IMO this is another subject where one has to "consider the source". Everyone is different and everyone has their own reasons for thinking the way they do. Personally I (quietly) pity anyone who is missing that decorating gene and doesn't understand that making a home or celebration special is a vocation that some of us are fortunate to be 'called to'. However I think the results of our efforts often have to be the only reward we can expect and we must ignore the negative comments. I expect some of the comments that may seem rude to us are not meant that way but are made by people who are amazed anyone would even think to do that. These people are the ones who never pore over shelter magazines or spend hours looking at pretty pics on the net! Yes, there actually are people like that altho it's difficult to understand! LOL

That said, there are people I don't make a big fuss for when they visit because they simply don't understand it and it would make them feel uncomfortable. I do always clean the house within an inch of it's life, make their beds before they arrive, and lay out fresh towels but the mint on the pillow they'll have to find at a hotel and I don't make a toilet paper corner in every bathroom! I've encouraged my grown children to still think about my home as their home so technically they are not company altho the same (high) standards exist as always.

I'm in the Philadelphia suburbs, too. Maybe we are neighbors! Unfortunately rain is predicted for Saturday. Oh dear. It could change between now and then.

I love when people go the extra mile to make things as nice as they can be. I'm sure your guests will feel the same way. Just let the negative comments roll off your back.

(Hey, I grew up in the Philly burbs).

I am plagued by the same mania, and my daughters are similarly afflicted (my 9yo served us a lovely plated "amuse bouche" with our dinner last night, of her own making!)

I have always enjoyed decorating a room, decorating a party, planning a menu, setting a table, designing invites, etc. It is a form of creative outlet. I remember decorating my first bedroom, and I remember planning an elaborate party for my parents anniversary when just a preteen,. I also think it shows the person that you appreciate them coming and that you chose things with their preferences or needs in mind. Who could dislike that?

There are those who are less inclined to do all that work, for whatever reason, and those who question motives. Like my DH, who notices all the HGTV house hunters who say "we like to entertain" which he believes means "we would like a nicer house to show off". And one has to admit houses can be status symbols.

Like most things, there will be some who "get it", down to the last detail. Some who are a bit clueless but get the sense that you do a nice job. And some who could care less (including those who care a lot but feel one-upped). Your party sounds so lovely! Let's hope you have lots and lots of people that get it, that you yourself enjoy your creation, and that the party poopers keep quiet and pass the punch.

Another Philly-area GW'er here and just want to comment -- when entertaining, I've been known to cover both extremes. We've done incredible parties with every last detail in place, including flowers/candles/crystal/dishware and the whole megillah BUT what I've found is that some people are made uncomfortable by it. Although I love the drama and pacing of that kind of event, I'm doing them much less often. I want my guests to never feel overwhelmed and maybe think they can't reciprocate if they don't like doing napkin origami, etc. I will never ever use paper plates or paper napkins - just can't! But I'm opting more often for beautiful buffets and simpler dish ware. It's a sign of the times I guess. I realize that the OP is talking about people who are mean, which is a little different and there's never any excuse. When I go to someone's house I'm always complimenting the hosts. Entertaining is a big project, even when it looks simple, and I want to show my appreciation (flowers and small hostess gifts are a must, too!)

When I was a newlywed, someone gave me "Living a Beautiful Life" by Alexandra Stoddard. It is a lovely book, and made me feel good about the fact that I enjoy making things special in my home. You only live once, why on earth wouldn't you use your good china? I don't see polishing silver as a detestable chore rendering the silver unused in its flannel bags. I love beautiful things! I hope my children are soaking this in as they grow, so that they will appreciate nice things and the people who make things nice when they are adults. And I do agree, some women are jealous.

As a guest, it really is easy. If it seems like someone went to a lot of trouble, even if it is more trouble than you would ever, ever go to, then you say "Wow, this is wonderful. Thank you for inviting me". If someone didn't go to any trouble, and it's much less than you would ever, ever do, you say "It's so nice to get together, thank you for inviting me".

My family still laughs about a comment made to my Dad. He had some people over for hot dogs (!!) and he served some type of all beef hot dog. A guest said "must be nice to have your kind of money". Naturally, we use that line on each other for all sorts of crazy stuff.

