I'm not going to be much help, but will lend moral support! It's been only weeks since I was in your shoes, I decided against the deep dark brown cabinets, mostly because I just plain chickened out!

I never got to the point of thinking about the wood trim matching the dark cabs. However, I am going with Alder wood, stained in Wild Cherry (very similar to cherry wood stained medium)...got to figuring out the trim just late last week, and ended up deciding on white trim. We didn't want alder trim (it's a softer hardwood), and I didn't want cherry trim (it darkens), so we were going to do oak as we had planned all along...but I got too stressed about the stain not matching and decided to go with white!

I would say it all depends on your likes and tastes! Your cabs don't need to be the same exactly as your trim. My problem was that I am a visual person, I need to SEE it in a picture or in real life to know if I'm going to like it. Almost EVERY SINGLE picture I found had perfectly matched cabs/trim, or had white trim.

I'm sure you'll get some good answers to your questions here! Good luck with your build!

I can't help on the trim question other than to say that yes it sounds like whatever color your cabs are your trim will be according to what your GC stated. I don't think the two have to match either--I think it should be your choice what color for the cabs and what color for the trim. I would not select final cabinet color until you figure out the countertops. I would go & look at your different cabinet styles & colors, then go look at countertops to get a pretty good idea of the direction you are going with your kitchen vision. Then I would select the top 3 choices for cabinet color and take door samples for each to wherever you are selecting your countertops and see which colors work the best together to complete your vision.

Before you go the route of stained trim, do you mind my asking what style of home are you building? Different styles will lend to different trim finishes, so does your new home lend to having the trim stained vs. painted? Does the style lend in your mind to lighter staind or darker stain? What advantages does wood trim give you that MDF cannot (other than the ability to be stained)?

I think it is perfectly fine to have the cabs a different color than the trim. You want to make sure they coordinate in their tones though .
In fact, I'd make sure they are more different than alike because you don't want to look like you tried to match, but missed.

While I'd certainly want the kitchen crown molding to match the kitchen cabinets, I'm not sure why the trim throughout the entire house has to match the trim in the kitchen.

I agree with willtv, kitchen molding does not have to match with rest of house.

Try to envision the kitchen that you would really like to have. Start with either cabinets or countertops, whichever you chose and build on the vision. Only you can decide what will make you happy! Enjoy the process for all its' highs, lows, frustration and in the end satisfaction! It's all worth it!

Agree with Clarygrace and Willtv.
And especially Clarygrace's positive thoughts on the
process.

My old kitchen in my previous home was a rich beautiful
cherry with a deep chocolate stain but my trim throughout
the entire house was white.
I am not a dark wood trim person. I like the clean feel
of white trim. Perhaps it is having lived in the early 80s
with Brady bunch Reruns that has me going as far away
from wood paneling and wood trim.
;)
~boxer

You'll get better advice from folks here than I'll ever be able to give at this point, but I'm right with you on picking finishes. There are so many neat things and design directions to go, even staying within your 'vision', that it makes your head go twirly. Luckily this forum is truly a helpful resource and there is a great depth of experience. It's really invaluable, IMO. Please post as you go along so we can see your progress!

Do agree that there is no good reason for house trim to match kitchen trim. That's just odd that GC thinks that.