4 when we lost Hope, and 5 when we had AJ#2. He saw a TV show about mummies, and asked me about them (for a while he was really interested in Ancient Egypt), I explained about their belief that the body had to be preserved to be reincarnated. Later he was convinced that AJ#2 would be a girl, and he said that she was Hope reincarnated. When we found out that she was a girl (I held out for a long time, didn't want to know at first), he said "I told you so. Why didn't you believe me?" I wonder if cousin thinks that Joey is her first Ds reincarnated? She never told us what name she had picked out for him, don't know if she named Joey after him or not.

Thanks everyone. Though I don't know if AJ#2 is Hope reincarnated (sometimes I like to think that Hope would have been a quieter, "easier" child like DS!), I do know that I will always remember her, as well as the others I lost. I told DH long ago never to buy me a mother's ring or other birthstone jewelry since I wouldn't know how many stones to put in it (his mom had 11, even though 2 never made it home from the hospital, but at least they were born and named). I am feeling better this morning, though there will probably be some tears (and I can't promise it will be in private) when I meet the new baby.

Oh my gosh - that brought tears to my eyes. Please take care of yourself and give yourself opportunity to grieve for a time all over again.

I'm sorry. I've never had a MC; so I have no clue how any of you feel. I do believe that when it happens; it was meant to be, and you may never know why. Losing your "Hope" could very well be for the simple fact that your DD was the one that was supposed to be here. I know people that have 1 child, placed another for adoption & the child that was kept has issues.

A friend of mine always wanted a little girl. She's had a name picked out since she was 16. After having 2 boys, her cousin was pregnant & told her the name she picked, it happened to be the exact name.

You have a lot going on in your life, you probably needed a good cry to get everything out. Your cousin will understand when you tell her. It's possible that she picked the name because she'd hoped for a girl.

Hugs. Cry as much as you need to cry.

ttodd and roselvr - thank you both for your kind words. I did have a good cry (though probably not the last) and am moving on.

I looked in my fabric stash (from my aunt and Goodwill, I'd been looking for fabrics to make clothes for DD). I have almost 2 yards of a a baby "quilt" look cotton, and not quite as much (after squaring maybe 46x49, less if it shrinks) of a perfectly matched pink (polyester?) lightweight fleece. Is that large enough for a baby blanket, or should I look for 2 yards of pink (cotton, so same washing instructions) flannel? I also have 6 yds of cotton quilt binding but I'm wondering of the gingham is too busy. I have 4 3/4 yds of polyester satin blanket binding (wider) that I had bought for DD's quilt that I never finished but don't think it'll be enough. I'm going to post on Sewing as well but wanted to know what you sew-ers here thought of fabric content and size, as well as just everyone's thoughts on fabric color/pattern.

I don't know if I'm going to buy thin batting and actually quilt this (I've never machine-quilted, but it should go faster than hand-quilting, if I hand-quilt this it'll take me months to finish LOL!), or if I should just bind it (it needs a backing b/c the cotton's so thin).

Pretty fabric. When my girl was born I made a really nice bedding set. I love the pattern; not sure if I have a pic of the comforter. The outer layer was gathered fabric; I then made my own edging which was a gathered ruffle. Probably too complicated to give as a gift. lol

Hard to say on what size to make it; it all depends on what it will be used for. A stroller/ car seat blanket, I would do smaller, but for the crib I would make almost the size of the mattress so they could grow into it and it could also be used as a toddler bed comforter.

Any of the bindings you use will look great with that fabric. If you wanted to "quilt it", you can make your own pattern; you didn't have to do every block. You could quilt the middle, then the edges to make it easier.

I made hub a blanket years ago; before I moved in with him. It's really silly that I used such girly fabric; one side has roses (of course lol) the other is fleece, off white with pink ribbons. I quilted the middle, then on each corner I quilted hearts.