I love giving and attending both kinds of gatherings!

And I do not like when guests or friends make those kinds of remarks about either kind of party ... very unkind ... and must come from feelings of envy or jealousy ...

And you would not believe the kinds of unkind comments that I have heard over the years!!

It is their own insecurities. It has nothing to do with you. :) As your guest, I would appreciate your effort (and send you a lovely, handwritten thank you note).

I've gotten the eye rolling when mentioning (when asked) that my interest is decorating, like it's not as good as other interests. I've felt like, what is your problem? I don't judge other people's interests!

and I was hoping that people who didn't feel the same would post so that I could get a glimpse of your thoughts too!

I don't feel the same way, so I will post the other side.

Beautiful decorations, every detail thought out, lovely china and silver, etc. don't make me feel special when I go to someone's home. It doesn't make me uncomfortable, either. If my hostess has gone to a lot of trouble to make every detail just so, then I'll enjoy how attractive everything is, appreciate the details, and tell her how lovely everything is. I would never, ever say anything negative or even neutral.

However, it doesn't matter to me whether someone has decorated elaborately or just thrown together hot dogs on paper plates, either way is fine. I don't think my attitude is a virtue or a vice; my attitude is not something I cultivate in a bout of reverse snobbery, it just simply is the way I feel. I can't help it.

Sometimes I decorate elaborately, with my china and silver, fresh flowers and greenery, and a special meal. Sometimes I just invite friends for hot dogs on paper plates. When I decorate, though, it's usually to please me. Most of my friends are like me, either way is fine.

I have a friend who goes all out when she entertains. Everything is beautifully done, with lots of little touches. I enjoy it and appreciate her effort. But the thing about her efforts that makes me uncomfortable is that she has said often and clearly that she expects other people to go to a lot of effort when they entertain. When she attends a dinner or party she doesn't tell her hostess when things don't measure up, but she will remark to other people. I enjoy her beautifully executed parties, but I don't care for the attitude that everyone else should hold similar standards.

It sounds like you are not a demanding person who places undue pressure on other people. If you are fine with your friends' and relatives' paper plates, they should be fine with your china. If you don't roll your eyes at their baked beans and potato salad, they shouldn't roll their eyes at your beautiful flower arrangements and matching serving dishes. If you are excitedly telling them about the beautiful atmosphere you are planning, they should tell you how thoughtful that is and how beautiful it sounds. There is no excuse for rudeness, even if that's not their particular style.

I don't know if that's the other side you were looking for or not. Hope that counterpoint helps.

Daisy - I think that was well said. For myself, (and probably many here) I'm ok with hosting casual gatherings at times and don't expect anyone else to go all out if that's not their thing. I'm cool with using a sharpie on a cup to write my name. :)

Shee, the sharpie on the cup is the standard at our family gatherings. BUT...we do buy matching paper plates, napkins and cups. :)

Since we don't use plastic cups at my house, we identify our glasses with colored rubberbands. They come from the fruits & veggies I buy (asparagus bunches, celery, etc). Some are wide enough to write a name on the band, a necessity since there aren't enough different colors for everyone to have a distinct color.

We are the height of class here at Casa de Reno. Or, for a more positive spin, we are the greenest of green by repurposing and not using disposables.

For wine glasses I have charms but much prefer the little paper things that cover the foot of the glass and you can write a name on those. I need more but haven't seen those in years. They're much easier to read than the cute, but small, wine charms.

hhireno - OT - What are globe grapes, and would you mind sharing the recipe? I am hosting Easter this year and I've got nothin as far as an hors d' ouevre to serve. I do the holiday every year and would love to try the recipe. The stuffed grapes sound awesome. I love anything with goat cheese! TIA

Great thread, Foxes. I am enjoying reading all of the responses.

Globe grapes are really large red grapes. In my store, they are sold right next to the normal sized grapes. I think the recipe was just to scoop out the seeds, put some goat cheese in the hole & extending over, and then sprinkle some chopped pistachios on top.

It's a little fussy to scoop out the seeds but since they are large grapes it's not as hard as it might sound. I think I 'scooped' with a paring knife? You could cut the grapes, below the seeds, but I'm not sure the goat cheese would adhere to the slick surface. I am generally not a patient, detail-oriented person so it couldn't have been too much fuss.

