I cried today, really cried. I hugged my dh and cried some more. It is a great day.
I had my final chemo on Monday. My 6th.
My 5th really hit me harder than any. I literally sat on sofa the first week. It was weird. I was physically tired but not sleepy. Moving from sofa to kitchen sink just exhaused me. Then I got better and by the 12th day we went on a great camping/kayaking trip. It was so fun.
My dh and I were surprised that this final treatment is pretty uneventful. Nothing like the 5th. So this morning while putting on some makeup I realized something really special. I may never, ever have to feel like this again, NEVER. No more getting to the third week and having to start over again. It made me cry. I cannot wait to see how week 4 feels, not having to start over again at end of a week 3. I feel like a kid waiting for Santa Claus.
I am all set to see the radiologist. My oncologist said I could not have picked a finer radiologist, let alone physician. She came highly recommeded by others in healthcare too. Onc said he was so pleased that I tollerated the maximum dosage recommended for chemo. He just got back from a seminar and the treatment plan I am on is still the most effective in medicine today, for my situation. I know they say radiology can make you tired but I will take that any day. Way better than sick, puky, bland tasting. Way better.
So I am set to have my chest port taken out on Friday. My dh says he takes these things out, well the kind kidney patients have, and mine is no big deal. He really wants this out right away, he says less junk in you the better. Then I have updated mammograms, get tatooed for the radiology, then get zapped for 8weeks.
Luckily we have a huge vacation planned between now and all these other things. Yosemite area adventures here we come. There is an old ghost town, Bode, that is really cool. Paddling on Mono Lake, 4x4 rock crawling in the high mountains on the trails where if you come across another driver you have to try to pass each other carefully, the falls in Yosemite, Heck- I want to see sunset in Yosemite. Just being out of the house for our other short camping trip was amazing. Just sitting under the trees with my pup at my side, sleeping in the mountain air.... I won't be able to bike or hike really but just being with my kids and dh (and pup) is all I could ever ask for. 10 days of outside, nature and family
I know I still have a ways to go but this has just given me such a perspective on things. I am setting goals, almost a bucket list, of things I need to do. And to do them with my dh and kids will give us all memories to cherish for as long as I am blessed to be here. I look forward to this just being an event in my life, not the focus of my life as it is now.
What is really funny is that I am so tired of all this that I almost don't care anymore. I got a cute scarf with bangs because it is like 102 today. I am so done with this that I find myself tempted to just go outside with nothing on top- of head. Cause I just don't care anymore. But them I stick on the scarf or wig because I really still want everyone to just see me and not the cancer. Even when my sis was here I would not go topless. I told her that only my kids and dh get the memory of me like this, no one else. She told me that the whole time we visited it was like nothing was wrong. She said she was really proud of me and knew I would be like this. It is just how I am. I don't ever want it to be the "remember when you did not have hair" kind of future for me and her. It is really important for me to be strong for myself.
So, there you go. I am doing great. I am still me. I just have this stupid condition that will go away soon. I will check on it to make sure it stays away, but it is not the center of my universe. I have my dh, my kids and my life to live.
Thanks for always asking how I am.
sweeby
cooperbailey
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