Last time I was at the sewing forum it was really slow. I don't know if you'll get more answers there then here

ajsmama...I'm so sorry for how difficult this is for you. I pray that you will find peace somehow. It's completely normal that, upon hearing your new cousin's name, it would bring up a lot of emotions for you. There is nothing wrong with crying alone, or when you do meet your new little cousin. Please know that. Emotions are not a bad thing. And it's not weird that 8 years later, something would bring back memories and bring on a time of grieving again.

If it makes it easier, you may want to have your husband tell your cousin's about your own Hope, so that it may not be as difficult when you do meet and hold your cousin. I'm sure you will grow to love and know her as you do her brother.

Perhaps thinking that your Hope is watching over her cousin in a special way will bring you peace. Hope will always be your daughter and a part of your family and your life. In my faith, we believe that we will one day, meet again. I pray that you find peace in knowing that she loves you and watches over you and will never be forgotten.

oakleyok- That brought tears to my eyes. Very sweet.

My dd's friend is a twin. It was a case of the disappearing twin actually. She was the healthy one and consumed the other to where the other twin was gone come delivery.

I think making the blanket is a wonderful tribute to your Hope and your cousins Hope.

My Grandmother made all her grandkids bed quilts, she'd pieced together the squares and sewed it to a backing, but didn't quilt each square, instead she tied off a piece of yarn in the center of each square. Poked thru to the backing, then tied in the knot and tufted on the side with the squares. That could be something you could do with the blanket. Will go fast, but still be something sweet.

AJ, sending a big caring hug your way. Diane

Add one more hug to your line up! I can't imagine how hard this would be. The closest thing I've experienced was a failed adoption story. We brought 'her' home and a week later, her birth mom called to say she had changed her mind, explaining that her own mom (who had walked out when she was very young) wanted to help her raise the baby. We gave the baby back immediately and I cried like there was no tomorrow. (That said, we knew CA adoption laws was totally on her side and we wanted the baby in her permanent home ASAP.)

Three years later, a good friend asked if she could name her baby the same first name we had given 'our' little girl. By that time, I was busy parenting two little boys and I, like you, forced myself to focus on my own blessings. I told her there were no patents on a name and please feel free to name her baby whatever they wanted. I admit I felt like I was being really big by saying that as my heart sank. I know you weren't asked so that is different but they didn't know.

I hear you counting your blessings too. Good for you and just try your best to stay in that place. (((Hugs))) The quilt is a great idea. Now that child with the same name is a young woman and I think of her when I think of that name, not our failed adoption baby. I hope the same thing happens for you.

golddust, the more I read about your family the more amazing I think you are! I can't imagine having to give a baby up after a week, whether she was born to me or not.

I did get teary working on the blanket yesterday, but I'm proud to report that I spent an hour visiting and I did not cry! Someone sent me an email suggesting I not say anything to my cousin, it might make them uncomfortable. Maybe eventually, and if I had started crying I would have explained today. BTW, she doesn't have blue eyes - they're so dark I think they're going to be brown. Wishful thinking on dad's part.

Here's the blanket (not a quilt but does have a piece of flannel inserted b/t the patchwork fabric and the fleece back - it just wasn't cushy enough for wood floors).

I had trouble with the corners - I promised to replace the binding when it got worn out - by then I should learn how to do it right. I'm hoping it becomes a lovey (even if it's a little large at roughly 30x48) so that should be soon.

ajm - Very nice job on the blanket. Looks so comfy. Babies just love that silky trim. I wish I could sew more than a straight line. You did it in no time too! DD has a very nice sewing machine but I've never used it. Did the requisite bit of sewing in home ec in HS, but that was so long ago. DM made just about all of our clothing until we were in high school. So talented. While I didn't appreciate it so much back then, I sure do now.

I am really happy to read that you've visited and held it together too. Good for you! Family is so important, glad there were no awkward moments.