After reading this, I wonder if I have ever said anything that hurt my s-i-l's feelings. I'm in the make things special camp too but not as much as my m-i-l and definitely not as much as my s-i-l. She is incredibly talented at EVERYTHING. Her home, her garden, her cooking, the way she dresses -- it's all perfect. I would never consiously insult her about these things. She is amazing. But I wonder if my 'Martha' comments might be taken the wrong way? Or if my own feelings of being inadequate compared to her show through. Gosh, I hope not.

Shee and the other posters who noted the same thing - yes I totally agree that some people don't care for it one way pr the other. Over the yrs. I've also come to the conclusion that I do not have to go all out for every dinner etc. I do take into account now how far I should go based upon the circumstance and people but I will always have matching plates and cups at dinner!

I have some standards for myself that other's do not care to do but I attribute that more to the way that I was raised. I do not serve family meals on paper plates unless it's take out pizza and DH grabbed some plates as he ran out of the pizza shop. I can't ever remember a dish hitting any family table that was still in the pan.

My everyday dishes are the same dishes that I use for Holiday gatherings and such. They are white, they are breakable, some are new, lots are old. If we're eating at the table all sides and main course are put in white serving dishes and brought to the table even if it's hot dogs and baked beans. My MIL thought I was nuts at first doing this w/ small children. I explained that's why my dishes are all the same color. When one breaks I can go to Goodwill and pick up 10 more for $5 and my table always looks nice. BTW dear MIL I also don't have a heartattack everytime my kids touch a breakable dish. And if they break one so be it. They're already upset enough - no need to have me have a cow too and make them feel worse. Who wants to hear 'Be careful, Be Careful, BE CAREFUL!!!!' as they are walking out to the kitchen everytime you insist on giving them fine china.

My in-laws are known for bringing the frozen meal to the holiday table still in the black plastic container that it came in.

Funny story: My 1st time hosting Thanksgiving dinner DH very proudly told me how during conversation w/ his side he casually mentioned 'And if you could bring your sides for Thanksgiving in a white dish that'd be great'. I laughed so hard. I told him that wasn't needed but how much I appreciated that he noticed and supports my aesthetic.

My MIL is hardly mean about any of it. Most people are not for the most part. It's just their 'Jeesh' reaction that I don't even think that they realize they are doing. Quite demeaning I think. That and belittling something that brings many of us great joy to do.

PS - I love that rubberband thing w/ the glasses! My Dear Sis rolled her eyes at me when I very excitedly showed her the plastic Christmas cups that I bought all of the kids when they were staying w/ us one Christmas. 8 kids total. I said 'And we can write their initials on the bottom and they can take them home w/ them too! That way we won;t have to wash a ton of glasses everyday since I don't have a dishwasher. Aren't they the cutest things?!' She never thanked me and she never bothered to take them w/ her when she left. I was a little hurt but oh well! I can't expect everyone to feel the same way that I do and that's okay!

Personally I always look forward to going to a host's home where they do go the extra mile. My SIL is like that, and I love all the extra special touches. Occasionally my SILs tease me and call me Martha, but I am not any more guilty than either of them when it comes to decorating for holidays or parties or family gatherings. I think they know they are just the same and that's why the teasing is all in good fun.
However, I did have a very close friend who used to always snark about how my dishes matched or I had wine charms on my wine glasses or bread in baskets with nice linens. We are no longer friends for other reasons. But the snide remarks and the eye rolling were like being stabbed in the heart. I was not at all doing any of what I did to be a "show-off" but just because I have always enjoyed it and to over hear some of the remarks made by my so-called friends was so hurtful.

Personally, I would thoroughly enjoy being at one of your parties TFP and appreciate all the extra touches. And you would NEVER get an eyeroll from me ;) And I would have loved the little cups for the kids.

I have generally found that people who Do make a special effort are much less critical about people who Don't than the other way around.

Even at regular meals there was a certain way our table was set (my dad got two spoons, my mother got a glass of ice water she never touched, and various other details like this.) I don't know what the reason for the two spoons originally was, and my mom got a full set of utensils and the glass of water even during periods when she was so bad she could barely hold a sippy cup, and almost had to be fed.

