Um, what kind of lie?

Just say that you can't do it as it makes you feel too uncomfortable. If your friend wants you to lie for him/her, they are NOT treating YOU like a friend should; they're only using you.

I would have a terrible time doing this. Tell them you just can't lie and from past experience the guilt is enough for you to tell the truth anyhow. Don't lie for anyone, they can hold you on this and probably blame the lie on you when trouble brews with the truth out.

Luckily I've never been asked to do that. But I agree that you should say it makes you uncomfortable and decline. Even if it's a fairly innocent request it could so easily turn into much more and you don't need to get in the middle of anything.

A good friend would not ask you to lie.

I've had friends ask me to keep something to myself, and I don't have a problem with that. For instance, "please don't let anyone know that this item I have is the orignal and not a copy". No problem.

But I don't think I've ever had someone ask me to lie. What is the situation?

I haven't been asked to lie, but I've been asked to withhold information. I used my own judgment about whether or not I going to.

For example, a friend thought that her workplace was going to go under. She asked me not to talk about it in front of her husband because he was already out of work, not handling it well, and she didn't want him to freak out even more. She was worried, though, and she discussed it with me because she really wanted to talk about it with someone. In that case, I kept it confidential and she did eventually tell him.

There was another time where a colleague told me that she had a potentially serious heart condition and that if she ever passed out, she kept the medication she needed in location X. She didn't want anyone else to know, but I told her that she had to tell at least one other person on the team or I wasn't keeping the secret. What if she'd passed out while I was out of the office or in a meeting? She was angry, but I still think that it was the right thing to do. In that situation, she told one other person, and I never talked about it with anyone else.

I assume this is more serious than the lies people tell to set up a surprise party. I also assume that you are not being asked to lie about a crime or potential crime.

Yes, I have had both friends and relatives ask or expect me to lie for them. My response depends on the degree to which I've been involved against my will.

My nice version: "I'm sorry, but I'm a terrible liar. It shows in my face and I have trouble keeping my stories straight." (All of which is true.)

My annoyed version: "I won't go out of my way to call attention to what you've said/done, but if asked a direct question I'm not going to lie."

It gets a lot worse from there ...

I assume this is more serious than the lies people tell to set up a surprise party. I also assume that you are not being asked to lie about a crime or potential crime.

I agree. There's a big difference (to me) in a friend saying, "Thanks for helping me plan my husband's surprise party. If he asks you if I've planned anything, please say you don't know" - and - "If my husband asks, please tell him I was at your house last night, even though I was actually spending the night with my high school boyfriend." There are plenty of gray areas in between too.

That said, if I felt that lying to help someone cover their butt was going to hurt another person, then I would tell the "friend" who asked me that I was not comfortable doing so, didn't want to be a part of any drama, and didn't feel it was an appropriate request. A true friend would understand and respect my feelings.

I have had this happen and for the most part, no longer consider those persons to be friends. A friend does not ask you to lie. I would have no problem saying, "I must be misunderstanding you because I am sure you would not put me in the position of telling a lie." I would agree to not offer info but not to lie about it.

Red

I am not good at remembering what is the "real" story and what the "lie" is and keeping track of who knows the real story and who doesn't.

I can be counted on not to discuss something that I was asked not to, but I can't ever promise someone I'd lie for them!

I hope someone hasn't asked you to do something you don't want to, Threegrad, that might cause you stress as we want you healthy as ever! You are too nice a person for anyone to ever put you in that position.

No lying for anyone. Lies are all too common these days. A little "white lie" isn't that, it is a lie, pure and simple.

I would just respond with a simple "no". No explanations or recriminations need be given to the person requesting the lie. I think that by simply responding "no", should or may put this matter to rest.

Explantions, etc. just lead you down a road of making that person who has requested that you lie for she/he feel that you are making a judgment. You are, but no need to articulate that judgment IMHO.

While I am sure that whomever is asking this of you is in a bad position, just in that they are asking you to lie. I would not compromise my beliefs and morals which are the cornerstone of how I live my own life.

I won't do anything that goes against my moral code. I don't write people off as friends, however, because they are different than I am.
Be nice, friendly and tell them exactly why you won't lie.
It's quite possible to do that without being judgmental about them.

Threedgrad - what is your opinion on this topic?

I'd say "sure, I'll lie for you!" Then, I wouldn't actually do it.

That should teach 'em how it feels....

@ lee676: Bwahahah! Too funny.

You are having a hard time with this Eleen or else you wouldn't ask the question on here. There's your answer, it's too hard for you, and yet not so hard for her/him to ask you. I wouldn't do it, be true to yourself.

Would you ask that person to lie for you, I bet not.

Love everyone's responses. I found a way to accomplish what this person wanted without really lying. Thank you everyone for your great answers!