Thanks WiP - I never took Home Ec, but this really was just sewing straight lines. Not a problem after making the seat cushion. The cutting and sewing took just a couple hours (though looking at it, I should have made the blanket a little narrower so only full squares showed in the center). The darn binding is what took all afternoon/evening and into the next morning! I ironed a crease in one side to make it narrower, didn't want wide binding on the patchwork side (hid to much border and also I didn't want to topstitch it on that side). So the corners were hard to get mitred since the front was half the width of the back!

Cousin brought baby and 3-yr old to parade today, actually the 3-yr old stayed all afternoon yesterday playing with DD at our house, bath, dinner and dessert here - he didn't want to leave, crashed when he got home he was so tired. His parents enjoyed having the evening to themselves (and baby) - they "celebrated" a belated 5-yr anniversary by eating a *warm* dinner with no interruptions and watched 1/2 a movie b4 dad came to get him (no reports as to whether they got to finish the movie after he was in bed LOL).

I think you did a wonderful job! I love how the satin is larger on the pink side and thinner on the pattern size.

I taught myself how to sew. Sure, we all had a few weeks of sewing in high school but who really paid attention? lol

Your blanket has me going nuts. I went to the basement to find the one I made my daughter & it's not where it should be. One of these days I have to organize boxes better. When we moved stuff got mixed in.

I think that's what made it so hard to do the corners. I never took Home Ec in HS - I took 3 years of Latin though!

Just to let you know...
My husband worked with this guy in the hospital lab when my dd was born. He made a quilt, the kind where it is already quilted and you just add the silky boarder. It was of pigs skydiving with lots of clouds. It had a pink satin boarder like yours. It has been 12 years and we still have it. We ran into him a few years ago and I mentioned how much she loved the blanket and that we still have it and she will pass it on to her kids some day. He totally forgot he made it but when he did he just laughed. His wife, he was not married back then, thought it was cute that as a single guy he made a quilt.

I bet yours will become a cherished lovey just as ours did.

I'm motivated to do a little sewing today; went downstairs to see what kind of fabric I have & found my baby comforter patterm

McCall's Crafts 5224 Infants room

The comforter pattern is adorable when put together. I did not do the bunny, just used it for the blanket pattern. The red fabric is gathered; the fabric I used was the popular pink with rose buds.

shannon01 - how has the blanket held up? That's so cute that a single guy (or any guy) would make a baby blanket!

roselvr - So you didn't applique? The ruffles look hard enough. The fabric wasn't Bellisima, was it? I think your DD is a lot older than mine. That pattern was discontinued right around the time DD was born, I bought valances on clearance at Babies R Us, and fabric on eBay, but I never got around to making the toddler bedding, guess I'm going to have to piece it to make a full-sized quilt. How is your DD?

I found the blanket. It's in bad shape lol Hard to believe I made this 17 years ago (1993). She'll be 17 on the 28th (same day as Jackie O). I didn't make the dress. She had all sorts of dresses in this same fabric; different colors.

No, I didn't do the bunny; I used the pattern to learn how to make the bedding. This was one of the patterns I used to teach myself how to sew. I loved the ruffle going around it. I now wish I would have used better fabric for the main blanket because it's very thin. I guess if I ever have grand kids I can make another lol I also made her a Christening gown out of a wedding gown; with a fabric doll that had a matching gown.

I'll update you about her in an email. My MIL is coming for a week in August so I've been trying to finish a few projects. The motor in my car blew last week (has 101,000 miles on it) so I've been staying home but trying to clean up.

roselvr- that is so cute.

ajsmama- The blankie is like new. She mostly used it to lay on or wrap her baby dolls in. We also have several other blankets and all are in great shape I think because we rotated them. My mom, terrible crippled hands from arthritis, managed to crochet a blanket and also a sweater. My sis cross stitched one of those blankets with the pattern printed on for easy stitching. My other sis, she does tatting/smocking and makes gorgeous christening gowns, made a pink dress, hat and booties which we took dd's first pic in.

I still have a poncho, hat and purse crocheted by my grandmother for me back in the early 70's. Typical colors of the day- orange/yellow/green. Reminds me of my mom's kitchen when I was little. My dd wore it also which was really cool.