I don't think any one in my family has ever turned their nose up at being fed off a paper plate in a dirty house if there were good intentions behind it, but even as an adult I have had to shrug off the eye rolling contempt of friends who just didn't understand the way things were done on a daily basis let alone the way things were done at holidays. The thing that they Really didn't understand was that it took so little Real effort because at the very least it didn't bother us and at the very best we Enjoyed doing things at a certain level.

I don't go "all out", but my gatherings are generally more thought out than the ones I go to. Mostly I get compliments. I think the snide comments come from insecurity not jealousy. Those people are afraid you/we are raising the bar, and they don't want to have to do anything beyond the paper plates. My exhubby once said Martha was a b*tch. When I asked why he thought that, all he would say was, "you can tell" Still confused about that.

i love to decorate and I used to love to entertain, too...until the last straw. It was at Easter one year and I had invited my family, about 16 guests. I had my table set beautifully and I painstakingly hand-painted a hollowed-out egg for each guest at the place-settings. I got a lot of "oh I guess this is where I'M supposed to sit!" and at the end of the day not one of my guests even brought home their special egg ornaments adorned with their name and hanging ribbon. I'm done with them. LOL

I think Pal hit the nail on the head with "if there were good intentions behind it". There was one person in our circle whose efforts I think people did quite a bit of eye-rolling about.

She was a designer and she did indeed have terrific, gorgeous style and a dreamy home. But I don't think anyone ever felt welcomed or delighted by her party decor, and I don't think it was her intention to make them feel that way.

Her decor, her food, etc. were designed to "wow" people, and they did. They were impressive in detail and scope, but the "vibe" behind them was "look what I can do!" instead of "let's have fun together."

In contrast, another member of our group had about a million kids and every blessed one of them had a guinea pig and seventeen pairs of shoes strewn about the house. Food was served on random plates and "decor" was strings of twinkle lights in the house and garden, but the vibe was "Yay! You're here!". Much better vibe, so the twinkle lights beat out the fabulous designer scapes.

I'm not saying it's impossible for things to be grand and welcoming, just that making them beautiful doesn't necessarily make them welcoming if the vibe behind it feels like an attempt to impress.

Likewise, just because some naysayers make snide comments doesn't mean your decor is over the top or bothering anyone else. My MIL acts like only a deranged Martha clone would have fresh flowers in her guest room, and the fact that I cut them for free from my own garden just makes her that much more snide about it.

Make yourself happy with your decor and food and have a welcoming spirit, and you win!

leafy02 - you hit the nail on the head! My MIL falls into the latter group and everyone always has a lovely time no matter what.

As I've begun to lose control over my household I make fewer and fewer excuses for the 'not perfect' state of disaray that my life has become and that is only because I've looked around at some of my friends places that I feel so comfortable at during any get together and I feel that the get together is simply to be w/ friends and make everyone feel comfortable. Doesn't mean I'm going to stop doing what I do - I've just learned that it isn't always needed and that sometimes the best thing to do is to 'not do'.

One of our friends used to make snide comments about the 'fancy beer' that DH (an avid beer enthuisiast/ brewer) would always bring to their gatherings. One time he even said 'We only have the regular stuff that you probably wouldn't like' and I felt so bad for DH. DH likes to try new things and share w/ the world what he finds and thinks others might find interesting. He goes out of his way thinking 'What might so & so like?'. So I had to laugh when we were at this families house for New Years and the friend says to me 'So I discovered Craft Brewing and when I was at the beer store I thought of you and I picked up some special bottles of such and such for you that I want you to try.' then turns to DH 'And for you I got this' and handed him a $20 bottle of beer (he had taken the tag off - I just recognized the beer from my searches to get it for DH). And so there we sat amongst toys strewn across the house, crazed old dogs in diapers running around, crying babies, screaming children, paper plates, plastic ware dug out of the backs of drawers and on and on, having the most marvelous time drinking fancy beer. LOL!

Well - off to start baking my fancy cupcakes for Saturday! Rain forcasted for saturday so it looks like she won't be opening her gifts in a rocker under a chandelier wired into the flowering weeping cherry LOL!

Sameboat - your post made me so sad. I would have LOVED your handpainted eggs. Too bad your family didn't appreciate your efforts. If you enjoy entertaining, just do it for friends. Love what Leafy said about entertaining - about the importance of the welcoming vibe. It doesn't really matter what you do, it's the feeling that your guests get that you are important to them and they are glad you are there.

I also found sameboat's situation with her lovely handcrafted eggs disturbing, but to look at it a different way perhaps the guests found it difficult to believe that someone would actually make such lovely things and give them as gifts. What I would do is send them or preferably give them in person to the guests saying that perhaps they didn't realize they were gifts I wanted them to keep.

I think it's important to ascribe the best intentions to what people say or do. Often we all do fall into negative human behavior and can be rude or thoughtless but I know if I try to think most people mean well it's a healthier mental attitude for me.

Wishing you all the best, including weather, for Saturday TFP! Hope you will let us know how it all turns out and pics would be lovely! LOL, I know you will be busy so pics may not be possible. :-D

Sameboat, that's some passive-aggressive guests you have there!

I have learned to calibrate my efforts to the audience somewhat, and how they like thing and what they feel comfortable with. After all, the whole point of manners is to make others' comfortable.

Still, there is nothing like social occasions to expose any underlying relationship pathologies!

Foxes I've been watching the weather for your event, and there is a predicted storm coming into the area on Saturday (tho the particular redhead could be wrong, lol). So not trying to dampen your spirits, but to give you a head's up that you might have to alter your awesome shower. Whatever the weather, your event will be fabulous.

I have to add to this conversation. My life is understated and hubs and I enjoy that, but when we have guests, all stops are out!

In 2011 we had 4 Canadian guests (one of the couples entertained us in their home up north for 4 days and treated us like royalty). Well, the spring weather was lovely, I gussied up the lanai--big table for food, comfy chairs and small table at each chair cause I'm short (so are the other women) and chairs are often too short for the outside table. It was elaborate and very pretty! The flowers even cooperated!

The previous night I had shelled and deveined 5 lb. of fresh shrimp (never again!!). Also marinated some chicken, and set up the appetizers. The day of the luncheon, I grilled the chicken early and had it ready to go with 3 sauces. Baked bread, also made the fresh tropical fruit salad that a.m. My husband served wine and appetizers. Just before serving, I did the garlic shrimp and it's a show even if the cook doesn't intend it. Both couples own multiple fast food restaurants, so I didn't hesitate to ask one husband to cut the chicken for serving. I'm tossing shrimp and the guy is cutting chicken and asking questions about the shrimp, and I see the wives exchanging glances. Wicked glances. Lunch gets served to much appreciation and gusto. Apparently too much gusto.

Fast forward 3 months to my birthday celebration. It was a setup! At their golf club here in FL. No jeans was the only rule. It was beastly hot so I was in shorts and hubs was in Tommy Bahama. We got to the bar before dinner--everyone in black including beaded purses. We should have baled. I couldn't eat but the wine was good. The company was snarky and we haven't spoken since. One of the wives has been treated extensively for her inner beast, but he still dominates her actions. Too bad. We enjoyed them and their friends, but if you can't trust them .....

Funny, about a week ago we had several couples over to watch basketball. I had hosted bunko the week before, and had used some linen luncheon tablecloths my mother got as wedding gifts for card table covers at bunko.

So we got to talking about nostalgia, and my one friend said seeing that tablecloth reminded her how she had ironed one similar that was her mother's when she grew up (when our moms would have bridge). Then she started talking about how she also had to polish the silver then, and how glad she was now that she didn't have the silver anymore, and what a task that was.

I remarked about how she adores silver jewelry , and how hers always is sparkly and polished, and she said, well of course you want it shiny....so isn't it interesting how you can sort of transfer from one focus to another this way?

Basically, you have to give, entertain, and present yourself in the manner you think best, or most appropriate for the situation, and expect little in return for it (other than the pleasure you get in doing it), and learn not to give a $4it what anyone else thinks about it. It gets easy after a while.

Ok I have to ask. What's bunko?

Bunco, bunko is a dice game of chance, with no skill required.

Here is a link that might be useful: World Bunco Rules

Sameboat, I would have loved the handpainted eggs but I would not have thought you meant for me to take one home. I would have thought you might want to use them next year. So maybe your guests just misunderstood your intentions?

TheFoxes, I had a long post written but my computer turned off suddenly, so the short of it is . . .I have seen your taste and it is so beautiful that any guest would feel like the honored guest at the events you plan! We should all be so lucky to be a guest of yours!

leafy, I would love to know how your friend has a messy but welcoming house. If my house is messy (which it frequently is), it just looks MESSY and not comfortable. I have been in homes like the one you describe and can't figure out the difference between theirs and mine!

I will admit that I am not such a fan of my mom using nice china for her parties. Why? Well, I spend pretty much the whole party cleaning up. It's what I did the night before I went into labor-- I think that is what helped start labor, LOL! But it's not that it's "me" cleaning, it's that it would be anyone cleaning . . .and not enjoying the party. If I don't do it, it means my mom does it all the next day, and she is almost 80, so I can't stand the thought of that. It's the same with the food-- she spends so long preparing and "managing" the food during the party that we never see her except when we're helping.

You asked for opinions from those that feel differently, so....

I'm not an event decorator. Sure, I like to mostly lurk on this forum, and I like to pick out paint for my walls and artwork and furniture, etc. But for a party...not so much. It's just not as important to me as planning out things like the food and activities, etc. I am a pretty casual host.

I've had experiences where someone says they'll help me with an event I'm hosting. I would assume they meant to help me in ways that I would actually find helpful, i.e., bring a dish to share, help with food prep, help set the table, etc. They were thinking more along the lines of theme decor or napkin arranging, etc.

It's not that I find those things to be somehow contemptible, but they're not important to me personally and not, for me, what the focus of a gathering is. Sometimes they can even change the tone of the gathering from the casual "let's celebrate that we're alive and together and have fun" to something more formal. So when I'm in the kitchen stressing over food prep and my "helper" wants to know where I keep the silver polish, it creates stress for me.

At an event that has been carefully choreographed or staged, I admire the thoughtfulness, work, and planning that the host has put into it. But...I also am markedly less comfortable. That's not to say such events are somehow worse than more casual ones - just that their tone feels more formal and less laid-back to me. I would never purposely say something snide, but I have a very poor poker face, so I'm sure my discomfort would be apparent to anyone that was looking for it.

One last thing to say - the idea of giving trinkets to someone is so fraught with room for misunderstanding. The giver probably always means well - it's a show of love and caring. But it can feel like an obligation to the recipient if the gift is not something chosen with the recipient's personality and circumstances in mind.

I'm sure the Easter Egg ornaments were lovely. If the recipient doesn't decorate for Easter, bringing such a thing home creates an obligation for them - what to do with this? Do they change how they live and decorate for Easter? Do they store it somewhere as though it were proof that they were thoughtful enough to keep it even though they won't use it? Do they take it and discard it at home, hoping to not hurt your feelings? Or do they leave the lovely item with you, knowing that since you take joy in seasonal decor, it may be used and appreciated best in your home?

As for things like the plastic kids cups, I'm sorry, but I would have left them too. It would have absolutely nothing to do with not appreciating the thought behind it. It's just that kids seem to accrue an overwhelming amount of stuff. Purging it is hard, since kids can become attached to things in a way that seems irrational to adults. Just try and toss one of those crummy "prizes" that comes with a Happy Meal and deal with the waterworks.

I have a set of plastic kids cups that stack and are the right size for what I serve my children at meals. I also have all kinds of mismatched plastic kids cups they acquired at school or at daycare or from a well-meaning friend. I either have to do "special ops" nighttime purging sessions or have to play "mean Mommy" in order to regain control of my kitchen cupboards.

Please don't be offended if I try to sneak out of your house without yet another one. It's not you, it's me.

Thanks for posting meangoose. I totally get that end of it and I see how it would be completely stressful to someone if an offer to help w/ an event turned into an ordeal like that and I can see how easily that could happen.

I do try to always follow the lead of the hostess when I've been asked or have offered to help. That's not even polit manner's as far as far as I'm concerned. You're there to HELP someone not stress them out even more! Not only that, but, one should only ever let the host shine.

You raise a very good point w/ that though - something that I hadn't considered w/ my MIL and it has nothing to do w/ how I decorate for a party but more w/ communication:

She is not nearly as direct or precise w/ her wording as I am (admittedly so on her part), so maybe when I said 'Do mind if I set up and decorate, I have some ideas, and you handle the people (her forte')' she came away w/ something different. She lives in grey, unpoken, mind-reading areas. I do not LOL!

No, literally, I meant that I would set up and decorate - nothing else except tear down. After it's set up I had notions of taking a 6 pack out behind the garage and hanging out w/ the bunnies for a few hrs LOL!

Oh - and I can totally see the perspective of the whole trinket thing. That is a very solid point!

Thanks for posting!

Meangoose, I am so with you on trinkets. I do not want them for the same reasons and for my kids' parties, do not pass out favors usually. If I do, it's candy or pencils, but kids usually have way too much of those anyway, too. However, I would have liked the egg placecard a lot, even if I did not keep it for long. One year my mom decorated hard boiled eggs to look like the person. That was funny! Re: the plastic cups-I get rid of them immediately. I also do not get Happy Meals anymore for the kids, but when I did, I told the cashier not to give us the toy. The kids are fine with it and never expect a toy just for getting McDs.

Speaking of kid's meal prizes:
Once I treated my friend's 3 yo to an outing and we stopped for lunch at Burger King. Not having kids, it didn't even occur to me to order the kid's meal and the clerk didn't suggest it. I just bought her a burger and milk. As she eating she said, obviously quoting her mother, I can't have my prize until I finish my burger, right?

Rutt-roh, I don't have a prize for her. Luckily, they had a stack of paper crowns on a counter so I grabbed one of those. She was young enough, and sweet enough, to be satisfied with that.

A few years later, I take her brother out for a special outing. He wants McDonald's so I go through the drive through. First I ask the clerk 'do you have a kid's meal?'and the reply is a long drawn out 'yeahhh', as though I'm the dumbest person in the world. Maybe I am but I don't eat at McDonald's so I don't really know what they have and, much to my surprise, the menu is huge and it's hard to find it listed. Then I ask 'can I get that with milk?' and I swear I hear a big sigh before the 'yeaahhhh'. They were probably calling the authorities thinking I must have kidnapped a child if I know so little about fast food options for children.

I never did get around to taking the 3rd sibling out for fast food. Maybe I'll treat her to lunch now that she's a pre-teen and won't want a kid's meal.

I haven't read all the responses, but it seems you've touched a nerve. I married into a family that is large and close, but does not value appearances. Everything they have in their homes is strictly chosen for function. Never beauty, color, or interest. I have never hosted a family event, but I have a cousin-in-law who does frequently, and she pays attention to aesthetics. Don't know if they roll their eyes, they might not dare in this case. But the aunts and uncles will always touch a special arrangement and comment "That's Cathy for you!" "Cathy must be behind this!" They appreciate it much more than you might think. I'm sure your MIL and others appreciate your talent and what it brings to celebrations, even if they wouldn't do it themselves.

I want to second pal's observation that almost the only time I've ever seen an eye roll or heard a passive-agressive comment, it's coming from someone who "doesn't do" and directed at someone who does.

My personal taste is for casual. I do go "all out" if we're hosting Christmas dinner. That said, I think it's a wonderful gift if someone enjoys doing detailed and extensive food and table preparation for events; It can be a lovely gift for the guests. But a gift is a gift and a trade is a trade. With a gift, there are no (read NO) expectations. if there are expectations, it's a trade, it's not a gift, in my view. Maybe guests are in some cases feeling that it's a trade and are uncomfortable with that. And some of the posts above do seem to describe expected behavior or responses from those attending. It seems to me that would not be the case if one is truly giving a gift.

TheFoxesPad, I am crossing everything I can cross hoping for good weather tomorrow in the Philly 'burbs.

FoxesPad

I am so there with you on this post. I love going all out and thinking a theme thru and then executing it wonderfully. Not only do I decorate to the hilt for an event but I make a mountain of food to go with and supply the guest with containers to take home all that good food. They all wonder why I bother and my mom is the worst she makes snide remarks like "no one cares about all that mess anyway they just want to eat." But the moment an outsider of the family is around she goes into bragging mode about all I do, go figure. Others in the family always complain about how much food I make but happily take it home at the end of the night.

It's hurtful how they think about me and I'm still working on not letting it bother me but so far I'm not there just yet.

Thank you for your post TheFoxesPad. There is one member of my family that entertains on a very different level than the rest of us, partly because she can afford to do much more than the rest. But instead of complimenting her on her efforts, I think I generally convey an air of disapproval. >>

I think this is part of the issue with some in my family. I am the baby and have a little more than my siblings. I don't do these things to show others up, its just something that I enjoy doing and it comes easy for me. Making things pretty is what I do, my brain just goes there automatically. It doesn't bother me in the slightest if others don't care to go that far with decor but it does bother me that it bothers them when I choose to do so, friends seem to love it, family not so much.

Here ya go, everyone. This seems relevant ;) ;) ;)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sif6Ttqi62Q&feature=related

If you're not familiar with or don't recall the story, the necessary background, from Wikipedia:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sif6Ttqi62Q&feature=related

BTW in the film excerpt, check out the china. It's Flore Danica, I'm sure of it. Talk about going all out when entertaining!

I so enjoyed reading through this thread.

My dear dear ex MIL gave me, among many other pieces of advice, the following:

Always use your best silverware, every day.

And,

Be careful not to go overboard when inviting new friends over for the first time, because they may be overwhelmed and not feel they can reciprocate.

The first piece of advice, I have taken to heart.

The second... I think about, but cannot follow! It's hard to break the habits of a lifetime.

I like/love! to go all out. I try to be uber organized but find myself cowering when the doorbell rings and the first guests arrive... when not all is ready. Now, with our remodel, the heart of the home is the kitchen, and there is nowhere to hide (and work frantically.....).

oldbat2be - I like that advice!

Hope to post a few pics soon. I forgot my camera and DH snapped a few w/ his phone.

My MIL was very thoughtful and had the table pulled out for me and the food close by & ready to go for me to do whatever w/. She almost 'had a moment' when I asked to throw the table cloth in the dryer to drop a wrinkle.

This was the 1st time that she ever watched me set up for something and I think that was good. SHe saw how quickly and effortlessly I was able to do it so to me that translated (for her) to 'Wow - I hear all of these plans, sounds ludicrous and time consuming but in watching the execution it really wasn't at all!'.

She didn't blink when I transferred her basket bowls into my antigue blue stuff and I didn't blink when she set out the yellow plastic punch bowl w/ stickers on it. She seemed genuinely surprised when I put her plastic arrangement of yellow and white dasies back onto the table and then used it as a 'menu card' holder. She saw that it really only took me a few moments to wire th ebutterflies into the candleabra's, place the cupcakes on tiered cakes stands and pop picks into them. DH stopped by after work and before guests, had a meatball sandwich and beer w/ MIL & me and then MIL and I sat around talking w/ eachother for about 45min which we NEVER get to do since I'm always running.

I hope she might see that it really only takes as much time as I want it to take and really do try to incoprorate what means sometihng to those around me.

It was a nice time.

Love this question! My friend/neighbor whom I love dearly is just like you, I am exactly opposite. We have done a Prom and my sons wedding together. She is type A, I am not. I do however appreciate the fact that she goes above and beyond anything I would do. And yes, she went behind me and redid or straightened everything I did, but.. I would just smile because I get it, and I do appreciate her eye for perfection. I would love to be just like her. This is how I see it. There are those who can and do, there are people like me who really want to but just can't quite get there. Then there are those who just will not ever get any part of it! So you just have to realize that and go on your way, try not to let the few that do not appreciate your genius stop you from enjoying what you do. We that can't really do appreciate those that can. That is why Wedding and Party Planners and Decorators are so popular.

I am so glad to hear it went well!!!

To OP:
Simple answer? ... We're all different.
Why someone is rude about your liking something they don't, is beyond me. Guess their Mama didn't teach them the Thumper Rule.

Hey JGTBM, I was just thinking I hadn't seen you around lately.

Hi hhireno! I've been busy helping plan our daughter's wedding (mid June) and helping hubby get out home ready to meet our new son in law next month. Our home is still a work in progress so there is much to keep us busy. We finally got a real stairway in this past Sunday and the library bookcases built over the winter. Loads of baseboard, window and door trim still needed before hubby will be interested in buying the furniture I want. Just hoping he gets in the mood in the next week or so, but I doubt it.